Old toys
Rasika was checking her mobile. She wanted for long time for her number. Her father told her to try something else. But she was not interested. She wanted job in that company. She worked so hard to get it. She knew that she was perfect no one would stop her. She told herself that she must not lose. She knew that she had strength to fight back. She once again started reading books. She was not sure what would they ask in interview. She wanted to get this job. She began to study again & again same page. Then finally her number came. She went inside. She was confident that she would answer questions but before she could say anything they started asking about her father. She was so shocked. It was her moment. She wanted to talk about herself. She wanted to tell world how great she could be but she couldn't. Whole time those people kept asking about her family. She was suffering this way since her school. She wanted to live her life but her life was caged. She wanted to prove herself. She knew her Dad was great business man. But she didn't like his attitude. She wanted to act differently. She tried to say it. She wanted to grasp matter. She was so upset. She tried to say few things. Soon she sensed that she was not impressing them. They wanted to say something which was out of her Dad's idea. But she didn't like it. She hated her Dad. It was actually clear. But still world didn't understand. Her Dad was not loving husband or affectionate father. Her Dad never had much time for family. Her Mom was okay with it. But she was always upset. Her Dad was always absent on her every birthday. She tried to argue but he called her Spoiled child. He abused her Mom. He said " Rasika is getting spoiled. I can't trust you anymore with bringing up by daughter." Mom sounded hurt & shocked. " What do you mean?" " I am sending her in hostel." It was too much for Rasika. She was so hurt. Her Dad first didn't appear on her birthday now he wanted to send her away. She was about to scream on Dad when her Mom hit her on back. Mom screamed " Just keep quiet. You got that doll. You got so many things. Still you kept arguing. Do you feel it is easy to get such big party.." Dad " This stupid girl is living on money which I earn & jumping around. She never understand value of it. I am telling you that she is going to prove useless.." she was so confused now. Everyone was telling her that she screamed on her Dad was crime. He didn't come on her birthday was not big issue. She agreed & she cried. Then she even apologised. Her Dad went away in his room but not before taunting. " I never want such type of stupid child." Even today when she started talking she could sense that she was too arrogant. She felt that she needed to bow before society. Her Dad was rich & he told her clearly that she needed to bow before him or before any man. She was low. Her Dad was upset with her from beginning. She was trying hard to impress him. That day once again she was not going to get that job. She went home totally disappointed. She was so sad. But when she reached home, she received big shock. Her Mom was pregnant. She couldn't believe it. Her Mom never mentioned that she was trying to get pregnant. She always thought that she was going to be only child. But she was ringing door bell when a servant came. Her servant ran towards her. Servant " Don't rang door bell your Mom is sleeping. I will open door for you.." she was so confused. This servant had little house nearby but normally servants slept in home. She knew that whenever her Dad came home & he was sleeping she was not permitted to rang bell but her Mom never acted like that. " Mom never objected door bell noise." She was about to rang door bell again when servant stopped her with sharp voice. " Madam please understand your arrogance might cost me job. I am poor person without anything.." she looked at her with shock. " Okay. Then use your key & open door if you have it. I don't have one." Servant gave apologetic smile & said " Madam I don't have one. But you can sleep in my house or do whatever you want." She was so shocked. Now she needed to spend day in servant's quarter since her Mom wanted to sleep. " Actually your Mom is pregnant & health become delicate in pregnancy at this age." Servant smiled happily. Servant " They are saying you are going to have brother!" " Who told you that? No one permitted to check sex of baby." Servant " I know but rich have ways. Your Dad always wanted a boy as heir. He was planning to wait for your child. If you have boy, he could get all too. But he need son!" She was so shocked. She didn't say anything. She was not interested in her father's property any way. She just wanted enough to live her life nicely. She wanted a nice husband but she hated when she sensed that her father didn't consider her someone who was useless. She began to discuss other things with servants. They were nice to her. She felt so happy with them. She began to think that those servants were a lot better than people whom she knew. Her Dad's friends always kept taunting her. They never liked her thinking. She didn't understand why they disliked. She began to talk happily with those servants. They were very nice towards her. She even chatted with son of her maid. She didn't confess it. But she liked him. He was so nice towards her. He was giving her respect. They served her tea. When she went in kitchen, her maid felt so great. She even cooked there. For sometime she felt that becoming daughter-in-law of this house was better than getting married to some rich boy. But she didn't dare to say it. Since she knew very well that they would want her to earn too. Even maid was earning & how hard she might plan but she couldn't become maid. She didn't have those skills & tolerance. She managed to get angry very quickly. She knew that if she tried to say this. All would laugh on her. In fact after sometime she started laughing on that idea. She couldn't get married to a servant. This was her life not some story of romantic novel. It seemed something suitable for Mills & Boons novel not for her real life. She knew after sometime her mobile would rang & her Mom would call her back. After sometime her mobile rang. She saw Mom was calling. She said happily " I am coming Mom. Just wait for second."
Rasika came inside house. Her house was large & had few servants. But she never saw a maid just to attend her Mom. It was unique. But she knew that baby was coming so she felt that it was for baby. She wanted a sister or brother for long time. She was so happy. She sat near Mom. She immediately noticed Mom was looking little pale. She asked " What happened Mom? You are looking pale!" Before her Mom could answer maid Kavita answered " Of course she will be! She is pregnant at this age. But since angel is coming she need to take risk." Rasika felt so scared."Mom are you sure that you will be okay after this?" Mom smiled & said " Of course." She nodded. Then Mom told her that she needed to take rest. Rasika agreed to it. Rasika was so scared for her Mom. Rasika was so concerned. Then one by one her relatives started visiting their house. They kept talking about that brother who was going to come in their house. She didn't understand how could they understand that it was brother not sister. It was so strange but she never asked any question. She just kept hoping for sister. She began to bring out her old dolls. She started to redecorate them. One day her Dad noticed it. He gave sadistic smile & said " What are you doing?" She smiled & said " I am decorating dolls for new baby." Her Dad started laughing. " My son is not going to play with your old toys! Give them to servants. I will bring new toys for my son. My child will not use things you have thrown." She felt as if she had done some crime. She knew that she used old toys & new toys both. She didn't understand that old toys were something evil. She sensed that they were something wrong with them. She immediately packed her old toys then she kept them in cupboard. She started to arrange them. Suddenly she began to remember her childhood. She remembered how did she used to play with them. Her grandparents were nice to her. Every one gave her affection. But still they all wanted a boy. But Rasika felt that it was going to be boy. Rasika went in Mom’s room slowly. Her Mom was sleeping when she came near Mom she smiled. Rasika “ Mom it will be my brother!” “ Honey we don’t know properly. It is crime in our country to check so Doctor never tell it & at this point no one can know it is boy or girl.” “ Then why they are saying it is boy?” Rasika’s Mom looked towards her with confusion. Then Rasika’s Mom said “ They wish it will be.” Rasika nodded. Rasika tried her best to concentrate on her work. She needed to find some nice work. She knew that it was complicated for her. She needed a sibling but she was grown up now. People were discussing her marriage & she didn’t wanted to get married so soon. But now suddenly she was on backtrack. Her father was not interested in her. She noticed that her Dad didn’t want her around her Mom too. According to her Dad she was stress. She began to stay in her room more. She kept reading books. She started to try for jobs. But she was so confused. She didn’t understand from where she needed to start. She knew that all wanted her to move just like her Dad. She was not like him. He didn’t have soft heart. She didn’t talk much with people inside house. She kept thinking what she needed to do. She looked around room in confused mood. Then she suddenly got one idea. She decided that she would start doing small pictures on wall of room. She got her colours. Without second thought she began to create one design. She looked towards it. That design had one sun rise. It was so beautiful. She kept looking towards that sun. She began to feel strange obsession towards sun. She was observing it when suddenly her maid came from behind. Her maid looked toward wall. Maid “ What have you done to wall?” “ I painted a design.” “ But this will damage wall.” She began to feel confused. But then she said “ I am redecorating my wall. I am sure no one will mind.” “ But I feel Sir might get angry with you!” That maid was suggesting about her Dad. She smiled & said “ This is my room. Dad never enter in it. Dad didn’t care.” She smiled happily. She turned to maid & asked “ What did you want?” Maid gave confused look & said “ Actually I came to call you for lunch.” “ Okay. I am coming.” She smiled toward that sun. She felt so fresh by that drawing. She was so happy. She went out. Her Mom came for lunch. Now her Mom was looking little bit okay. But she could see. Her Mom was going to suffer by this pregnancy but it was her Mom’s decision. She couldn’t question it. Her Dad needed heir for his property. He didn’t want daughter as heir. She was eating when suddenly her Dad came inside screaming. Dad “ This is too much. This time our share went too down.” Her Mom gave tense look. “ What happened?” “ We need to use our investment to settle losses.” Her Mom nodded. Suddenly servants started to look tense. She didn’t understand but servants seemed to sense something. After lunch she went for cleaning her hands, her maid came near & asked “ Have you found any job?” She felt so nervous. She was trying so hard but she was not getting it. She needed to tell herself that she had to try something. Then her maid said “ Why don’t you use your influence to get job?” “ I don’t like Dad that much..” Maid gave her sweet smile & said “ Come on. It’s not time to show ego. Just use it.” She began to feel so confused. She sensed that she didn’t have much options. She decided in next interview she would talk about her Dad in most positive way. She knew that it would be hard for her but she was going to do it. She needed that job.
Rasika got ready for her interview. She dressed in perfect way. She knew that now she would admire her Dad & his work. Then she would get that job. She began to feel that she was letting her ego rule her mind. She felt that in last interview she didn’t talk positively about her Dad & it was her mistake. She decided that in this one she would admire her Dad. She watched herself in mirror. She was beautiful. She was little bit overweight but it was okay. She knew that everyone considered her beautiful. She smiled happily & went ahead. She took one Taxi & she stuck in traffic in such a way that she began to sense that her skin was looking worst. She watched in mirror again & again. She could see acne on her face was getting more & more red due to heat. She was not going for modelling but still it was important. She was so tense. She finally reached to office. She immediately went inside for interview. She thought that it was great sign. She went inside. She smiled & she talked with special sweetness. She tried her best to impress them. She needed to get that job. Then suddenly they began to discuss about her Dad. She didn’t show any discomfort or anger about him. She kept talking such a sweetly that no one could sense that she was upset with her Dad. She kept thinking that if she did that she would get job. Finally they said bye to her. She went home. She was little upset. She knew that she didn’t got suitable response. She supposed to get job or at least some indication that she might get it. She sensed her efforts to please those people were useless. First time in her life she sensed her father was not that hero which he claimed. Now they were expecting new child. It was not interesting thing in her mind. She was so stressed. On that point she suddenly sensed one shadow behind her. She turned. She was so sure someone was standing behind her. She kept looking behind again & again. She told herself no one was following her. Then she sensed that one man was truly behind her. She felt so uneasy. That man didn’t give her any concerned look. He just went ahead. She began to relax when that man once again turned behind & gave her strange smile. She felt so scared. She called Cab. She was so tense. That man was nice looking but still his attitude was wrong. That man didn’t seem kind & concerned person. It was so odd that he was looking towards her. He clearly didn’t know her. She waited with patience for Cab while this man kept looking towards her. He was far away but still she felt uneasy. Finally Cab came she was about to sit inside when that man taunted “ I really hope some people learn to skip chocolates.” She gave nervous look. Then he started laughing. She knew that she was not exactly slim but why this man was commenting on her? She was not planning to marry him or even date him! It was so problematic. She never tried to hurt anyone. She sat in Cab. She was so tense & she didn’t want to cry. She wanted to tell this to her mother. But she knew that her Mom was pregnant. She should not tell anything to her Mom. She was feeling so stressed. She came back in her home. It was afternoon already so all servants were gone. She knew that she could call servants from their servant quarters but she knew that they didn’t like to be disturbed in their houses. Her grandparents gave those small houses around that Bungalow to those servants to stay. On that time they were very rich & respected family. Her grandparents had big reputation. He used to do lots of charity. It was so important & easy for them. They had given those houses to servants. Now there belonged to them. Her Dad was so upset about it. He said “ Now their kids will get education & get job still they kept staying there. We need new places to stay for new servant. My father was such stupid man! Why did he supposed to gift them like that?” She felt so nervous & uneasy. She loved her grandparents. They wanted a boy but they also admired her. Then on other hand she hated them too. It was odd combination. They always considered her something less. They kept encouraging her Dad that he needed heir. Her Dad kept consider her less. Her Mom kept pampering. But it didn’t work for her. Now even her Mom didn’t have time. Then suddenly maid Kavita came in room. Kavita “ Do you want food?” Kavita seemed only one who wanted to continue working. Actually Kavita had two kids her husband was not working properly or something. Actually Kavita always kept giving different accounts. One day Kavita declared her husband was good man & earned a lot. Next day she would say he didn’t earn much. Her Mom always decided how much advance money they supposed to give so she never needed to interfere. But today Kavita suddenly appeared before her & began to take interest in her. She didn’t feel safe. She knew that there might be meaning. Kavita might ask about her job. Rasika just began to say she was going in room. Suddenly Kavita spoke “ You don’t got that job?!” It was clear question which had no as assumption. Rasika “ They didn’t say no on face but I can read it in their voice.” Kavita’s face turned concerned. Kavita “ You tried to use your father’s name?” “ Yes. But no use.” “ Your Dad was just showing off.” Rasika sensed it. So they were lying to her for so many years. She tried hard to get one job. Every time she tried to use her talents her Dad pretended that he could have got that job. It was so upsetting. He kept telling her that it was her fault. Kavita “ I know how does you feel. My husband always act same way. Keep telling me that he can do this then he can do that but finally I need to feed family..last night he told me that he would pay instalment of TV. We bought. I was so happy but finally next day he vanished on time of paying it & finally I forced to pay it.” Rasika thanked God at least her Dad was giving money to run house. She suddenly sensed that she was not of much use. She needed to earn but she couldn’t. She suddenly began to feel she was useless more than even Maid Kavita. She felt so sad.
Kavita served food then Kavita declared that she needed to go home & ran out of house. She kept eating. Rasika wanted to tell her Mom her troubles. But she knew that her Mom needed to take rest. So Rasika went back in her room. She watched her wall. She began to create one drawing. She felt so hopeful in creating proper design. She kept watching that design for house. She could sense there was some thing special needed. Then she started new bridge. It really looked so real & peaceful. She was so happy to see it. She began to observe it. She suddenly began to hear water under that bridge. Not really but in her imagination. She smiled. She knew that she was letting her imagination go wild. But she didn’t mind. It was just her imagination. She knew that she could control it whenever she wanted. She began to draw further. She started to do it in details. She began to stretch on wall. But she didn’t have paint for wall. She knew that she was trying something new but then she thought that it was not so hard. She could purchase them in any hardware shop. Without second thought she began to search on internet. Then she found some wall paints. She opened YouTubes to understand how to paint wall. Step by step she created big list of all those things which needed to paint a wall. She knew that it was costly but she just wanted them. She didn’t thought what would her parents say. She just ordered them without thinking. In her heart she was sad. But she knew that this drawing on wall could change it. It could make her happy. She began to create new design which would be suitable for wall. She was so pleased. She began to imagine different colours. She started to feel happy about them. She needed to arrange those design. She knew that she could create it properly. She began to wait for those colours. She sat in bed. She arranged sofa too. She knew that she needed to get more wall. Suddenly she began to arrange all things. She smiled so happily. Her room would look like heaven. On that time Kavita came to call her. She was so confused. Kavita was special maid. She never came to do small things like calling. Rasika asked “ Why did you come? Where are others?” Kavita looked embarrassed then she said “ They went away..” Rasika understood. Of course her Dad couldn’t manage to pay for salary increase. She was not going to argue in this. She just nodded & went out. That day her Mom came out to lunch with her. She was so happy when she saw her Mom sitting on chair like old times. Her Mom was having baby so it was going to be entire conversation just about baby. She knew that she was excited about baby. But now she was confused. Her Dad was not giving enough money. They needed more money for baby. She gave nervous smile to Mom & asked “ How are you?” Mom smiled sweetly & said “ I am perfect. Don’t worry.” Rasika wanted to talk but she was stressed. She was no longer interested in talking with Mom. Rasika just stood up & went in room. She began to paint again. Her Mom came inside. Mom was so shocked. Mom screamed “ What’s wrong with you? Why does you paint like that?” “I need to Mom. I must. I can’t survive without it.” Her Mom shivered. Her Mom was observing painting. Her Mom pulled her away. Mom “ Rasika why you are painting graveyard in your bedroom?” Rasika looked confused. Then she sensed her Mom was right. It was graveyard near her grandmother’s house. Actual graveyard had not done but all scene near it was over. Rasika shivered. Her Mom took deep breath & called Psychiatrist. Her Mom took appointment. Rasika screamed “ I am not mad.” But Mom didn’t listen her just booked cab. When they came there Rasika was crying. After sometime they entered in Psychiatrist’s room. Psychiatrist told Mom to go. Then step by step Psychiatrist stared asking questions to Rasika. Rasika told all. Finally Psychiatrist said “ We don’t know if that child will be boy or girl. But I am not concerned about it. I want to prepare you mentally in both condition. Society create these impact on mind of girls. I can’t stop them from doing it. But as Psychiatrist I will teach you to fight it.” Rasika nodded. From that day Psychiatrist started treatment. Rasika managed to get strong step by step. She set up her small business. It didn’t have earning but still it gave her identity so she did it. She started her life. She gave up her all old toys to some poor kids who took them happily. Now she just wanted her life. She didn’t care what others think. She learnt to enjoy her life. She redecorated her room. She didn’t use much colour just light cream. She was happy & relax in her own world.
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment