Death of daughter
Seema was trying to control her emotions. She didn’t want to express them freely. She was not sure that she would express them in right way. She needed to manage all on her younger sister Nisha’s funeral. Nisha was nice girl. Nisha was so cute & loving. Nisha died in one bus accident. She was going on school trip & their bus dropped in valley. All kids were dead including teachers & driver. They supposed to get her body. Her parents went to take body. She wanted to cry but she didn’t feel that way. It was odd feeling. She didn’t understand what was happening. She began to get so tense. She knew that they wouldn’t get proper body. She heard her parents when her Dad told slowly to Mom “ I will go alone. Her body is not in proper condition..” Mom screamed “ No I am coming. I am her mother. I want to see her for last time.” Then her Mom started crying. She was standing alone in corner. Clearly no one cared about her. She was no longer important to them. She was so confused. She didn’t feel that she was important to them on any point. They loved Nisha. She began to get restless. It was so stressful. She knew that her Mom always loved her more than Nisha but now that Nisha was dead suddenly she sensed that her Mom loved her more. Her Dad was never fond of her. Her Dad always admired Nisha. She began to feel so upset. She didn’t understand why she needed to keep remembering how did her Mom cried for her sister. Nisha was dead. Surely her Mom was going to cry for her dead daughter but she felt strange that she didn’t seem to feel it was okay. She knew that she was acting so selfish. She sensed that something was wrong with her. She needed to understand. She was telling herself again & again. She needed to understand but she didn’t understand what. It was so odd. She was feeling so angry towards everything. She knew that she must be missing her sister. Her every relative suggested it. She knew that she used to spend all time with Nisha. She knew that she never hated Nisha. She didn’t understand why did she suddenly began to hate her. Her Dad loved Nisha but she loved Nisha more. She was so close to Nisha. They always went everywhere together. But this time it was just her picnic. Seema didn’t went. Seema felt so upset. She didn’t like the way they kept talking about Nisha. She wanted to tell them stop admiring Nisha. Nisha was not so precious. She knew that it was wrong way to think. She began to think about Nisha. She started to remember. One day Dad bought one dress. It was so pretty. It was her favourite colour. She loved golden yellow. She was so happy. She wanted it but Nisha suddenly came ahead & took it. Nisha began to say “ I think it will suit me a lot more that Seema! I am so slim.” Seema didn’t say anything. Seema was plump. Seema hated whenever it was mentioned. Seema started to feel so upset. Seema needed to think positively. But she was feeling so stressed. She started to remember wrong day. So slim & beautiful Nisha died. She survived. She was fat & ugly according to all. Nisha was dead. She knew & she started to think about her positively once again. She was feeling so upset by all. She didn’t understand what she actually wanted. She was thinking but she came to her senses when she heard loud crying voice of her Mom. She shivered. Her Auntie kept hand on her shoulder. She saw that Nisha’s entire body was hidden in cloth. It was clear that they didn’t want anyone to see her face. They didn’t even took body out of ambulance properly until they didn’t make sure that entire body was hidden properly. She felt so stressed. She wanted to see body. She decided to ask. She went to her Dad. “ Dad I want to see Nisha!” Her Dad gave her angry look & screamed on her “ Just go away.” She felt so upset. She just went in her room. She locked door & started crying. She needed to feel relaxed. She was feeling so upset & rejected. She didn’t understand why they kept screaming on her. Nisha was dead but it was not her mistake. Her Mom was feeling so stressed. Her Mom was crying & she was not in proper mind. But Seema wanted to see Nisha. She didn’t understand why. She wanted to see Nisha’s face. She went out again. They were arranging body. She went ahead & she started to remove clothes from face. One person tried to stop her. But she screamed “ I want to see her face. She is my sister! I have that right on her.” Few people started to touching her & telling her to calm down. She was very angry. Her Dad screamed on her “ Enough go to room. You are always spoiled. She was nice girl not like you.” She felt so hurt. She didn’t say anything. She just ran in her room. Few people ran after her. She locked her room. She knew that was in their heart. She knew that they loved Nisha more than her. She knew that but she didn’t want to hear it. She was so upset. She locked door. But all were knocking it. She knew that she couldn’t keep it close. They would break it. She didn’t want it to be broken. She slowly open door & came out. She began to get so restless. All started telling her how important she was for her parents after Nisha’s death. She knew that it was not true. In fact she didn’t want to replace Nisha at all. She was feeling so helpless. She needed to live life with worst thoughts. She managed to take herself away from her thoughts. She managed to control herself. She kept thinking one way to another. She was in that room but at same time she was far away in some unknown world. She knew that they were talking to her. She was answering automatically. But nothing would have effect on her mind. She needed to keep her mind away. She was so stressed. She needed to relax her soul. She did all her rituals properly. She didn’t even look towards body. She didn’t care for Nisha anymore. Then finally it was over. Suddenly her Auntie hugged her. Auntie said “ You can stay with me for day?” She didn’t say anything but she wanted to go away. She was not sure what she supposed to say. Then suddenly her Cousin Tanuja hugged her & said “ Come! You are so important to me.” She was so relieved. But suddenly her Dad screamed from behind “ Seema don’t stand outside so much. Come inside. Take care of your Mom.” She didn’t said anything. Just she said “ Bye.” Then she closed door.
Seema was so upset. She went in her room & sat there. She began to feel so stressed. She didn’t went in her Mom’s room. She didn’t want to help anyone. She suddenly began to look in her dresses. She found out one modern dress. It was too modern so her Mom never permitted her to wear it. She no longer cared what her parents felt. She wanted to live her life. She started wearing it. She looked towards herself in mirror. She was looking something different. She looked like some modern girl. She never wanted to look like that but now she suddenly began to think that she might wanted to look like that. She wanted to enjoy her life. Until now she always considered what her parents would say but now she was so confused. She didn’t understand what was right & what was wrong for her. She began to get upset. Her desire was so odd. But still she got dressed that way. Then she called her friend. She asked “ Are you planning to go in some Pub?” Her friend stammered. Clearly she didn’t want to go with her. “ Come on. Tell me.” Then her friend said in angry voice “ I don’t go to Pub. Your sister just died! You can’t go to Pub!” “ I can & I will.” She got dressed. She came out. No one was in hall. She took some money from her Mom’s purse & went out. She decided that she didn’t need friends to join her. She could find friends inside Pub. She went there & sat. Soon she sensed that all came with their group & no one was particularly interested in her. Many boys looked towards her with interest but then they went ahead. They had their girls waiting for them. She was not even interested in dating some boy. When waitress came she ordered fruit punch & snacks. She came there but she was feeling so scared. She ate & drank then she went out. She didn’t understand why she tried this. Clearly this was not something she desired or liked. This was totally upsetting. She came back in her home. Clearly no one noticed even her absence. They were so involved in their sorrows that they didn’t sense when she was not there. She went back in room. She got dressed in normal way. She saw her friend called her. She returned call. “ Are you alright?” “ Yes.” “ So you drop idea of going to Pub…” “ No I went there but no one seem much interested in me.” “ What? Boys were there.” “ Yes. But nothing special. They have their friends!” “ Do you sense what you are saying?” “ Yes!” “ They will not approach you on first day Seema! They have girls with them but slowly they will.” “ Now don’t act as if you are my Mom! I don’t feel I just lost sister. I feel as if I lost my entire family. My Mom Dad no longer care for me. They just wanted their dead daughter back. I am just burden for them.” It was so horrible for her. She couldn’t control her tears any more. She started crying on phone. Her friend suddenly got so nervous. She could sense it with her breathing. It was so odd. She didn’t understand. She decided to just say bye. Seema said “ Bye.” Her friend wanted to talk but she just disconnected. She didn’t want to talk anymore. She went in kitchen. Suddenly her Dad came from behind & screamed on her “ Just cook something for us. You are such burden. Are you planning to find some job?” She felt so tense. She didn’t want to find job. She preferred to get married. “ Dad I want to marry after completing my education.” Her Dad gave her a look which told her that she was most useless thing. “ Nisha was so much better. She was planning to become Doctor!” She knew that it was nearly impossible. Nisha was not so intelligent & her Dad was not so rich. Even if Nisha had managed to get admission in science before her death she shouldn’t have managed to get admission to medical. Nisha was not so smart but her Dad always pretended. Now Nisha was dead so it was so easy. She didn’t say anything. She began to cook lunch. She knew that now she needed to manage all. Her Dad kept abusing her. It was so frustrating. Finally her Mom came. Mom “ What is going on? Why did you need to talk like that with her? Nisha died that was not her mistake.” “ Yes it was your mistake. You permitted her to go to trip.” “ Stop it. She wanted to go! I just said okay. She was going to those trips for years. She was okay for years.” “ But I was not agreed from first trip. Why didn’t you send Seema on it?” “ Since it was school trip & Seema is not in school! Are you out of your mind? Why does you want to send Seema on it?!” “ Since I want to see her dead, I want my Nisha back. I don’t want her!” Her Mom was so angry. Her Mom pushed away her Dad. She said “ Get out! I don’t want to see your face.” “ This is my house. You can’t throw me out. You can go out. In fact I can throw you out.” “ You can’t. I am your wife & she is your daughter. We have legal rights too.” Seema was listening to all this. She was so frustrated. She didn’t understand what was happening with her mind. But she suddenly felt a change. She began to laugh. She said “ Come on Dad. You are too old. You need to die instead of Nisha. You are already retired. You are not even earning. Just burden on family.” She said it in totally different way. Her parents kept looking at her with shock. Her Mom said “ What happened to your voice? Why you are speaking like that?” She began to laugh & dance in strange way. She began to act as if she was in some pub. She began to tell DJ to make music loud. She didn’t understand why she was doing it. But her body was not just in her control. She began to dance like someone on dance floor. Her Dad tried to stop her. But she just dragged him & began to dance with him. He kept screaming but she didn’t stop. It was terrible. Finally security person of Society came on their door with one neighbour. They kept knocking. Suddenly Seema managed to stop herself. She felt so embarrassed. She just ran in her room. By this time her Dad was totally breathless. When her Mom opened door, all came running near Dad. They declared It might be heart attack. They called ambulance. Seema entire time remained inside her room. She didn’t understand why she kept wanting to dance again & again same way. She knew that soon she would start dancing again.
Seema’s Mom agreed to take her Dad to hospital. She didn’t tried to take Seema with her. Seema’s Mom noticed all that was happening. She saw Seema went out in those odd clothes. She didn’t say anything to Seema since she felt it all started due to her Dad. Nisha was nice girl but not so nice. Seema’s Mom knew that Nisha used to go to Pub at nights. Nisha was problematic girl in her Mom’s eyes. But for her Dad she was great. Since Nisha used to impress boys. Mom felt so upset that at such small age Nisha already started dating boys. Her Dad approved it so Mom couldn’t object. Her Mom felt that it was diverting Nisha from studies while Seema was so studious & nice. But today Seema was not acting normal. Seema’s Dad managed to do it. From starting Seema’s Dad always kept targeting her. Her Mom didn’t understood cause properly. But Seema’s Mom felt it was since Seema was not willing to date whichever boy her Dad decided. Seema wanted to live her life in her way. Seema was nice girl. She was little bit plump. She was little overweight. But it was not effecting her beauty. She was beautiful in all angles. Seema’s Mom was so scared that due to her Dad’s attitude Seema might took some wrong decisions. Seema’s Mom just came near Seema’s room. Seema was holding herself from dancing but she wanted to dance again. It was clearly visible on her face. Seema’s Mom slowly told “ Your Dad had heart attack.” Seema wanted to laugh but she controlled. She just nodded. She hated her Dad so much. She was feeling so happy in her heart. She was hoping that he would die. She just kept nodding. Her Mom went away. Her Mom waited for Ambulance. Finally it came. Seema began to dance slowly by then. Her neighbour could hear sound of foot steps. He was curious but he couldn’t look in Seema’s room. It was room of woman so it would look indecent. Seema’s Mom was thanking her stars for it. Finally Ambulance came. Seema’s Mom went to Seema’s room to tell her. But Seema was not there. Her Mom started to search her. Finally neighbour came to her & told “ Don’t worry. Seema is in kitchen drinking soft drink & eating snacks. She is enjoying TV. I feel we don’t need to make her tense. I just told her that we are taking her Dad for normal check up & she seemed to believe. Let’s just go.” Seema’s Mom nodded. She took purse & her cards. Before closing door she screamed “ Seema I am going.” Seema came out running. In strange way she forced on pastry in her Mom’s hand & said “ It’s tasty you must try this. You must be hungry.” Neighbour took it from her hand & said “ Don’t worry. Mom will eat it. Now go & eat yourself too. Keep this door locked. Don’t open.” Seema smiled like some model posing for photo shoot. She was trying to look attractive even on that point. Luckily their neighbour thought that she was trying to hide her pain. When they sat in Ambulance her neighbour said “ I feel Seema is looking little different too.” Seema’s Mom “ She is acting little odd.” “ I feel you might need to check her too. I mean she was smiling in odd way.” Her Mom nodded. Finally they reached to hospital. They admitted Seema’s Dad. It was not heart attack just Anxiety attack due to stress. Doctor gave medicine & told her that they needed to keep him for few days to run few tests. They wanted to confirm everything was fine. Seema’s Mom nodded. She needed to tell this to Seema so she called. But Seema didn’t took mobile. After long time Seema took it. Seema’s Mom clearly heard loud music behind. Her Mom could sense that she was not at home. Her Mom screamed “ Where are you?” Seema started laughing. Her Mom suspected that she was drunk. Her Mom was so shocked. Her Mom asked once again “ Where are you?” This time she spoke name of Pub & disconnected. Her Mom was so tense. Her Mom knew that she needed to go to that Pub & bring her back. Her Mom needed to stay in Hospital too. Finally she decided to tell to Doctor. Her Mom called nurse. She started crying. Nurse sensed intensity of trouble & Nurse kept calming her. Finally Mom told her all. Nurse called one ward boy who had finished duty. Nurse said “ He will come with you. Don’t worry he is from psychiatric ward. He knew how to handle such patient. Her Mom said slowly “ But my daughter is not mad.” Ward boy gave one look which told her that she was fooling herself. Seema had big issues & as her Mom she needed to accept them. She said “ Fine let’s go.” They went in that Pub. It was worst place in Seema’s Mom view. She was so scared but that ward boy went ahead. He showed his Identity card & told “ There is one patient here.” “ Patient?” Now staff looked concerned. “ Show Photo.” Ward boy look towards Seema’s Mom & said “ Photo?” She gave confused expression. “ Photo of your daughter! Need to find her. You have it in mobile.” She nodded while trying to hide her tears. She showed it. Immediately they pointed towards one spot. Seema was dancing with many boys. She was not in sense. Her Mom was so angry. She was about to slap Seema. But Ward boy stopped her. “ Don’t do anything harsh here. They will get upset.” He pointed towards manager & staff which was watching with full attention. She nodded. Then she went towards Seema & said “ Come on. Let’s go.” Seema looked towards her. Then suddenly she pushed away those boys. Those boys were trying to hold her but that Ward boy stopped them. Finally Seema came out of Pub. Her Mom was so upset. They took her to hospital. She was drunk but when Ward Boy called Psychiatrist & told all. She was permitted to go inside. Psychiatrist talked with her. Then he told Seema’s Mom those medicines which she needed to take. Psychiatrist told tests which were required. Seema’s Mom asked “ What happened to her?” “ Well due to trauma of her sister’s death. She is beginning to develop personality disorder. But this is just beginning. Don’t worry. It can be handled.” Seema’s Mom nodded. Then Psychiatrist suggested “ Why don’t you send her to her Auntie’s house for some days? She will come here from there.” Her Mom nodded. She knew that Seema’s Dad was cause of trouble. Psychiatrist slowly added “ I want to keep her away from her Dad for sometime. She need to become strong mentally to face him.” Seema’s Mom nodded. Seema’s Mom called her sister. Auntie immediately agreed. So that day Seema went to her Auntie’s house. When Seema went inside, she didn’t even look back. That her Mom sensed that she might had lost both daughters. One due to accident & another due to her husband. Seema’s Mom knew that she couldn’t change destiny. So she returned to hospital. Now she needed to tolerate her husband which was not going to be easy. But she was ready for it. In one way Seema’s Mom was glad that Seema was away from this at least for sometime.
The End
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