Dark circles in mind
Sheetal was feeling so sad. She didn't sense cause. She didn't see any reason. She looked around. Her room was perfect. Her job was perfect. Everything was so perfect that anyone could get jealous. She was successful bank manager. She was getting more and more profitable projects. She knew that her next project would be success too. She didn't even needed to get tense since if she didn't able to handle her Boss would surely manage leave of few days for her. She knew that everything about her life was perfect. She didn't need to get tense or sad. She started looking around her room. She didn't understand what was wrong. Suddenly she began to feel that blue colour of that room was depressing. That colour was making her sad. She knew that it was her favourite colour. But it was giving her sadness. She didn't understand why did she wanted to cry so much. She suddenly began to remember her dead grandmother. She liked her but not so much. She knew that her grandmother was not that much fond of her. She knew that her grandmother was more fond of remaining grandchildren. She was not like them. They used to talk her every day. They used to talk so sweetly with her. She was so practical. She use to advise every time something about investment. It might be ornament or flat but she couldn't stop herself from commenting on it. Her grandmother was wasting too much money on wrong investments. Her grandmother was not ready to use modern ways to increase money. She was not ready to leave her old ways. So she never liked her. She knew that her grandmother hated her. But she didn't hate her that much. She always wanted to impress her. Once she decided to impress her. She took all investment details. She went to her grandmother. She helped her for hours by explaining all. She told her how did her investment would give her more money. She felt that she was impressive but it suddenly turned wrong way. Her grandmother said " Now this will be useful for you. I am not going to survive to use this money." She was so shocked. She thought that her grandmother would like to increase her money. She thought that everyone loved it. But now things were changed. Her grandmother was no longer interested in money. She had different hopes. She never able to impress her. When she was born, her grandmother always used to tell her parents that daughter reduce money so she thought that if she increase money then she would look great. But now her grandmother didn't want money. She was so upset. She didn't understand why did she kept remembering her abusive grandmother? She was dead. She knew that other girls had loving grandmother but she didn't. Still she had wonderful parents. She had wonderful career. She was not married but it was her choice. She didn't fall in love. She wanted to be practical. She was so happy with her life until yesterday. But today she was so sad. She began to think that she might needed a boyfriend. She decided that now she would start dating. She stood up. She was feeling so low. She didn't have that much confidence on her legs. She felt that they might give up. She shivered with fear. She didn't understand why she felt so sad. It was scary feeling. It seemed as if entire doom was falling on her. She was so sad. She didn't even dare to open curtain. She felt that sky must had dark clouds. She didn't want to see it. She went in washroom. Then she started to wash her face. She looked in mirror. She could see her beautiful face. She began to admire it. Then she saw one mark of acne. She felt so upset. She was looking so ugly due to it. She knew that now whenever she went out people would talk about it. She was bank manager not beautiful queen. She didn't claim that she was beautiful but still they kept talking about her beauty. She was so talented but they were not interested in her talent. They must wanted their stupid ideas to win. She didn't understand when they would get over them. She wanted to act like professional but nothing was working. She kept feeling so upset. She began to work and then they started discussing about her look. It was horrible. She needed to sense that she was always going to live like that. But many times she felt that they didn't talk like that if it was man. They didn't discuss look of man. It was just for woman. She needed to look beautiful and promising. She was so upset when one day a client started suggesting her beauty treatment. She was telling her how to increase her money but her client was just discussing her beauty. Soon her client began to tell her that she needed to find a doctor to solve her troubles. She was so frustrated. She wanted to scream on client. But she was manager so she kept smiling. She was so upset. She didn't understand why she kept remembering it now. This was so upsetting. She was feeling so tense. She needed to sense that she had successful career and everything was just fine. She started washing her face. She felt that if she started throwing cold water on her face then her depression would vanish. It used to go away like that. Then she smiled in mirror. She began to laugh as loudly as possible. She began to feel so happy about it. She was so pleased that she could laugh. She kept doing it again and again. Then she sensed that she was not acting normal. She was acting strange. She controlled her laugh and she began to look at her face again. She sensed that something was wrong. She began to feel so restless. She knew that her calculations always make her happy. Her mathematics was her best friend. She didn't have emotions. She knew that it was temporary phase. It was having impact on her. It would soon vanish out of her life. She started watching herself in mirror. But she didn't feel that practical self inside that face. She knew that something was cracked. But she didn't understand why. She didn't remember any cause. She was so happy yesterday and she was so sad today. She was not actually specifically happy about anything. She was just normally happy. She felt so sad now. Her life was so shattered. She didn't understand it. She kept watching mirror.
Sheetal's Mom kept waiting for her. Sheetal never came late for breakfast. She was particular about everything. Mom was so confused. She didn't understand. Mom wanted to go and check but she didn't know if Sheetal liked it. Sheetal might be busy in her some important work and if Mom distrubed her then she might be angry. Mom knew that Sheetal was always nice to all but when she was calculating something and if someone distrubed her then she got angry. It was not Sheetal's mistake she needed to do it again. Mostly later Sheetal apologized too. Mom knew that it was due to work pressure. Sheetal was trying so hard to get success. Sheetal even got it but still it was not enough. Mom could see that she was not getting respect she deserve. It was because Sheetal was truthful. Sheetal didn't keep talking sweetly on face. She always tried to tell truth. She knew that Sheetal managed to save many people from financial crisis. But she never got appreciated. Mom saw many helped by her before eyes but no one cared. They always kept pretending that it was going to happen any way. Mom didn't like it. Few times Mom didn't even mentioned financial crisis of people to Sheetal. Mom was watching Sheetal working daily like machine. Mom felt so scared that one day she might damage her health. That no stop working was horrible. Even today when Sheetal didn't come out Mom thought that she might be sick. Sheetal was so ignorant about her health. Mom knew that people just saw good side of her life. Sheetal who sat in car. Sheetal who ate in big five star hotel. Sheetal who was famous. Her name was coming in magazines too. Her Mom was so happy but still Mom knew that everything was not right. Sheetal was working so fast. It seemed as if she didn't need to stop even for breathing. She knew that it was not right. Sheetal needed her life too. Sheetal needed to enjoy too. So Mom started introducing different dating services to her. Sheetal began to see profile. Mom thought that Sheetal would find hard to choose. But Mom's guess turned out entirely wrong. In two days Sheetal started dating handsome boy. Mom thought that he was great. He was not so educated but still Mom thought that he was great. For sometime Sheetal liked him too. They were going out. Everything was so great then suddenly one day he called to tell that he would come home. They thought that he would discuss marriage. Everyone was so excited. Her Dad even came early from office. He came then he gave gift to Sheetal. It was showpiece of dancing doll. Sheetal still had it in her bedroom. Sometimes Mom just wanted to go there and break it. But Mom didn't she didn't know how did Sheetal react. He was joking everything was fine. They enjoyed whole lunch then they sat in hall. He told her that his parents were talking about his marriage. They wanted capital to settle his business. Sheetal was shocked. Sheetal asked " I don't get it." " Well you are bank manager right?!" " But I can't give loan without mortgage?" " I know but her parents will give mortgage!" He didn't say anything for sometime. Then he slowly added. " I know this didn't seem fair but life is not fair. I needed money and for mortgage I needed financial source." Sheetal took deep breath. Her Dad was eating his sweet dish. Suddenly his hand shivered. It was big shock for her father. Sheetal's father was simple man. He always worked hard for his family. He loved his daughter from heart. He slowly looked towards Sheetal who was working hard to hide her tears and said " I will manage some mortgage on property of village..." Sheetal immediately stopped him. Sheetal " No Dad! It's alright." She smiled and said bye to him. That boy was so shameless than he smiled and patted on Sheetal's cheek then he went away. Mom was so shocked. She didn't understand how could someone act like this. But Sheetal smiled and said " Don't worry I will get another. No need to feel so sad." Sheetal was right. She started dating another then she shifted to another. She was not ready to settle on any one. It was so disturbing. Mom was so upset. Mom didn't understand when she would stop this. It was risky. Mom didn't like many boys out of them. But still Mom couldn't stop her. Mom knew that she was practical and wise girl. She didn't took wrong step. Still Mom didn't like the way she kept changing boys. At beginning Mom didn't mind but this time Rakesh was really nice boy. Mom was expecting successful relationship. But yesterday suddenly Sheetal called him and told him that she didn't want to date him anymore. Her this decision was out of blue. Even Rakesh was shocked. Mom was not part of conversation but she heard it from behind. She was not spying on her daughter. But when she heard mention of Rakesh name she began to imagine marriage of her daughter. But Sheetal said on mobile " I can't relax in this relationship. I want to be out of it." Mom was so shocked. Mom didn't control her emotions. That day Mom went in room and cried. She knew that her daughter was doing wrong. Rakesh was nice and faithful boy. She was breaking his heart. Mom began to feel that Sheetal might be taking revenge of her first boyfriend on her every boyfriend. Mom sensed one thing that Sheetal needed help. Sheetal couldn't go on like that. Sheetal couldn't kept shifting boyfriends. So Mom was planning to discuss today. Mom didn't want to upset Sheetal. Mom wanted to keep her in peaceful state of mind when Mom was going to discuss her point. But Sheetal didn't come out finally Mom began to lose patience. Mom slowly went towards her room and looked inside it. She noticed that bed was empty. It suggested that Sheetal was in washroom. Mom smiled. Mom was glad that Sheetal was not working so now they could discuss matter for hours. Mom sat happily on bed. She began to wait for Sheetal. She needed to show some patience. She knew that she could manage to tell Sheetal to calm down this time. She needed to talk with her. She needed to tell her that she must stop somewhere.
Sheetal was so shocked. She didn't want to remember her failures but she couldn't stop it. She kept remembering them one after another. It was worst. It seemed as if all nightmares were gathering in her mind. She didn't understand why did this happening. She didn't sense why she needed to remember worst things. She began to think that it might be because she didn't care for Rakesh and decided to break up. She needed to patch. She decided that she would do it. She came out. Mom was sitting on bed. She sat near Mom and told her " Mom I am feeling so sad. I think I made mistake." Mom smiled and said " Then talk to Rakesh." She smiled and called him. But she was shocked when other girl took mobile. It was clear and that Rakesh was spending nights with other girls. He was not as nice as he seemed. She just disconnected call. Then she cried. Mom was so confused. Mom didn't understand anything. She kept crying. Her tears were not stopping. She didn't want to go out. She began to feel her life was meaningless a big burden. She didn't understand why did she struggled so much to make it right? She was happy in her life. But she didn't understand why. Her entire life was meaningless. She didn't have anyone who cared for her. She was so sad and broken. It happened because her first boyfriend did it. Sheetal "Mom Rakesh is with another girl!" " So soon! My God! You took right decision of break up." She began to cry more hysterically. Mom was so confused. Mom knew that Sheetal kept changing boyfriends so she didn't have reputation of reliable girl. She didn't going to get nice boy so easily. Mom didn't say it directly. But Mom knew it. This was upsetting. Sheetal kept crying. Then she started to ask some pill to sleep. Mom didn't like the way she demanded something to sleep. Sleeping pills were not available in legally in normal medicine but still people manage to get many things in herbal or natural. But Mom felt finally they all had same effects. So they might had same side-effects. Mom " I feel you need to ask Doctor before taking it." Sheetal looked confused and upset. She didn't want people to feel bad about her. She looked towards clock. She needed to go to bank. She needed to meet client but she couldn't. She was feeling so sad. This sadness was so strange like some quick sand. It started taking her inside. It was dragging her in that dark circle step by step. It was taking away breath of her joy. She was so sad. She decided to sleep. She just slept on bed and kept watching ceiling. She didn't understand why she didn't want to move but she didn't. Mom stood up. Mom went in kitchen. She began to cooking breakfast. She started doing it. She began to feel that if she serve good breakfast to Sheetal then she might feel happy. She was so upset. Mom needed to do something. Mom began to search for movie Sheetal liked. Mom decided to watch it on computer. She could order on internet. She knew that they couldn't just go out. They needed to enjoy themselves inside. Mom didn't understand what she supposed to do. Mom began to call his sister. Sheetal's Auntie took mobile. Auntie immediately started talking about her troubles in that locked house. Auntie kept talking while Mom was so confused. Mom was not sure that she could trust her Auntie. She was so frustrated. She was so confused. She didn't understand why did she called Auntie if she didn't trust her. But Mom didn't. Mom kept chatting and then finally Mom disconnected call. Mom suddenly started calling her family Doctor. She sensed that she needed help of Doctor. On that point Dad entered. Dad sensed that Mom called Doctor without second thought he ran in Sheetal's room. Sheetal was Dad's favourite girl. Sheetal didn't hide anything from Dad. Dad supported her every move. Mom let him go in room without warning. Dad was shocked to see Sheetal sleeping this way. Sheetal was looking so pale and so lifeless. Dad didn't like it. Dad began to push her to sit. Dad " Come on you are getting late for bank. They can't run it without you." Her Dad started to arrange things for her like he used to do in childhood. She had such period even in her childhood. She suddenly began to slow down. She didn't understand why. Then her parents used to push her. She used to start and move ahead. But this time she was too tired. She was too lifeless. Her Dad was looking so scared. Dad " What happened honey?" " Nothing Dad. I am just too sad and tired. Do you remember that dark circle? It started to take me in. I don't think I will come out this time." She hugged Dad and started crying. Her Dad was so scared. He felt so sad. He began to feel that her daughter was falling in that dark circle again. He was so helpless. He didn't want to lose her. He was so tense. He knew that every time she came back. But he kept feeling that some day this black circle might managed to trap his daughter forever. He kept feeling so scared and helpless. He didn't understand how could he get over those troubles. He needed someone who stop it from happening. He was crying when Mom entered. Mom " I called Doctor!" Dad was shocked and angry. He didn't want world to know this sickness. He didn't want world to see her as weak person. " Why did you call Doctor?..she will be fine soon." " No.. I don't want to take risk this time. I need help. I want Doctor to examine her. She is suffering again and again. This is not her crime. It is just sickness which might come and go. It can happen to anyone. I am calling Doctor!" Dad wanted to argue but Sheetal slowly pulled herself out of his hand and slept on bed. She started watching ceiling again. She was clearly not coming out of her trance. She needed help. Dad didn't want to argue. He just kept telling her to get ready. He started showing her movies. He even started playing many funny videos on his mobile. When it didn't work he started TV. He began to show comedy then horror then reality show finally he started tragedy by mistake. After watching it Sheetal began to cry. She kept crying. Dad began to feel so scared. He began to wait for Doctor.
After sometime doorbell rang. Mom opened door and invited Doctor inside. Doctor came in room. He examined Sheetal properly. Then Doctor said " She is physically fit. But I feel she had mental trouble." Mom shivered. Mom sensed it from beginning but Dad didn't want to admit. Even on that point Dad started to argue " My daughter is strong.." Doctor gave him angry look and asked " Can't you see her condition?" Dad nodded with sad face. " Take her to psychiatrist." They didn't have much option. Next day they visited psychiatrist. Psychiatrist studied her Sheetal talked with her. Then finally Psychiatrist diagnosed her with Bipolar Depression. Sheetal was feeling so upset. When they came back Rakesh was waiting by door. Rakesh came forward and asked " Why don't you took my call? My sister told me you called?" Then he watched her face with shock. " What happened? Why she is looking like that?" Sheetal didn't say anything. She just wanted to sleep. She went in room. Her parents told everything to Rakesh. Rakesh said " I love her and I am with you in this.." then Rakesh discussed with psychiatrist about her treatment too. Rakesh smiled and said " This might seem selfish to you but I am glad that she didn't got bore of me. It was just mental trouble." Dad " We don't know. But she is in strange phase." " Just let me try. If she doesn't love me I like to stay with her as friend in her life if you agree! Until her boyfriend don't argue." Rakesh laughed in strange way. Her parents agreed. Rakesh remained truthful to her. He kept taking her to psychiatrist. At beginning she couldn't start working. But slowly she began to work. She took long time to say Yes to Rakesh. But Rakesh was patient man. Finally one day they got married. They knew that this sickness was not going to leave her but they slowly that she would forced her way out of that dark circle every time. Psychiatrist showed her way and it would help her every time. She smiled happily while Rakesh was holding her hand. She had someone on whom she could rely in worst day. If God gave trouble then God gave solution too. First she had her parents and now she had husband. She relaxed and put her head on his shoulder.
The End
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