An emotional man
Pratap began to think about his day. He wanted to feel positive about it. He was married to his first love. He was supposed to be happy. He had two sweet kids. He was so happy with his life for years but then his father died. His father never lived with him. But still in his soul he always appreciated him. His father was great man in his eyes. He never able to expressed it to his Dad. He was so nervous & shy. No one sensed that he couldn't able to say it. They all felt that he didn't feel it. But he had feelings too. But he never able to tell them. It was so upsetting. He knew that he never able to tell his Dad that he wanted to stay with him. His Dad never showed interest too. His Dad enjoyed his independence. Pratap wanted his Dad to stay with him. But his Dad never did it. His younger brother managed to buy house near his Dad's house but Pratap didn't have that much budget. It was so upsetting. Pratap wanted to earn more to go near his Dad but he couldn't able to. He felt so upset. But he didn't say it. His wife Rucha was from rich family but still she managed to live with his income. But daily she kept talking about her parent's house. She kept going there to get financial help. He knew that he didn't ask still every day she brought something in home. It was for kids. Rucha said " Their Uncle send it out of affection. I can’t say no to my brother.” While her brother didn’t seem to think same way, he began to point out how did his sister always felt so uncomfortable in that house due to lack of things. Pratap was so upset. He wanted to argue with Rucha. But Rucha was not listening. Her brother made it clear that Pratap must earn more or let him help his sister. Pratap didn’t understand what her brother was trying to do. On one point her brother tried to tell Pratap that his wife was asking things from brother which was wrong. But on other point he was telling that Pratap must not stop it. Pratap was so frustrated. His kids were always fond of their Uncle. Their Uncle showered them with gifts while Pratap didn’t have much to give. His house needed payment of instalment then every item needed payment. He tried so hard to get enough but it was not enough. Rucha felt that he didn’t make enough while his brother was earning so much. He didn’t understand why did all went wrong. He sometimes felt that he should have taken some other degree but then he observed that degree didn’t matter. Finally people needed to have something special. He didn’t understand what special qualities were needed but he knew that he didn’t have them so he decided to just accept it. He kept living his life in this house. He kept calling his Dad. But conversations were small & limited. He wanted to chat but sadly he didn’t understand what he supposed to talk. His Dad never tried to increase conversation too. His Dad never seemed much interested in chatting with him. He used to call daily but that call would be for just two minutes not more than that. He wanted attention of his Dad. He felt so upset. Finally his Dad died. He never able to express his feelings towards his Dad. He always remained shy. He could never able to say it. He kept trying to express feelings. Slowly he started to hope that he would one day learn to express them. He felt so sad. He knew that his father was not coming back. On day of funeral his brother cried loudly. Every one went to console him. They all kept saying that his brother was so attached to his father. No one even mentioned him. He kept feeling as if he didn’t exist for them. They all felt that Pratap didn’t feel anything. He felt so worst. But his face had strange sort of smile set on it as if he was welcoming some guests. His wife Rucha came to him & said “ Why you are smiling like this?! Someone is dead you must keep your face sad. I know your father was old so it is not that much shocking to you but still you need to look sad. It is essential.” Pratap was so upset. He wanted to argue but suddenly his Mom called. He ran inside to attend her. His Mom always understood him. She could understand language of his eyes. She kept hoping that one day Pratap would talk like her other son. Pratap never able to do it. Pratap always kept his feelings locked. Pratap kept them under control in his soul. But after his Dad’s death he began to feel as if something inside him had died with him. He knew that he was perfect but still he felt as if he was going to die. Every morning he felt that he was not waking up just his corpse was waking up. He began to feel that he was already dead. He was no longer going out anywhere except for his job. Few days ago his office staff went for picnic. He just created nice excuse. He told that his child was sick which was totally fake. He never lied like this about his child. He just didn’t understand when he started lying like this about his children. He knew that it was bad. He must not speak like that about his children . It could bring evil on them. But he didn’t understand why he wanted to avoid that outing so much. He felt that he didn’t want to laugh. He just wanted to cry. He needed to cry. He didn’t want happiness around him. He didn’t understand why he wanted to punish himself like this. He could enjoy his life if he wanted to but he didn’t understand why he was stopping his enjoyment. He was so upset. He knew that he needed to enjoy. But he felt as if he was just waiting for death. He shivered even at thought of death. Still he wanted it. He didn’t understand what was happening with his mind. He didn’t understand. He wanted to die with his father. But he had never shown such affection towards him. He had his family. His Dad was old. His Dad never lived with him. In fact he had doubts if his Dad truly even loved him so much. He was not sure. He was so sad & confused. He didn’t understand what was happening. He never fond of his Dad so much that he could do suicide due to his death. He didn’t understand why did he felt so sad now. He knew that he needed to start his life. He decided that he would enjoy that day. He had many leaves pending. He decided that he would took leave from office. He called his Boss to tell it. Boss was not happy but Boss could understand so he got leave. He smiled. But suddenly he began to feel sad again. He didn’t understand this sorrow.
Rucha was arranging everything in kitchen. Rucha married to Pratap due to situation in her life. Actually Rucha was dating a boy who got married to other girl. Rucha’s family was upset by it. They wanted her to be settled but she didn’t manage it. She didn’t manage to marry that boy whom she was dating so it became worst nightmare for them. Everyone was asking what went wrong. She was crying on daily basis. She knew that she needed to control her emotions but she was not ready to accept her failure. She wanted to marry that boy whom she loved. She knew that she was best. She always felt that way. She knew that her extra confidence managed to damage her relation. She never felt that he would left her. She knew that she was rich & beautiful so she didn’t need to feel scared. She began to feel that no one could steal boy she liked. But life was tough for her. Her boyfriend managed to find new girl with help of his family. That girl was providing him prosperous chance in career. She was so shocked when he told her about his wedding. She asked “ But I thought you will marry me?!” “ I never promised anything like that! It is just normal fun. We were girlfriend & boyfriend for college days! I never thought you will think something big like marriage commitment out of it. All kids around us having that kind of fun. But none of them married.” She screamed angrily “ Stop lying! Many married!” He gave her angry look. “ I am not planning to marry you.” She was so angry. She wanted to slap him. But he was so rich. She knew that it could prove risky. She knew that she couldn’t force him to marry her. She didn’t say anything & ran home. He got married & everyone questioned her. She needed a nice husband so she decided to marry Pratap. Pratap belonged to different circle so perfect change for her. She felt that it was going to help her. But she didn’t feel it after facing it. She felt that she needed to find rich husband. She needed to find someone who could have provided her better. Pratap was nice man but he was not rich. She needed to adjust with budget. Her brother was against this marriage from beginning. Her brother was telling her that she needed to wait. She was not ready so she married to Pratap. She tried so hard to adjust with his financial level but it was not happening. He didn’t manage to get enough money. She kept hoping one day he would but that day never came. He kept earning less. But now he was acting strange too. He was acting so aloof. He didn’t went to picnic. She didn’t understand how long they were planning to keep this sorrow for death of his father. It was at least a year & he was acting as if his Dad died yesterday. She wanted to say it but she didn’t dare. She didn’t want any argument between them. She just brought one nice TV set from his brother she didn’t want him to object it so she decided that she wouldn’t question him. But kids started complaining. Kids wanted to live normal life. They all felt it when his Mom, wife of dead man went abroad for vacation. It seemed as if she got over it too while Pratap was still in sorrow. It seemed as if he was going to drag it forever. She needed to stop him. Even today he was in room from morning. She was hoping that he would come out to go to office but he didn’t even came out for it. She was so upset by entire situation. She wanted to him to at least sense that he was doing mistake. He must not act like that. It was so upsetting. He was destroying their life. She waited for him to come out. He didn’t come then she went inside. He was sitting in corner watching in air. She tried to look in direction but she was so irritated. When she married him, he was not rich but he was at least normal. But now he seemed a mad man. She didn’t want to get married to mad person. Her brother was already taunting her about this marriage. Yesterday her brother was suggesting that she should join company again. Her father had two companies. Her brother owned one & another was handled by her father. Now her brother wanted her to take it. Her brother didn’t want more responsibility. He said “ You need money then earn it. I am giving you company & I know you have skills. Forget that husband! He is not normal man.” After that funeral everyone was looking towards Pratap in strange way. Pratap was not normal after it. He never went to any function. He even avoided engagement of his niece. Every one was so shocked when he didn’t appear. His brother was angry. His brother clearly said “ You are tolerating his nonsense too much. You need to draw line.” Every guest asked about him. Kids were upset too. Kids didn’t like this attitude. She didn’t mind but she knew that something was wrong. She had no option so she went near him. She asked “ What happened?” He said “Nothing!” It was always fixed dialogue. This time she decided to drag it further. “ Do you want something special to lunch?” She asked while assuming that he was not planning to go to office. He said “ In this sorrow what I supposed to eat?” She was so upset. “ What sorrow? Everything is perfect in our house. In fact we had nice wedding few days ago.” He looked towards her with shock. She gave one bitter smile & said “ Remember wedding of your niece!” He suddenly came to his senses. He nodded. “ Yes..yes let’s go to movie today. I took vacation just for that purpose only. Let’s enjoy!” She smiled. She was so happy. He understood without telling. He told her to get ready. She smiled & ran in her room. She took out her clothes. Then she started searching for kids clothes too. She knew that kids were going out too. They all wanted to watch movie. She was so happy. She could handle money clutch. Now her brother offered her one company too so she could manage easily but she needed one thing that was normal husband & now she was sure that she would manage to get it. Pratap accepted his mistake himself so now finally it was over. She started crying due to relief. Finally her life was normal. She was happy that it was perfect. She was so pleased.
Pratap planned all. But he suddenly began to feel so stressful. He needed to decide movie. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. He forced himself. He was so confused. He kept feeling so upset. Then he heard excited voice of Rucha. She was telling to book tickets for kids too. He managed to create artificial happiness in his voice. He took deep breaths to control his fear & decided one movie & just booked tickets. When Rucha came in & asked “ Which movie?” He was so confused. She took mobile & started laughing. “ Perfect! You thought just about kids not yourself! They will give you wonderful gift on father’s day.” He smiled. Then he got dressed. He was so careful entire time to keep his plastic smile on face. He started to feel nervous. But soon he sensed that he didn’t need to feel scared. No one noticed his true face. It was hidden properly. He managed to go through that day with plastic smile. Then time came for romantic night. He knew that it was not easy but due to Rucha’s attitude all went perfectly. He was so happy when he finally went to sleep. Rucha was also happy. Finally her life was on track. She forgot to mention her company but she thought that she would mention it tomorrow. She was so pleased that finally Pratap was acting normal. She was so sure that her life was back on track again. But that night Pratap had strange dream. In it he was on top of building. He looked down before he could say anything his Dad came from behind & pushed him. He was falling. He screamed loudly in middle of night. Rucha was frustrated. She was expecting normal life but Pratap was now even screaming in night. She had it enough. She spoke loudly “ I don’t want to stay with you. I want divorce.” He didn’t felt sad or confused. He said immediately “ Okay.” He just turned back towards her & went to sleep. She was so angry. He really didn’t care for anything. He was ready to divorce her in few minutes. It was so upsetting for her. She wanted to argue but then she was too exhausted. She decided that she had enough. She said quietly “ I will pack bags & leave away house with kids tomorrow.” He said nothing. Next Morning when he woke up, she was already out of house. He wanted to cry but he didn’t feel sad. He started going office regularly. He never called her. Finally her lawyer called him. She didn’t demand anything from him except divorce. He agreed to all. He knew that he was not good husband. He did all procedures of divorce peacefully. But for it he needed lawyer. He asked for help to office colleague. That colleague discussed his trouble. “Pratap you can get lawyer for Divorce but you need a psychiatrist for yourself too. You are stuck in one sorrow.” “ But my Dad died long ago.” “ Sometimes this happened with emotional person.” Pratap started laughing loudly. Entire office looked towards them with shock. Pratap wanted to control himself but he couldn’t. He kept laughing like that for five minutes. Every one tried to calm him but nothing was working those few minutes seemed like hours. He couldn’t stop himself. Finally he stopped. His Boss called Doctor. Doctor came in office checked him. Doctor gave medicine to reduce stress & advise immediate appointment of psychiatrist. Pratap went home that day. His home was empty & he was not even sad about it. Since he was always sad, he totally forgot when he was happy last time. Finally he was given long vacation. He was so scared that he might lose job but that was not the case. He cooked food himself. He ate it. Then he went to sleep. Whole time he kept watching ceiling. He didn’t understand what was wrong with him. No one seemed to understand him. Even his Mom was confused now. He felt so sad. As time went ahead he began to hope that he would find way just to end his life. But luckily his appointment was on next day. He decided to give psychiatrist one try. He went to visit. He began to tell everything step by step. Psychiatrist listened to him carefully. Psychiatrist “ Who told you that you are not emotional?” “ Every one says that.” “ People can’t judge person properly. Someone who could express feelings considered not emotional which is wrong. Many times those emotions remained locked in soul & then they came out in wrong way. Like your emotions came out. You are not getting over your trauma since you can’t able to express it. Did you cry on your father’s death?” “ No...I laughed.” “ And then people taunted so you locked your emotions when they were coming out?” He nodded. “ Trouble started due to it. Person always don’t react properly on each time. Sometimes people managed to confuse emotions. But we need to let them come out. You locked them & your trouble started...” Pratap listened to Psychiatrist & he felt so relieved. That night he slept peacefully for first time. He knew that he missed his family. But he liked that sorrow when it came out. It didn’t came out immediately after first visit to psychiatrist but slowly it all came out. He was divorced man but he was happily divorced man. He sometimes visits his kids. They enjoyed going out with him. They were separated but they didn’t hold grudge. Rucha remarried but he didn’t so soon kids started to prefer staying with him. He didn’t mind & Rucha didn’t objected so he managed to become successful single parent too. He sensed one thing that he was emotional man. But he just didn’t understand that he was. He knew that from first day he sensed that Rucha married him as compromise. He didn’t like it but he never felt that it would create so much impact on him. He knew one thing that he was happy out of that marriage. He couldn’t live with wife who didn’t love. He could live alone. Now he could laugh as loudly as he want or he could cry as much as he want. He was no longer locked in self made cage.
The End
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