A diary which she wrote
Sapana began to plan her day. She started to write in diary. She always planned & wrote it in notebook. She always kept planning her life in notebook. It was so important to her. She knew that if she wrote something wrong on those pages she needed to do it too. She laughed at this thought. She was not slave of that diary. She couldn't break it's writing. She started to write again. She first wrote what she planned. She was planning to go to mall & do some shopping. She decided names of her friends. She fixed with which friend she would go. She planned all. She kept writing everything. She knew that she would manage to call all those friends. She was so sure of different friends. She wrote their names with confidence. Then she saw in clock. It was time to sleep. She went to sleep peacefully after setting alarm of next day. She was so scared when she heard sound of alarm. She didn't understand why but it was upsetting. Then she remembered in her diary she wrote that in morning she would study for her exams. She was planning to appear for higher study entrence test once again. Last time she didn't got enough marks. She wrote it in diary but she failed. She felt such pain in heart by it's memory. Her life was so perfect. She used to pass everything as per her plan. But this time something went wrong. She needed to correct it so she planned to wake up early every day. It was irritating but she needed to do it. She woke up with alarm. She took out her thermos. It was full of coffee. She poured some in cup. She began to taste it. She liked it. Her Mom always did best coffee. She preferred her coffee. She wrote this in her dairy too. She started tasting it. She began to feel so fresh. She could see wonderful colour & smell. She began to remember all that she studied last time. She started with study with concentration. She soon started to write in notebook. She was so happy. She remember all that she decided to remember. She wrote everything. She began to feel that surely this time she would pass examination. She remembered every word. She had all written it all in memory. She was sure that she began to sense she would pass this time. She began to feel confident. She started to write everything in diary since many days. She was creating her dream very carefully. She was thinking about it with different hopes. She began to sense that she was thinking too much about diary. She even began to name dairy. She named her Rosa. Her best friend Rosa. She smiled. It was not truly her friend. But still that dairy seemed like her friend. She knew that she was showing too much attachment to diary. She didn't felt that it was big thing. People named their pet. She felt that it was just like that. It never crossed her mind that pet was alive & diary was not. She felt that her diary was wonderful friend. She began to study hard. She began to look towards notebook in which she was writing. She began to feel special affection towards it too. She started to feel that notebook was cause of her success. If she managed to get good marks then it was just due to that notebook. She kept writing everything from time to time. She was planning different dream. She was going to pass examination due to this notebook. It was her friend. She began to feel that she needed to name it too. She knew that those notebooks were planning to give her future. She kept understanding every word of that notebook. She started to feel same affection to this notebook too. She began to write everything in pages. She started to feel that those pages were giving her life. In every step of life she needed them. She began to plan her life on every page. She knew those pages cared for her. She started to feel she could stay in those pages. She began to hope different impact on life. She started to feel those pages were every thing in life. She was feeling so restless. She wanted to see her life as she dreamt in dairy. She wanted to write all on pages. Her life should be in those pages which were giving new side to life. She started to sense that these pages were giving her life. Then suddenly she began to show different hopes to start dreams in mind. She started to see different ways in life. She was so pleased to create it on pages. She was so tense without those pages. Her life was locked in those pages. She was happy about it. She decided to write everything in those wonderful pages. She suddenly began to feel she didn't need human. On that point Mom entered in room & asked " Do you want something more?" She looked confused. She didn't sense that she was not expecting human being around. She should be expecting her Mom. Her Mom always showed concern about her. She smiled & tried to act normal. She was so upset. She didn't understand what was her ambition. She knew that she wanted to pass examination. Then she planned to marry. But now she was getting wrong type of proposals. She was not so sure that marriage was great idea. She didn't understand what should be her dream. She was so confused. She didn't sense her feelings. She was thinking about her wish. She needed to understand her dream from soul. She kept writing hopes in diary which was creating many plans in soul. She knew that their pages were giving new ideas. " Mom it is okay. I want to study so will you please.." " Of course honey! I will leave." Mom was so happy. Mom wanted her to become something great. She didn't feel she could become that great but she knew her Mom would consider her great anyway. She was hoping that she could find way to prove her Mom that she was excellent daughter worthy of her affection. Sometimes she felt that nothing came free even affection of her Mom. If she wanted it then she needed to prove herself. Her Mom was single parent. Her Dad left her Mom when she was baby. It was forced marriage. Her Dad went back to his lover. Her Mom always had bitterness about it. Her Mom still wanted her to get married. But worst thing was her Dad. She knew that soon he would call her & force her to stay in his house. He was paying for their expenses so she must come to her. She hated to stay there but she had no option.
Sapana's Dad was reading something on mobile when he suddenly remembered that he needed to call Sapana. He wanted her to stay with him. She was his child from first marriage. He never liked his first wife. She was always burden pressed on him by his parents. But he wanted his child. He knew that he wouldn't have touched her but he became weak on some moments. Now he wanted his girl. He had two kids from second marriage. So he had his family still he wanted her as his child. He knew that his first wife was not so intelligent. She was such weak personality. He always used her like toy & she nodded on everything. He was keeping his affair side by side but she didn't understand until he didn't told it on her face. It was so stupid. He used to go & come any time he wanted but she didn't objected. She should have sensed. Any way he was not going to stay with her so he didn't show any interest in her stupidity but now he was scared that it might enter in his daughter too. He wanted her to be smart. But that girl was not showing any sign of smartness. He needed to teach her. He was so upset. She never called him to tell she was coming. He always needed to call her. It was so upsetting. She needed to feel need to visit her father but she didn't. She was totally under influence of her mother. It was moving in wrong way. He called her. Sapana hesitated to take her call. Then finally she took it. She was so tense. She began to think excuses. But she knew that nothing was going to work. She finally said on mobile. " I was packing.." she could hear happiness in her Dad's voice. " That's my girl! What did you pack?" " Well my new frock I just purchased." " I hope from branded shop?" "Of course!" She knew that her Dad wanted branded items only. She was not so desperate for brands. She liked simple clothes. She kept liking them but she never purchased them. She didn't wrote this visit in diary. She kept writing in pages. She decided to arrange all. She started to feel that she must visit that mall. " Ohh no Dad! I totally forgot I told my friends I will go to mall with them. Now I.." " It's okay. I feel at this age you must go out with your friends than parents. Maybe you will find someone special!" Her Dad started laughing after it. Then her Dad started to discuss about his second wife. " I met my wife same way. We were sitting next to each other while watching movie. I sensed that sweet smell of her purfume. It was like visit to heaven. It was so wonderful.." he was describing his affair with his second wife. It was horrible. He cheated her Mom for that lady & now he was describing it. He wanted her to treat her just like Mom. She couldn't. She suddenly began to feel need to write on page. She wanted to write all that she wanted. But now she felt that she was locked in that diary. She began to sense her life was written in it. She started to look towards it. She suddenly asked " Is it okay if I bring my diary?" Her Dad sounded confused. " Which diary?" She suddenly came back in senses. She couldn't want to tell Dad about it. She was talking without thinking. She shivered. It was so horrible. Her life was getting worst everyday. She was feeling so upset. She wanted to stay with Mom. But she knew that it was not possible. If she didn't go her Dad would come & force her to go with him. He didn't listen to her denial. She tried it from childhood but it never worked. She needed to go. It was so frustrating. He was so dominating. She started talking again. " Nothing important.." " Any way go as per your plan but come home for dinner." She smiled. Now she could write it in diary & did it. She was so shocked. She wrote everything as per her plan. She forgot to call her friends. She began to call. But her friends were not interested. She was so sure that they would come. It was upsetting. She needed them to come. She even tried to plead with them. But they didn't want to come. It was so upsetting. She began to get so restless. She knew that she needed friends. She started crying. Her Mom came in room. She told Mom everything. Mom looked shocked. " Honey you can't expect them to fulfill your wish? They have their life." "But Mom life must go as per this diary!" She started showing that diary. It was not anything special. It was just ordinary diary. Mom didn't understand her attitude. She began to tell how did diary decided all. Mom " Are you okay? How could a diary decide?" " I mean I do what I write!" " Then don't do it." She was so frustrated. Her Mom was not understanding what she was trying to say. She must act as per her diary. It was important. Her Mom didn't understand it. She began to show her pages. She felt that after watching them her Mom would sense. But she didn't. She looked confused. Her Mom was watching diary. Mom " You can ignore it." She couldn't. " I can't I need them. Those friends!" She started to call her friends. She began to find that no one was cooperating. It was shocking. They didn't expecting her call again & again. Her Mom sensed that it was becoming her madness so she took away her mobile. She started crying. She didn't stop. Her Mom was so shocked. She kept reading every page. She concentrated on every word. Her Mom started to reading each page. They were nothing special. Her diary was giving impact to her thoughts. She started to read but nothing magical in it. Her Mom was so confused. On that point her Dad started to call her. Mom was so confused. Mom took call & told everything to Dad without second thought. Her Mom was always simple. Her Dad managed to fool her on every point. Even today he started accusing her " I wanted her custody but you took it & made her mad. It is visible now." She didn't sense it. That it would turn that way. Her Mom never demanded anything from anyone except her custody. After hearing this she felt shattered. Her Mom began to cry too. They both stated crying in different corners of room. Situation was so strange. No one was capable to handle other person.
When Sapana's Dad came, everything was out of control. Sapana was crying hysterically & her Mom was also crying. Her Dad tried to handle but everything was going in wrong way. Dad tried to console Sapana but she kept saying that she must go as per her diary. She kept following every word of diary. She was concentrating on it. Dad took it out of her hand. It was nothing special. He didn't feel anything magical or supernatural about it. It was so upsetting. She didn't understand what was happening. Sapana kept telling about it's magic. Soon her Dad sensed that he had no option. He called psychiatrist. He requested an appointment. Psychiatrist was not ready at beginning but when he told entire situation psychiatrist agreed. Dad tried hard to take that diary out of her hand but it was impossible. Finally Sapana's Mom convinced him that they should take it with them. They went to psychiatrist. Sapana kept talking about diary. Then psychiatrist talked with her. Finally Psychiatrist gave her medicines & called her parents. Psychiatrist " Sapana is upset by her situation," Psychiatrist turned towards her Dad. " You are trying to push yourself too much in her life. " Her Dad looked annoyed. Psychiatrist gave him angry look. Psychiatrist " You must not do it otherwise she will lose her mental balance. She is showing signs now." Her Dad looked scared. He agreed. Then they began her treatment. Psychiatrist said " She was trying to reduce tension of human relationships so she began to give importance to pages which will create positive effect on her mind. But you manage to give so much tension on her mind that she started to sense it's impact too much. So she created friends out of them. Let her decide where she want to stay. Don't force!" Her Dad didn't want to obey this but still he nodded. He didn't want mad daughter too. Sapana slowly began to listen psychiatrist & her tension started to reduce. Her Dad slowly made some excuse & went away. After it her Dad just sent cheque, he never came to visit during her troubles. He didn't want any contact with his mad daughter. But Sapana was happy & perfect. Still she never told it to her Dad. Her psychiatrical treatment finished but she never informed. She just stopped taking money. Her Dad never asked. Once person showed sign of mental trouble he was permanently mad for him & she never tried to shatter his image. She didn't want him back in her life.
The End
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