Seema’s perfection
Seema was sitting by river while watching it’s tides. They were so peaceful and nice. She knew that it was just for vacation but she wanted to save it in her mind forever. She wanted to feel that happiness in her soul. It supposed to be nice. But she sensed that something was wrong. Her feelings were getting confused. She wanted to feel happy. She didn’t want to remember stress of her job. Suddenly she sensed hand on her shoulder. She turned back. Arun was standing behind. She smiled happily. She came here on vacation. It was so wonderful. She could sense that pleasant feeling. In city she couldn’t see birds the way she could locate in this small village. Arun always selected best thing for her. He knew that she needed a change so he decided to go for this village. It was so beautiful and peaceful. This village was clearly refreshing to heart. She knew that it had all qualities which she desired for peace of mind. She wanted to feel normal in her mind. But she didn’t. She kept thinking in different ways to bring peace for mind. She knew that this small village was full of them. She saw that natural dust and rocks. They were so pleasant. She smiled towards Arun and he came towards her. It was so perfect picture. It seemed like something out of perfect movie. But her heart was skipping. She was sensing that life couldn’t be this perfect. She was so sure that something bad was going to happen. She stood up and ran towards Arun. She hugged him. Arun smiled and said “ What happened?” “ I am feeling so scared. I feel so sure that something wrong was going to happen.” Arun smiled more nicely. Arun “ Come on. This is not movie. This is just normal life. Bad things didn’t happen always in life. Sometimes people live happy life.” She didn’t feel that she would live normal life. Her heart was telling her that something worst was going to happen. She began to shiver. Arun was so confused. He tried to understand her thinking. Arun “ I feel you are upset since we kept our kids in home. We never stayed so far away from kids for such a long time. But kids are safe. They are with their grandparents.” “ Come on. Your Mom and Dad are not so alert. What if our daughter or son decide to go to some friend’s overnight party and something wrong..” Arun looked so angry. Arun “ Stop it. I told my parents not let them go to overnight party and our kids are not so stupid that they will do something like that?!!” She sensed that she managed to upset Arun. Arun didn’t like when she talked against his parents. And this time she was talking against them without cause. She knew that she was doing wrong thing. She should not blame them without any reason. Her in-laws were very responsible people. Everyone trusted them. She knew that many times they planned to keep kids with them. But she decided to bring kids. She wanted kids to spend time with her. On this time kids decided to stay in home. They didn’t want to come so she didn’t have much option. She needed to keep them with their grandparents. She smiled and apologised “ So sorry. I am just too much upset.” Arun smiled again. Arun “ You are Mom so you have soft and emotional heart but don’t let it become obstacle for our kids. It should become support for them.” She nodded. She didn’t want to become that Mom who kept irritating kids. Her Mom was like that she used to dislike her. She began to feel so much. She didn’t understand that why did she needed to act like this. She was so nice as Mom. But now she felt scared of everything. She knew that she kept irritating kids so they wanted to avoid her. She looked at Arun with sad eyes. “ I am getting worst day by day. Sometimes I feel kids hate me!!” Arun looked shocked. “ How did this nonsense came in your brain? Kids adore you. They wanted to enjoy their summer camps so they stayed you know very well we will stay here for long time.” She was so confused. This time she didn’t ask Arun about length of this vacation. In fact Arun insisted on keeping it secret. She didn’t question it. Now she realised that this vacation was supposed to be big one. Arun “ We all observe you keep working and getting stressed. Never manage to find opportunity to relax so we decided to take vacation. We need time to relax.” It was so wonderful like some dream. She used to like such things but now things were changed. She was no longer so sure that she wanted to stay away from home for such long time. She made many arrangements. She didn’t want to disturb them. She was even tense about her servants. She kept them all as per her planning now everything was going to be changed. She kept feeling so upset. She began to feel tense. “ I don’t know if you did right by planning such long vacation!!” She said this but she immediately regretted it since Arun was clearly upset. He knew that he did all for her. She didn’t want to hurt her. She knew that she was becoming pushy Mom and now she didn’t want to prove irritating wife. She kept her best to try control her wrong habits. But sadly they kept coming back. She knew that now Arun was going to get upset. She smiled and said “ I mean I don’t want you to suffer by hard work due to me!” She managed to change issue entirely. Arun smiled. He was happy by her statement. He began to feel that she was truly admiring his planning. He was so pleased that she managed to value his plan. It was really interesting. She was working so hard for such a long time to please him. Now she knew that what she supposed to say to please him. She knew that it was her duty to keep everyone happy. She always tried her best. She began to smile happy when he looked on top of the world. He wanted everything to be perfect for her and she began to pretend that it was perfect. Suddenly she sensed that her life was not perfect her absent minded nature was biggest trouble for her. She managed to create normal life only when she stopped forgetting important things. But she kept forgetting which put her in more troubles. She took deep breath and started telling herself that she needed to act properly. She began to smile towards Arun but she was scared in heart.
Arun felt so happy. He wanted to see Seema smiling. He always noticed her tense. She never looked relaxed. He knew that this vacation might effect little bit to his job. But his Boss gave him vacation willingly. He deserved it. He always worked so hard. He never paid much attention to Seema. She was always working so hard in background. She managed his family and her family. He never needed to pay attention to anything regarding them. She did all. She was so hard working. He always appreciated it but he never able to show it. But this time every one supported him. They all decided that she needed some time off. It happened when their daughter Isha noticed for first time that she was panicking. Isha was getting ready for birthday party of her friend. It was big occasion. But Isha was not so obsessed with it. According her it was just normal party. Seema was working so hard to make it perfect. She kept searching magazine after magazine for perfect picture. She needed to find design of dress which looked great. She ordered it. She altered it. She tried to make it perfect. Isha wore it for five times to please her perfection. Isha was upset due to wearing it again and again. But she smiled and agreed. Since Seema requesting her with such emotions that Isha couldn’t say no to her. Isha was literally on verge of crying entire time. It was so upsetting. She didn’t understand why did Seema was getting so tense. Finally day of party came. Isha began to wear dress but suddenly it’s button was broken. Isha felt that it might due to her hairpin. She did big mistake. She first tied her hair then she began to wear dress. Seema was clearly more upset than her. She kept telling her that it was all her fault. Isha told her to calm down. Soon Isha sensed that she was getting breathless. It was totally scary for Isha. Isha shivered with fear. Instead of going to party Isha ran in kitchen. She immediately found some water lemon juice in refrigerator. Isha found one glass and managed to pour it. By this time every normal task was becoming hard one for Isha. Isha never saw her Mom that sick. Isha gave it. Seema drank it. Then Seema started insisting that she would stitch dress. Isha was so frustrated. Isha didn’t even wanted to go to party. Her Mom was sick and she was not in mood for social gathering. That party was not much of fun for Isha. She just went there to look normal to people. If she sat in home, people might call her a loner and it could give her bad reputation. Isha was concerned about getting nice boy for marriage. Isha was already instructed by her parents that she needed to appear nice and humble before people. Isha was obeying it like good girl. She wanted nice boy too. She kept dreaming about boys. She didn’t like any boy from her class that much. She needed some nice boy. She was hoping that in some party she might find him. She kept dreaming that day when wonderful boy looked towards her. He possessed kind heart. He was clever one and rich too. Then she began to think all was not possible. So she could compromise one quality it might be look or cleverness or rich background but kind heart was important. It was so wonderful to dream some man full of all qualities but she knew that it was not possible. She managed to accept it. At beginning she used to search in parties for her perfect man. Now she began to feel so tired. Last time she liked one boy. He was paying attention to her. She was so happy but then you understood that he had affair with many girls. They were saying that he was chain smoker and alcoholic. Her all dreams were shattered. She was so upset. She didn’t want that to happen again so she didn’t kept much hope after that. She avoided boys in parties. She didn’t want any unknown boy near her. She kept just talking to boys who were known to her. She was not interested in parties anymore. Isha wanted to stay with Seema. But Seema didn’t want her to spoil her day. It was so complicated. Isha “ Mom I will not go.” Seema tried hard to make her breath normal but it was not working. Then she said slowly “ I..I.. am.. am..” Isha stopped her from talking further. Isha “ Don’t talk. Did this happen first time today?” Seema wanted to lie but it didn’t seem to help. Seema moved her head negatively. Then Isha called a Cab and took her to Doctor. Seema wanted to avoid but she knew that when Isha decide something nothing could stop her. Doctor did check up and recommended some tests. Then Doctor asked “ When did you took vacation last time?” Seema started to remember. Isha told immediately. “ Three years ago. After it our important years started so vacation became a dream.” Then Doctor put on his spectacles. He gave serious look to Seema and said “ You need to relax. You are getting tense. You need vacation. “ Seema didn’t want to take one but still she nodded. Seema just took list of medicine Doctor recommended. But in end Doctor said “ You deserve vacation not medicine. It will cure you.” Isha nodded. Seema nodded too. But Seema began to forget that advice soon. But Isha didn’t forget it. Isha went to Arun and told him everything. Arun felt so guilty. He never thought that he managed to ignore Seema so much. He began to feel tense so he discussed it with colleagues. They all suggested that he was working too much. When he told Boss even Boss agreed. Of course he needed to keep laptop and kept working. He was ready for it. Since he knew that Seema loved to sit near water for hours. He could easily do work during that time. He was happy to notice that internet was working properly in this village. He confirmed it before planning this vacation. He decided to keep it for one month. He deserved it. He worked so hard. He got position. In fact he was still working from home. Boss was happy with him. Everything was perfect except one thing. His main motive to keep Seema happy was not achieving success at all. Seema was still upset and sad. She needed to get over it soon.
Seema sensed one thing that Arun did this all for her. She knew that Isha was scared when she got breathless. It was not that much shocking but common for her. Isha never saw her this way. She always managed to hide her anxiety from her. But this time it all came out before her. Seema didn’t want to but she couldn’t able to control. Seema was feeling so sure that Isha would get perfect boy in this party. She knew that he would change their life. She knew that it was going to be best opportunity for her daughter. She was so scared that she would upset it. She could have given her another dress. Her daughter Isha was beautiful. Her dark complexion had wonderful fine. Her skin always managed to glow like gold. She knew that she was mother but she was not saying because she was mother. Few people from advertisement world even asked about her. Seema was so happy. But Isha was not interested in acting. Seema felt that she must not force. She got beautiful daughter who would get handsome husband.But many people in society kept telling her that Isha needed to apply many face creams or beauty parlour treatment to change her complexion. Those suggestions were shocking to Seema! Why did she want to change such beautiful complexion of her daughter. Arun once said clearly that those people were jealous of Isha’s beauty. Arun had skill of ignoring those people. But Seema get so much angry when they taunted her daughter. At beginning she felt that it might be regarding racist towards complexion but her myth shattered when her second daughter Tina born. Tina was fair complexion one. But Tina was plum. So they kept taunting her regarding her weight. Isha was mature and she didn’t take things to heart but Tina was emotional one. When one person taunted her about her overweight, she began to diet. She started vomiting food. It was worst phase of their life. They were tried to convince her but nothing was working. It was so hard. Finally Tina started eating. Tina began to accept her physique. It was nice too. Every one didn’t have same complexion or physique. But people kept taunting all. It was so hard to accept. Seema sensed one thing that parenting was hard task not because her kids had any bad quality but since society had many bad prejudice which were destroying their future. She always kept sensing that Isha was always conscious and nervous regarding her complexion even when she pretended that she was not and Tina was always upset regarding her weight gain. Tina always said it to all on face. But Seema knew that Isha was getting hurt too. Seema wanted to protect her daughters from Society. She wanted to make them confident and happy. But she kept feeling that she was failing in it. Now in this vacation she was ignoring all those issues. She was feeling so guilty. They started to walk towards cottage which they took for vacation. They were walking side by side. She was not looking at his face. She was watching ground carefully. He was observing her. He didn’t understand why did she needed to be so tense at every moment. She was that way from beginning so he felt that it was her nature. He never understood why did she needed to work so hard to please everyone he never understood but he saw her always trying hard to win positive remarks from people. She used to do many things to please his Mom. He still remembered how did her Mom used to keep demanding and she kept fulfilling. One day his Mom asked her “ Don’t you feel tired of doing all for me?” She didn’t say anything. She just smiled and changed subject. But Arun knew that she was not just tired but exhausted. Still she never stopped. She always kept working hard. It was so frustrating. Arun wanted her to relax but she never did. He tried to tell her but she kept saying that he was always busy this way she remained busy too. On that point he needed to concentrate on career. He never sensed that her trouble would increase so much. It might be due to their daughter Tina’s trouble too. Tina was okay now. But they were not sure for how long she would remain that way. He chatted with his friends about it. They all were suggesting psychiatrists. But he knew that Seema wouldn’t agree. Seema would feel scared. Seema never allow Tina to visit psychiatrist and he couldn’t do it without Seema's help. It was so upsetting. He needed to relax her first then he needed to tense her again. Their life was moving in wrong way. He didn’t understand where did they made mistake. But they did all in right way. He didn’t locate any fault. He was busy but he needed to work. Now he began to feel that he needed to spend his more time on family to compensate it. He kept looking at Seema. Finally he decided to began talking. Arun “ Did you remember our honeymoon?” She looked nervous and shocked. She would never forget those wonderful days. She smiled shyly. Arun was so happy. She had same innocence in her. He kept watching her carefully. It was perfect moment but then suddenly it shattered. She began to look tense again. He didn’t able to find any cause. Everything was looking perfect and same. But she was feeling so upset. It seemed as if someone punched her. She began to look around in nervous expressions. He didn’t understand cause. But then he sensed that few tourists were walking near by. They were talking. They were not talking exactly about them. But they were discussing about increasing crowd of village. They were saying if people kept coming this way one day it would become town too. They wanted reduction in tourists. They wanted it all for just themselves. They wanted their village once again peaceful. Seema was so upset by it. Arun knew that it was offensive but people kept talking like that. Seema suddenly turned to him and said “ These people dislike me. Let’s just go. They must not feel upset.” He was shocked. He didn’t understand why did she needed to care for their feelings. He asked angrily “ Why did you feel so concerned? They are not your relative?” He was clearly jealous without cause. Then she began to cry and ran towards cottage.
Seema was trying hard to make all perfect but it was turning wrong way. She managed to upset Isha and now Arun was upset too. She didn’t understand what was her mistake. She was trying to her best to please all. She began to feel that she might had smile towards those men. She ran towards cottage. She didn’t understand what was happening. She wanted to act perfect and she was acting most wrong. She was feeling so upset. She went in cottage and she started crying. Arun came running after her. He kept apologising but nothing was working. She was so upset. She began to sense that she was biggest burden. She didn’t understand when did she become that way. She didn’t sense when her entire life was damaged. She kept crying. Arun came running after her. He knew that he said something totally wrong. But he didn’t expected her crying this way. Arun “ I am sorry. I got upset without cause.” She suddenly turned towards him. She was looking some strange not like her normal self. He didn’t understand what was wrong with her but he knew that she was not okay. She began to say “ I am just burden to you. I must kill myself. You can find new wife.” “ Are you out of your mind? I was jealous. No doubt. I will say sorry. Every person does mistake.” “ I don’t feel you did any mistake. I feel I am useless. I know it. I must kill myself. How could you marry again if I am alive!” He was so shocked. He wanted to argue but before he could. She took knife from table and she started telling “ I must kill myself. It was so sad and painful but I must do it.” He was so shocked. He noticed her depression but he never thought that it would go this far. He shivered with fear. He was in an unknown place and she was trying to kill herself. He knew that no one would help him here. Cops might feel that he murdered her. Aruna screamed without second thought “ Don’t kill yourself. Cops will arrest me for murder.” She started laughing in strange way. She said “ Fine. I will kill myself on suitable place.” He understood that he said something totally wrong. Arun tried to change his statement but she was already hysteric. She was screaming on top of her lung. She kept feeling upset. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her. She was just too angry. She started cutting herself with knife. He tried to stop her. He began to scream for help. But he was not sure who would come near that lonely cottage. Finally she gave up. She managed to cut herself on many places. He was also injured in that struggle. He immediately called family Doctor and told him all. His family Doctor told him to relax. Doctor told him that he would call ambulance. Seema was quiet again. She started crying loudly soon. She once again began to blame herself for everything. He didn’t like her swing of moods. He took deep breath but he couldn’t relax. She was behaving strange way. Now she was saying sorry again and again. He was so upset. He was so scared. He didn’t understand what was going to happen. She managed to create mess in entire cottage. He was not sure who would come first Cops or ambulance. He was so scared that resort manager would take some action. He was crying and asking her Why did she had to do this. He was on verge of losing sanity too when ambulance came. They immediately opened door with help of resort staff. They all came inside. Resort staff was confused. But they didn’t question. They were taken to hospital. It was so upsetting. Arun was feeling so relaxed when he opened eyes in hospital. Finally his pain was gone. It was due to painkiller. He was so happy. Then he saw his parents and daughters. He was so happy. Then his Mom and Dad came near him. His Mom said slowly “ She need psychiatrist.” He didn’t ask who. He knew that she needed. He nodded and said “ Is it possible to start treatment now?” His Dad “ They actually want to keep her in hospital.” Arun felt so sad. But he nodded. He could hear sound of crying of his daughters. He looked at Tina. He knew that he needed to show Tina too before it became too late. He wanted to go but he was too weak. He began to feel okay in two days. He went to Psychiatrist with his two daughters. Psychiatrist was welcomed them. Seema was sitting on chair. She was looking fine again. She smiled. Arun was so happy. He missed her smile for such long time. Psychiatrist explained “ Your wife was suffering due Generalised Anxiety disorder. It was due to her problems before marriage. She is okay now. But you must keep bringing her.” He nodded. Then Psychiatrist continued “Seema was talking about Tina other day.” Tina looked nervous. Psychiatrist smiled and said “Don’t worry. This is eating disorder. Common in many girls of your age. I will manage it all. But you need to talk with me like your Mom.” Tina nodded. Arun was happy that she agreed. Arun started to talk about giving them both treatments. Psychiatrist agreed to it. Arun was happy that finally it was going to end. He looked at Isha. Isha seemed happy too. Then they all went back home. This time Seema didn’t seem to be concerned about what did neighbours would say. Arun was so happy. It was Psychiatrist’s true success.
The End
