Happiness of Smruti's mind
Smruti began to talk about different ways of life. She was giving lecture to her students for hours but they were not answering to her. She was so frustrated. She was teaching them for such a long time & still they were not understanding anything. She didn’t understand why did this was happening. She was teacher for long time & her all students always respected her so much. She felt so upset when they didn’t pay attention to her. This time something was wrong. Her students were watching her. They were just watching her for hours. But they were not responding. She began to scream loudly. She began to get so depressed. She wanted to feel positive. She shivered with fear. Her life was not going on as per her hopes. She began to feel so negative in her thoughts. She wanted to scream & ask questions but she couldn’t. She was so nervous & on that point she woke up her room in total darkness. She didn’t have small light which she used to have to comfort herself as child. She was grown up woman. She was a teacher now. Then she looked around & sensed that she was not a teacher any more. She didn’t have that job. She quit it since her boyfriend decided to try for career in abroad. He got success & now he wanted her to get married. She supposed to forget her job. She was in love with him. She wanted his affection at any cost so she decided to quit job. She did it willingly. She knew that this was tension of her job which kept coming back to her like this. She smiled. She started to talk to herself “Why did I need to find a so much stress in my dream? I need to feel relaxed.” She began to breath peacefully. She was clearly getting anxious. She needed to feel positive but her thoughts were moving in negative way. She wanted to feel hopeful but she felt so stressed. She knew that she was no longer needed to prepare for lectures. She started to laugh loudly. She began to feel that she took right decision by quitting her job. Her job was stressful. She was so happy to find some way to get rid of her job. She slowly took her mobile. She began to look towards photo of her boyfriend Sandip. Sandip was smiling when she watched his smile her world managed to change totally. Smruti was so happy. Now she didn’t need to worry about her work. She wanted to talk with Sandip. She looked towards time. It was day time for him on that time. She smiled & without second thought she called him. She was expecting his pleasant voice but instead Sandip spoke angrily “Why you need to keep calling me like that? You are just sitting in home now but I need to earn. Have you understood this?” She didn’t say anything. She understood. “Sorry. I dial by mistake.” She disconnected call. She began to cry. She didn’t understand where did her life was going. She felt so sad. She began to cry. She kept crying until midnight. She was so sad.
Smruti wake
up in morning due to sunlight. Her cheeks were still wet due to crying. She
began to regret her every decision. She was hoping for positive in life. She
knew that she didn’t want to go back to her job but on other hand she was
positive about her marriage but now she was confused. Sandip was rejecting her.
Sandip was causing her pains. She remembered her beginning with Sandip. He was
so sweet & pleasant. He was trying to earn money. He was working so hard
for hours. She used to wait for his calls for such a long time. He used to work
for hours then when he used to come home, he used to call. He was living just
nearby so she used to feel that he was just near her. She was used to feel so
positive & hopeful. Her thoughts used to get hurt sometimes when she
remembered those old days. Her earning was limited but it was important for him.
He used value her every moment. Now she began to feel that it was not about
her. It was just about her earning. He needed her earnings so he talked sweetly
with her. She knew that he no longed needed her. She began to doubt her
decision of marriage. She climbed down from her bed. She decided to call Sandip
& decided all. She wanted to end this uncertainty. She began to call after
long time he finally took her call. He asked in irritating sound “What is it?” “I
was thinking maybe we need to end our relationship?” He didn’t say anything for
some time. Then he said “Will you stop throwing these tantrums? I am little
busy.” She said slowly “Of course I will. I just want you to stop to dragging
me like this. Let’s end this…” “I have announced my wedding distributed cards.
I have reputation. I need to show my wife to people & you are my future
wife so you must remain it. There isn’t going to be change in it. I hope you
grasp my point.” She didn’t say anything. She just kept quiet. This was so
scary. He was marrying her just because he decided it & announced not
because he loved her. She slowly said “You deserve better wife. I feel you will
regret this marriage later on.” He laughed & said “Don’t worry. I will
adjust with. Once I decide something. I never change it. I decided to marry you
so I will adjust with you. I just want you to keep this inferiority behind.”
She was so upset. She wanted to reject him but instead he did favour of
accepting her. She didn’t understand what did she supposed to say. He said
“Bye. Don’t worry. I will handle everything. I know you are not smart but I
will handle it. Take care.” Then he disconnected call & she kept watching
towards her mobile for long time. Then finally she kept it & went in
kitchen to eat breakfast.
Smruti’s
mom was cooking breakfast for her. When Smruti entered Mom smiled. Mom “What
happened?” Smruti didn’t say anything. Smruti didn’t want to discuss. She knew
that it was her mistake. She needed to tolerate it. She needed to handle all. But
then she looked towards her mom. She felt it was better to tell her mom. She
began to think about different times. She always took suggestion of her mom.
She started to tell all to her mom. She didn’t sense her father came from
behind. Her dad “So this Sandip is marrying you just because he printed those
wedding cards?” “No Dad. It’s not exactly like that.” Smruti felt so negative
about all. Smruti knew that her dad always disliked Sandip. He felt that Sandip took opportunity who was marrying her just for her salary. But when Sandip went
abroad & told her to come after resigning, she was so happy that she was
right about Sandip. Now she was once again in same position. It was so
upsetting. She needed to keep positivity. Her mind was getting negative on
every point. She wanted to marry Sandip but she was feeling about entire
incidence. She was no longer sure that Sandip would truly care for her. She was
feeling negative & she needed to keep her positive thoughts. She once again
pretended fake confidence before her parents. “I don’t feel he didn’t love me.
I feel he is just little upset.” She tried to say it with confidence but her
words came out like stammering. She began to feel so nervous & negative.
She tried to smile happily but her mind was totally negative. She immediately sat
to eat breakfast. It was her routine breakfast which she loved. But today it
was impossible to eat it. She began to feel so stressed. She didn’t let anyone
see her anxiety. She told herself that everything would be fine. She kept
eating. She felt nauseous. It was hard to hide from others. She still needed to
do it. It was important for her. She finally finished her breakfast & ran
in her room. She told herself to relax. She needed to trust Sandip. She told
herself that Sandip was right. He was great match for her. He would be perfect
husband after their wedding. She was just developing normal anxiety. She decided
to just relax. She kept doing different things whole time in her room. She
tried to listen to music. Then she tried to read books. Then she tried to paint.
She kept trying different hobbies. She wanted to feel positive. But it was not
working. She was getting negative step by step. Her mind was drifting in wrong
angle. She told herself that she would be fine but until night she kept crying
time to time. She knew her parents were observing all. Her dad was blaming all
on Sandip. But she was not ready to accept it. She decided to marry him &
she wanted to move ahead with it. She needed to prove her dad that she was wise
& mature. She wouldn’t take wrong decisions. She needed to feel positive in
life. She supposed to appreciate Sandip. She was trying hard to do that.
Smruti’s dad
finally decided to talk with her mom “I keep listening every day. Smruti wake
with screams every night. Don’t tell me you don’t hear them.” Her mom slowly spoke
“Yes I heard them.” There was pain in her mom’s voice. Her mom knew that a
visit to psychiatrist was essential she didn’t have much options. Smruti was getting
so negative. Her mom slowly continued “I think even if she wants to marry
Sandip still it is better that she visits psychiatrist before it.” Her dad
nodded. So, Smruti’s parents went in her room. It was so stressful. But they
decided to tell her. “Smruti you are having those nightmares…” Smruti “I need
to stop them before marriage otherwise Sandip might reject me. He wants normal
wife. Mom, I need to become perfect.” Smruti’s dad smiled. First time Sandip
became useful for Smruti’s dad. Dad “You are so right. Sandip will not have
time to handle it. We are your parents we can do it.” Mom “But he is going to
be her husband he supposed to do it too?” Her Mom didn’t like idea of declaring
Sandip didn’t have any responsibility towards Smruti. But Smruti was not
interested in Mom’s statements. She knew that Sandip would have time. Smruti “Let’s
go to psychiatrist.” Her dad immediately took appointment of next day. On that
night she kept screaming & crying. Next day she was glad to visit
psychiatrist. She was feeling so stressed. Entire day she kept thinking what
she was going to tell to that psychiatrist. Finally, time came to visit
psychiatrist. She was so scared but she knew that she needed to do that so she
did it. When she went inside, she told all. Psychiatrist listened to her then
finally Psychiatrist smiled & said “Are you sure this is about your job?” “I
don’t understand?” “It’s doesn’t stop after quitting job so it is not about
job.” “Then?” “It’s about your marriage. You don’t want to marry Sandip but you
are getting depressed by thought of failure but we can fight that depression
but as psychiatrist I can’t help you alone if you marry wrong man then you will
need lawyer & divorce. You are lucky that you came before marriage.” She
was so shocked. Step by step psychiatrist explained her how did she was falling
in trap lead by Sandip due to her ego. She started to get convince. She decided
to continue her treatment & decided to cancel marriage. When she told it Sandip
started to abuse her. She began to cry but her dad took mobile & managed to
settle that matter permanently. Finally, her wedding with Sandip was cancelled.
She felt so sad. She lost job & her prospect of marriage too. Still, she
started all once again. She began to move ahead in life. She was happy to start
everything once again. Her parents were with her. She felt so happy. She was no
longer interested in Sandip. But sometimes Sandip kept sending her messages about
his marriage. Then pictures of his wife & children. But she didn’t mind.
She was happy for him. She was happy with her life. It was her world of
happiness.
