Sapana's sorrow
Sapana was
standing in window. She was looking out. She was watching roads. She was hoping
for something positive in her life. She knew that she was going to get it. She
told herself many times from morning. That she needed to feel hopeful about
all. But still she was feeling so negative. She didn’t able to forget her grandfather.
It was over than one year. Tomorrow they would have ritual. Her parents were
saying that she would slowly forget her sorrows. She knew that she would. All
managed to forget sorrows like that. After all her grandfather was old age man.
She needed to accept his death as fact. She supposed to take it positively. She
was trying so hard. She smiled to herself. She told herself. She was living
with her parents. She needed to think positively. But she didn’t feel safe
anymore. She felt as if she lost her only pillar. She was watching out of
window when she sensed that someone touched her shoulder. She looked behind. It
was her Auntie Charu. Charu “Are you alright?” “I am just fine Auntie.” It was
so stressful. She needed to pretend that she got over that pain. But Charu
Auntie was observing in her eyes. Auntie “You don’t look normal to me.” She
smiled. She actually forced one smile. “I am just fine Auntie!” Charu was not
convinced. It was clear for her that Sapana was not getting over that pain. She
knew that Sapana’s father didn’t much care about this situation. Sapana’s
father was always busy with his work. He didn’t have time to show love to his
daughter. But he always had time to do parties & drink with his friends or
relatives. She knew that Sapana’s father was not going to do anything positive
for his daughter but she was expecting better from Sapana’s mother! Her own
sister was too busy in her world. She was Sapana’s mother but she didn’t care
for Sapana. She kept arranging parties during different things to get
reputation in Society. It was so important for her. One day Charu Auntie asked
Sapana’s mother “Why you keep arranging those parties? You need to pay
attention to Sapana instead.” “Come on! This is for Sapana. No doubt about it.
She would get good contacts & she could achieve some progress.” Charu
Auntie was so upset by this answer. But she didn’t have much option. She needed
to nod. Charu Auntie was not rich. She was managing in her father’s investment
while Sapana’s parents were rich people. She felt so nervous when she needed to
oppose them. Finally, Sapana was their daughter. But today she regretted it.
Sapana was looking so odd & nervous. Sapana was pretending that she was
normal but Sapana was not normal. Charu started to move her hand over Sapana’s
hair. Sapana looked so nervous. Sapana was so upset. Sapana slowly pushed away
her hand & said nervously “I am not little child anymore.” Charu Auntie nodded. Then slowly Charu Auntie
took out one FM Radio out of her purse. “Still, I got gift for you. You can
hear music with headphones.” Sapana smiled. Sapana immediately took it. Sapana
kept watching it for sometimes. Then Sapana smiled. Charu Auntie could tell
clearly that Sapana was happy. Charu Auntie “You need to start singing again.”
Sapana nodded. Sapana “When no one is in home, I will sing songs with help of
this I can learn to sing.” Charu Auntie smiled. “& Sapana record when you
sing on mobile. I know mobile have songs too.” “No Auntie this is different. I
love it.” Sapana slowly managed to hide it in her cupboard. Charu Auntie sensed
one thing that Sapana’s parents were not appreciating even listening to music
& Sapana’s singing.
Those rituals told Sapana that her
grandfather was dead for one year. She supposed to feel positive but she kept
feeling negative about all. She was feeling so upset on each point. She knew
that finally it was not getting over it. She was feeling so stressed. She
wanted to get over it. She returned to those rituals with Charu Auntie. She was
observing it. She was listening to priest. She looked around. Everyone who was
watching ritual seemed to got over death. In fact, most of them were totally
relaxed. Some were even reading newspaper & some were busy with mobile. It
was clear that no one was sensitive like her. She was feeling so negative about
entire thing. She kept telling herself that everything would be fine. She
wanted to feel hopeful about all. But she was still feeling uneasy. She kept
feeling little bit nervous. She needed to calm herself. She wanted to cry
loudly. She kept controlling herself but then suddenly she could. She began to
cry. She could sense tears were falling on her cheek. She looked around. She
looked around. Luckily no one was watching her. She tried hard to hide tears in
her eyes. She felt so happy when she sensed Charu Auntie was also crying
slowly. So, it was normal. She began to feel so stressed. She was trying hard
to add positivity in her soul. She kept telling herself that she needed to feel
hopeful. She was trying so hard to think about different feelings. She wanted
to control her tears. Soon she managed to stop them. She smiled happily. She
suddenly felt scared that she was laughing on wrong point. But when she laughed
her uncle returned that smile too. Her Uncle said slowly “Sapana you are brave
girl you went over it with courage.” She smiled. Sapana was so happy. She
wanted to look brave. Her Uncle was calling her brave. But that point her
father gave odd laugh & said “Brave? She is just crybaby. Our father is
such elderly man still on his death she kept crying for so many days.” Her mom
“Don’t talk like that! She is just little bit emotional.” “But person must not
be such an emotional. How can she survive in her life if she keeps on like
that?” Her Auntie joined conversation. She was hoping her Uncle would say
something in support to her. But her Uncle just turned back his attention to
newspaper. It was not clear to her that if he was just saying those nice things
to please her or he found something very interesting in newspaper that he
decided to concentrate on it. But any way finally all decided that she was not
brave. She was just emotional fool. She couldn’t survive in life. She felt so
sad & negative. She looked towards Charu Auntie. She was hoping that she would
take her side. But she sensed that Charu Auntie was not in room. She must had
left when they began to talk. Charu Auntie wanted to hide her tears too. She
knew that they didn’t talk nicely about her Charu Auntie. In their eyes she was
not successful person. But Sapana always loved & admired her Auntie. She
knew that if she was sitting there then she would have supported her.
Finally entire ritual was over.
Sapana’s father smiled. “Finally, it was over. I found it so hard to sit like
that for hours. Such a tiring thing!” Clearly Sapana’s father was not sad.
Sapana was still feeling so sad. Her father “What’s wrong with you? How long
are you going to cry for that old man?! Old people die. He died same way. But
this Sapana was getting so overemotional. She is so frustrating! No one would
like her if she behaved this way!” Sapana’s mother was in kitchen. Sapana’s
mother screamed “Come on. It’s okay.” Sapana didn’t say anything. She just
returned to her room. She knew that neither her father nor her mother going to
understand her attitude. Sapana felt so pained in her heart. She was feeling
very upset. She kept sitting in one corner of room. She kept remembering her grandfather
for hours. She needed to practice her music but she was not achieving much
through it. Every pleasant tune of her voice was so welcoming to her grandfather
but it was frustrating to all other. She needed to work hard for hours to feel
positive in her mind. Sapana began to feel that she needed to just stay in her
room. That would be better. She just stayed in room & kept watching around.
Then she decided to watch TV. She began to watch it for diversion. Soon she
began to feel so positive. She started to think hopefully regarding all. She
sat on sofa for long time. Charu Auntie went home. Charu Auntie was hoping for
some song from her Sapana. She knew that Sapana always used to start singing
immediately but this time she didn’t heard any song on message by Sapana. Charu
Auntie didn’t like this. Charu Auntie called Sapana. After sometime finally
Sapana answered that call. Sapana said slowly “Auntie I am feeling so tired. I
can’t forget grandfather. I cried but you cried too. When it was father of my dad.
Isn’t it wrong?” “No…no…your grandfather was nice person. He helped me so many
times. I always admired him.” Sapana didn’t say anything. Charu Auntie didn’t
talk for some time then finally she said. “I feel you need help. Even after one
year of your grandfather’s death you are not getting over it. I can arrange one
visit to counselor. No one in house need to know about it. Will you come with me?”
Sapana didn’t say anything. It was hard for her to accept this but she knew
that she was not getting over her issue. She slowly decided to agree. “I will
come.” “Great I come tomorrow & you can come to visit me for week.” Sapana
immediately agreed. When Charu Auntie called Sapana’s mom, her parents
immediately agreed. In fact, her father said clearly “I need to get break from
her forever sad face. It will get relief.” So next day Charu Auntie came to pick
up Sapana. Sapana already managed to pack her clothes. Sapana was ready. Charu
Auntie took Sapana in her home. But Sapana was acting so different. She was
crying again & again. Charu Auntie already decided to take appointment of
Psychiatrist. She managed to find good one & took appointment. She began to
feel so nervous when she actually planned to do it. She was doing all on her
own. It was not exactly right to take Sapana there without permission of her
parents. But Sapana was big girl. She was major & had rights to decide.
After all visiting Psychiatrist was not crime. They went there. But whole time
they tried their best to hide faces. When they went inside Charu Auntie immediately
told Psychiatrist how did she came with niece without telling her sister &
brother-in-law. Psychiatrist smiled & said “It’s not wrong to bring her
here for mental treatment & I don’t feel she would need any serious sort of
medicines. She will get well soon.” Charu Auntie nodded. Slowly Sapana’s
treatment was started. Sapana began to feel normal. Sapana went back home but
she kept going for counselling time to time. Slowly Sapana began to take interest
in singing. Most importantly she stopped crying again & again. Her life
started moving ahead in normal way. Sapana never told her parents about her
Psychiatric treatment. Her parents never took much interest in her. Since she
was no longer sad, her father didn’t mind her face. She began to enjoy her
life. She was always thankful to Charu Auntie for taking her to Psychiatrist.
Her treatment stopped but when it was over, she declared to Auntie “I needed
that treatment my sorrows were not planning to just vanish in air.” Then they
both laughed. They decided to leave behind their sorrows.
The End
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