Saturday, December 16, 2017

Adventure story 323. Fear of past

                                                                          Fear of past
Rohit was trying different dresses. Today he was going for interview. It was so important for him. He never managed to get job until now. He was trying so hard to get job. He kept feeling scared in soul. He just didn't understand how did he manage to impress his Boss. On that point he remembered his Mom. She was always helpful for him. He needed her so much now. Then he suddenly remembered that he could always call her. He dialed number. Rohit " Mom how are you?" " Fine. How are you?" "Mom I am going for interview." Suddenly his Mom stopped talking. " What happened? Are you tense regarding my not getting job? Don't worry Mom. I will get it this time. I have worked so hard to get it. Mom trust me. I have worked hard." " But dear I feel it will too much for you. Why don't you just relax?" " Other kid's Mom kept insisting for getting job to other kids and you are unique Mom who don't want her kids to get job. You are too much. I mean I know you feel I will get nervous when I don't get job but then you know me. I will work hard. I will keep trying Mom." " But dear this is not right. I just feel you are scaring yourself  without need." Then he heard strange sound as if his Mom was crying. " Mom what happened? Are you alright?" " Yes..yes.." She was not fine. He knew her husband bit her. He never able to call him father. He was always so cruel. He just kept abusing her but her Mom never understand. She had to stop adoring him. But she kept confusing herself on every step in  life when he screamed on her. Rohit knew that he was his father but still he needed to understand. He decided that he didn't want to relate to him as all. " Mom stop lying. Did he hit you again?" " What? Dear are you alright?" " Yes I am fine." " When will you return back?" Suddenly he began to feel frustrated. He never wanted to return home. It was totally strange. His Mom knew it still she kept asking. He managed to get this room with hard work in cafe. Rohit " Mom I am never coming back." He just wished only if he worked properly in that cafe. It was nice job. He still remembered that day. That strange dog came in cafe. He just didn't understand why any one didn't stop him. He kept pointing it to all. Every one kept looking at him. Finally he ran towards Dog. He tried so hard to stop it but that dog kept damaging things. When finally that Dog went out, owner began to scream on him. According to Owner he did it. He tried to catch Dog but no one else did. Owner didn't believe it. Other kept quite since they wanted to keep their job and finally he was thrown out from his job for breaking things. He just couldn't believe that they all lied. They all told Boss that they never saw any dog. But he decided that he must not get upset by such small things. He could always find new job so he was getting ready for new job. He knew that he had better qualification but still he could wait for job to come with match his qualification. He just had to take job whichever he needed. He got ready and he started to go out. When he sensed that his door was closed, he was so scared. He began to push it. He sensed one thing that he was locked. Suddenly he looked at clothes. He was shocked. His clothes were those clothes which patients wear in hospital. He ran to mirror. He was shocked when he saw his face. It was not his face. It was his Dad's face. He was locked in his body. He wanted to go out. He wanted to go out of that mental hospital. It was horrible. He began to scream for help. Then suddenly out of washroom a strange man came. He was also wearing Patient's dress. He began to come towards him while giving evil smile. Rohit started running towards door. He began to banging it. He was trying so hard that man was about to reach to him. Then he suddenly fell. When he woke up, he sensed he was on floor of his own room. It was his bad dream. He just didn't understand why did he had such horrible dream. He just ran out towards door. He opened it. It was not locked. He went out in hall. He began to feel little fresh then he decided that he might take walk in garden. He looked at wall clock. It was 2 p.m. He decided that it was not right time for sleeping. But he didn't dare to enter in his room again so he decided that he could sleep on Sofa in hall. He also settled there. He didn't understood when he fall asleep.
       Nisha woke up with sound of alarm clock. She immediately stopped it. She knew her husband Tarun wanted to sleep for more time. Tarun had worst temper. She didn't want to disturb him. She didn't understand why did she kept marrying to wrong fellows. Rohit's father was person who used to get angry even when she took wrong cup for serving tea. His slaps were worst. She decided that she had to leave him. But she also had son. Rohit's father never let her do job so she knew that she couldn't get a job. She needed some one who could help her to move ahead in life. But she knew that it was hard. On that time Rohit's father suddenly had depression attack. He just hanged himself to fan. She was so scared when she remembered it. She tried to take him for mental treatment many times but he never agreed. Finally situation turned in worst way. He tried to blame Nisha for every thing in his letter but every one in society told Police that he was hitting Nisha. Even Police saw marks so they believed them. Nisha told them that she was planning to leave him. Police felt it was right decision so in few days his case was close. After that she started searching for job. While searching it she found Tarun. He was manager of Company. He was taking her interview. He had judged her there. Soon he proposed her and got married. But after marriage she learned that Tarun had problem of anger too. She married wrong person again. But this time he was not hitting her. Tarun had habit of throwing things in room when he was angry. She preferred it. Since Tarun earned enough to replace those things and Nisha was never harmed in this process. But she was careful not to invite anger so she immediately stopped alarm. Then she slowly came out of her room. She went in kitchen first. When she prepared few things, she went in kid's room. There were two room for kids. One for her son Rohit and another for Tarun's daughter Reema. Tarun felt that it was perfect family they didn't need more kids. He insisted that Nisha must not take chance. Nisha didn't question him. Soon she sensed that Tarun was not easy person by nature. She knew his anger so she decided that she didn't want another child. His daughter Reema was not much interested in her. Reema treated her like some maid who supposed to do her work. But Reema never said it in words. Reema gave her respect in words but her eyes were telling different story. So soon Nisha sensed that her son was her only child. She couldn't expect any bonding from her step daughter but she needed to survive this marriage so she accepted every thing. She started going in both room dutifully to wake up kids. Reema gave her frustrating look and said " Have you made my breakfast ready?" " Yes. Of course." " I hope toast are proper this time. Last time they were too much burned." Nisha nodded. Nisha gave smile to her. Reema returned her favorite plastic smile she stored for those whom she hated. Then she began to call her maid. Soon Maid entered in picture. Then it was indication that she supposed to get lost. She took that signal and went away. After all she was daughter of Tarun. Nisha was just his second wife who married him for money. They all thought that way and always kept treating her that way. She felt so hurt sometimes by that treatment but she was scared to complaint. She was not sure that Tarun felt in different way. Many times she felt that Tarun also thought same way. She felt so sad at beginning but now she had accepted it. So she went in Rohit's room. It was room of her son. She was so happy to go there. It was that place where she sensed happiness. She went inside with smile. She was confused when she saw that it was empty. It was so strange. She was so scared. She checked every where including washroom. But he was nowhere. She started calling his name. Soon every one gathered. Finally Rohit came too. Rohit " Mom what happened? Why are you calling me like that?" Nisha smiled out of tears. " Ohh my god you are fine." Tarun " Of course he is fine. What could happen to him in such nice, big secure house? Are you out of your mind? Now cut this drama and start to do some work. I mean instruct maid. After all maid is going to do every thing." Nisha dried her tears and went in kitchen with maid. She didn't dare to ask Rohit  why he was sleeping in hall. But she heard Tarun cursing " What idiot?!! Slept in hall when he had his room." He turned to maid and said " Clean that sofa properly." Nisha felt so sad. She sensed that this marriage was her mistake too. But she knew that this time she didn't have option. She had to save this marriage. She went in kitchen with maid.
    Rohit was so upset. This man was more dumb than his father. His father was abusive but this man just didn't like their touch to any thing. But still he married to his Mom. He just never understood why. Then he heard Tarun's calling her name in such way as if screaming on slave. Then he understood purpose of bringing his mother in this house. It was to get slave for life time. He sensed one thing his Mom did biggest mistake by marrying him. But then their life was never nice. It was just full of struggles. First his father was creating drama and now his step father was harassing them. But then when he thought peacefully, he felt that his step father was lot better than his father. His step father was rich and he was feeding them so he wanted special treatment for himself and his daughter. Rohit sensed one thing that Tarun might be not interested in keeping him at all but still he took him in house just for his Mom so Tarun must be in love with his Mom. His own thoughts were so confused. They were not creating any meaning. He decided that he didn't need to think so much. Rohit " Mom I am getting late for.." He was so confused. Where was he going? Then he sensed that he still had job in hotel. He was assistant manager. He never chased any Dog. Suddenly Tarun screamed from inside " When are you planning to quit that stupid job in hotel and try to get something really worthy? Come on! what you can do better than that!!" Rohit was so upset. He wanted to tell him to mind his own business but he was staying in his house. He couldn't say that to him. He just looked at his Mom. Nisha kept telling him to calm down. He went in his room. He started to get ready. It was totally normal day. In normal way his step father cursed him and his Mom. Then his step sister Reema came out. She looked at him as if some disgusting thing entered in her house. She didn't want to sit on table where he was eating but Tarun told her to do so. She sat down near Tarun. Then slowly she started chatting with Dad. Reema " Dad he is not improving even a little bit. Look at him. He seemed still same way." " I know. Give him some time." " But Dad we have given him enough time. My friends knew that he is my brother. It is disgusting the way he behaved." They were talking it in whispers but Rohit could sense it. He was so conscious about it. He knew that he had to  act in his best way. He didn't want to embarrass them. But he couldn't just quit job to please Reema since he knew that he would never get such good job again. He ate his breakfast as fast as possible and ran away to hotel. It was so hard for him. He couldn't just sit easily in his house. They always kept taunting him regarding his manners. When he went in hotel, he felt little bit relaxed. He started working. He always tried to give his best. But still it was not enough. Due to his father his base was weak. He always felt so angry about it. He never did any thing wrong but still his luck never managed to shine. That day he was so upset about it. When he suddenly noticed a Dog, he started feeling scared. He was so confused. That Dog was truly entering in hotel. He knew that he was dreaming it. He started rubbing his eyes. He started shivering. When other waiter came, waiter managed to threw away dog out of hotel. Then waiter came near him with smile. " Sir why are you shivering? Are you scared of Dog?" " No I am little bit sick today." " Sick? I hope you are not having fever." " No..no just little cold that's all." Waiter nodded and vanished. It became clear to him that Dog was truly there. He was so confused. He didn't hallucinate but he felt that he was hallucinating due to dream. He didn't understand why did he kept having those dreams. He started working again. He was happy while working. Every thing was just perfect during day but as night started to come he began to feel scared. He didn't want to see that bad dream again. He was so confused and upset. He wanted to make that dream vanish. He wanted to sleep peacefully. But as it started to get dark he began to feel upset. He started to feel fear. He was so upset during dinner that he started to make noise of spoon on plate. Tarun immediately taunted " I feel Hotel don't permit such noises in table manners." He controlled him immediately. Finally when he finished his dinner, he ran in bedroom. He slept on his bed. But he was so scared from mind. He didn't want to have nightmare. He closed his eyes forcefully. He slowly started to go to sleep. He was in deep sleep in just few minutes. He didn't even sense when he fall asleep.
     Next day when Nisha came in room, Rohit was sleeping in his room. She woke him up. But he was very scared when he woke up. Nisha " What happened? Did you had some bad dream?" " No..no..I don't remember dream." " Then why are you looking so scared?" Nisha looked at Rohit. He was really scared. Rohit " I don't know. Any way I am getting late so I am going for work." He just ran in washroom. Nisha was so confused. She sensed that he was tense about something. She could see it on his face. Nisha went behind him. Nisha " Tell me what happened?" " Nothing Mom. Stop irritating." Rohit was so angry. He didn't understand cause of his fear and his Mom kept asking him. He knew that he was scared. He began to thought reason. He was so scared that one day his Boss fired him or he might have cancer or he might have fever when he arranged large party in his hotel or he might had sudden stomach trouble while attending clients. He was so tense. He just didn't understand what might be his problem. But he sensed that there were many problems which were scary in his eyes. He just didn't like them. He was so scared about them. But he couldn't tell them to his Mom. He knew Nisha would ask him did he had this problem at this moment. His answer was no. " Mom nothing happened. I am fine." He just screamed this out of washroom since he wanted to relax his Mom. Nisha always had many tensions on her head. He went in hotel. He tried his best in every thing. He was doing his best but still he kept feeling scared. He kept feeling that he was going to do some mistake. He felt that when his work would be over, he would feel relaxed. He kept working. It was perfect day for business. They got lot of clients. Few clients complained. But Rohit managed every thing in perfect way. At end of day every one admired Rohit. They were so happy. But Rohit was still feeling stressed. He just didn't understand that why didn't his stress reduced. He should feel happy after completing his work. But it was not happening. He was still feeling tense. When he went in house, he felt tense while eating dinner too. He felt that Tarun or Reema might taunt him. He might make some disgusting noise while eating. He felt so scared. Finally Rohit was so upset that it started to appear on his face. Tarun asked " What happened? Are you fine?" " Yes..Every thing is fine." "Why are you stammering like that?" " I am not stammering. I was just thinking." Reema " Don't scream on my Dad like that!!" " Sorry." Rohit managed to eat dinner as fast as possible and ran away from there. Tarun " If he don't feel comfortable while having dinner with us let him eat it in room. After all he is not little boy now. He might desire privacy." Reema " But Dad you never permitted to eat in room." " Because you are angel. I can't imagine day without you." Then Reema hugged him. Nisha kept watching entire drama of father and daughter while they kept admiring each other. Nisha always felt that they admired each other so much that they never need admire from other person. Nisha also went out of picture. She went in Rohit's room. Rohit was still tense. " What happened?"" I don't know. I feel so tense." " Tarun was telling me that you can eat in your room from tomorrow." Rohit smiled. He thought that it would relax him. He felt that he would be happy by tomorrow. He slept but his sleep was not peaceful that day. He once again had nightmare. This was worst than last one. He was shivering when he woke up. He didn't go in hall. He just slept again in bedroom. But day by day he began to sense that his nightmare were not going to vanish. On every day he had same tense expression. At beginning people used to ask him but slowly they quit asking. Finally even customer began to ask. One day his one customer asked " Are you tense about something?" " No Sir. This is just normal face." " Don't lie to me. Few months ago when I came, you serve me with smile. Of course not you. You are assistant manager. Your waiter served me but you smiled. Why don't you smile now?" Rohit nodded. He gave one tense smile. " Can I suggest you something?" " What?" "Why don't you come to my clinic one day? I am psychiatrist. I will treat you." " No Sir I am fine." "Okay  as you wish but keep my card. I have feeling you are going to need me one day." Rohit nodded. Then he went back to work. He was working so hard but his tense expressions always managed to upset clients. They wanted smile on his face. He sensed one thing that he had to reduce fear. He started reading different methods of reducing fear. But nothing was working. He just started to lock himself in room every day. He didn't want to see face of Tarun or Reema. He began to feel that they were cause of his fear. Nisha was so upset by this. One day finally Tarun asked " What happened? Why did Rohit keep himself locked in his room?" " I don't know." " Fine let me ask. We can't keep him like that. He is not acting normal." Nisha nodded. Nisha was hoping at beginning that every thing would be fine but now she also sensed that she needed help. So they both went in Rohit's room.
   Rohit was shocked when he saw Tarun with Nisha. Tarun never took interest in him until now. Tarun " How are you?" " Fine." Tarun sat near him. Tarun " Okay tell me what happened? Did some girl broke your heart?" " No..no..I just feel scared." " Of what? Of me?" Rohit nodded. Tarun started laughing. Tarun " May be we need to spend some time together just father and son what do you feel?" Rohit nodded again. Then Tarun told him that they should go out on that Sunday. It was perfect but when Reema heard this, she got angry. Reema " I want to come too." " Come on. We are going in club to play. You are not interested in sports." " But still I will come." Rohit began to feel so tense. He didn't want to go out with Reema at all. He began feel so breathless. Rohit " I am not feeling well. I will stay at home." Tarun gave angry look to Reema who smiled. Tarun nodded. When Rohit went in room, he suddenly began to feel that he needed help. He remembered that card. He decided that one visit would not harm him. He called that psychiatrist. Psychiatrist " Hello." " I am Rohit." " Sorry my clinic is closed today." " Well I was feeling breathless few moments ago. Is it heart attack?" " No Anxiety attack. Just do as I say." He explained exercise. Rohit did it. He felt little relaxed. " See you on Monday evening." Rohit nodded. He was so scared now. Whole day he kept getting tense. Then finally he took half day off and he sat in clinic for long time. Whole time he was nervous. He came early so he forced to sit with other client. Every client had different fear on face. But he noticed one person went inside. When that person came out, there was smile on his face. He was not totally normal but he was relaxed. Rohit felt more encouraged. He just kept sitting there. Then his mobile rang. He forgot to switch it off. He saw the number. It was Tarun. He put it on silence. But Tarun kept calling. Finally he went out and took call. Tarun " Where are you?" Rohit " I am working.." " Stop lying. I am in hotel. They told me you took half day. Stop this." Tarun was so angry. He started blaming him. Tarun managed to assume many worst things about him. Finally Rohit sensed that if he didn't tell truth. Tarun might tell this all to Nisha. Rohit " I am in clinic of Psychiatrist." "Psychiatrist?" " Yes. I am getting too scared. He was my customer. He suggested that I might meet him." " Where?" Rohit knew that he didn't have much option so he shared address. Tarun " Good I am coming." " Need to come.." But Tarun managed to switch off mobile. Now Rohit managed to get more scared. He began to feel that he might just go back home. But then receptionist started calling his number. He went inside. She told him that he could go inside when patient came out. It was approximately half hour. This was too much. He was stuck there now. Soon Tarun entered. But he was shocked when he saw smile on Tarun's face. Tarun patted on his shoulder. Tarun " You are wise boy. I always kept telling your Mom after suffering in hands of such father you deserve little counseling." Rohit felt sad. Tarun " Sorry. I just manage to say wrong thing on wrong time." " But you are telling truth." " But you don't need to worry now. This Doctor will help us out then we will be perfect family." Rohit nodded. When they went inside, Rohit felt little better since he had at least his step father with him. Slowly they explained every thing. Psychiatrist " Rohit is suffering from generalized Anxiety disorder. It is common when person had such disturbed childhood. But Mr. Tarun I must suggest you another thing. You and your wife might need marriage counselling too." Tarun " I am so tired of these troubles. I want normal family life. I will do any thing. I have trouble of anger but my wife feel too much scared of me. I assume due to her last husband." " Possible. But you have anger trouble too and your daughter Reema is not cooperating too. We need to handle it all. So it will be big case." " I will make payment." " Thanks. But you need to spend your time too." Tarun nodded. Then they decided to take appointment of Psychiatrist. Rohit was still sensing fear. Psychiatrist " Don't worry. It will reduce day by day. You can't fight your fear in one day. Can you?" Rohit nodded and smiled. This was that line which his grandfather used to say when his father used to scare him. But sadly he died due to age. Still he never forgot his line. Fear couldn't vanish in one day. Fear couldn't vanish by keeping it in soul. Fear vanish step by step when we learnt to fight with it by positive thoughts. Negative thoughts always managed to  increase fear while positive thinking managed to give hopes to mind. Rohit sensed one thing fear didn't vanish in one day but if he keep it inside his soul then it would stay there for his entire life so he had to fight it.
                                                                              The End

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