Searching for freedom
Kiran was so excited about new mall. She was getting ready for so many days. She needed new look and change. She kept looking for changes. She was living same life every day. She began to feel need of change every day something. But nothing was changing. She kept moving same way. She wanted to do something different. She was searching many things. But she didn't find anything worth. She needed change. She kept going to same place for long time. She kept thinking about different places but nothing seemed so right and perfect. She kept thinking again and again. But she couldn't find any place which was reasonable and right for her. She kept searching for place to relax every day. She was getting suffocated every day. She didn't feel any freedom in that house. She had big family with her brother and his two kids. Those kids were cute but she didn't feel that way when they started teasing and harass her. Those kids felt one thing that she must kept playing with them whole time. She needed her time. She wanted to get those things as per positive way. She didn't want to hurt her brother but still she wanted time. Her sister-in-law Shobha never understood her. Shobha felt that her world should dance around just Shobha's kids but it was not possible. She needed her life too. She wanted her life but she couldn't manage it. She was married to young and handsome man. She still remembered her wonderful years of marriage in beginning but then he started losing weight. They found that he had cancer. It was on last stage so no hope for him. Then her suffering started. She was so upset. It was not right. She deserved happiness too. They started to tell that she must visit every hospital with her sick husband who was just making her life hopeless. She even started to doubt that he might had sense that he was sick but still he married to her to enjoy his remaining days. She began to feel so much anger towards him. She fought with him. He was so angry. She still remembered his red eyes filled with anger. He screamed " I can't tell you that I will have cancer in future. I am not liar. But you want to escape my sickness so you are creating this drama. You just wanted hope from me not sorrows." She began to feel so upset. She screamed " No you know it all along." " Fine then let me call Doctor. Doctor can tell you when I came to him. " " He will lie too. After all he is your family Doctor." He wanted to talk further but his pain stopped him. He screamed in pain. On those days his pains were unbearable. She needed to give him painkiller. She took out tablet. She avoided looking at him. She began to hate those horrible changes which cancer did on his body. He was no longer handsome man. He was looking so sick and ugly. She was no longer in love with him. She didn't want to be with him. He must had seen it in her eyes. He threw away those painkiller and screamed " Go away!!" She was so frustrated. She didn't want to be in that room with disgusting smells of medicines. She deserved better and she knew that she would get it only if she could get away from this man. She immediately obeyed him. She packed bags and went away. Her in-laws tried to convince her to come back. They told her that she didn't get anything as right of widow if she didn't take care of him. She said that it was alright. After that she was cursed and abused. But she didn't want to go back. Her parents and her brother didn't say anything regarding going back since they saw that she was mentally not sound. She kept screaming in nights due to nightmares. Her brother said " We need to act practical. That fellow is going to die Kiran didn't have future with him. She couldn't just kept sitting beside him whole time when we know he cheated us. I can't believe he didn't know about cancer before marriage." She was so happy. Her parents and her brother supported her. They felt that her husband lied. Then they never saw each other's face. Her in-laws called her on his death. Her mother-in-law called and said " Whatever happened between us should remain between walls. My son is going to die and I want you to be present here before guests. We don't want embarassment before guest. This is his last wish. He said you don't need to visit him if you don't want to see his face..." She suddenly began to feel sad. She began to remember her few happy moments. " It's nothing like that. I still love him. It was just angry outburst due to situation then he suggested that I should visit him.." Her mother-in-law seemed to be pleased. She said " Forget all and come in hospital." Then Kiran went there with her family. When she came, they all pretended as if Kiran and her husband were love birds who were willing to die for each other. He cried in her arms. She supported him. They were perfect couple. During those dying moments he seemed to just remember positive side of their marriage. She was so shocked to see his condition. She was scared to go near him. But her family insisted. She went near him and pretended. After that he survived for a month. She needed to stay with him during that time. Her in-laws insisted. Her in-laws kept telling her that he was going to die on that day but her love gave his life. She must kept staying there. She didn't need to do anything. Nurse was there and room was also comfortable. But hospital was hospital and she was scared. Still she didn't have much option. Her parents and brother wanted her to do at least that much as wife. She was forced emotionally. She didn't sense their motive on that time but she sensed after her husband's death. Her in-laws were so happy that they gave her their entire estate after their death. Her husband was their only son but there were nieces and nephews. They could have got it but she impressed them and managed to get all. On funeral few relatives tried to taunt but her in-laws stood with her like anchor of ship in storm. They said that she had gifted true happiness to their dying son. But she didn't understand what did she do. She just stayed in hospital for few hours. But she didn't say anything. She just kept crying.
Kiran was so excited about new mall. She was getting ready for so many days. She needed new look and change. She kept looking for changes. She was living same life every day. She began to feel need of change every day something. But nothing was changing. She kept moving same way. She wanted to do something different. She was searching many things. But she didn't find anything worth. She needed change. She kept going to same place for long time. She kept thinking about different places but nothing seemed so right and perfect. She kept thinking again and again. But she couldn't find any place which was reasonable and right for her. She kept searching for place to relax every day. She was getting suffocated every day. She didn't feel any freedom in that house. She had big family with her brother and his two kids. Those kids were cute but she didn't feel that way when they started teasing and harass her. Those kids felt one thing that she must kept playing with them whole time. She needed her time. She wanted to get those things as per positive way. She didn't want to hurt her brother but still she wanted time. Her sister-in-law Shobha never understood her. Shobha felt that her world should dance around just Shobha's kids but it was not possible. She needed her life too. She wanted her life but she couldn't manage it. She was married to young and handsome man. She still remembered her wonderful years of marriage in beginning but then he started losing weight. They found that he had cancer. It was on last stage so no hope for him. Then her suffering started. She was so upset. It was not right. She deserved happiness too. They started to tell that she must visit every hospital with her sick husband who was just making her life hopeless. She even started to doubt that he might had sense that he was sick but still he married to her to enjoy his remaining days. She began to feel so much anger towards him. She fought with him. He was so angry. She still remembered his red eyes filled with anger. He screamed " I can't tell you that I will have cancer in future. I am not liar. But you want to escape my sickness so you are creating this drama. You just wanted hope from me not sorrows." She began to feel so upset. She screamed " No you know it all along." " Fine then let me call Doctor. Doctor can tell you when I came to him. " " He will lie too. After all he is your family Doctor." He wanted to talk further but his pain stopped him. He screamed in pain. On those days his pains were unbearable. She needed to give him painkiller. She took out tablet. She avoided looking at him. She began to hate those horrible changes which cancer did on his body. He was no longer handsome man. He was looking so sick and ugly. She was no longer in love with him. She didn't want to be with him. He must had seen it in her eyes. He threw away those painkiller and screamed " Go away!!" She was so frustrated. She didn't want to be in that room with disgusting smells of medicines. She deserved better and she knew that she would get it only if she could get away from this man. She immediately obeyed him. She packed bags and went away. Her in-laws tried to convince her to come back. They told her that she didn't get anything as right of widow if she didn't take care of him. She said that it was alright. After that she was cursed and abused. But she didn't want to go back. Her parents and her brother didn't say anything regarding going back since they saw that she was mentally not sound. She kept screaming in nights due to nightmares. Her brother said " We need to act practical. That fellow is going to die Kiran didn't have future with him. She couldn't just kept sitting beside him whole time when we know he cheated us. I can't believe he didn't know about cancer before marriage." She was so happy. Her parents and her brother supported her. They felt that her husband lied. Then they never saw each other's face. Her in-laws called her on his death. Her mother-in-law called and said " Whatever happened between us should remain between walls. My son is going to die and I want you to be present here before guests. We don't want embarassment before guest. This is his last wish. He said you don't need to visit him if you don't want to see his face..." She suddenly began to feel sad. She began to remember her few happy moments. " It's nothing like that. I still love him. It was just angry outburst due to situation then he suggested that I should visit him.." Her mother-in-law seemed to be pleased. She said " Forget all and come in hospital." Then Kiran went there with her family. When she came, they all pretended as if Kiran and her husband were love birds who were willing to die for each other. He cried in her arms. She supported him. They were perfect couple. During those dying moments he seemed to just remember positive side of their marriage. She was so shocked to see his condition. She was scared to go near him. But her family insisted. She went near him and pretended. After that he survived for a month. She needed to stay with him during that time. Her in-laws insisted. Her in-laws kept telling her that he was going to die on that day but her love gave his life. She must kept staying there. She didn't need to do anything. Nurse was there and room was also comfortable. But hospital was hospital and she was scared. Still she didn't have much option. Her parents and brother wanted her to do at least that much as wife. She was forced emotionally. She didn't sense their motive on that time but she sensed after her husband's death. Her in-laws were so happy that they gave her their entire estate after their death. Her husband was their only son but there were nieces and nephews. They could have got it but she impressed them and managed to get all. On funeral few relatives tried to taunt but her in-laws stood with her like anchor of ship in storm. They said that she had gifted true happiness to their dying son. But she didn't understand what did she do. She just stayed in hospital for few hours. But she didn't say anything. She just kept crying.
Now Kiran's situation was strange. She had rich in-laws after their death she could be rich but now she was staying with her brother who was not that much financially. But sometimes she doubt even intention of her in-laws they might choose someone else to give their estate. Many times she felt that they just pretended affection to please guest and avoid embarassment. So she needed to think about her future too. She was planning to create her life. She was far away from that past. She needed to get away from it. She knew that she was not going to get anything from her in-laws. She could get rich only if she started to move ahead with her own plans. But she began to feel confused again. She didn't understand if she wanted to be rich? She wanted to be happy. But nothing was moving in right way. First she was confused about every step of her life. She decided to leave her husband behind because she thought that she was cheated but when her family advised she went back. She didn't sense while doing it. She began her life as widow. She didn't sense that she was no longer going to be treated same way. She felt so hurt when her family started suggesting that she should wear light colours. Her brother smiled and said " Don't worry. After few days everything will be fine. You will get over your sorrows." She was so upset. She was feeling more hurt by wearing light colours. She wanted to forget all. She was so confused. She didn't understand her feelings towards that affair. She was so confused. She never wanted to remember all. She wanted to remain unmarried. She wanted to remember only her hopes. Her husband was entry of sorrows in her life. She didn't want to remember him. She didn't want to see worst start of her life. She needed to see just hopeful dream of her beginning. She started to choose clothes. She selected dark red dress. It was traditional. She started to wear it. She wore it carefully. She took out ornaments and got ready. She went before mirror. She was looking like some beautiful bride. She kept watching herself. She was looking so pretty but she was looking like married woman. She started to feel as if she was doing sin. She felt that people might ask her questions. But she took deep breath. She decided that she needed to do it. She got ready and she went out with smile. Shobha was in kitchen but when she sensed her footsteps, she looked out. Shobha was shocked. Shobha " Why did you wear this saree?" Kiran was so shocked. She never expected such a question. She was always treated with respect until now. But today her independence was clearly questioned. Then she suddenly sensed that she never disobeyed so she never demanded freedom. She didn't choose. Her family managed to choose every thing for her. She knew that she needed demand freedom now. She gave angry look and said " Because I like it." Suddenly Shobha came out running. She began to try to block her way. Kiran was so shocked. Kiran " What did you want?" " I just want you to come in senses. You can't just walk like that!!" " Why? I am dressed properly!!" " Properly? You are dressed like newly married woman while you are widow!!" " You know very well. That my marriage survived for short time and I want to start life again." " What? Are you planning to hunt husband on road?!!" Kiran was so angry. " I will if I want. None of your business!!" " It is my business!! If you do something wrong entire community will blame us." " But it didn't blame you when you wore those western clothes which had skirts above knees?" Shobha suddenly kept quiet since she knew that she was also getting blamed for it. Kiran " You get taunted but still you do it for your pleasure so let me do it for mine." Kiran started to go out. But once again Shobha stopped her. Shobha " I don't want you to wear white or colourless clothes but don't dress up in this red saree." Kiran didn't even asked why. She just pushed her away and went ahead. Shobha tried to convince but Kiran vanished from there as soon as possible. Kiran wanted fresh air. She went down and took cab. She was so happy when she started to feel her old life was returning again. She truly needed this break. She needed to become normal again. She started to observe building from window. She saw that there were many changes which were showing modern look. She loved that city. She began to ask about different buildings to driver. That driver looked shocked but then he answered. She didn't sense that she locked herself for such a long time that she started to forget her own city. She smiled happily when driver told her about every place. It was just wonderful. He was telling about everything. She began to feel like some tourist who was enjoying tour. It was so beautiful. She was watching her own city with different eyes. She was feeling so happy. Finally Driver asked " Are you new in this city?" She smiled. She liked to pretend something different. She lied " Yes. I am." " Ohh you are from where?" She was so confused. She was not prepared for it then she immediately found a perfect lie. She smiled and said " US." She knew that this driver couldn't know about US. He didn't seem rich enough to travel abroad. It was perfect. Her guess proved right. After mention of US he seemed impressed but he didn't asked many questions since he didn't know anything about US. He just kept telling her about city. She took down name of all restaurants. She took down names of all places which she could visit. She began to admire architecture of every place. It was so wonderful. She began to think that she was truly tourist. She sensed that she just needed sunglasses to wander like tourist then everything would be perfect. She checked for money in her purse. She found some. But she knew that it was not enough. She started to look around. She found one board telling salesgirl required. She turned to driver. She asked " I like to study your culture where should I read about it?" She knew that he would point towards that store since it was big book store. She nodded and said " I will stop there for sometime." Then she entered in shop.
Kiran knew that in this dress she couldn't ask about job of salesgirl. But she needed to know about it. She had her degree but she was not planning to use it. She began to feel that she needed to live many lives. She wanted to become someone different every day. She liked this idea. She could become salesgirl tomorrow. She wanted to see that shop carefully. She began to watch different sections of that shop. She loved it. She decided to take job in it. She went to counter. Owner of shop smiled towards her and asked " Madam do you want to purchase something?" She looked around. Then she asked " Can I get that job of salesgirl?" Owner looked so shocked. Then she sensed that she was not supposed to ask it. But she was so excited. She said " I mean I am a rich tourist. You can check my ID and I want to see this city and taking job will be fun for me." " But we can't take someone like that!!" She smiled and added " Don't worry I have all my documents from India. I have just shifted and I just started to get so restless." Owner looked suspicious. She immediately took out her documents. He checked them. They were perfect. Owner " But how long will you work?" She started thinking. Then she said " One month." Owner looked confused. Then he nodded. Owner " Fine. Kiran you can join from tomorrow." "Great." She smiled and went out. Then she told driver places that she desired to see. She began to think about them. She was so happy. She liked this life. She began to dream to live like this only. She could go out every day. She started to dream that life when her mobile rang. It was call from her brother. She shivered. She knew that he was going to question her. She knew that she was not permitted to wander like that. She was so scared. She never lived her life without feeling scared of someone. She was so tense. She knew that she didn't have different house so she needed to go back in that house. She went out without thinking about results. She needed fresh environment but now she shivered. She was so confused. She should return home or go ahead with her plan. Then suddenly she sensed that she was no longer care about any one. She felt strange sense of desire of freedom in her soul. She didn't want to stop herself. She found herself taking call and telling her brother " I want to go out and search for job. I can't expect you to feed me until my death so I went out." " But Shobha said you wore.." " Dark red saree?!! Because it is job of salesgirl and they said bright clothes are needed." Her brother felt slient. She knew that she won war. She didn't understand how did she managed all this. But she managed and she was so confident. She began to feel positive about her entire change. It was wonderful. She needed to be like that more and more. She needed to feel positive from her soul. She was so happy. She disconnected call and started checking different places. Soon she selected one. She went to that point and she behaved like tourist whole time. She kept grabbing people's attention by asking different sort of questions. Few people answered them sincerely and few cracked jokes on her. But she enjoyed pretending like different person. It was so thrilling. She spent her entire day in looking at tourist spot. Then she even purchased some sevenior as memory of place. She was so confident about entire thing. She didn't feel any doubt about her actions or it might create problems for her. She went back home. She was so pleased. When she started to touch door bell, she heard voices of argument inside. Shobha was arguing with her brother regarding her sudden change. She could hear her words. Shobha was telling that if Kiran wanted to live that way, her second marriage would be better option. Her brother was saying who would find second husband. He said clearly finding first one was hard enough. Kiran was so upset by hearing this. She could find husband if she decide. She sensed that strange determination in her soul. She began to feel that she needed to do all as per her wish. She rang door bell. Her brother opened door. He looked shocked even when Shobha warned him about her dress up. Shobha looked at him pointedly as if she was saying didn't I warn you that she look like bride. Kiran decided to play along. She thought that she must play her cards carefully. She smiled and said " Don't worry. I don't need to wear these type of clothes every day. It was just first day performance. From tomorrow I wore normal clothes." Her brother looked relieved. Even Shobha smiled. Kiran was so shocked. They needed her just to change dress. It seemed as if they cared for just public. They didn't care what actually happening. They just wanted public to be happy. She was glad that with her dress it would happen. She planned to dress in simple way next day. She was so happy. She didn't sense that she was even singing when her Mom entered in hall with her Dad. They both looked shocked. Every one sensed that something was different. Her Mom spoke " Do you feel she is in love with someone?" Every one in room looked at her with shock. Shobha " But Mom she was before us whole time?!!" " It could be someone on internet?!!" " I just hope person is nice and suitable for our class." They all nodded. In their soul they were very scared. They all knew that Kiran was not easy person to handle when she set her mind on something. They all wanted her happiness. But this time they didn't feel that she was going in right way. They didn't understand how could she trust a person without gathering his information. But they couldn't just say no. It was possible that she might had came contact with him by some source so they decided to give her sometime. Her Dad said " Whatever it is she will confess after some day!!" They all nodded. Everyone decided to wait and watch.
Next day Kiran dressed in normal style but then she changed it in one shop. She purchased a bold dress. She looked at herself. She was looking so modern. She didn't like the way she was looking but at same time she even liked it. She never wore a dress which showed so much part of her body. But then her mind suddenly decided. Before she could sense what she was doing she already managed to purchase that dress. She smiled while looking at shop Owner's face. He was so shocked. She went to counter. During that entire day she kept arranging different books. She noticed that many customers were excited to see her. She began to sense so happy. Then she started this trick every day. She kept dressing like that. Soon many men started to ask her about her marital status. She kept telling them that she was not married. She began to take interest in that attention which they showered on her. She was so happy. Then one day finally a man proposed her. She wanted to say no but he was smart enough to insist it with beautiful diamond ring. She was so enchanted by diamond ring. She couldn't stop herself from taking it. So it was decided. Then that man came in her house one day. At beginning every one looked upset. But he turned out to be suitable proposal for them. They all liked him. They all appreciated. She kept agreeing to all. She was just moving ahead. Then finally day of her marriage came. She sat before mirror. She was getting ready when she sensed that suddenly that confidence was gone. She began to feel so upset. She was so confused. She suddenly began to sense that some personality managed to quit her. She began to feel that she was possessed by some spirit which left her. She came out screaming. Entire house was preparing for her marriage. Limited guests were invited. She ran out and began to tell all. " She managed to take control of my body. I didn't do anything. I don't want to marry!!" Every one was shocked. Kiran started crying. She didn't want to fall in this trap. She knew that this man was different. He was in love with her different look. She screamed "She wore those clothes not me." Shobha came running towards her. Shobha " Now what did you want? You have accepted his ring. You were dating him. This is love marriage. Why did you want to create drama before guests?" Kiran began to insist forcefully " I don't do that all. I was possessed." Kiran started to look for some clue to show she was possessed. Kiran " Do you remember I visit temple once a week?" Shobha nodded. Kiran " Did I visit it this time?" " How did I suppose to know? I don't follow you everywhere" Shobha said angrily. Shobha was so shocked. All guests were looking at them with strange expression. It was clear that everyone began to feel that Kiran was mad. Her brother came running towards her and took hold of her hand gently and said " Let's go in room. We can chat there." But she pushed him away and screamed " Ghost did it. You must understand. It was demon." Every one was looking at her with shock. Many were telling her to calm down. Few were even saying this was happening due to nervousness of marriage. But No one believed it from heart. They all sensed something was wrong. Then they all heard noises of entry of bridegroom. They all shivered. They started to get ready for their welcome. When Kiran ran out and started screaming before all that ghost did it and she was not going to marry anyone. She shivered at that thought of marriage. Every one was shocked. Bridegroom's relative began to say that bride was mad. " You can't marry mad girl." Bridegroom came towards her and tried to talk with her but she just pushed him away. She didn't want anyone around her. She was so angry. Her family tried to convince bridegroom to stop but they said that they had seen enough. His Mom " My son can't marry to such mad girl?!! You managed to hide her madness from us." Her father " She was perfect before this.." " You are lying. She couldn't be normal. Sickness doesn't appear without sign!" Kiran remembered her own word. She said same thing to her first husband. She felt so sad and sensed that she did biggest sin. She went upstairs and she locked her room. She started searching for object and she managed to cut her wrist. She thought that it would be over and she would finally ended all her troubles. But soon she sensed that her family was banging on room. Then she heard voices. Those were voices of her first husband's parents. They had came to her marriage. It seemed that they didn't have grudge against her. But she had cheated their son. She didn't open door. But then she started to see her late husband's image which was requesting her to open door. She was so sad. She couldn't disobey him. She forced her feet and opened door. Then she fall unconscious. She kept waking up and losing conscious again and again. They were saying that she was not getting over death of her first husband. But it was lie. She didn't care for him. He loved her but she didn't. She didn't understand how could they say that when she did nothing for him. But it was clear that in their eyes she truly loved him. She was trying hard to get over past but she couldn't. She wanted to scream that it was lie but in their eyes it was truth. She was so upset.
When Kiran woke up in hospital every one was around her. Her late husband's parents were waiting too. She looked at them with sad eyes and said " They said same thing to me which I said to your son. I never loved your son. They are lying. I hated him!!" His Mom said with sad face "No. You loved him but you were scared of his sickness. You were scared to see him like that. You had desire to see just beautiful side of his life." " So this is not love. Right? It might be attraction but not love." Then suddenly an unknown man jumped in conversation. " This is love but it is imperfect since you were imperfect. You were always protected. You never got freedom to study pleasant or ugly side of life. In that protected life you never saw serious sickness. Then you got married. You tasted first test of pleasant side of freedom. Then suddenly it all turned into worst sorrows. You sense them from soul. You were not ready so you ran away." " Yes. I ran away from my love like coward!" She cried. That man " Because you are suffering from truama you can't able to see your love going away from you due to that horrible death step by step." " But my love is weak." " Few people are strong and few people are weak. We are made that way but most importantly in end you stood with him." " Just for his property!!" " You are lying to yourself. You still don't own anything from inheritance. In fact you never asked." " But I hoped!!" " We all hope some gifts as token of affection or as right. But we hope somewhere in mind we know that we might not get it." Kiran nodded. Suddenly she began to feel relaxed. That man " You are rejecting this marriage since you are not over your first love but we can manage it." She gave sad smile and said " My bridegroom already went away." That man smiled and said " He will return if he love you same way as you return to your late husband." She smiled and before closing eyes she asked "Who are you?" " Psychiatrist!!" She said slowly " I was planning to visit you for long time thank God you came yourself.." before she could say anything further she went to sleep due to medicine given to her. Psychiatrist smiled and said " Don't worry. She will be fine just postpone date of marriage no need to cancel it." They all nodded happily. Since bridegroom was clearly upset and they didn't want another mental patient.
The End
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