Locked pains
Rakesh started to count different path which he could take. He began to think about ideas. He needed to sell his house at any cost. He knew that it was hard but not impossible. He needed that money. He had two sisters & in village they had one big house. He needed to earn money & for it selling that house was important. He wanted money so he needed to do it. He was so tense but he kept smiling positively. He needed to smile. He wanted to run his business smile was essential. He knew that his client expected him smiling happily. He needed to find pleasant thoughts. He always sold his products by his positive attitude. He earned so much out of it. He looked around. His flat was so nice. He managed to make payments of instalment until now. His family was proud of his success. Until now he stayed with his parents. His parents never agreed to sell this old house. But after their death he wanted to sell it. This time he just managed to make payment. His business was nice but not so great. He felt so nervous due to it. He needed to pay all his instalments once. He was waiting for some customer with desperation. Rakesh didn’t want agent. He didn’t want to waste money on paying commission. He decided that he could do advertisements on internet. If he needed he could waste money for them. He just wanted to manage all by himself. When he purchased this house, he used agent & he felt so cheated by it. At beginning they were nice with him. But then when he asked for one extra day in last instalment their voice became threatening. He was so angry. He called his agent but instead of supporting him that Agent just said angrily “ If you don’t have money why did you selected that big flat? I was showing you smaller one!” He felt so nervous & upset. His heart was stressed. He said slowly “ I was paying money I just needed one day. Don’t worry I will manage.” That agent said “ Great.” Then his call was disconnected. Now he didn’t want agent. He just wanted to sell that house. He began to place Ads. He was very excited. He kept doing it until late in night. Then he went to sleep. He needed to wake up & work next day. It was so stressful. But still he slept peacefully since he found few inquiries immediately. He was so hopeful. Next morning he once again returned to his business. He needed money & he didn’t want diversion. Once again he got positive. He began to plan everything. He convinced many clients & joked with colleagues. He was full of confidence & positive. He was so happy when he began to live that world. He felt certain of his victory & mostly he got it too. But now a days sometimes uncertainty entered in his life. Suddenly one client asked “ Are you selling your old property?” He nodded. “ Actually it’s not useful anymore. I need to keep paying taxes & no one is there to clean.” That client gave tricky smile. “ I hope no losses in business.” “ No..no sir nothing like that. Sir just purchased new house.” His staff said. His staff knew how to handle clients very well. After this whatever doubt might his client had in mind would be vanished. He gave approving look to his staff. They once again they returned to business. Once again they managed to get deal. They were managing deal after deal. But it was not enough. He knew that it would take some time to earn money. He needed to complete all. He hoped that his property would be sold soon. Suddenly his staff came near him. His cashier asked “ What’s the issue Sir? We are earning okay.” “ I know but I need to pay those large instalments & they didn’t adjust even for one day.” “ They never do. We can’t tell them to wait.” “ I know. I did mistake by asking. They began to threat me. It was so odd. Any way I paid immediately. I just needed to break one Fixed Deposit. But now I want to pay all instalments in one time.” “ That’s excellent idea. Just sold old property divide in three parts & pay all.” On that point Rakesh saw Samira entering in office. She was typist. She was simple & smart. But in his eyes she was most beautiful girl on earth. He wanted to marry her but he never dared to say. He could sense increase of his heart beats when she came. He felt strange restless feeling. He didn’t want to feel nervous but he came. He sensed all staff was watching him. Rakesh controlled himself & said “ Soon I will sold my old property then that flat would belong to me.” Samira smiled. Samira “ Sir do you found customer for that property?” Now he sensed that answer was no. He said “ I have just placed ad.” “ It will take time.” Immediately other staff in office came in his support. Samira didn’t seem to care. She just nodded in agreement & went back to her chair. She began to work in a way as if it was regular day. She never showed dislike towards him but she never came to him in a way that showed she loved him. It was all hanging just on hope of one day. He felt so sad at that thought. He returned to his task. He said slowly “ Let’s go back to work. Quicker we complete better for us. Client will pay soon.” All agreed & he sensed that all staff was distracted due to this conversation. They all wanted him to remain & look rich. Their future was dependent on him. They didn’t want to lose job. He smiled happily & said “ Don’t worry. I am not going in jail for skipping instalment.” They all laughed. Then they all once again started to work. Their entire life was depended on it. They were feeling so nervous. He knew that it was not going to happen. He might lose his house but not business. He could rent small house but this business was everything for him. He was so nervous. He didn’t understand what was happening. He began to get restless. He was so confident but suddenly he began to feel shadow of darkness around him. He needed to control it. He ran to washroom. He took deep breath & told himself that everything was fine. It was so disturbing. He kept watching himself in mirror. He was clearly crying. He needed to control himself. But he couldn’t. He saw tears was falling from his eyes on his cheek. He kept rubbing it. He waited for long time. When he felt certain that he had control over his emotions he watched mirror. He created sweet confident smile & he came out.
Samira was so tense. Her parents were arranging her date with another boy. It was always problematic. She was happy at idea of getting married in beginning but now slowly she began to dislike it. She knew that it was so complicated. Those boys had their demands & she couldn’t fulfil them. She began to get nervous. She wanted to keep this job. But then she began so upset when those boys started to tell her to change job & earn money for them. It was so stressful. She began to feel inferior step by step. She didn’t need this inferiority complex. She wanted to feel positive. She decided that she would stop dating. In fact she never started it properly. Life was not giving any positivity to her. Samira just wanted to work in office. She liked it. But she was tense now. Her Boss Rakesh purchased big house. She was happy about it. She always wished best for him. He deserved nice girlfriend & wonderful house. Samira never understood why he didn’t find a girlfriend. He was nice. She smiled to herself then she controlled her. She didn’t need to dream too much. She was nothing before him. He might admire her for days but if they get married he would surely discover her inferiorities. It was one thing to enjoy some time in office & it was different to settle down. She looked up. Then she noticed Rakesh. He was smiling but she could still feel some pressure in it. She knew that Rakesh Sir was not normal. She didn’t want to interfere in his personal matter but she felt concerned & she was so sad. She stood up & went towards Rakesh. Rakesh immediately smiled. He wanted to look happy & confident before her. Rakesh “ How are you?” “ I am fine.” Samira watched him carefully. She could see little dark circles around his eyes. She didn’t understand but it was hurting her. She knew that he was tense but he was fighting situation. It was essential. She knew many clients were offering him jobs. He could just take easy way out but he was not ready. Samira didn’t understand what she supposed to feel. Frankly she tried to relax him. She smiled & added “ Why are you so tense about that old property? I will arrange one client if you need.” He nodded. He said “ I will surely like to find one client.” “ My Uncle will take it but he is odd man.” He laughed. “ I am just selling him my property I am not shifting in one house with him.” Samira laughed too. It was odd. He wanted to propose Samira but he was clearly telling her that he was not planning to have any close relationship with her Uncle. Rakesh wanted to take back his words but it was too late. Samira slowly opened her mobile. She was not so sure but she said “ I will show your advertisement to him.” He smiled. He returned to his work. He was confident whole time. He was smiling & he was happy. Then finally time came to go home. On that point he felt little bit nervous. He needed to find a customer for that old property soon. He went to parking lot. He sat in car & took out laptop. He began to work on it. He began to search for different sort of advertisements. He soon found interesting advertisements. He got so lost in them that he totally forgot to check out his own Advertisement. He began to see prices & he sensed that they were costly things. He needed to save money not waste it. He began to feel he just needed to concentrate on his advertisements. He began to sense that he found few inquiries but none of them was interested actually in purchasing. It was frustrating, He needed customers at any cost. He was so tense. He didn’t wanted to cry but he started anyway. It was so odd. Rakesh’s sister Aparna decided to visit Rakesh. Aparna was so happy. Her husband told her that she could give her share of old property to Rakesh. She wanted to do that but her in-laws were taunting. Her husband supported her. She was so happy. It was nice that finally she could give some money to Rakesh. She knew that Rakesh needed it but he didn’t have it. She went towards his house. She was so happy. She knew that it was late but today her children went on trip so she could stay with Rakesh. She already took permission of her husband. She was so excited. She started to knocking on door. She kept doing it for sometime. Rakesh didn’t open. Finally after sometime he opened. She was happy but her smile immediately vanished. She saw that her brother was having dark circles around his eyes. He was looking so exhausted. He didn’t wanted to cry but he began to cry. She was so shocked. She immediately hugged him & asked “ What happened?” He smiled & said “ Nothing.” Then in some time he started laughing. It was so odd. She didn’t understand change of his expression. It was so different & sudden. He began to say “ I was in mood of mischief.” She nodded. Then he noticed her suitcase. “ So finally you got permission to stay with me!” She laughed nervously. Rakesh was telling truth. Aparna knew that she was no longer moving as per her wishes but a married woman needed to do that. Especially when she was not earning! She couldn’t question other’s decisions. She needed money & positive comments from society. She had children. She could find nice future for her children only if she managed to impress society. She needed good life partners for her children too. Aparna said slowly “ I needed to adjust with my family..” “ I know.. I know your children need better life partner than the one which you found.” She was so shocked & hurt. Rakesh was so bitter today. He was never like that. She began to regret her decision to come here. She slowly asked “ What happened?” Rakesh hugged her & said “ I just wish you shouldn’t have married to that man.” She hugged her brother back. She knew that he was right. She took wrong decision by marrying. She could have waited but on that point all looked so exciting. She just couldn’t change past. She smiled & said “ Let me cook..” “ No you are not going to cook. Now during your stay you will enjoy with me. No work just fun.” She agreed. Then they talked for long time. It was such pleasant experience for them. After so many days they enjoyed each other’s company in this way.
Rakesh was so happy when he was talking with Aparna but in his soul he was hurt. He could sense it. His happiness was just feeling of outward. Inside his soul he was not attached to pleasant thoughts. He was sad & restless in his soul. He didn’t want to confess but he was so sad. He was no longer interested even in searching customers for his old property. His old property was not important for him. He suddenly began to feel he needed to just let this house go. He talked with Aparna. Then he went in his room to sleep. Now Aparna had her separate room too. He went in his room. He once again wanted to cry. He couldn’t control himself. He kept feeling this way. It was so scary. He didn’t want it to happen before his clients. He knew that it was not possible. Next day he woke up in usual style & went in office as he always did. He was so stressed by entire situation. But outward he was smiling. He did his job perfectly. Whenever he felt sad he created some excuse & went in washroom. It worked perfectly. He kept coming out with happy face. Aparna came & went away. She promised to forget her share if he managed to sell his old property. He just nodded. It was not helping him much. He was no longer interested in selling that property. He decided to visit it. He waited for Sunday. He was boss so he couldn’t get complete vacation but still he managed to get some. He decided to take that time off. He had mobile to do work if needed. He drove long way. He was alone & he was feeling so relaxed. He drove peacefully. He began to desire peace in his mind. He wanted to laugh freely. He suddenly began to sense he wanted to cry freely more. His entire life was so much suffocated. He never did what he wanted to do. He kept compromising everywhere. He wanted positivity in his life but it never happened. He was always felt as like locked in cage of emotions. He needed to be brave for all. His sisters were totally owned by their family. None of them permitted to help him. Now this time Aparna came but he felt her husband surely had some plan for her in return of this favour. Life was not moving the way they wanted. He was so sad. He began to drive out of area. He decided to sit on empty unknown place. He was relaxing on grass. He started to forget all. He wanted just positive in his life. But he kept getting negative feelings in soul. His entire life was moving in wrong way. He sat for hours in that empty grass field. He knew that people were watching him in odd way. But he didn’t care. He kept sitting there until he didn’t sense sky was dark. It was soon going to be night. He didn’t want to drive in darkness so he came back. He cleaned himself & then he slept. Next day he looked towards his face. Once again he managed one plastic smile. He went in office. He did his best to hide his feelings in soul. It was getting worst for him step by step. He wanted positivity in his life. But he was just pretending. He did all his work perfectly. He was doing all but still he could see all staff around him was observing some changes in him. They were asking him “ What’s wrong?” Slowly he began to sense same thing. But he thought that was just instalments. Then one day Samira came with one old age man. That man seemed very energetic. Soon he understood he was Samira’s Uncle. Samira’s Uncle immediately wanted that house. He wanted to argue but Samira’s Uncle was not ready to listen. Soon he called his sister & all was settled in no time. Samira’s Uncle smiled sweetly & gave him receipt of payments of his instalments. He said “ I can’t take that.” Samira’s Uncle smiled & said “ If Samira trust you, I trust you. Now I will at least have your share.” He nodded. “Then it was time for celebration.” He nodded. Soon they went out. Samira, her Uncle & he all entered in restaurant. After some time her Uncle mentioned movie. Samira told her favourite. He liked it too. Samira’s Uncle booked three tickets. They all went in movie theatre. But soon Samira’s Uncle made excuse & left. It was clear. Samira’s Uncle wanted privacy for them. He began to talk with her. He started to feel positive. He sensed one thing. He wanted to marry her. But he knew still he kept feeling that negativity. He returned home but still he had negative in mind. Finally he had enough. He gave a call to his Doctor friend who suggested Psychiatrist. At beginning he felt nervous. Then slowly he started to feel positive about all. He needed help if he wanted to feel relaxed. But that positivity was temporary. He decided to just call & took appointment. He was confused but he didn’t want to take risk. He told himself everything was fine. He got appointment after 15 days since he wanted a suitable date. He was happy. He felt all would be fine. But next morning he woke up & he suddenly began to cry. He didn’t even remember his fear or dream but it was in his soul. He began to get nervous. He sensed that he was scared without cause. It was odd. There was no reason on that day. Still he went in washroom & cried. When he went in office he smiled. He pretended his best. But when Samira came to talk with him, he didn’t encourage her. He was scared to propose or marry with her. He knew that he was not normal. But she slowly kept looking towards him. She was hurt. He knew but he was not normal. He couldn’t commit to her. He once again went away. He went towards washroom. But it was locked. He had no option to go out & he could go in elevator & cry. He went towards it. Samira was at beginning about to return at chair but then she decided that she needed to ask. She went out. He was going in elevator & she rushed in it. He was so stressed by blocking his emotions that he couldn’t control when he saw her on last moment. He started crying. She was so shocked. She kept consoling on that point elevator stopped & client entered. Luckily after watching that scene client didn’t understand his mental issue. Client thought something wrong had happened. Client kept consoling too. He managed to pretend. Then slowly he told Samira all. Samira started insisting that he must make emergency appointment. He agreed. Samira convinced & they got one. Samira called person of office & just told that Rakesh was sick. Then they left.
Now Rakesh was smiling & telling her that he was fine. But Samira was not convinced. He went inside with full confidence. But then Samira sat outside. Soon she started to hear him crying. She sensed that he was just pretending. She felt so scared & nervous. She wanted to help him. Then she called inside Psychiatrist told her that he was suffering from Anxiety disorder. Samira asked “ Why?” Before Psychiatrist could say anything. Rakesh said “ My life is becoming big problem for me. My sisters married to wrong men. I couldn’t correct it. My parents kept taunting me even after their death I can’t give that inferiority.” Samira gave sad look. She just asked Psychiatrist “ He will become fine?” “ Soon. When you plan to marry? I must cure before it.” She blushed & he gave nervous smile too. Then they fixed next appointment & came out after making payment. He slowly took hold of her hand & said “ Let’s fix date of marriage.” She just nodded & then they went back to office for making announcement of their plan of marriage.
The End
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