Nightmares hidden in mind
Sarika always used to wait for some pleasant dream in every night. It was her hope but she never had any dream. She always woke up in morning after peaceful sleep. She wanted to have some dream. She always heard people talking about dreams. It was frustrating for her. She needed some dreams too. She didn’t understand why she didn’t get dream. Sarika was once again sitting on her bed. Her husband Jatin was late. He never came on time. He always had some important work to do. Jatin was busy man. She knew that when she got married to him. But she was not expecting this. It was so frustrating. She was creating so much troubles. Her hope of positivity was creating so many issues for their life. She tried to say positive things. He didn’t like them. He kept saying “You are so stupid. How can you hope something like that?! This is clear cut stupidity. You need to change your attitude.” Jatin began to criticize her. He started to tell her that her positive attitude was crime. She felt that he was right. She was stupid since she kept positive attitude. But she needed to stay alive & for that she needed to keep right sort of attitude. It was all getting so problematic. She needed hopes in her life so she needed to smile. For that she wanted positivity. She decided that she wanted to move ahead in life with hopeful thoughts. She couldn’t live without them. She smiled happily. She decided that she needed some dreams in her night. She slept on her bed & closed her eyes. She closed them tight. She felt so negative by her thoughts. On that point she sensed her mobile rang. She was so shocked. She looked towards time. It was too late. But she sensed that Jatin was calling. Jatin was totally drunk. Jatin “Don’t you feel we need to get divorce!” “I feel we can sit together & settle this problem. We don’t need to panic. I feel I can certainly make some changes…” “You can’t. You are not getting pregnant so I don’t want you.” “You know very well. We had one child.” She didn’t want to mention their child which died at teenage due to cancer. “I know that. But you have not got pregnant after it.” “Try you understand. We to discuss about this when you are sober.” “No. I pay you money. I want divorce.” She wanted to argue but when he told amount. She felt so shocked. She began to dream her freedom & her pleasant life. She slowly said “We will discuss this when you are not drunk.” “So, you are ready?” She repeated her line. “Okay so you are not ready since I am drunk if I say this when I am sober in morning you will agree?” She said “Okay.” slowly with determination. He laughed & disconnected call. She went to sleep. She didn’t even dream on that night.
Sarika called her mom in morning. “Mom,
yesterday Jatin told me he will give me…” She named amount & her mom
screamed “For what? Just do it honey! You need that money.” Sarika felt so
stressed. She didn’t say anything for some time. Then her mom said “I don’t
mean some time wrong. What did he want?” She said “Divorce!” Her mom sounded
angry now. “What does he mean by divorce? Why?” She didn’t say anything then
she finally started talking “Mom he was never interested in me. He married me
since his parents suggested & after sickness of my son. It was upsetting
for him. He totally lost interest in me.” “That boy was his son too. Why you
are calling your son just your son? Does he feel doubt about father of your
son?” “No… no mom. He feels I can’t get pregnant quickly enough. I have issue
in getting pregnant.” “Oh! But you had one son. After that he hardly came home
he always kept working.” “I know mom but that also suggest we need divorce,
doesn’t it?” Her mom didn’t say anything for some time. Then her mom said
“Amount is large. But I can’t tell you to break marriage.” Sarika was feeling negative
about all. Sarika was so confused about her marriage. She suddenly began to
feel so negative about all. Sarika said slowly “Jatin will be awake now. In
morning he might not claim same thing. But mom somewhere in heart I wish him to
say same thing.” She started crying
loudly. It was so upsetting. She slowly looked away. It was sort of
frustrating. She decided to calm down her mind. Her mom was clearly confused. Then
she said “I don’t know if he will repeat himself. Let’s wait & watch.” She
disconnected call & waited. Jatin had not come last night. She was hoping
that he would come in morning. But he didn’t. She went in kitchen. She began to
cook. She knew that she was cooking for two when she was not even certain that
Jatin was going to come. But she needed to keep everything ready for him. She
knew that it was important. So, she did all & waited. Jatin didn’t come in
morning. She kept wating. Finally, he came back in night. She was expecting to
discuss divorce but he was in different mood. He wanted to continue their
married life. He didn’t say anything. He ate dinner. Then they went in bedroom.
They were once again become husband wife as they were once. She wanted to ask
about divorce but she knew that now he wouldn’t give her that big alimony. She
supposed to live life as his wife. He was not going to let her go. She started
to convince herself that her life was back on track everything was normal. Now
they could once again have a child & her life became pleasant once again.
She was certain that on that night she would surely get nightmare. She was
feeling so depressed.
When
Sarika woke up next morning, she was once again without dream. She looked
beside her. Jatin was already gone. She knew that now she needed to tell her
that their plan of divorce was cancelled. But she felt so disturbed. She didn’t
have much option so she called her mom. She told everything. Mom “This man is
so odd. He didn’t have any emotions. I feel he treats you with such cruelty
that you need to divorce him.” “On what ground mom?” “He drunk too much!” “Yes.
He drinks sometimes but he didn’t hit me or do any harm to me when he was
drunk.” “Really? But he just declared he wanted divorce when he was drunk &
next day, he acted as if nothing happened. ““Maybe he felt we can still have
babies?!” “OH! Since when he begins to adore babies?! When you had son, he
never paid much attention to him. He was never present on any function or
celebration of his son. He was just present in funeral of his son. Now suddenly
he wants a baby & he plan to take responsibility of that child this time?’
“Mom maybe he is feeling guilty? I don’t know mom but I don’t have enough money
so I can’t divorce him.” She always preferred to talk in straight forwards way.
Her mom didn’t say anything for some time. Then her mom said “I think your
marriage is worst decision of your life. I can’t able to understand true nature
of Jatin.” “It’s alright mom I am just fine.” She was not lying to her mom. She
was truly feeling okay. She stopped expecting love from any one long ago. She
just missed her son. Her son was so nice but then he got sick. During his
sickness he kept blaming her for all. She tried her best to give him treatment
but her son kept feeling that she ignored him. It was so sad. His memories had
so much negativity. She kept feeling like incapable mother. She felt so
helpless. It was frustrating for her. She knew that she was good for nothing.
She was hoping Jatin would divorce her. But she knew now that he didn’t. She
continued moving ahead. But she began to noticed strange thing whenever she
woke up in morning there were marks on her hands. They were ugly marks. People
started to ask questions. She knew that it was not Jatin’s fault since they
appeared when Jatin was not at home. She began to feel so scared. One day when
she visited Doctor for fever, doctor asked her about those marks. She slowly
told him “I don’t understand how did I get them.” “Do you have nightmares?” “No,
I don’t. I sleep peacefully.” Doctor told her to hold her hands. Doctor looked carefully
towards hands. Inside nails were little blood marks. Doctor “So you are hurting
yourself.” She felt so shocked. “But I never did it.” “You are doing it in
sleep.” Doctor wrote one number then doctor gave it to her. She saw that it was
psychiatrist’s number. She looked towards it carefully. She didn’t want to go
there but she looked towards marks. She needed to. She nodded. She took
medicine of fever. When she went home, she called psychiatrist’s clinic took
appointment after week. Then she took her medicine. Next day she told Jatin.
Jatin didn’t say anything. Then Jatin said “You are not getting pregnant. You
are losing mind too. I don’t need you anymore. But I can’t pay that large sum.”
He told small amount. She felt shocked. She didn’t expect this now. But it was
okay. She said “Let me start my treatment. I need some time.” Jatin nodded
& left. He didn’t care for her. It was clear. She was sick so he didn’t plan
to come to house for some time. He didn’t want to catch sickness from her. She
felt so sad. But she knew that he didn’t care for her. She looked away. She decided
that she needed to take her treatment first. First, she needed to tackle her
fever then she needed to visit psychiatrist. She was scared but when she talked
about her fever that receptionist told her that she could visit next week. She
was so tense. Finally, she went for visit. She entered in psychiatrist’s clinic.
She was shivering when she entered in his cabin. She was clearly having nervous
breakdown. But psychiatrist managed to calm her down. Soon she sensed that she
was having nightmares. She just didn’t remember them. Then Psychiatrist began
her treatment. She began to calm down. But she decided to hide it from Jatin.
She just told him that she had major mental issue. Jatin immediately began to
ask for divorce. She agreed. She just requested to give her that house. But
Jatin didn’t agree. She wanted to stay there but she couldn’t so she decided to
not permit Divorce without it. Her Mom was not happy with idea. But she decided
to ignore. After psychiatric treatment she began to feel better. She managed to
get one rental house. She started her new life. After sometime she began to
feel so better. Now she created her friends & her own world. She might get
married second time or not. She was not certain but she knew one thing this
time she would marry for love not for arrangement. When she finally got
divorced, she felt as if she was a bird who got freedom from cage. She was so
happy. Her hidden nightmares which she never sensed finally stopped coming. She
understood it since she kept CCTV in her room to check. She felt so happy when
they stopped for month. Then slowly they vanished from her life. Her nightmare
was over on that day.
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