Clapping in midnight
Once again Rita stood up with people clapping loudly. Her Yogesh was smiling on stage. He had just finished his speech. She was clapping so loudly. She was so happy. She never thought that this dream would become true. She started looking around. It was so wonderful. Her son gave speech in such big auditorium. She started observing it. It was big and so beautiful. It had such artistic interior. It might be something belonged to old century. She felt that it was something antique. Something truly special in her eyes!! She started watching it. She began to sense even that auditorium was special. She started to keep it's every sculpture in her mind. She wished only of camera was allowed but they didn't permit so she needed to store all in her mind. She kept watching them with full attention. She was so happy. Then she sensed that people were admiring her Yogesh's speech. Yogesh's speech was getting admired by all. She was so happy. She achieved her biggest wish. She started clapping loudly and continued it. Piyush was sleeping peacefully when he sensed sound of his wife's clapping. He was so confused. It was so scary when he sensed that someone was clapping in middle of night. It started remind his some horror movie in which that ghost used to clap. While watching movie it didn't scare him but now it started to scare him. It was so scary. He started to look around. Entire room was so dark. He didn't see anything in it. He began to think that he might keep some small light there. But then it would disturb his sleep. He didn't feel scared like that normally. He felt so upset today. He saw Rita was laughing in sleep. She was looking so strange in that night moonlight. She seemed like some witch. He always felt that she was so beautiful but today he began to see ugliness on her entire face. He started to think that she was some scary witch who was planning her evil trick on world. He knew that it was just one big lie. Witch didn't exist or they didn't exist at least in his world. But he could see her. He was so scared. He didn't want to wake her up. He was even scared to touch her in night. He could see every gesture of her face. He felt that they were very strange. They were scaring him from heart. He didn't want to see her face. He decided that he would just face his blanket on his face and sleep. He did it many times in childhood and even sometimes in his adulthood when he was scared. But he never felt so scared of his own wife. It was so shocking. He supposed to admire her but he wanted to just forget her face. He needed to forget it. But he knew that she was his wife so he needed to help her. He needed to wake her up. He couldn't let her clap like that for entire night. Then she suddenly stopped clapping. She began to laugh. Then she stopped both. She once again went in normal sleep. He guessed that her dream was over. He was so happy. He went to sleep again. Next morning he woke up by sound of truck. Some construction work was happening on his street so voices of trucks were common thing to them. He didn't mind them so much. But elderly couple who stayed in next flat was very upset. He tried to console them that it would be over soon. But he knew that it was irritating. Today he felt relieved to hear it. He was woke up due to it. He immediately looked at clock. He was late no doubt about it. But situation was still in control. He could still managed to reach on time. He started to hurry up when Rita came running in room with his breakfast. Rita " You wake up late today?!!" " Thanks to your clapping last night. I can't able to sleep much." " Clapping?!! What was cause of clapping? I don't remember any function we attended last night?!!" " No. We don't but you were clapping without reason or in sleep you found some reason. But it was horrible and irritating to me." She was so confused. She totally forgot last night's dream. She needed to remember it if she was so excited. Then she suddenly remembered. She started laughing. " Yesterday in my dream Yogesh was performing." Now this managed to more confuse Piyush. He didn't understand who was Yogesh. " Who is Yogesh?" " Yogesh?!! Our son!! I mean my imaginary son." Now Piyush didn't like this idea. They didn't have child because they decided to wait for sometime. It was not as if they couldn't have one but if she wanted one so desparately she should have told him. Piyush " Why did you created imaginary son? If you want child,we can surely have one." " No..no this isn't about our child. I mean it is just that I want a child which can give public speech." Piyush looked at her with confusion. But in daylight she was beautiful again. He was once again in love with her so he considered everything was perfect and nodded. But Rita was still thinking about that dream. She truly needed a child which could give that speech. She wanted him to do that. It was not about anything else. She was not desparate about child. She just wanted that child to give public speech. She was so dedicated for it. She knew that public speaking was precious. His parents never did anything on that front for her so she decided that she wanted to do it for her child. She wanted her child to be brave. She did cooking then she started to search for job. This was her routine. She never got job until now. She was so scared when it came to interview. One day she was just about to faint. She needed someone who took interview in soft way. But they normally demanded things like project presentation before client etc. She knew that she couldn't do them. She sensed one thing. She needed some job where she didn't need to face people much and she was confused that which would be good one. She didn't understand she should take which job. She kept looking around. Then she suddenly located a job of nurse. Now this would be great but she didn't have any medical knowledge. She took wrong side. She didn't understand why didn't study in some section where she could protect her privacy. But then she sensed that she didn't need job that much now. She could become housewife. Piyush was not that much interested in her earnings so she just threw away paper which contained job advertisement and started cleaning her house.
Rita's Mom was so tense. She was not sure that marriage was right decision for Rita but every one insisted and she agreed. It was such a strange situation. Rita was dating Yogesh for such long time. In fact they knew each other since childhood. They were schoolmates too. So they were perfect couple. They used to play in society compound everyday. Everyone always saw them playing with each other. They always kept enjoying each other's company. Everyone expected them to start dating each other in adulthood. And everyone's guess turned out to be true. They started dating. It was all perfect. Yogesh was little bit shy boy while Rita didn't shown that much sign of shyness. But then slowly after staying with Yogesh she began to get shy too. Her parents didn't like it. Her Mom objected it one day. It was that day when her professor told her to sing for college function. She was happy and excited at first but then she sensed change. Her Mom was sitting in room when Yogesh and Rita started talking. Rita " I am planning to sing song." " What?" He clearly looked upset. Her Mom hated it. She didn't want a husband who was against woman progress for Rita but Rita had chosen him so there was not much chance. But her Mom kept listening. Yogesh " Actually I don't like singing in public that much." Rita suddenly began to look nervous. She suddenly began to feel ashamed of her talent. She started to think that she must not sing. Her Mom sensed that she was moving in negative way. Mom " What is wrong in singing?!!" Yogesh looked at her Mom in confusion. Yogesh didn't sense Mom was there and she was listening to their conversation. Yogesh " I am not against her singing but I don't like this career personally." " But I feel it is great and Rita must try it." Rita was confused now. Her Mom began to sense that Yogesh was wrong boy for her. But Rita was already in deep love with him. Rita " Mom I just sang for hobby. I am not planning to become professional singer." Mom was so confused. Until now every day Rita kept talking about becoming professional singer but now suddenly everything seemed to change. She was no longer planning to become singer just to please Yogesh. Her Mom didn't say anything before Yogesh but as soon as he went out of house Mom started. Mom " I don't like Yogesh's attitude that much." Rita looked upset. Rita " What happened? You don't like that he told truth on my face?..Mom every husband have some demand from wife. Yogesh have too and he just telling them on face. I am sure other boys will have them too. Woman need to adjust." This was shocking for her Mom. Her daughter was acting old fashioned and telling that she must bow before her husband. Mom didn't say anything. She just went out of room to avoid argument. Mom knew that Rita was deeply in love with Yogesh so it was useless to discuss. But Mom decided to discuss with her Dad. Her Mom wanted to break Rita's relationship with Piyush. She didn't like it. So when Mom managed to get privacy with her Dad she started talking. Mom " That Yogesh is too pushy. Not right choice for our daughter." "Why? Now tell me what did he done!!" " He stopped Rita from singing." " So?!!" " So?!! It seem as if you don't feel anything wrong in not letting your daughter pursue career of her choice?!!" "Well. Many people don't like that type of career. People observe those woman in different way." Her Mom was so shocked by this kind of thinking. She never thought that anyone could be such narrow minded. Specially Rita's father who permitted Rita to dress as per her choice and never objected other things like dating at such small age with Yogesh " I don't understand. Why don't you feel that something is wrong in this?!!" " Because Yogesh is perfect for her as well as for us. This way our daughter will stay with us. We need her for our old age too." Her Mom was shocked. Mom " How could you think this way? We need to think about our daughter not ourselves!!" " Yes but she had chosen Yogesh? He is not my choice. I am just planning to agree with her while you are planning to disagree. But think peacefully. Is it wise? I mean she like him but just because he hated singing on stage. We shouldn't consider him as bad person. We need to give him chance." " When I can see that he can clearly destroy her entire life?!!" Rita's Dad started laughing. " Come on his just one comment don't make him bad?" " Really? I feel it make him worst." Her Dad started laughing loudly. Mom slowly began to feel that she was overreacting on everything. Her Mom smiled too. Mom " You are right. May be Yogesh is not that bad?" " Not that bad?!! He is rich. His parents have bangalows and factories. What more did we need?" Her Mom was confused. Next day Rita happily quit chance of public singing and her Mom said nothing. After that step by step Rita began to avoid every public speech. Yogesh discouraged her. He wanted her to spend more and more time just with him. At beginning her Mom thought that it was male ego but then she sensed that Yogesh never did it himself. He hated it. He was scared of public performance and unknowing he was instigating same fear in Rita. It was not about Rita. It was about his fear. He was scared of stage performance. He was trying to protect Rita from his imaginary crisis. Rita was so happy with him. Once her Mom decided that she must convince Yogesh to reduce his stage fear. She decided to invite him to dinner for that purpose only. She discussed this with Rita. Rita was totally willing since Rita knew that it would effect Yogesh's career. They sat on dinner. Slowly Mom started discussing. But Yogesh stopped her. Yogesh stopped her in middle. He said " Auntie I know what you are suggesting but I have tried all. I can't. If Rita want to marry me then she must accept this weakness. " Rita's Mom didn't like this idea. She said " But it will not solve problem. You need to handle this fear of Public speaking." But Rita interfered " Mom it was okay. I will adjust." Mom didn't have much option. She nodded. Still those memories of Yogesh brought tears in her eyes. She just hoped marriage with Piyush would solve problem.
While cleaning Rita started remembering her conversation with Piyush. Name of Yogesh escaped from her lips. She didn't want to tell Piyush about that incidence. It was that horrible part of her life which she wanted to bury. She married to Piyush with just one purpose it was to escape from past. Piyush was staying far away from her house so it was change of surrounding. She wanted to forget all about Yogesh. It was really frustrating. She didn't want her life to be dragged in sorrows. She wanted to be free. She didn't want to remember Yogesh. She didn't want to die like him. He cheated her by dying. She still remembered how confidently she spoke before Mom. " I will accept this. If Yogesh didn't do public speaking then it might reduce his few chances of career but not big deal we can handle." They both hold hands and made promise to each other before her Mom's eyes. Her Mom didn't like this but she nodded any way. Mom " This is your life so your choice but if you ask me. I am against this." She did all to adjust. She stopped her hobbies which were against his wishes. She went ahead happily in his style. Then one day he decided to go in hostel for further studies. She even accepted it as route towards big future for him. She didn't objected anything. But then one day she read news in newspaper. She was so shocked. They were saying Yogesh jumped from hostel terrace since he didn't want to give speech and his professor was insisting. His professor was not even aggressive towards him but still he got scared. She was so shocked. She called in his home. His parents didn't sounded pleased with her call. His Mom said angrily " He is dead now. Now at least stop chasing him." She was so shocked. She never tried to chase him. She always did what he wanted. Rita " I never chased him. I have just phoned you for condolences nothing else. Sorry if I distrubed you." She immediately disconnected call. It was so humiliating. She didn't want her name to be attached with Yogesh anymore. She began to feel that Yogesh might be described her this way to his parents. It was so shocking. It was hurting her. She felt so sad about everything. She was confused. She never thought that she was pressuring Yogesh in marrying her. She suddenly began to feel that he might be putting all demand regarding adjusting with her weakness with one purpose and it was getting rid of her but she kept nodding to all and he needed to say " Yes" too. It was not pleasant thought but she felt that if this was truth then she had to accept it. She felt so sad. But she controlled her tears and ran in kitchen and told her Mom " Mom you must find another boy for me. Yogesh killed himself and his parents started claiming I was chasing him." She wanted to cry but she didn't. She was so angry with him. He cheated her. She couldn't believe that he did this to her. She was so happy with him but now everything started to look fake to her. She was so hurt. She tried so hard to make it successful. Now she wanted to change it. Her Mom looked at her with shock. Mom " But you liked him and you need to complete your education too." She sensed her mistake. She agreed. Then she began to live her life while pretending Yogesh didn't exist for her. He cheated her and she was hurt. She kept telling all. That she didn't care that much for him. Many people around her started to believe her. They started to say that they were just childhood friends so nothing big. She felt happy by this. She didn't want to attach herself to him. Everything looked perfect at beginning. She began to feel that she could get over him. She was so happy when Piyush asked for date. She felt that her life started again. She began to enjoy it. But in her soul she kept feeling strange fear as if someone would come and take away her dreams. Her happy life would vanish. She felt so sad and upset. She kept smiling towards Piyush but it was nothing but fake smile. She was so confused. She didn't understand why she didn't felt that promise of love in her soul which she felt on first time. But then she told herself that she needed to forget all about Yogesh. She must not include him in her thoughts. She needed to forget about him. It all looked so perfect to her. Then one day finally Piyush proposed her and she got married. Her Mom was confused but her Dad was sure. Her Dad said " She would forget Yogesh after her marriage no need to worry." Her Mom nodded. But she knew that her Mom didn't believe it. But she went ahead. She married to Piyush without talking about Yogesh. But she didn't even know what did she supposed today. Yogesh's parents denied everything. She was not even sure that he was truly planning to marry her. She felt that it might be a big lie. She decided that she didn't want him in her life so she kept trying to forget him. But it was not working. She couldn't manage to do it and sadly she sensed it after her marriage. Before her marriage her Mom had warned her. Her Mom said that she must be sure that she would adjust. Her Mom seemed to think that she might start remembering Yogesh. She laughed and said " I am over it." She pretended so much but now she sensed that Mom was right. She saw Yogesh in dream. Yogesh started that entering in her mind again. It was creating impact on her. She still had one place in mind for Yogesh and it was really scary. She didn't believe that she could get over it so easily. She began to regret her decision of marriage but it was too late. She needed to adjust now. She must remember Piyush was her only love. She kept telling it to herself again and again. But she was so scared. Yogesh was entering in her dreams and he was destroying her life. Rita decided to call her Mom.
Rita's Mom thought about it again and again. She kept remembering her sister's advice. Her sister was dentist. But she knew many Doctors for other fields. She once told her that Rita needed treatment. Mom was so angry. Mom was so sure that Rita was normal. Rita was planning to marry on that time. She didn't want her marriage to be broken. Truthfully Mom liked Piyush a lot. He was better than Yogesh in many ways. Rita's Dad were happy too since he was rich. He was staying far away. But after Yogesh Dad forgot that idea of making neighbour son-in-law. He just wanted rich son-in-law. And Piyush was perfect, still her sister said " Rita is not as normal as she appeared. Few days ago I saw her running away just after stage for speech. No one was planning to invite her but she was so scared. She didn't even sense that she would crash with me. I don't like that expressions. Something was wrong. This is not normal stage fear. I mean. I know her since childhood she never had stage fear then how did this entered?" Rita's Mom kept smiling. She didn't tell her about Yogesh and his fears. She knew that many people knew about them but her sister didn't and she was not planning to so she lied. " This is after failure in one speech in college." Her sister looked shocked. " I never heard anything about this." Rita's Mom gave forced smile and said " It was not big issue!!" " Not big issue?!! She was scared of stage and you feel it is small issue?!! You can't say it is just small thing. It is not normal. You are well educated woman. You can't consider it small thing. It is going to create such big problems." "Now stop it. Don't scare me. She is getting married soon. We don't have time to do all treatment you are suggesting and you know your brother-in-law very well. He will not agree to spend money on this. He would abuse you.." " And say I am jealous of your happiness. I know he would say many bad things about me. But it doesn't matter that much. I want to cure Rita which is more important." " Not now. If she have any problem after marriage then I will tell you." " But after marriage it will be so complicated!! She need a psychiatrist and I can suggest one. She will be perfect again." " Don't worry. We can handle it." Her sister didn't like it but when she saw anger on Rita's Mom's face she decided to drop subject. Then everything went ahead as per plan. But Mom kept sensing that something was so wrong with Rita. She was not even ready to stood on stage for wedding. She began to feel uneasy. Everyone thought that it was due to stress of marriage ceremony. But Piyush's close relatives took it in bad way. Piyush was upset too. Mom felt first crack on that point. She didn't want it to be increased. So she was tense after this marriage. She kept feeling scared that it might break. She didn't want to see her daughter with broken heart again. She knew that they lied to Piyush. But Rita never crossed her limits with Yogesh so it was not something big. If they were truly did something like that Mom should have insisted in telling truth but it was just verbal so it couldn't be considered something big. In fact Yogesh's parents didn't even recognise her. Then her mobile rang. She saw that it was Rita's call. She sensed that worst thing had happened. Rita's Mom took her call. " Hello.." " Mom yesterday I dreamt about Yogesh and then I started clapping. Piyush is so angry. I feel that he would left me if I kept acting like that." " Just relax." " I can't Mom. I needed to lie." Then she told entire story to Mom. Mom was so shocked. " Did Piyush believed you?" " I don't know. But at least he pretended that he believed me." Mom " I don't like it. I think I must suggest something to you." Then Mom paused. She was scared of Rita's reaction but she said it since she didn't have much option. " Your Auntie was suggesting a psychiatrist." Rita didn't like the way conversation was going. She didn't want Piyush to think that she was mad. " Mom I am fine." " I know.. I know." Then they started discussing some other subject. They started to get lost in their gossips. Rita was fine after call. That night she was so sure that she didn't dream anything wrong on that day. But her guess proved wrong. She dreamt again. She was so happy. She started clapping. This time Piyush felt so angry. How much he could tolerate. This was happening every night. He started screaming on her. " Stop it..Stop it.. can't you let me sleep at least for one day?!! What's wrong with you?!!" He began to abuse her. He was so upset. He wanted to sleep and she was not permitting that little sleep to her. She needed to understand. Rita shivered with fear when he screamed. Then she sensed what happened. She just kept apologizing but it was useless damage was already done. She sensed that Piyush was no longer in love with her. She sensed that he might be never truly in love with her. He was just trying to adjust. Just like Yogesh he was also forced in this marriage. She began to cry. After that Piyush started slowly to stay away from her. She began to get so tense. She began to dress in modern style. She tried to expose herself as much as possible. But it managed to damage their relation more. One day finally Piyush gave her paper of Divorce and went out of house. Piyush said " It is not your fault but I don't want to stay with you. You have some madness inside." " I will go to Doctor and cure it." Rita tried to hug him but he ran away from her grip. Piyush " No..no I don't want you." Rita was so upset. Rita couldn't control her tears. But then Piyush said " I will give you this entire house. Just give Divorce with consent." She looked around. It was nice house. She knew that Piyush didn't want her anymore. She nodded. Then she called her Mom and said " Let's go to psychiatrist."
Rita told everything to Mom on her way to psychiatrist. Her Mom was shocked but still she kept peace of her mind. They went in psychiatrist's clinic. They waited in line. Finally their number came. Rita told everything in singal breath to psychiatrist without stopping. She shivered angrily and said " I loved Yogesh so much but he rejected me!!" Psychiatrist smiled and asked " Who told you? His parents!! They were not even mental condition to answer anything as serious as this. They did mistake. They didn't took their son to psychiatrist. They didn't took proper care of their child like your Mom. She came with you to psychiatrist!!" Mom " Actually entire credit gone to my sister she insisted." " But just like your sister many must have insisted to Yogesh's parents but they ignored it due to ego so they didn't want to face anyone so they answered this way." Rita suddenly started crying and said " So he loved me!!" " Yes he did and you are suffering from posttraumatic symptoms. And your marriage during this condition was wrong decision. But if Piyush agreed to come for counseling here then your problem might solve." " I don't think he wanted and I don't want it too. I need sometime to get over." Psychiatrist nodded. From that day Rita started her life in new way. She told all to Piyush. At beginning he was angry. But then he get over it. But they decided to get divorce and went in their separate ways. Piyush soon found another girl who truly loved him. But Rita decided to wait. She wanted to be mentally prepared first. She decided to take everything step by step.
The End
