Doubts of mind
Tina started playing with coins. Her Dad warned her many times about it. Dad always said " If you keep counting money like game some day thief will rob you." She used to laugh. She was so small. She didn't understood it's meaning. She used to smile and say that I love thief. According her thief was just part of her game which she used to play with siblings. She didn't want to become cop since cop needed to find thief while thief just needed to hide. So she said with certainty that she love thief. Then her Dad used to laugh. She also used to join him. Today while counting money for Auto driver she remembered all. She didn't understand why did she remembered it but she suddenly began to remember that scene. She was going back to her house and her family. She was happy with Satish and she had one beautiful daughter. Every thing was perfect. But still she kept remembering those words. She didn't understand why. It was so frustrating. She came inside her house. Immediately her daughter Pinky came running towards her. She gave her big smile. She took her in arms and asked " What happened sweetheart? Mom was away just for few hours." Pinky smiled. Tina was acting as tutor in one private class. It was perfect job. Her hours were limited. She managed to choose those times when Pinky was in school. She used to work in private class before marriage. At that time she used to spend entire day in just class. She managed to get status and reputation. Then she got married and she decided to quit job. Since she immediately became pregnant. On that point she had such good reputation that her fellow professor said " Don't just waste all. If you don't want exertion. Then you can provide notes and I will pay you for it. You can create paper and just check them from home. I will even pay for it." She started to think. Then she felt just sitting in home alone was frustrating. Her in-laws were staying in village and they were not ready to come. She tried to convince them many times. But her Mother-in-law cleared it immediately" You fall in love with Satish and he agreed to marry you. We arranged all and you two got married that's all. We are not taking further responsibilities for ups and downs of your life. We don't run around for your convenience. We want our peaceful life. In this village we get it. Look around such a peace and quiet!! We spend entire life here stuck in that small city flat just to earn money for Satish. Now he had it and he also had wife so we don't need to take care of him. So don't force us to stay with you." She said it in such bad way. She felt so much hurt. She felt that her mother-in-law didn't like her because she was not of her caste. Her mother-in-law was nice to her until now. But her father-in-law and remaining family always kept treating differently. She felt so upset. But her parents said that she didn't need to stay with relatives so it was two minutes issue. She needed to handle it so she handled it. She stayed alone during entire pregnancy. Her company was her paper and textbook of students. Her parents came to meet her sometimes. But they didn't stay for long time. Due to those notes she became famous in students. She was so good. They all kept demanding her lectures. They wanted to learn from her. But she couldn't on that year. Still she managed to help students get good marks so her demand remained intact. They all wanted her notes. So she never stopped writing them. Since every year she needed to change them little bit according to syllabus. Every one was happy with her ideas. She was earning money from house. Then she had one beautiful little daughter. Satish always kept showing interest in her. But she still didn't see those emotions. Still he was there and telling all he was her devoted husband. Then he smiled and congratulated her when she gave birth to their baby daughter. It was so formal. He even bought greeting card for her. Every one jumped with joy. Her mother admired his idea. She smiled. After that day every day he came home and help her when she asked. He never abused her but he never admired. He just did all according to book. He was studying some book. She saw him reading it once. She knew that he was just imitating them. He felt nothing. But she didn't complaint. She kept moving ahead. She knew that she needed to adjust so she kept adjusting. So today she was giving tution while their maid took care of her. She was realiable. So today she was earning enough after few hours lectures. She got great reputation. She could earn enough to keep them happy. She even managed to give time to her daughter. She managed to create proper life. She took Pinky in arms. Then she called Satish. It was her normal procedure. He never called her but she did every day to remind him that he had wife. She called him. But mobile was taken by different man. He asked " Satish went away for lunch and forgot mobile." " Ohh I am his wife." "Alka!!" " No..no not Alka. I am Tina." He sounded confused. " But I thought his wife is Alka and she is fashion designer." Tina was so upset. " No. I am his wife and I am tutor." She said angrily. He immediately apologized and said " I will tell him you have called." He disconnected mobile. But she was shocked. She once again remembered her words of childhood " I love thief." They started repeating in her head and she shivered in fear. She wanted to cry but she didn't since Pinky was watching her. Her little daughter was playing with toys before her. She couldn't cry before her.
Tina began to feel so sure that she was second wife. She began to think his first wife was staying with her in-laws. She was so upset. Suddenly everything began to create different sense in her mind. She began to remember her in-laws attitude and now she knew cause since they already had one daughter-in-law in their house. She didn't understand why did Satish married her. But then she remembered some case from paper in which that fellow insisted and married that celebrity then cheated on her. She never understood why. She suddenly began to imagine that her situation was same. She shivered in fear. She decided that she must check. She looked at little Pinky. She was busy in playing with her dolls. Tina was so happy to notice that Pinky didn't giving any attention to her. She decided that she must call her in-laws then she felt so wrong. She didn't have any proof. Then she shivered again. She was taking doubts again her Doctor advice against it. She decided that she might be calling her Doctor. She took his number and called him. He didn't recognise her at first then he slowly searched file and said " Yes Tina!! I found you. So tell me what happened?" " I am so confused. You remember I suffered from paranoid personality disorder?!!" " Yes. I remember. Why?" " I feel it is happening to me again." " What? But why? Last time there was cause." " Yes I still remember..do you have time?" " Not now..." She felt so sad and angry. But he immediately said " My patient is waiting outside but why don't you come on 4 o'clock in clinic." She felt so sad. " I have one daughter. " So? No need to get tense. We have nice playschool in this area why don't you send her there?" She was so confused. "But we have planned for one playschool." " Come on. You can change it, can't you?" " Well I can. But Satish might question. I have not told him about my mental trouble." Psychiatrist sounded upset. " Why did you do that? He is your husband? He must know all and mental disorder is not crime. " " But you told me that it will not return." " I was sure about it but in life we can't give hundred percent guarantee. I need to talk with you again. If you feel scared. You must come. You can bring your daughter too." " But she will tell my husband." " Then let her." " What?" " Your daughter is too small. She couldn't read name plate so she didn't understand what kind of Doctor I am. You can tell you have back pain or something else and going to homeopathic Doctor. No one object taking kids there." She smiled happily. " I don't have back trouble but I suffer from migraine again and again. I can tell that." Psychiatrist seemed relaxed " So just tell it and come. I must talk to you it's necessary." She agreed. She felt so relaxed. Then suddenly her mobile rang. She was expecting psychiatrist's receptionist for confirming appointment. She took and said " Did I got appointment?" Satish " For what? You never mentioned anything to me regarding appointment." " Ohh it's you. I thought it's .." " Who?" She controlled herself before she could say further. " First you irritate me by calling. Now you are not interested in talking what's wrong with you?" " I got appointment for migraine with Doctor. My friend said that Doctor can cure me!!" " Great. Go there. I hope Pinky go with you?" She was confused instead of objecting he was encouraging to take his little daughter to Doctor. She found it strange. But she controlled her suspicion and said "Fine. I will take her." Then he disconnected her call. She wanted to reduce her suspicion but she kept getting tense. She started to try to relax herself. On that point Pinky came. " Mom I am hungry." " Ohh." She smiled. She started taking care of her daily duties. Pinky kept her so busy. She totally forgot entire episode. She felt that everything was just perfect. She began to enjoy job of mother. Then she started writing notes. She began to feel so relax. She even started to enjoy job of tutor. She was so happy. Soon she decided that she didn't need Doctor. She was fine when receptionist called for appointment. She just cancelled it. Every thing was just fine with her. She was so happy. She sensed that her fear was nonsense. She smiled happily. When she started doing her work soon every thing became perfect. On that day she cooked food of new style. She felt so fresh. She was so happy when she opened door for Satish, he was shocked to see her. "You didn't went to Doctor?" " No. I am feeling okay so decided to wait for few days." Satish smiled happily. " You did right thing. Every time we don't need medicine sometimes it vanish without it. We need just patience." She smiled too. Then Pinky came running towards him. Pinky started telling about different things she cooked. Satish " Wow you cook so much just for me." He smiled. She liked it when he gave that smile. Then they enjoyed their dinner. Every thing went in perfect way. Before going to sleep she had just one thought. She did right thing by not going to Doctor. She didn't want to start all those things again. It was over and she was glad about it.
For few days every thing was fine with Tina. Then one day when she was cooking, she felt strange sensation. She looked out of window. She saw a woman who was observing her house. She was looking at her window. She was wearing yellow dress. When Tina looked down, that woman looked at her. It seemed as if she recognised her. Tina saw that recognition in her eyes. On that point Satish came. She called him and said " Did you see that woman in yellow dress?" Satish looked down. Satish " Ohh the one who was eating peanuts." Now she was confused. She started searching for woman with peanuts. She said in frustration "Where?" " Come on. She was under your nose any way now she was vanished." She turned to look at woman in yellow dress. But she was gone too. " Where is that yellow dress woman?" " She must have vanished too " and he started laughing. " Why we need to play this childish game? People are in hurry so no one is going to stop so what's so shocking. Let them vanish and I feel it's my time to vanish too." Satish pointed at empty breakfast plate. She smiled and nodded. She did breakfast and served him. Satish "Why you are so concern about that yellow dress woman?"" I don't know but I feel some strange feeling towards her. She was looking at me with such anger. I felt as if she could kill me with her eyes." Satish started laughing. " You are imagining too much." " May be?" She once again started doubting her decision about not visiting psychiatrist. Satish came near her and started talking sweetly. Satish " I feel that we must go to some hill station." She was shocked. It was middle of year and there was not much chance of leave. " I will manage in my office. Can't you manage from your tuition?!!" " I need to ask." He started to look angry. " You are pretending as if you have more salary than me." " I don't but I run entire house on my salary only." He looked upset. He said" I am getting late." He started eating breakfast. She was so frustrated. Now a days Satish was not giving her any money to run house. Satish was not like that when she fall in love with him. He was changed. On those days they used to plan everything together. She met Satish on internet while discussing some book. He seemed so genius. He was truly genius. But he never shared his money. After marriage she was working since her classes never stopped so she had continue supply of money. But today for first time she sensed that money was needed from Satish too. She didn't kept paying all while he enjoyed his life without restriction. She sensed that she needed to drag one line. " Satish you are not giving anything in house." Satish looked nervous. Satish " I know but I am saving for us." She didn't know how did he was doing those savings. She never asked him anything in harsh way. Even today she found it hard so she smiled and nodded. She wanted to argue but she didn't feel strong enough to face him. He didn't show her anger that much but she hated it when he get angry. Once he got angry. He started throwing tantrums. He felt so much emotional. This happened when he felt that someone was taking interest in her in wrong way. He hated it when someone admired her. She didn't like it that much. Since she was tutor, that class had other fellow professor Tarun who was her best friend. Tarun was always nice and friendly with her. She also liked him. But they never went ahead in that way. Tarun never proposed her. She didn't know what she should have done if he proposed her. But it never happened. She didn't know what she should have done. But from beginning Satish hated him. She could have accepted his hate if he had not forced her to keep doing job. He didn't force her directly. But after their marriage in one party when she invited Tarun. Tarun smiled and started asking her sweetly " Why don't you at least do some work from house? Frankly students need your teaching." " But we are planning family. I am pregnant." Tarun started laughing. " I know. I can't miss it at this stage. But I am suggesting writing notes. Come on you can do that even with baby." Satish was not there. He was attending guests. But he came there. He put his hand on her shoulder in possessive way. She shivered. She didn't like it when he did that. There was always anger in his eyes towards Tarun. He looked at him in strange way as if they had affair. She hated it. But when Tarun told him subject of their discussion, his face changed. He smiled and supported Tarun. " You can't just sit in house whole time. You need some entertainment." She was shocked. Her work was not entertainment for her. But Tarun started laughing and she took it as joke. But she never forget that he pushed her towards work. She had to ask him about his salary. But she decided on some other day.
Tina was fully tense after incidence of that yellow dress girl. She kept searching for her. But she didn't appear again. She knew that. Satish didn't saw her so she must had imagined. She shivered with fear. She was sure that she needed treatment. First she thought about existence of Satish's wife. Now she even imagined her and she was standing before her. It was just creation of her mind. No one was standing there. She began to feel that this girl was wearing yellow because she didn't like yellow since she was wearing it on that day. She decided that she tried to hide it enough. She must meet psychiatrist. She knew that she was imagining things. She knew that last time she had never hallucinated so it was clear that her trouble was increased. She shivered in fear. She started to call psychiatrist again. She called him. Doctor " Why did you cancelled your appointment yesterday?" Doctor was clearly upset. Tina sensed that she made mistake. " Sorry Doctor but I am confused. " " Why? If you feel you are not okay. Then you must visit me immediately. I like to confirm all is fine. As I said before it can come again and such come back can be risky." She screamed loudly " This is. Today I saw a woman which was not standing there. " " What? How did you know? " " Because my husband didn't see her." Doctor " Come today I will accommodate in hour." " But my daughter.." " For God sake!! This is not joke. You can't be creating human with imagination. This is something different." She shivered. She was so confused. She began to doubt Doctor's suggestions. Her friend once told her that psychiatrist kept calling patients. She was confused. " Maybe I didn't show him properly? I need to try again." Doctor " What's wrong? Why you are not coming? Do you forgot our friendship? You trust towards me." He said it in such a sweet fashion that she began to doubt his intention. She began to feel that she might stop making call psychiatrist. He surely had crush on her. She didn't say anything. Doctor started saying "Hello, hello.." "Doctor my daughter is calling me. I am fine. I just need to stop feeling scared." She gave forced laugh. Doctor was clearly upset. Doctor " When you will come?" " Maybe next week?!!" " If you don't I will call your parents." She started laughing at this threat. She knew that she was no longer a little girl. She could do as per her wish. " Bye Doctor. I will call next week." " Don't call come otherwise I will come." " Then I will not play visit fees." Doctor laughed then he disconnected call. That day entire time she kept looking out of window. She didn't saw that lady but instead of feeling relief she felt stressed. She kept looking out. Finally Pinky pushed chair and came there. She started looking down and asked " Mom what is it?" She felt so scared. Even her little daughter was getting obssessed. She must visit Doctor. She said " Nothing honey. Will you get ready? We are going to Doctor." Pinky looked upset. Pinky " Mom I don't want to go to Doctor. Can't I stay with Auntie?" " No baby Auntie can't stop that long." Pinky started to cry. Tina gave her angry look. Tina "Mom is not feeling well and you don't care." Pinky came near her and touch her forehead. " Your head is not hot so you don't have fever. What happened?" She felt so sad. She started crying slowly. Pinky hugged her and started crying too. She sensed that she was feeling so desperate. Pinky " Let's go to Doctor." Tina smiled. Then she got ready and managed to get Pinky dressed too. She knew that they didn't have appointment. But she still decided to try. When she reached there, she shivered. But Pinky saw fish tank in corner. She smiled happily. Pinky " Wow!! Can I go and watch fish?" Tina was confused. She saw patients around waiting for their turn. She felt that Pinky was creating disturbance. " Shh don't talk loudly. " But receptionist smiled and said " It's okay." Tina came near her. " Actually I don't have appointment!" " Are you old patient?" " Yes I took appointment yesterday and didn't come." " Ohh Doctor told me to keep your number today. He was hoping you will come." Receptionist gave sweet smile. " You need to wait after two patients your number will come." She nodded. She took one magazine and started reading. Pinky was happy with fish but Tina was so restless. She felt so sad. She was so upset. She knew that entire issue was going to start again but she didn't have any option so she just decided to obey Psychiatrist. She was praying for just one thing. She didn't want Satish to know about it. But she felt so scared. She started to feel it was easy to say but it was hard to do. She knew that one day Satish would know. After all Pinky was talkative. She decided to drag issue until it could be avoided and started reading magazine when she didn't understand any word of it.
After Tina could able to go inside, she started taking Pinky inside but receiptionist stopped. Receptionist " Did you want her to stay outside?" Tina felt confused. She felt receiptionist was nice lady. She looked at Pinky. " Do you want to play with fishes?" Pinky took hold of her dress. " No Mom. I will not stop alone." She smiled. Receptionist " Come on. You can see Mom from glass. If I done something wrong, you can just hang." She said it in such comic way that Pinky started laughing. Tina " So you are coming inside or staying outside?" Pinky smiled and said " Outside." She went inside. She looked at Pinky from glass. Pinky was happy. She decided that it was okay. Then she sat before psychiatrist. She began to tell everything to psychiatrist. Psychiatrist kept hearing all. Then finally he asked " And why did you feel that you have mental disorder?" " What? Are you saying I am not paranoid? " "You are suspicious but not paranoid. Did you notice? You let your kid play with receptionist willingly." " But my husband said he didn't see that lady?" " No!! He pretended to be looking somewhere else. He didn't want to confess." " So you feel he is having affair." " No. If he is continuing his affair why did that lady looking at you with anger?" She was so confused. Psychiatrist " Try to understand. Last time you develop paranoid disorder because of incidence that happened in your life. That man who raped your sister was your tutor. You always trusted him. Then your sister even suffered with trauma. How is she now?" " She is okay. She settled in abroad. She never wanted to come back." Psychiatrist smiled and said " Stop lying. Tell truth." Tina looked nervous. Finally she told " She is staying in another state. She married to a man who don't know about it." " And she was not interested in keeping contact with you since she blame you. Am I wrong?" She nodded. " Do you feel that this girl was like her?" She nodded. Psychiatrist " She might wore dress similar to her or have look similar to her but she is not her. She was another woman." She took deep breath. " So you feel my husband might be cheating on me?" " I can't say surely but you need to ask him properly. But you are fine. Your problem has not came back." She felt so confused. At one point she was happy that she was fine. " But I feel you must keep meeting me since your husband might create new trauma for you now." " But you said she was angry so he is not continuing affair?" " Or not ready to quit you? Where did he spend his entire salary?" She felt so scared. She looked at time. She knew that her time was over. " I must go now." And psychiatrist said " With sweet smile. If you need marriage counseling then I can do that too. But trust me. You are not day dreaming." She gave sad smile. That day they had first argument. Her husband finally confessed his another marriage. She was shocked. She told him to get lost. He nodded. She soon sensed that he was not interested staying with her. She asked him " Why did you marry me?" He gave confused smile and said " I don't know. I am like that only since my childhood." She sensed that she never had any problem. It was her husband who had problem. She looked at him with anger and told him " I want this house. I will give you divorce with consent if you give me house. " He nodded. He went away. Pinky looked at him with confused and sad face. Satish " And what about her?" " I don't want her to suffer. You can meet her whenever you want or take her. I am not interested in taking away her father. You can always remain part of her life." He smiled and kissed Pinky. But Pinky pushed him away and said " Go.." in such anger that Tina sensed her heart was broken. She began to feel so depressed. She smiled and pretended everything was fine. In evening her mother-in-law called her. " We are with you. Until now Satish never settled in anything including job. In case of marriage we all felt same fear from beginning but we can't blame in advance. But we kept away. He would not even stay with that girl for long time." " So you know that girl?" " She kept calling us and harassing us to convince you for divorce." " What? But you never told me?" " We were so scared. You might leave him. That woman is disgusting." "I don't want to know about her. Thanks any way." She disconnected call. She started crying and Pinky hugged her. Pinky was crying too. She sensed one thing. She needed also lawyer too. Then she noticed while coming out her psychiatrist gave her one card. She thought that it was medicine but it was card of lawyer. She started laughing out of tears. Pinky was confused at beginning. But then she smiled too. Tina smiled and said " We will get over this with Doctor. Doctor always cure all." Pinky asked " "Just like my cold." She nodded. Then Tina started playing with Pinky in such a way as if nothing had happened.
The End
Tina started playing with coins. Her Dad warned her many times about it. Dad always said " If you keep counting money like game some day thief will rob you." She used to laugh. She was so small. She didn't understood it's meaning. She used to smile and say that I love thief. According her thief was just part of her game which she used to play with siblings. She didn't want to become cop since cop needed to find thief while thief just needed to hide. So she said with certainty that she love thief. Then her Dad used to laugh. She also used to join him. Today while counting money for Auto driver she remembered all. She didn't understand why did she remembered it but she suddenly began to remember that scene. She was going back to her house and her family. She was happy with Satish and she had one beautiful daughter. Every thing was perfect. But still she kept remembering those words. She didn't understand why. It was so frustrating. She came inside her house. Immediately her daughter Pinky came running towards her. She gave her big smile. She took her in arms and asked " What happened sweetheart? Mom was away just for few hours." Pinky smiled. Tina was acting as tutor in one private class. It was perfect job. Her hours were limited. She managed to choose those times when Pinky was in school. She used to work in private class before marriage. At that time she used to spend entire day in just class. She managed to get status and reputation. Then she got married and she decided to quit job. Since she immediately became pregnant. On that point she had such good reputation that her fellow professor said " Don't just waste all. If you don't want exertion. Then you can provide notes and I will pay you for it. You can create paper and just check them from home. I will even pay for it." She started to think. Then she felt just sitting in home alone was frustrating. Her in-laws were staying in village and they were not ready to come. She tried to convince them many times. But her Mother-in-law cleared it immediately" You fall in love with Satish and he agreed to marry you. We arranged all and you two got married that's all. We are not taking further responsibilities for ups and downs of your life. We don't run around for your convenience. We want our peaceful life. In this village we get it. Look around such a peace and quiet!! We spend entire life here stuck in that small city flat just to earn money for Satish. Now he had it and he also had wife so we don't need to take care of him. So don't force us to stay with you." She said it in such bad way. She felt so much hurt. She felt that her mother-in-law didn't like her because she was not of her caste. Her mother-in-law was nice to her until now. But her father-in-law and remaining family always kept treating differently. She felt so upset. But her parents said that she didn't need to stay with relatives so it was two minutes issue. She needed to handle it so she handled it. She stayed alone during entire pregnancy. Her company was her paper and textbook of students. Her parents came to meet her sometimes. But they didn't stay for long time. Due to those notes she became famous in students. She was so good. They all kept demanding her lectures. They wanted to learn from her. But she couldn't on that year. Still she managed to help students get good marks so her demand remained intact. They all wanted her notes. So she never stopped writing them. Since every year she needed to change them little bit according to syllabus. Every one was happy with her ideas. She was earning money from house. Then she had one beautiful little daughter. Satish always kept showing interest in her. But she still didn't see those emotions. Still he was there and telling all he was her devoted husband. Then he smiled and congratulated her when she gave birth to their baby daughter. It was so formal. He even bought greeting card for her. Every one jumped with joy. Her mother admired his idea. She smiled. After that day every day he came home and help her when she asked. He never abused her but he never admired. He just did all according to book. He was studying some book. She saw him reading it once. She knew that he was just imitating them. He felt nothing. But she didn't complaint. She kept moving ahead. She knew that she needed to adjust so she kept adjusting. So today she was giving tution while their maid took care of her. She was realiable. So today she was earning enough after few hours lectures. She got great reputation. She could earn enough to keep them happy. She even managed to give time to her daughter. She managed to create proper life. She took Pinky in arms. Then she called Satish. It was her normal procedure. He never called her but she did every day to remind him that he had wife. She called him. But mobile was taken by different man. He asked " Satish went away for lunch and forgot mobile." " Ohh I am his wife." "Alka!!" " No..no not Alka. I am Tina." He sounded confused. " But I thought his wife is Alka and she is fashion designer." Tina was so upset. " No. I am his wife and I am tutor." She said angrily. He immediately apologized and said " I will tell him you have called." He disconnected mobile. But she was shocked. She once again remembered her words of childhood " I love thief." They started repeating in her head and she shivered in fear. She wanted to cry but she didn't since Pinky was watching her. Her little daughter was playing with toys before her. She couldn't cry before her.
Tina began to feel so sure that she was second wife. She began to think his first wife was staying with her in-laws. She was so upset. Suddenly everything began to create different sense in her mind. She began to remember her in-laws attitude and now she knew cause since they already had one daughter-in-law in their house. She didn't understand why did Satish married her. But then she remembered some case from paper in which that fellow insisted and married that celebrity then cheated on her. She never understood why. She suddenly began to imagine that her situation was same. She shivered in fear. She decided that she must check. She looked at little Pinky. She was busy in playing with her dolls. Tina was so happy to notice that Pinky didn't giving any attention to her. She decided that she must call her in-laws then she felt so wrong. She didn't have any proof. Then she shivered again. She was taking doubts again her Doctor advice against it. She decided that she might be calling her Doctor. She took his number and called him. He didn't recognise her at first then he slowly searched file and said " Yes Tina!! I found you. So tell me what happened?" " I am so confused. You remember I suffered from paranoid personality disorder?!!" " Yes. I remember. Why?" " I feel it is happening to me again." " What? But why? Last time there was cause." " Yes I still remember..do you have time?" " Not now..." She felt so sad and angry. But he immediately said " My patient is waiting outside but why don't you come on 4 o'clock in clinic." She felt so sad. " I have one daughter. " So? No need to get tense. We have nice playschool in this area why don't you send her there?" She was so confused. "But we have planned for one playschool." " Come on. You can change it, can't you?" " Well I can. But Satish might question. I have not told him about my mental trouble." Psychiatrist sounded upset. " Why did you do that? He is your husband? He must know all and mental disorder is not crime. " " But you told me that it will not return." " I was sure about it but in life we can't give hundred percent guarantee. I need to talk with you again. If you feel scared. You must come. You can bring your daughter too." " But she will tell my husband." " Then let her." " What?" " Your daughter is too small. She couldn't read name plate so she didn't understand what kind of Doctor I am. You can tell you have back pain or something else and going to homeopathic Doctor. No one object taking kids there." She smiled happily. " I don't have back trouble but I suffer from migraine again and again. I can tell that." Psychiatrist seemed relaxed " So just tell it and come. I must talk to you it's necessary." She agreed. She felt so relaxed. Then suddenly her mobile rang. She was expecting psychiatrist's receptionist for confirming appointment. She took and said " Did I got appointment?" Satish " For what? You never mentioned anything to me regarding appointment." " Ohh it's you. I thought it's .." " Who?" She controlled herself before she could say further. " First you irritate me by calling. Now you are not interested in talking what's wrong with you?" " I got appointment for migraine with Doctor. My friend said that Doctor can cure me!!" " Great. Go there. I hope Pinky go with you?" She was confused instead of objecting he was encouraging to take his little daughter to Doctor. She found it strange. But she controlled her suspicion and said "Fine. I will take her." Then he disconnected her call. She wanted to reduce her suspicion but she kept getting tense. She started to try to relax herself. On that point Pinky came. " Mom I am hungry." " Ohh." She smiled. She started taking care of her daily duties. Pinky kept her so busy. She totally forgot entire episode. She felt that everything was just perfect. She began to enjoy job of mother. Then she started writing notes. She began to feel so relax. She even started to enjoy job of tutor. She was so happy. Soon she decided that she didn't need Doctor. She was fine when receptionist called for appointment. She just cancelled it. Every thing was just fine with her. She was so happy. She sensed that her fear was nonsense. She smiled happily. When she started doing her work soon every thing became perfect. On that day she cooked food of new style. She felt so fresh. She was so happy when she opened door for Satish, he was shocked to see her. "You didn't went to Doctor?" " No. I am feeling okay so decided to wait for few days." Satish smiled happily. " You did right thing. Every time we don't need medicine sometimes it vanish without it. We need just patience." She smiled too. Then Pinky came running towards him. Pinky started telling about different things she cooked. Satish " Wow you cook so much just for me." He smiled. She liked it when he gave that smile. Then they enjoyed their dinner. Every thing went in perfect way. Before going to sleep she had just one thought. She did right thing by not going to Doctor. She didn't want to start all those things again. It was over and she was glad about it.
For few days every thing was fine with Tina. Then one day when she was cooking, she felt strange sensation. She looked out of window. She saw a woman who was observing her house. She was looking at her window. She was wearing yellow dress. When Tina looked down, that woman looked at her. It seemed as if she recognised her. Tina saw that recognition in her eyes. On that point Satish came. She called him and said " Did you see that woman in yellow dress?" Satish looked down. Satish " Ohh the one who was eating peanuts." Now she was confused. She started searching for woman with peanuts. She said in frustration "Where?" " Come on. She was under your nose any way now she was vanished." She turned to look at woman in yellow dress. But she was gone too. " Where is that yellow dress woman?" " She must have vanished too " and he started laughing. " Why we need to play this childish game? People are in hurry so no one is going to stop so what's so shocking. Let them vanish and I feel it's my time to vanish too." Satish pointed at empty breakfast plate. She smiled and nodded. She did breakfast and served him. Satish "Why you are so concern about that yellow dress woman?"" I don't know but I feel some strange feeling towards her. She was looking at me with such anger. I felt as if she could kill me with her eyes." Satish started laughing. " You are imagining too much." " May be?" She once again started doubting her decision about not visiting psychiatrist. Satish came near her and started talking sweetly. Satish " I feel that we must go to some hill station." She was shocked. It was middle of year and there was not much chance of leave. " I will manage in my office. Can't you manage from your tuition?!!" " I need to ask." He started to look angry. " You are pretending as if you have more salary than me." " I don't but I run entire house on my salary only." He looked upset. He said" I am getting late." He started eating breakfast. She was so frustrated. Now a days Satish was not giving her any money to run house. Satish was not like that when she fall in love with him. He was changed. On those days they used to plan everything together. She met Satish on internet while discussing some book. He seemed so genius. He was truly genius. But he never shared his money. After marriage she was working since her classes never stopped so she had continue supply of money. But today for first time she sensed that money was needed from Satish too. She didn't kept paying all while he enjoyed his life without restriction. She sensed that she needed to drag one line. " Satish you are not giving anything in house." Satish looked nervous. Satish " I know but I am saving for us." She didn't know how did he was doing those savings. She never asked him anything in harsh way. Even today she found it hard so she smiled and nodded. She wanted to argue but she didn't feel strong enough to face him. He didn't show her anger that much but she hated it when he get angry. Once he got angry. He started throwing tantrums. He felt so much emotional. This happened when he felt that someone was taking interest in her in wrong way. He hated it when someone admired her. She didn't like it that much. Since she was tutor, that class had other fellow professor Tarun who was her best friend. Tarun was always nice and friendly with her. She also liked him. But they never went ahead in that way. Tarun never proposed her. She didn't know what she should have done if he proposed her. But it never happened. She didn't know what she should have done. But from beginning Satish hated him. She could have accepted his hate if he had not forced her to keep doing job. He didn't force her directly. But after their marriage in one party when she invited Tarun. Tarun smiled and started asking her sweetly " Why don't you at least do some work from house? Frankly students need your teaching." " But we are planning family. I am pregnant." Tarun started laughing. " I know. I can't miss it at this stage. But I am suggesting writing notes. Come on you can do that even with baby." Satish was not there. He was attending guests. But he came there. He put his hand on her shoulder in possessive way. She shivered. She didn't like it when he did that. There was always anger in his eyes towards Tarun. He looked at him in strange way as if they had affair. She hated it. But when Tarun told him subject of their discussion, his face changed. He smiled and supported Tarun. " You can't just sit in house whole time. You need some entertainment." She was shocked. Her work was not entertainment for her. But Tarun started laughing and she took it as joke. But she never forget that he pushed her towards work. She had to ask him about his salary. But she decided on some other day.
Tina was fully tense after incidence of that yellow dress girl. She kept searching for her. But she didn't appear again. She knew that. Satish didn't saw her so she must had imagined. She shivered with fear. She was sure that she needed treatment. First she thought about existence of Satish's wife. Now she even imagined her and she was standing before her. It was just creation of her mind. No one was standing there. She began to feel that this girl was wearing yellow because she didn't like yellow since she was wearing it on that day. She decided that she tried to hide it enough. She must meet psychiatrist. She knew that she was imagining things. She knew that last time she had never hallucinated so it was clear that her trouble was increased. She shivered in fear. She started to call psychiatrist again. She called him. Doctor " Why did you cancelled your appointment yesterday?" Doctor was clearly upset. Tina sensed that she made mistake. " Sorry Doctor but I am confused. " " Why? If you feel you are not okay. Then you must visit me immediately. I like to confirm all is fine. As I said before it can come again and such come back can be risky." She screamed loudly " This is. Today I saw a woman which was not standing there. " " What? How did you know? " " Because my husband didn't see her." Doctor " Come today I will accommodate in hour." " But my daughter.." " For God sake!! This is not joke. You can't be creating human with imagination. This is something different." She shivered. She was so confused. She began to doubt Doctor's suggestions. Her friend once told her that psychiatrist kept calling patients. She was confused. " Maybe I didn't show him properly? I need to try again." Doctor " What's wrong? Why you are not coming? Do you forgot our friendship? You trust towards me." He said it in such a sweet fashion that she began to doubt his intention. She began to feel that she might stop making call psychiatrist. He surely had crush on her. She didn't say anything. Doctor started saying "Hello, hello.." "Doctor my daughter is calling me. I am fine. I just need to stop feeling scared." She gave forced laugh. Doctor was clearly upset. Doctor " When you will come?" " Maybe next week?!!" " If you don't I will call your parents." She started laughing at this threat. She knew that she was no longer a little girl. She could do as per her wish. " Bye Doctor. I will call next week." " Don't call come otherwise I will come." " Then I will not play visit fees." Doctor laughed then he disconnected call. That day entire time she kept looking out of window. She didn't saw that lady but instead of feeling relief she felt stressed. She kept looking out. Finally Pinky pushed chair and came there. She started looking down and asked " Mom what is it?" She felt so scared. Even her little daughter was getting obssessed. She must visit Doctor. She said " Nothing honey. Will you get ready? We are going to Doctor." Pinky looked upset. Pinky " Mom I don't want to go to Doctor. Can't I stay with Auntie?" " No baby Auntie can't stop that long." Pinky started to cry. Tina gave her angry look. Tina "Mom is not feeling well and you don't care." Pinky came near her and touch her forehead. " Your head is not hot so you don't have fever. What happened?" She felt so sad. She started crying slowly. Pinky hugged her and started crying too. She sensed that she was feeling so desperate. Pinky " Let's go to Doctor." Tina smiled. Then she got ready and managed to get Pinky dressed too. She knew that they didn't have appointment. But she still decided to try. When she reached there, she shivered. But Pinky saw fish tank in corner. She smiled happily. Pinky " Wow!! Can I go and watch fish?" Tina was confused. She saw patients around waiting for their turn. She felt that Pinky was creating disturbance. " Shh don't talk loudly. " But receptionist smiled and said " It's okay." Tina came near her. " Actually I don't have appointment!" " Are you old patient?" " Yes I took appointment yesterday and didn't come." " Ohh Doctor told me to keep your number today. He was hoping you will come." Receptionist gave sweet smile. " You need to wait after two patients your number will come." She nodded. She took one magazine and started reading. Pinky was happy with fish but Tina was so restless. She felt so sad. She was so upset. She knew that entire issue was going to start again but she didn't have any option so she just decided to obey Psychiatrist. She was praying for just one thing. She didn't want Satish to know about it. But she felt so scared. She started to feel it was easy to say but it was hard to do. She knew that one day Satish would know. After all Pinky was talkative. She decided to drag issue until it could be avoided and started reading magazine when she didn't understand any word of it.
After Tina could able to go inside, she started taking Pinky inside but receiptionist stopped. Receptionist " Did you want her to stay outside?" Tina felt confused. She felt receiptionist was nice lady. She looked at Pinky. " Do you want to play with fishes?" Pinky took hold of her dress. " No Mom. I will not stop alone." She smiled. Receptionist " Come on. You can see Mom from glass. If I done something wrong, you can just hang." She said it in such comic way that Pinky started laughing. Tina " So you are coming inside or staying outside?" Pinky smiled and said " Outside." She went inside. She looked at Pinky from glass. Pinky was happy. She decided that it was okay. Then she sat before psychiatrist. She began to tell everything to psychiatrist. Psychiatrist kept hearing all. Then finally he asked " And why did you feel that you have mental disorder?" " What? Are you saying I am not paranoid? " "You are suspicious but not paranoid. Did you notice? You let your kid play with receptionist willingly." " But my husband said he didn't see that lady?" " No!! He pretended to be looking somewhere else. He didn't want to confess." " So you feel he is having affair." " No. If he is continuing his affair why did that lady looking at you with anger?" She was so confused. Psychiatrist " Try to understand. Last time you develop paranoid disorder because of incidence that happened in your life. That man who raped your sister was your tutor. You always trusted him. Then your sister even suffered with trauma. How is she now?" " She is okay. She settled in abroad. She never wanted to come back." Psychiatrist smiled and said " Stop lying. Tell truth." Tina looked nervous. Finally she told " She is staying in another state. She married to a man who don't know about it." " And she was not interested in keeping contact with you since she blame you. Am I wrong?" She nodded. " Do you feel that this girl was like her?" She nodded. Psychiatrist " She might wore dress similar to her or have look similar to her but she is not her. She was another woman." She took deep breath. " So you feel my husband might be cheating on me?" " I can't say surely but you need to ask him properly. But you are fine. Your problem has not came back." She felt so confused. At one point she was happy that she was fine. " But I feel you must keep meeting me since your husband might create new trauma for you now." " But you said she was angry so he is not continuing affair?" " Or not ready to quit you? Where did he spend his entire salary?" She felt so scared. She looked at time. She knew that her time was over. " I must go now." And psychiatrist said " With sweet smile. If you need marriage counseling then I can do that too. But trust me. You are not day dreaming." She gave sad smile. That day they had first argument. Her husband finally confessed his another marriage. She was shocked. She told him to get lost. He nodded. She soon sensed that he was not interested staying with her. She asked him " Why did you marry me?" He gave confused smile and said " I don't know. I am like that only since my childhood." She sensed that she never had any problem. It was her husband who had problem. She looked at him with anger and told him " I want this house. I will give you divorce with consent if you give me house. " He nodded. He went away. Pinky looked at him with confused and sad face. Satish " And what about her?" " I don't want her to suffer. You can meet her whenever you want or take her. I am not interested in taking away her father. You can always remain part of her life." He smiled and kissed Pinky. But Pinky pushed him away and said " Go.." in such anger that Tina sensed her heart was broken. She began to feel so depressed. She smiled and pretended everything was fine. In evening her mother-in-law called her. " We are with you. Until now Satish never settled in anything including job. In case of marriage we all felt same fear from beginning but we can't blame in advance. But we kept away. He would not even stay with that girl for long time." " So you know that girl?" " She kept calling us and harassing us to convince you for divorce." " What? But you never told me?" " We were so scared. You might leave him. That woman is disgusting." "I don't want to know about her. Thanks any way." She disconnected call. She started crying and Pinky hugged her. Pinky was crying too. She sensed one thing. She needed also lawyer too. Then she noticed while coming out her psychiatrist gave her one card. She thought that it was medicine but it was card of lawyer. She started laughing out of tears. Pinky was confused at beginning. But then she smiled too. Tina smiled and said " We will get over this with Doctor. Doctor always cure all." Pinky asked " "Just like my cold." She nodded. Then Tina started playing with Pinky in such a way as if nothing had happened.
The End
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