Searching for memory
Rose was watching TV happily. She was enjoying her day. She knew that she deserved it. She worked so hard on that project when she suddenly heard one sound of banging. It was so irritating. She kept hearing it again & again. She didn’t understand who was doing it. She just wanted to stop that person so she went out. Then she sensed that no one was living in this building except her. All went away. They said that this building was risky. She knew that she couldn’t go. Her son was going to come from school. She needed to wait for him. She knew that it was not easy. She needed to do lot of things to make this place worth living. But she knew that she must not go. She needed to stay. Her husband Tushar had left long ago. He was crying & telling her again & again that they needed to move ahead. She didn’t understand about what. She was not stubborn by nature. She always adjusted in her life. She didn’t understand why she needed to shift from this building. She was happy in it. She didn’t understand from where she heard that sound. She looked towards her building. It was perfect. Then suddenly she sensed that it’s floor was shifting. She wanted to steady herself but she couldn’t. She was nervous & upset. She knew that her building was perfect. She screamed loudly. Then she woke up by touch on her shoulder. Tushar was sleeping beside her. Tushar gave her sweet smile. He reserved specially when he wanted to calm her. Then he said “ What happened honey? Go to sleep.” She just sat in bed. She started to look in room. She sensed that wall were perfect. There was not anything wrong. She said slowly “ Floor was falling!” Tushar gave one more nice smile & said “ It’s just nightmare! Go to sleep.” She nodded but she was so nervous. She didn’t understand from where she developed this dream. She knew that her building was perfect. It was renovated sometime ago. She didn’t understand why did she felt that floor was damaging. It was perfect. She started to remember what happened. She couldn’t remember. She kept thinking. She began to remember all step by step. She sensed that she couldn’t remember all. She looked towards her husband. She knew that he was her husband so clearly she had not forgotten all. But she didn’t remember something. Then she was sure that it was important. But then she started feel breathless. She began to get upset. She looked towards Tushar & asked “ What happened to me?” He looked confused. He smiled & said “ Nothing.” He slowly started to straighten her curls. She knew that he did it when he was scared. It was his way to relax himself. He always straighten her curls as if with them his problems would be straighten too. She always objected it. But then after some time she started to accept it. She was so stressed now. She asked “ Am I sick?” He turned his head negatively. She didn’t understand why she didn’t remember something. “ I feel as if I have forgotten something.” Tushar hugged her & said “ Just forget it & go to sleep.” She didn’t understand but she decided to go to sleep any way. She woke next morning. She started her day as she regularly did. She kept doing everything in kitchen carefully. She kept cooking. She did all she needed to do. She did breakfast then she packed one tiffin. She tried to find tiffin of their son but it was not there. She started to feel so confused. She didn’t want to tell Tushar that she didn’t remember where their son was. She went in their son’s room in morning. She saw that it was entirely empty. It was clear that their son was shifted. She remembered that they were planning to send him to hostel. But she didn’t remember sending. Then she slowly started to remember. She remembered how did she managed to fix one nice hostel. She remembered setting of that hostel. It was so nice like five star hotel. She never thought that hostel could be so nice. Then she kept out. She read list of food items. It was wonderful. Tushar was convinced that they must send him. But she was still confused. She insisted checking test of food items. She went in canteen & tried food herself. It was wonderful. So their son was in hostel. But she was still didn’t understand. All items of their son were missing. For hostel they needed to just pack limited this. Then she remembered their small storeroom cum balcony. She smiled. Of course she managed to shift them there. She was so happy that she remembered. She packed favourite food for Tushar. She smiled towards him. She looked towards him. He was looking so old & sick. He never looked like that before. She knew that they were no longer younger couple. But he was looking different as if he was holding inside some deep pain. She began to remember it again. She was so sure something was missing. She knew that she needed to ask but he was looking so hurt. She didn’t ask anything. She heard door bell. She immediately went to door. She saw her brother & his wife was standing. She was so shocked her brother never visited her that much. It was so shocking. She sensed that she was not remembering something important. She needed to confess but she didn’t dare. She loved Tushar so much. She felt so scared that if she proved mad then Tushar would leave her. She was mother of his child but she still felt scared. She knew that she needed to be perfect. She wanted his love for it. She needed to be perfect. She was so stressed. She couldn’t remember a thing. She didn’t want to break her perfect marriage. She knew that now she didn’t have anyone’s support. She used to take support of her parents but her parents were dead. She remembered it perfectly. She remembered their funeral. She needed to arrange all. At that time her brother was in abroad. Her brother shifted after their death. She knew that brother wanted just property not responsibility. So until their death she managed all. Her in-laws taunted her many times. But Tushar said that they got share of property too. Her parents gave them one land. It was giving nice earnings so all needed to stop taunting. But after this she understood one thing her brother was not going to help her. She needed to pretend. So she controlled her emotions & created expressionless face. She decided that she would talk least.
Rose opened door for her brother Rohit & his wife Sheena. Rohit & Sheena came inside. Rohit didn’t say anything. Sheena started tapping on his shoulder. It was gesture which always suggested that he needed to speak. Rohit nodded towards Sheena & spoke “ We came to tell you. We are going back.” Then Rohit slowly gave her keys of parent’s house. “ You can keep this.” Then he slowly gave papers then they both left immediately. She was so confused. She didn’t understand. Why Rohit gave her keys of that house? Tushar came from behind & he watched those keys with full attention. Tushar “ So your brother gave us that house?” She nodded. She sensed that he was indicating something. She needed to know but she was not going to ask. She just looked away & went in kitchen. She was so confused. She didn’t understand what was happening. She knew that something important was missing from her memory. She decided that she needed to ask about it to someone. She didn’t find that person whom she could trust. Someone who didn’t tell it to Tushar that she was having this problem. But she was sure everyone would. She started to try hard to remember. She began to think slowly. She remembered all. She remembered everything. She didn’t find anything was missing from her memory. She was so upset. She went in bedroom. She was so shocked when she noticed that Tushar was not going to office. She couldn’t control herself anymore. “ You are not going in office?!” He controlled his emotions & said “ I resigned!” She was so shocked. “ But now how could we survive? I don’t have job! We need to make payments for our son’s hostel!” Now Tushar looked shocked. Tushar “Hostel?!” She started to feel confused too. Rose “ Yes our son is staying in hostel; isn’t he?” He stood up & checked her forehead for temperature. He said “ You are fine! You don’t have fever!” She smiled & said “ I am perfect!” “ Then why you are asking such a strange question?” Rose was confused now. Tushar “ I don’t need to quit job. They should have fired me if I have not resigned. It was so problematic. Our son managed to damage all.” She was so confused. She didn’t understand what happened. “ We send our son in hostel!” Tushar was so angry now. Tushar “Which Hostel? We never went to hostel..” Rose remembered all perfectly. Rose “ We went to that...what was it’s name?!..Yes Great talent Hostel!” “ I never heard this name. I am not even sure that this hostel exists.” Everything was so confusing for Rose. She wanted ask but she was feeling so tense. She finally asked “ What happened to our son?” Tushar was so nervous. He started to sweat. He began to get breathless. He tried to speak but he couldn’t. She began to feel so scared. She told him to sit & called Doctor. Doctor came immediately. Doctor checked Tushar & called ambulance. Soon ambulance came. She was so scared. Tushar was getting breathless. He was admitted. He had heart attack. She sat outside ICU. She had just one question in her mind. What happened to her son? She was so upset & scared. She began to feel that she needed to ask someone. But she knew that she couldn’t. Her husband was sick but she didn’t know where her son was. It was so horrible. It was so frustrating. She needed to inform their son. She took out mobile & started calling him. His mobile rang. A man took it. “ Who is it?” She was so confused. She asked “ Tarun?!” “ No he sold his mobile to me.” She was so confused. On that point she sensed hand on her shoulder. She turned. She saw that Rohit was touching her shoulder. Rohit “ He will not come back now!” She wanted answer. She couldn’t control herself. “ I don’t understand. He is in hostel.. of course he couldn’t take call he is in hostel.” Now even Sheena looked shocked. Just like Tushar Rohit checked her forehead for temperature. Sheena said slowly “ She is losing mind. We need to find doctor for mad.” Rose was so angry. She began to scream on Sheena. Then a nurse came running. “ What’s wrong?” Sheena said “ Sorry but my sister-in-law is having mental breakdown.” Then Rose began to scream hysterically. Rose began to shake with anger. Nurse called Doctor. Soon she was taken away with help of hospital staff. She didn’t understand who was pulling her. She just wanted to be with Tushar. Then someone injected her & she went to sleep. When she woke up, she was sleeping in hospital room. She began to insist on staying near Tushar but they didn’t let her. She proved mad in their eyes. She started crying when a Doctor came near her & started talking sweetly with her. She told that Doctor. She wanted to meet her husband Tushar. Doctor nodded but Doctor insisted that after it she should get admitted. She nodded. She went to Tushar’s room. He was looking so weak & sick. She sensed that she needed to be normal for him. She slowly went with Doctor. She thought that now Psychiatrist would keep her locked but Psychiatrist discussed with her for long time. Then Psychiatrist said “ I feel you must go home today. You need to take some medicines.” “ But my husband?” “ Don’t worry. I will arrange nurse. You must improve your health.” She nodded. She returned home alone with confused mind. Now she knew one thing that her son was not in hostel. She began to think that he might be dead. But no one even talked like that. She was so confused. She looked towards keys of her parent’s house. She didn’t understand why did Rohit gave it to them. She tried to act normal. But she couldn’t. She decided to call Sheena & apologise. Sheena took her call. Sheena talked with her with extra sweetness. She could sense Sheena was not angry but scared of her. Sheena was so scared that Sheena even stammered few times then she finally asked “ Do you remember all?” Rose said “ I can’t & at this moment I don’t even want to.” She wanted to just support Tushar. She didn’t care about anything else at that moment.
Rose sat outside next day. Soon she got chance to meet Tushar. She was so upset inside but she managed to smile for him. He also tried to appear normal at his best. They talked limited. He needed to take rest. She kept visiting psychiatrist again & again. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her memory. She wanted to remember all. She kept talking to psychiatrist but she didn’t want to understand truth. She was trying avoid to learn it. Slowly Tushar began to recover. He got discharged. She knew expenses were large. She was so shocked when she sensed that their finances were in trouble. They never faced financial crisis. She didn’t understand what happened now. But her brother Rohit paid all expenses. She was in shock then Sheena came to stay with her while Rohit went abroad. Sheena said “ Come on you need help.” Then her niece came. Slowly with hemp of psychiatrist she began to adjust. Her Niece Trupti was so nice. Everything slowly went back on track. But then one day finally Sheena needed to go back. Rose agreed but she was scared. She knew that she still didn’t remember & she didn’t want to face. It was something hidden. She wanted to keep it that way. She started to searching for job. Soon she sensed that it was impossible to get big job so she started to do job of salesgirl. Tushar heard it but he didn’t say anything. Slowly they started living normal life. They began to laugh & act as if nothing was wrong. But she kept feeling that some axe was hanging on her head. She was so scared. She wanted to feel normal but she was not feeling that way. She was feeling so upset. She started to sense that she needed to find truth. One day finally Psychiatrist told her. “ Now Rose you need to face truth.” She smiled & began to look at mobile. She felt that her mobile was ringing. Then she wanted to go to washroom. She went in washroom. Then she didn’t went back. She just went away from clinic. She didn’t even dared to visit psychiatrist again. Finally one day she started to have that disturbing dream again. It was horrible. It felt life shattering. She felt that she was in her house & it was falling. She woke with scream. She felt so guilty when Tushar was sick. He was taking care of her. She hugged him & started crying. He began to slowly console her. He was trying hard to make her normal. He wanted to console her. But he couldn’t. He began to get tense which was not good for him. She wanted to control herself but she couldn’t. It was so upsetting. She wanted to feel happy but she couldn’t. He began to get restless. He immediately called Doctor. He needed to do check up again. They told him to take rest. Doctor asked her “What happened?” Doctor was clearly upset & angry. She managed to make Tushar sick. It was stressful. She wanted to act normal. Doctor asked angrily “ What happened? Why was my patient so stressed?” She started crying again. She began to feel that everything was her mistake. Doctor began to look stressed. Then she slowly confessed everything. Doctor “ Why did you stop your psychiatrical treatment? Don’t you understand that it is risky?! You put your & your husband’s life at risk. He could have died due to stress. You must begin your treatment again.” Then Doctor called her psychiatrist & took emergency appointment. She was so scared that psychiatrist would get angry with her. But Psychiatrist smiled. Psychiatrist “ It is common that patient didn’t want face or remember trauma. So they want to escape it. You vanished. I was not shocked but tense. I was concerned. I feel I should have warn you that your one wrong step might harm your husband.” She nodded. “ You need to now take this treatment properly.” Then they once again began. Slowly step by step she built up courage. She started to feel promise in her soul. Then one day she came with Tushar to remember her worst memory. Psychiatrist “ You remember your son.” She nodded. Then Psychiatrist slowly explained “ On your marriage anniversary your husband brought some money from his office due to official need. He was planning to pay client with it who was coming for party & it was stolen. Then Cops were called. It was soon become clear your son took it.” She began to cry. She tried to remember it. She still didn’t. “ I don’t remember it even now.” “ But you know it & that is enough.” She nodded. She went back home. That night she kept seeing her son. He was angel in every dream. In morning she didn’t understand how could he act so evil. She needed to work hard to accept it. She was feeling so sad. But slowly she began to accept it. She started to understand why people were looking towards her in strange way. After sometime it all stopped. Tushar didn’t find job but they managed to live on saving. She learnt to live in limited money. She began to feel happy in her life. She accepted that her son would never return. One day finally she even remembered all. She cried that day. But she was so sad. She began to feel normal after some time they started to live life without son. But they were happy. Still she felt sometime scared that their son might return. But Tushar laughed. Tushar “ If he return then he will be arrested since that complaint is still with Cops!” She took breath of relief. She didn’t want their son back in life. Still she kept feeling scared for long time. She kept feeling as if he was somewhere around. She went to psychiatrist told him her trouble. Psychiatrist didn’t say that he wouldn’t come. Psychiatrist prepared her to face him. Soon her fear were reduced. Now she didn’t care if her guilty son came. She was ready for him. She was not thief. He was. She began to move ahead in life with confidence. She didn’t felt shattered since she was going to face all since she was ready for it. She knew that life was gift of God. It was precious & she was going to live it’s each day meaningfully & happily.
The End
