Aparna's paintings
Aparna was carefully arranging all for picnic. She wanted her family to enjoy it. This was very important for her. She wanted to happiness for them after death of her father. It was extremely painful for her. She was hoping positivity but she got just negative feelings. Her life was not moving in right way. She had two siblings. They were older than her. They were settled but still they all used to come to father for help every time. They were sort of dependent. She tried to help them all. She was still trying hard to help them every way. She was working hard to find some way. She wanted to help her brothers. Her mother always used to tell her that her brothers would always care for her. She knew that her mother was right. Her brothers always cared for her. She smiled happily when she remembered that how did her life went in odd way. She was planning different future. She was planning to get married but she couldn’t find suitable boy. Her brothers always kept advising her. They wanted her to be very careful while searching for husband. She needed to find proper boy. She never found one. Actually, she was not smart enough. She didn’t got earnings. She was not even impressive for boys. She felt sad about it sometimes. She wanted to feel hopeful but she kept feeling negative on every step. She needed to plan for happiness of all then only she would feel happy one day. She was feeling so nice when she was arranging for this picnic. On that point her mother came in room. Her Mom looked upset. Mom “Why you are once again doing all?” “Actually, all were busy.” “But still I hate it when you needed to do everything.” She wanted to find positive attitude in atmosphere. But entire situation was just getting negative. She worked so hard to get things as per her wishes but they didn’t. “Mom, you know very well I like to do all those things & after all we have servants at home so I have some extra time.” “But they all have servants & they had taking more from you than they give.” “Mom but Dad said my brothers love me.” “Yes, but he was wrong.” Aparna didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to think about all that way. She wanted to think positively about everything. She needed to arrange all but she loved those children too. But today she felt so negative. She was making all calls to arrange resorts but her brothers needed to make payment. She slowly said “Mom they are making all payments!” “But you are taking care of their kids & permitting them to enjoy their life. Do you notice since long time your brothers didn’t need any babysitter while other parents needed them?” “Mom it’s okay. We have help in our house. We can easily manage.” “I don’t like this at all.” But Aparna decided to ignore comments of her mom. It was little bit upsetting for her. She wanted to feel hopeful in this situation. She began to arrange all. Finally, when everything was fixed, she called her brothers to explain. None of them was interested in talking with her. They were discussing all in negative way. It was worst situation for her. She wanted to laugh & smile but her brothers said clearly that she was just sitting in house & she didn’t need to earn so she could waste time like that in arranging picnics. It managed to hurt her soul but she knew that her brothers were earning & she was not. Her father always made it clear to her that she was less since she couldn't earn. She didn’t argue just tried to talk as sweetly as possible & disconnected all. Finally, she arranged all with hope that they would like it. She needed to please them. She knew one thing that it was essential for her. She never questioned why. She wasn’t supposed to question her father. All told her that her father knew best.
Aparna arranged everything as per they
needed. She worked so hard to get all ready. But then she felt that she didn’t
do much. She was not doing anything important. She was just doing small basic
things. Her brothers were making payments. She needed to manage all. But after
all she never managed to give any money. She did all & finally that day
came when they planned to go. She waited for all. One by one all family members
came. They greeted each other very nicely. But she was just useless thing in
their view. She began to feel so negative. She knew that every family considered
her bad. She needed to find positivity. She supposed to arrange all properly.
She was feeling so negative about everything. She didn’t understand that why
didn’t they appreciate her even little bit. She was feeling upset in her soul. She
was no longer getting same love & affection. She looked around. She began
to search even for one family member who would admire her. But none of them was
admiring her. They all talked negatively about her. She began to feel so lonely
in that crowd. She wanted to feel hopeful but life was taking her on totally
negative route. She went in that resort but she was needed only to give food
& drinks. She normally liked it. She used to feel like nice hostess. But
this time it felt so different. She was taunted by all. When she was doing her
job of serving. Her brothers started to discuss that how did she never managed
to settle in life. It was clear that in their view she was total failure. Even
children were watching her with full attention. It was so sad. She needed to
feel positive about everything. She kept feeling negative. She noticed every
time her mom was trying to support & admire her. But she also sensed that
it was not much useful before all. She felt as if she was stuck in wrong path.
She sometimes wanted to change herself. She wanted to find some good husband
but she knew that it was not possible. She told herself that everything would
be fine. She just needed to live happily with what she had. She kept talking
nicely but her mom was beginning to get angry. She just decided to call her mom
inside. Then she told to her mom “Don’t worry next time don't do this arrangement.
Let’s just handle it today.” Her mom nodded. It was clear that everything was
getting frustrating. She told herself that everything was just about that
picnic but in her heart, she was scared. She felt that she couldn’t get rid of
them so easily & her mom also began to help her but she had same negative
feeling that it wouldn’t be easy since they began to feel that Aparna was their
slave & she needed to do everything for them. Aparna looked towards mom
& asked “Do you feel it’s my mistake that I don’t? I am doing everything in
right way. Those kids used to love me. I still remember those days.” “I know.”
Mom smiled & said “I feel kids still love you.” She nodded. But in her
heart, she knew that it was lie. Kids didn’t even come to speak with her with
same love. They wanted themselves to be connected to someone who managed to get
success in career. She didn’t earn anything so she was complete failure in
their eyes. She was one unsuccessful woman who didn’t deserve any respect. She
felt so sad in her heart. But she told herself that everything would be fine.
It was so problematic for her to find some way to get success in her life. She
didn’t find it with career she tried so hard but no one was ready to help her.
She couldn’t do it in independent way.
Aparna was feeling so frustrated. She
needed to feel positive but everything was moving in negative way. When she
came back home, she wanted to feel hopeful. But she felt totally scary. She
began to think negatively about all. She started to feel scared for first time
regarding her future. Until now she kept thinking that she would stay in house
& she would keep giving gifts to kids of her brother. They would like her.
If they didn’t admire her gifts then they would just avoid old auntie. But now
she sensed that they didn’t like her. They wanted all & they were not ready
to give anything to her. She looked towards her mom & said “Mom I feel so
scared. I don’t understand what would happen in my future.” Her mom smiled
sweetly & said “Don’t worry nothing bad will happen.” Mom patted on her
shoulder & asked “Do you want to see photo of this man? He seems nice &
suitable…” “Mom you know very well. It never works.” Her mom looked so upset.
Mom “Only if your brothers stop inferring in your life.” “Mom it’s not possible
they have all money.” Aparna knew that she was totally dependent on them. Her
father kept all papers regarding her investment in hands of her brothers. She
knew nothing. After all it was her father’s earning so he had choice. Her mom
slowly looked towards Aparna. Mom said slowly “You needed to give it at least
one chance.” She turned her head in negative way. She opened door of her room.
She began to remember everything. She started to remember her pleasant past.
She started to feel positive about her memories then slowly they began to turn
in negative way too. Her entire thinking turned in worst way. She was feeling
so negative about all. She wanted hopeful feelings but her life was moving in
bad way. She was thinking hard to feel happy but it was not working. She began
to feel so sad. She started to think that she might needed to find some way to get
solution. It was creating different effect on her mind. She began to think
about directions which she could take. She knew that she couldn’t get financially
independent so easily. Most importantly she was too scared to try. She kept
watching out of window for hours. Her Mom was observing her. It was all wrong.
She didn’t appear normal at all. She kept looking out of window for hours. This
started since Aparna realized that her brothers didn’t care about her. They
just pretended. Mom knew one thing that mom needed to do something which could
bring Aparna out of this. Mom suddenly felt that she might invest some money to
start her career. Mom came in room & suggested “Why don’t you start
painting once again? We might start to sell them!” Aparna smiled happily.
Aparna immediately decided to start painting. She took out canvas. She put it
on stand & she began to paint. She started to concentrate on it. She was
trying so hard to paint something but she couldn’t. Aparna looked towards her
mom. Aparna “Mom I don’t understand I can’t paint.” Aparna looked nervously
towards mom. It was so upsetting. Aparna used to do beautiful paintings. Aparna
was excellent painter. She used to do so many paintings. It was impossible that
she couldn’t paint. Her mom looked so tense. Her mom said nervously “Try!”
Aparna started to try to paint. Step by step that canvas began to look so
beautiful. She began to take interest in it’s every corner. She wanted to paint
but her finger just didn’t permit. They kept standing same way. She started
crying. She began to scream “Mom I can’t paint.” Her mom felt so nervous but
still her mom tried that it might be her mood. Aparna could try to paint
tomorrow. Aparna decided that her mom was right. She told herself that she was
just fine. She decided to paint next day. It was so important. But even on that
day she didn’t able to paint. She was certain that her hands were totally
normal. She took deep breath. She tried so hard. Finally, she sensed that she
couldn’t paint. She was feeling so restless. She didn’t understand what was
happening to her. She called mom & started to tell all. Finally, mom said
“Let’s go to Psychiatrist.” Aparna wanted to feel positive in her mind. It was
so wonderful to start painting. But she couldn’t. She knew that she was not
mad. “Mom I am not mad.” “But you can’t
paint why?” She couldn’t answer that question but still she screamed on her mom
& avoided further discussions. But she was so upset. She told herself that
everything would fine. She just needed to move ahead positively. She began to
paint canvas carefully. But she couldn’t able to do much. She sensed one thing
that if she didn’t visit Psychiatrist she wouldn’t able to paint again. She
called mom & they took appointment of psychiatrist. Psychiatrist heard all
with patience. Then Psychiatrist slowly began to explain. Aparna sensed that
she accepted her father’s every word blindly which leaded to this mess. She
felt little relaxed. She decided to take treatment. Slowly she managed to
complete her treatment. Step by step she started to deny invitations given by
her brothers where she just supposed to work. She began to paint. She didn’t
earn much but still she enjoyed painting for hours. She didn’t care what her
brothers called her or how did they taunt her. She just began to live her life.
She started to live in life of her paintings & colours. It was so pleasant.
She was so happy in her life. Her mom was happy for her too. Finally, Arpana
settled in her life with her paintings. She was no longer other people’s slave.
Somewhere in heart her mom knew that this happened since Aparna’s father was
dead. There was no one to force them. Finally, they were free.
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