Deserved vacation
Tanisha decided that this time she would take her deserved vacation which she was planning from long time. But she just never managed to take. Her work was something that she just loved so she never carved for vacation. She just wanted to work on every point. It was perfect for her. On every moment she was just busy in climbing ladders of life without resting. The word vacation never came in her mind. Until one day she became sick with flu and Doctor asked her when did she took vacation and she just didn't remember that day. It was clear to her that she needed a break. Her boss looked upset when she asked for it. But she deserved it so her boss couldn't able to stop her. She had selected a perfect tour with one hope that she would get something interesting in life. She knew that she was hoping too much. But at that time she was also expecting some romance in this trip. After all she was perfectly ready on that point for starting her life. She was going on trip with her parents. It was going to be a perfect trip for her. She was so sure about it. After all she was so perfect on every point. She had studied many important things in life. She managed to settle her career but somewhere while doing this she forgot to create personal things. She got nice job. She was happy with it. But she never managed to get perfect boy. She had read many novels which were suggesting same plot so she just kept hoping from heart that in this trip. She would see that boy. She started hoping that in this tour her personal life would reach to perfect point. In her heart she was so happy. She had packed all her beautiful dresses. As soon as she started packing, her Mom also started suggesting her that they would purchase some nice cosmetics. She had new things in suitcase. She went on shopping. She had purchased many things. They looked so much interesting. They were shopping many things in market. Tanisha was so pleased from heart when even her Mom started suggesting that she might get some one perfect in this tour. She just felt one thing that every one was feeling same way. It must be their telepathy. She just had one feeling from inside that it had to be true, So on that tour she went perfectly ready. She wanted every thing just as her thinking. She knew then her tour would be perfect. When they started that tour, every thing was just perfect. She was so happy when she saw that there were two young tourist guide. She knew that it was her tour and she was not visiting marriage bureau. But still she felt so happy. She sensed that some one was taking interest in her. She knew that she was beautiful. But still she just never managed to get that partner for which she had desire. She just kept hoping this time. She just never understood that some one would treat her nicely since they were tour guide who had to be nice. When they went away,she just sensed one thing. She really liked one of them who had enough salary and looks to please her.
Tanisha tried to look perfect in every way. But slowly she noticed that those two guides were talking in same way to every one. They wanted all young member to be together. Tanisha looked at other young group. She knew that she didn't like them. Their choice were so strange. They just didn't speak anything except boys which was really strange for Tanisha. She wanted to settle. She also hoped for romance but still she was not interested in chatting about other woman's husband. After all they had to stay in limits, she never liked to look at woman's husband. It seemed so wrong at every point. After all world was full of boys who were bachelor. She just hated when someone acted like that. Those guides wanted her to adjust with them. But she just hated it. So even at that tour she was so frustrated. But she was not one who needed company all time. She was the one who could adjust without those people. Then she began to go out just for tourist spot. That whole trip was worst for her since she was never admired. But she was just criticized. Then finally came the end of tour. She was so relived to get rid of that tour. But when she was on tour.She noticed one thing every one was admiring those young group. She never sensed but one thing was so hard on every point. She wanted to move ahead with young group. But she couldn't be like them. She just wanted to come back. She heard those voices and looks which was saying that she was odd, She sensed that no one was with her. They all were just supporting those young group. She wanted to see those things in right way. But she couldn't act like that she had some morals in her life. She decided that she should ignore them. But on last day worst thing happened. When she wanted to go hiking, she used her normal shoes. Her Mom kept telling her that she didn't got suitable shoes. She must not use them. At same time her father kept telling her that she must go. Her father "She couldn't able to find right way in life. If you keep telling her, just look at her she is just under your supervision always. She have to find her ways. Look at those other young girls. They were so smart and how did they act? And look at her. She just never get use to modern way. Just by getting that little bit salary. She was not going to become winner in life. Her salary was so small. That no one really cared for that amount. People just wanted bigger salaries. But she got nothing. I feel just one thing. She at least had to act modern. If she behave like that she could go no where. Do you want her to hide behind you everytime?" Tanisha felt so small suddenly. Her job seemed like useless to her. In fact she was useless before everyone in world. On that moment she understood one thing that she able to get some one who loved her. " Before going out her father made worst remark. " Look at her. She really needed weight loss. " After hearing that she started crying. In her heart she knew that her father was wrong. She was right. Those young people who were firting freely even with married one were wrong but she knew that she couldn't prove herself right. Her Mom kept convicing her that her father was getting tempted by wrong thought. But it was useless to her mind. She just didn't understood world. At one angle people claimed so strongly about culture and on next second their values just vanished out of life.
When Tanisha returned to her office and job,she felt that every thing would be normal again. But then as soon as she sat on table and started working, she sensed something was missing. She felt that every one was so great than her. Some were so perfect by figure and those who didn't have it where already had other capacity. She was only one who didn't got any special capacity in this world. She felt so useless . She just kept doing her work. Then finally lunch hour was started. She wanted to go with others. But she was so scared from inside that they would reject her that she just kept working. She was sure that no one would ask her to join. But she always hoped that they would ask her. She just kept looking at them when they went away without looking at her. Until now she never sensed so much left out. But today she sensed that every one hated her. Until now she never realized that she was feeling so lonely. She sensed one thing that no one wanted to talk with her. She wanted to chat with them. But she sensed that every one hated her. She just kept doing her work. She didn't even went to eat lunch. Whole day she was just working. She just didn't dare to look away from her work. After all other things were already lost. She knew that now she didn't able to change those things in any thing better. She sensed that she was boycotted by all. She just began to spend her life with that work. But slowly she just didn't even able to feel peace while sleeping. She was used to sleep so peacefully that she never sensed that her troubles were not going to vanish. But now a days when she woke up, she just spend every minute in convincing herself that she would die one day. She just wished from heart that if only it would be over for her. Many times she even wanted to kill herself but she was feeling so useless. She just kept working. But then suddenly one day her boss called her. Her boss " What is wrong with you Tanisha? Why did you are doing so many mistakes in your work? Come on. I was thinking of giving you promotion but you are doing so many mistakes that I have to think again. Try to understand ..what are you doing with yourself. "Then further words were no longer had any effect on her. Those dialogues were not important in her mind. She felt just one thing from inside. Those thoughts were having so many side effects on mind. But one thought was strong that she was even useless for her job. That night she first time hurt herself not with any thing so sharp but just a pin. She knew that she would die with it. But she also knew killing herself was not that easy. She had heard about lot of failed suicides. She didn't want another failure. She just decided that she would hurt herself. She felt those pains and they were giving her satisfaction from inside. They were just rewards for her failures, After that she just kept seeing failures as if she was just jinxed. Her night were getting worst full of nightmares. Slowly she began to get so much weight that she had to go for diet. She had to do something about it. She was getting taunted about it on every point. She started avoiding even social functions. But it was not helping her. Somewhere she met some one and that person taunted her enough to hurt her heart.
Tanisha was getting hurt on every moment. She felt as if every thing was gone out of her hand. She just kept going ahead. Her marks on hand were healing and increasing because she was not stopping herself. It was just kept happening until one day finally her family Doctor suggested her that she must do something about her heath. Then her Doctor suggested a counselor. Tanisha "Counselor? I thought that I need a dietitian. " Then Doctor looked at her hand and then said pointedly "I feel you need counselor let's not go in that matter in details. You can discuss them with counselor who would help you." "You are suggesting that I have to visit psychiatrist? But I am fine. I never see any thing that is not there or I never start screaming. I have never acted in wrong way." "But you are hurting yourself. Look at your hand. Come on. Today you are not hurt but you can't be sure that you will never get hurt. Don't you see that you are hurting yourself on every point. " "I am not hurting myself.I got hurt ...." "Stop giving excuses. Go to counselor. It would really help you." Until now Tanisha's Mom was sitting quietly. But then she spoke "Come on Tanisha. You are not yourself since that tour." Tanisha looked at her Mom with confused expression. Her Mom was feeling same way. Tanisha was so shocked. She just went out of that room with so anger that she didn't care that she had insulted her family doctor who had treated her like daughter since childhood. Her Mom apologized. But family doctor said " Don't worry about me. I can understand but just took her to that counselor. She needed it. If she keep on life that then one day she would have so many problems. That we can't able to handle them. After all those problems will have effect on her life. Just convince her." Tanisha's Mom nodded. After that Tanisha just kept screaming on her Mom. They just kept getting discussing it. Tanisha was so upset. She felt so scared and angry from heart. First she had accepted that people didn't like her. Now they had to tell her that she was mad. She would not accept it. She was sure that this Doctor was suggesting wrong thing. She could control her habit of hurting herself. She was sure that she could handle it. But her Mom kept convincing her that she had to go to Doctor. When they reached home, Tanisha was so angry that she started throwing things. For some time she just lost her sense. Then she once again realized that she was acting in so wrong way. But she felt one thing that her Mom was feeling more sure regarding her madness due to this. She tried to control herself and gave one smile. "Come on Mom. I am fine. " Mom "Just relax and sit down." Tanisha once again sensed that her Mom was feeling that she was mad. She screamed once again "I am fine Mom. You are making me angry again and again. That's why I am acting in such way." "Fine. Then let's do one deal. You will not cut yourself for week and then I will forget what our family Doctor said. In fact I will change our Doctor." Tanisha smiled happily.Her Mom" But remember one thing if you don't able to do that you will come to psychiatrist with me. Promise me." Tanisha smiled happily and said "ok."
Tanisha was so sure. She would handle it. But as soon as she thought of office, she felt so scared that some one would hurt her feelings. She decided that she would just stay at her home. She decided to even avoid her father who was always criticizing her. She just sat in her room. But slowly she sensed same depression. Suddenly whole world began to look colourless to her. She just wanted from her heart that she was dead. She began to regret her life. She just never sensed that she was falling in trap once again. She was so upset. She just wanted to get rid of it so she once again went to that sharp pin and started hurting herself. This time she was not ready to stop but then suddenly her Mom stopped her. Her Mom" This is enough. We are going to psychiatrist." Tanisha started crying. She wanted to kill herself instead of going to that psychiatrist and proving herself mad. But her Mom told her that it would be a secret so they went there. That psychiatrist talked with her for long time. He discussed many things with her. Then finally he told her Mom "She is suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder. This is developed due to childhood negligence and rejection of peer group. She must have felt this way due to her father and her friends. While I talked with her, I sense that her coworkers were not disliking her. In fact Tanisha you are extremely shy before them. You just assume that they would hate you. But they don't call you since you never want to chat with them so they must have felt that you like your privacy. They are not against you. But they just feel you don't want to be with them." "But I have never said any thing like that. " "Yes. But you have behaved like that. You have never joined them on lunch because you will that you would do some thing embarrassing. You have to understand every person get embarrassed on one time or another. You have to understand your mind. You are doing it in wrong way. You need to try to mix with them then you will realized that they don't hate you." Then Tanisha heard every thing that psychiatrist was saying. It was so nice. She just didn't understand that why did she was so scared of that psychiatrist. That day for first time she slept peacefully. Even in office she started talking with all. She sensed that some people had dislike her but some just loved her. Psychiatrist convinced her that she must not look at those who dislike her. After all you can't be loved by all. She sensed that still she was upset and depress on some times. But she no longer wanted to hurt herself. That counselling was doing wonder for her. Her boss admired her work and gave her promotion. As usual her father didn't care but this time she decided to ignore him. She went out with her Mom and enjoyed dinner, movie. She had become friendly with all but in her heart she was still comfortable with her Mom and her few friends. But she never let others felt that thing. She knew one thing that even if she was not perfect still she was happy after counselling. It did wonders for her. Now she just wanted to do one thing go on that vacation of past once again and change it all. But she knew that she would not able to do it. So she just kept changing her present and making it better.
The End
Tanisha decided that this time she would take her deserved vacation which she was planning from long time. But she just never managed to take. Her work was something that she just loved so she never carved for vacation. She just wanted to work on every point. It was perfect for her. On every moment she was just busy in climbing ladders of life without resting. The word vacation never came in her mind. Until one day she became sick with flu and Doctor asked her when did she took vacation and she just didn't remember that day. It was clear to her that she needed a break. Her boss looked upset when she asked for it. But she deserved it so her boss couldn't able to stop her. She had selected a perfect tour with one hope that she would get something interesting in life. She knew that she was hoping too much. But at that time she was also expecting some romance in this trip. After all she was perfectly ready on that point for starting her life. She was going on trip with her parents. It was going to be a perfect trip for her. She was so sure about it. After all she was so perfect on every point. She had studied many important things in life. She managed to settle her career but somewhere while doing this she forgot to create personal things. She got nice job. She was happy with it. But she never managed to get perfect boy. She had read many novels which were suggesting same plot so she just kept hoping from heart that in this trip. She would see that boy. She started hoping that in this tour her personal life would reach to perfect point. In her heart she was so happy. She had packed all her beautiful dresses. As soon as she started packing, her Mom also started suggesting her that they would purchase some nice cosmetics. She had new things in suitcase. She went on shopping. She had purchased many things. They looked so much interesting. They were shopping many things in market. Tanisha was so pleased from heart when even her Mom started suggesting that she might get some one perfect in this tour. She just felt one thing that every one was feeling same way. It must be their telepathy. She just had one feeling from inside that it had to be true, So on that tour she went perfectly ready. She wanted every thing just as her thinking. She knew then her tour would be perfect. When they started that tour, every thing was just perfect. She was so happy when she saw that there were two young tourist guide. She knew that it was her tour and she was not visiting marriage bureau. But still she felt so happy. She sensed that some one was taking interest in her. She knew that she was beautiful. But still she just never managed to get that partner for which she had desire. She just kept hoping this time. She just never understood that some one would treat her nicely since they were tour guide who had to be nice. When they went away,she just sensed one thing. She really liked one of them who had enough salary and looks to please her.
Tanisha tried to look perfect in every way. But slowly she noticed that those two guides were talking in same way to every one. They wanted all young member to be together. Tanisha looked at other young group. She knew that she didn't like them. Their choice were so strange. They just didn't speak anything except boys which was really strange for Tanisha. She wanted to settle. She also hoped for romance but still she was not interested in chatting about other woman's husband. After all they had to stay in limits, she never liked to look at woman's husband. It seemed so wrong at every point. After all world was full of boys who were bachelor. She just hated when someone acted like that. Those guides wanted her to adjust with them. But she just hated it. So even at that tour she was so frustrated. But she was not one who needed company all time. She was the one who could adjust without those people. Then she began to go out just for tourist spot. That whole trip was worst for her since she was never admired. But she was just criticized. Then finally came the end of tour. She was so relived to get rid of that tour. But when she was on tour.She noticed one thing every one was admiring those young group. She never sensed but one thing was so hard on every point. She wanted to move ahead with young group. But she couldn't be like them. She just wanted to come back. She heard those voices and looks which was saying that she was odd, She sensed that no one was with her. They all were just supporting those young group. She wanted to see those things in right way. But she couldn't act like that she had some morals in her life. She decided that she should ignore them. But on last day worst thing happened. When she wanted to go hiking, she used her normal shoes. Her Mom kept telling her that she didn't got suitable shoes. She must not use them. At same time her father kept telling her that she must go. Her father "She couldn't able to find right way in life. If you keep telling her, just look at her she is just under your supervision always. She have to find her ways. Look at those other young girls. They were so smart and how did they act? And look at her. She just never get use to modern way. Just by getting that little bit salary. She was not going to become winner in life. Her salary was so small. That no one really cared for that amount. People just wanted bigger salaries. But she got nothing. I feel just one thing. She at least had to act modern. If she behave like that she could go no where. Do you want her to hide behind you everytime?" Tanisha felt so small suddenly. Her job seemed like useless to her. In fact she was useless before everyone in world. On that moment she understood one thing that she able to get some one who loved her. " Before going out her father made worst remark. " Look at her. She really needed weight loss. " After hearing that she started crying. In her heart she knew that her father was wrong. She was right. Those young people who were firting freely even with married one were wrong but she knew that she couldn't prove herself right. Her Mom kept convicing her that her father was getting tempted by wrong thought. But it was useless to her mind. She just didn't understood world. At one angle people claimed so strongly about culture and on next second their values just vanished out of life.
When Tanisha returned to her office and job,she felt that every thing would be normal again. But then as soon as she sat on table and started working, she sensed something was missing. She felt that every one was so great than her. Some were so perfect by figure and those who didn't have it where already had other capacity. She was only one who didn't got any special capacity in this world. She felt so useless . She just kept doing her work. Then finally lunch hour was started. She wanted to go with others. But she was so scared from inside that they would reject her that she just kept working. She was sure that no one would ask her to join. But she always hoped that they would ask her. She just kept looking at them when they went away without looking at her. Until now she never sensed so much left out. But today she sensed that every one hated her. Until now she never realized that she was feeling so lonely. She sensed one thing that no one wanted to talk with her. She wanted to chat with them. But she sensed that every one hated her. She just kept doing her work. She didn't even went to eat lunch. Whole day she was just working. She just didn't dare to look away from her work. After all other things were already lost. She knew that now she didn't able to change those things in any thing better. She sensed that she was boycotted by all. She just began to spend her life with that work. But slowly she just didn't even able to feel peace while sleeping. She was used to sleep so peacefully that she never sensed that her troubles were not going to vanish. But now a days when she woke up, she just spend every minute in convincing herself that she would die one day. She just wished from heart that if only it would be over for her. Many times she even wanted to kill herself but she was feeling so useless. She just kept working. But then suddenly one day her boss called her. Her boss " What is wrong with you Tanisha? Why did you are doing so many mistakes in your work? Come on. I was thinking of giving you promotion but you are doing so many mistakes that I have to think again. Try to understand ..what are you doing with yourself. "Then further words were no longer had any effect on her. Those dialogues were not important in her mind. She felt just one thing from inside. Those thoughts were having so many side effects on mind. But one thought was strong that she was even useless for her job. That night she first time hurt herself not with any thing so sharp but just a pin. She knew that she would die with it. But she also knew killing herself was not that easy. She had heard about lot of failed suicides. She didn't want another failure. She just decided that she would hurt herself. She felt those pains and they were giving her satisfaction from inside. They were just rewards for her failures, After that she just kept seeing failures as if she was just jinxed. Her night were getting worst full of nightmares. Slowly she began to get so much weight that she had to go for diet. She had to do something about it. She was getting taunted about it on every point. She started avoiding even social functions. But it was not helping her. Somewhere she met some one and that person taunted her enough to hurt her heart.
Tanisha was getting hurt on every moment. She felt as if every thing was gone out of her hand. She just kept going ahead. Her marks on hand were healing and increasing because she was not stopping herself. It was just kept happening until one day finally her family Doctor suggested her that she must do something about her heath. Then her Doctor suggested a counselor. Tanisha "Counselor? I thought that I need a dietitian. " Then Doctor looked at her hand and then said pointedly "I feel you need counselor let's not go in that matter in details. You can discuss them with counselor who would help you." "You are suggesting that I have to visit psychiatrist? But I am fine. I never see any thing that is not there or I never start screaming. I have never acted in wrong way." "But you are hurting yourself. Look at your hand. Come on. Today you are not hurt but you can't be sure that you will never get hurt. Don't you see that you are hurting yourself on every point. " "I am not hurting myself.I got hurt ...." "Stop giving excuses. Go to counselor. It would really help you." Until now Tanisha's Mom was sitting quietly. But then she spoke "Come on Tanisha. You are not yourself since that tour." Tanisha looked at her Mom with confused expression. Her Mom was feeling same way. Tanisha was so shocked. She just went out of that room with so anger that she didn't care that she had insulted her family doctor who had treated her like daughter since childhood. Her Mom apologized. But family doctor said " Don't worry about me. I can understand but just took her to that counselor. She needed it. If she keep on life that then one day she would have so many problems. That we can't able to handle them. After all those problems will have effect on her life. Just convince her." Tanisha's Mom nodded. After that Tanisha just kept screaming on her Mom. They just kept getting discussing it. Tanisha was so upset. She felt so scared and angry from heart. First she had accepted that people didn't like her. Now they had to tell her that she was mad. She would not accept it. She was sure that this Doctor was suggesting wrong thing. She could control her habit of hurting herself. She was sure that she could handle it. But her Mom kept convincing her that she had to go to Doctor. When they reached home, Tanisha was so angry that she started throwing things. For some time she just lost her sense. Then she once again realized that she was acting in so wrong way. But she felt one thing that her Mom was feeling more sure regarding her madness due to this. She tried to control herself and gave one smile. "Come on Mom. I am fine. " Mom "Just relax and sit down." Tanisha once again sensed that her Mom was feeling that she was mad. She screamed once again "I am fine Mom. You are making me angry again and again. That's why I am acting in such way." "Fine. Then let's do one deal. You will not cut yourself for week and then I will forget what our family Doctor said. In fact I will change our Doctor." Tanisha smiled happily.Her Mom" But remember one thing if you don't able to do that you will come to psychiatrist with me. Promise me." Tanisha smiled happily and said "ok."
Tanisha was so sure. She would handle it. But as soon as she thought of office, she felt so scared that some one would hurt her feelings. She decided that she would just stay at her home. She decided to even avoid her father who was always criticizing her. She just sat in her room. But slowly she sensed same depression. Suddenly whole world began to look colourless to her. She just wanted from her heart that she was dead. She began to regret her life. She just never sensed that she was falling in trap once again. She was so upset. She just wanted to get rid of it so she once again went to that sharp pin and started hurting herself. This time she was not ready to stop but then suddenly her Mom stopped her. Her Mom" This is enough. We are going to psychiatrist." Tanisha started crying. She wanted to kill herself instead of going to that psychiatrist and proving herself mad. But her Mom told her that it would be a secret so they went there. That psychiatrist talked with her for long time. He discussed many things with her. Then finally he told her Mom "She is suffering from Avoidant Personality Disorder. This is developed due to childhood negligence and rejection of peer group. She must have felt this way due to her father and her friends. While I talked with her, I sense that her coworkers were not disliking her. In fact Tanisha you are extremely shy before them. You just assume that they would hate you. But they don't call you since you never want to chat with them so they must have felt that you like your privacy. They are not against you. But they just feel you don't want to be with them." "But I have never said any thing like that. " "Yes. But you have behaved like that. You have never joined them on lunch because you will that you would do some thing embarrassing. You have to understand every person get embarrassed on one time or another. You have to understand your mind. You are doing it in wrong way. You need to try to mix with them then you will realized that they don't hate you." Then Tanisha heard every thing that psychiatrist was saying. It was so nice. She just didn't understand that why did she was so scared of that psychiatrist. That day for first time she slept peacefully. Even in office she started talking with all. She sensed that some people had dislike her but some just loved her. Psychiatrist convinced her that she must not look at those who dislike her. After all you can't be loved by all. She sensed that still she was upset and depress on some times. But she no longer wanted to hurt herself. That counselling was doing wonder for her. Her boss admired her work and gave her promotion. As usual her father didn't care but this time she decided to ignore him. She went out with her Mom and enjoyed dinner, movie. She had become friendly with all but in her heart she was still comfortable with her Mom and her few friends. But she never let others felt that thing. She knew one thing that even if she was not perfect still she was happy after counselling. It did wonders for her. Now she just wanted to do one thing go on that vacation of past once again and change it all. But she knew that she would not able to do it. So she just kept changing her present and making it better.
The End
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