Word as weapon
Shruti was feeling so stressed. She knew that it was routine part of her life. She needed to adjust with it. They were doing inspection in her office on weekly basis now. They were checking out what staff was doing. It was going to be common. She couldn’t complain if her Boss wanted to visit from time to time but she was feeling threatened & uneasy by it. It was frustrating. She began to feel so upset by entire incidence. She wanted to feel normal. She was not head of department but still she was tense. She knew that head of department supposed to take all responsibilities but it was not happening. She felt so sad. She always felt so upset. She didn’t understand why she was feeling so tense. She kept telling herself that she was not head of department but it was not working. She was not feeling normal. She felt so scared. She told herself that she needed to relax. She selected nice lemon yellow dress & got ready. She looked towards herself in mirror. She was looking simple & decent. She smiled at her reflection & came out. Her husband Rakesh was watching her. He looked towards her & said “ My God. You are looking so pale.” She began to get upset. On that point their daughter Tara entered in room. Tara didn’t say anything. But Tara gave one look which told her that Tara totally agreed with Rakesh. She felt so nervous. She didn’t have time to change clothes too. It was so frustrating. She wanted to look great but it seemed as if she was looking just worst. She began to get so restless. She started to find way to tell herself that she was looking okay. She called one Cab. Cab driver stopped. Cab driver asked “ Where did you want to go?” She told location & she sat inside. Driver was driving on his own clearly he knew address of office. But she began to feel so nervous. She started to check her face in mirror again & again. It was so upsetting. She kept thinking that now her superior would criticise her. She was so stressed. She needed to think positively. But she kept thinking in wrong way. She started to feel so upset. She went inside office. Then she controlled her feelings. She smiled with confidence. She kept thinking in positive way. She needed to keep moving ahead with right way. She was smiling towards every one. She was looking so confident to them. They all started to look towards her as big support. She was best support for them. She always kept thinking hopefully towards it. She began to feel positive about every thought. But soon she remembered Rakesh’s words. She began to feel hopeless. She decided that she might needed to change her thinking. She was going to think in hopeful way for those people. She started to smile & she began to feel positively about it. She began to tell them all what they supposed to do. They all nodded. They all started to move ahead as she told. Head of department was not needed to them. She was perfect as guide to them. She was not on such great position but still her every word important according to them. She felt so happy. She knew that she didn’t need get promotion. She was enjoying work & that was enough for her. She didn’t want to get obsessed over success. She wanted happy life. She smiled in pleasant way. She began to work. She kept doing everything in perfect way. Then supervisor came for inspection. Soon she sensed that they were not so much tense about her. Supervisor told her clearly “ We always admire your work. We can trust you.” She felt so happy. But still she showed all. She did everything. She was exhausted but she was happy. It was perfect day for her. She didn’t need to work hard but still she was happy. After that she needed to do client meeting. She did it too. She was so sure that she was doing all in right way. She didn’t ever need to question her any action. Finally in evening she returned home. She went in kitchen. She started cooking. She wanted to cook nicely. But she knew that on some point she needed to take shortcuts too. She cooked simple dinner. It was tasty but not some special. She thought that daily food needed to be simple. She didn’t need to introduce anything special in it. She was so happy about admiration in office. She was planning to tell all to Rakesh in details. She was so sure that he would admire her. She wanted to tell him that she was acting on his suggestion & she was becoming wise day by day. She waited for him. Soon Tara came in kitchen. Tara wanted eggs. She immediately agreed to cook. Then Tara insisted on noodles too. She disliked fast food but she knew that it would be useless if she objected. Rakesh always encouraged fast food. So she did noddles with eggs. On that point Rakesh suddenly came. Rakesh was so happy to see those noddles. He began to ask for them too. She nodded. Then she cooked them. She knew that now dinner would be wasted but she decided to use it as her tiffin next day. She didn’t dare to spoil their mood. She didn’t want to object them. She just kept cooking as per their wishes. Then finally she decided to start her story. She began to describe her success. Immediately she sensed change in attitude. They both didn’t look that much happy. Rakesh said in straight way “ You always consider yourself something great. But frankly you are not getting much money through this job! It is totally useless.” She was so hurt. She didn’t expected Rakesh to say this. She knew that he was obsessed for money but many times he said that she could do a small job with limited salary & that was enough. Rakesh continued “ When Tara was small it was okay but now she is growing up. We need to save! At this moment we are spending more on servants than you get as salary? In fact it is entirely waste.” She felt so hurt. It was so hard to control her tears. She controlled herself & said “ I think I need to reduce those servants. I hardly need them.” Rakesh nodded. He was so happy that she decided to remove servants. She knew that it would be extra work but she would manage. She knew that she was not earning much so she didn’t need maid. She once used to keep cook but she already managed to send her away. She was having just one maid & she decided that she would handle home without her.
Rakesh was so happy when Shruti decided to remove servants. According to him she needed to work & give something important to house. At beginning Tara was small & his parents were alive. He needed to keep servants but now he didn’t want to waste money. After all his wife supposed to do all jobs in house. He was earning so he didn’t need to do anything. He didn’t even noticed that he was not doing anything except keeping hold on money he earned. He just felt that he deserved it. He was hoping in heart that some day she would quit that job. He wanted her to do something which would help him in his future. He was most important. He didn’t care for her. Tara was important too. But Tara was like his shadow so whatever good for Tara would be perfect for Rakesh too. Tara always agreed with his every opinion. He knew that he needed Tara inside his house now. This job was not helpful for him. In beginning he encouraged it since his Boss was on position in that factory. He wanted Shruti to work for them. This way she was working for him. He used to tell his Boss that he told his wife to manage all. His Boss used to get so happy. Actually his Boss’s sister was head of department on that time so he needed to please his Boss. It was so easy. He needed someone who would help his Boss’s sister so he let Shruti work there. She was such big help. But now she was helping some body else. She was so obsessed with that office. He didn’t need her working for them anymore. He just wanted her to quit job. He knew that there were people in that office who were increasing her confidence. He wanted it to be reduced. It was important for him. He needed to use her properly. According to him every person must be used properly for his benefits. It was precious for him. He needed to use all properly otherwise he couldn’t feel relaxed. He confirmed that Shruti needed to work in house now. He didn’t want her to waste her time around. It was so upsetting. He began to feel so stressed. He had decided that he needed to do something about Shruti. He was so sure that now she would stop going to office. Next day he noticed that cook was missing. He knew that cook was demanding extra increments so surely cook managed to quit job easily. He smiled happily. But then he sensed that Shruti was ready for going out. He gave her confused look. “ Where are you going?” Shruti “ I cooked lunch. Now I will go to office. Tara can heat on Microwave.” He was so angry. He was not expecting this stunt. He was so shocked. Rakesh asked angrily “ You are not planning to quit that office?! It seem that office is becoming more important than your daughter to you.” She suddenly felt strange shivering in body. She was so scared. It seemed as if her entire body was getting nervous. She knew that this office was important for her. It seemed like more precious that her family. She knew that it was wrong but she was feeling so responsible for it. She began to think that she was not getting enough salary & she was feeling stressed so this office was something wrong. She knew it but still she couldn’t quit so quickly. She knew that she needed to give them sometime. She explained it to Rakesh. “ Actually I am planning to quit. But I need to inform them.” “ Then you must give some written document.” She nodded. “ I will do it today.” She went in her office. She was so sure that her office was cause of her all troubles that she just planed to give notice regarding quitting her job. She went in Boss’s Cabin. When she told about quitting job. Her Boss looked sad. Boss “ I know our salary is too low. But we can’t increase it now. We might give you some perk. Like discount coupons etc.” “ No..no I just want to quit my job.” Her Boss looked confused. Her Boss looked in her eyes with concern & asked “ What happened?” She smiled & said “ Nothing! Actually my daughter is growing up now I want to pay more attention to her while doing job I can’t.” Boss looked concerned now. “ What happened to her? Your daughter is okay?” “ Yes..yes it’s just she is getting younger..” Boss laughed. “ I know..I know you don’t want her to choose wrong boy or try something wrong like addictions! I have my kids know about it. You don’t need to resign just take break. I will keep someone temporary. If you don’t join back in a year that one can become permanent.” “ Sir you don’t need to do that for me!” “ Of course I need to do!” She gave her nervous look. She began to feel uneasy. She didn’t say anything just let Boss do whatever he wanted. Boss “ You can go from tomorrow.” She smiled happily. She did her job on that day. She didn’t told anyone about her plans. She didn’t want them to discuss it. Her Boss came out & told them. They all didn’t force anything in fact they were happy & cooperating. She felt so upset by all. She tried his best to smile. She was sure that they were with her in every position but according to her they were her trouble or tension but she couldn’t feel it now. But she was sure. Rakesh said it & she wouldn’t plan to question Rakesh. Rakesh was her husband & her love. He always thought about her. She even sensed that Tara was feeling same way. Tara was her daughter they were her family & she was not planning to question them. She decided that her office was trouble & she needed to get rid of them. She began to feel so relaxed. She knew that finally her trouble was over. She was so happy in her thoughts. She wanted to spend happy life. She knew that this job was causing her troubles. She wanted to quit it. She was feeling so sad. She didn’t understand what she was supposed to do. But she told herself that she did perfect thing by quitting her job. She smiled happily. She began to feel so pleased with her life. They gave her one small Send off but still they kept telling her that she was welcomed back. She went back home with lots of flowers & gifts. She was so happy. She felt finally it was over. She knew that now her tension would vanish. Now she would act as Rakesh wished so he would be happy with her. She just wanted his happiness. She was sure that she would be happy now. During this she didn’t sense that she was late than usual hour. Her friend was going to drop her home in car so she didn’t pay attention to time.
Rakesh was so tense. He wanted her to quit that job. He was waiting for her call. But she didn’t call. He was so angry. He came home. She was not in home. He was so frustrated. He knew that she listened to every statement which people from office told her. He was expecting her call. He had number but he choose to wait. He wanted her to blame. Then finally she came. He immediately gave her angry look. Then he noticed her flowers bouquet & gifts. His anger reached to top. So she was enjoying party! She was not worth of any enjoyment according to him. He screamed “ Where were you?” Then he started abusing her in those words which she never heard. She began to get tense & sad. She didn’t understand what she supposed to do. She was feeling so sad. She started to explain that it was her last day. But Rakesh was not satisfied. Suddenly Tara came out of her room. She was hoping that Tara would suggest Rakesh to calm down but Tara just said “ She will never improve Dad! she is always like that only. If you keep getting angry it will just upset you. Nothing will make difference for her. She will not change.” Shruti immediately apologised again. “ I am sorry…so sorry! I just quit my job so I will pay full attention to you from now.” “ Really?! I don’t think you have enough brain to pay full attention to anyone.” Shruti wanted to cry but she kept quiet. Then she went in her room without saying anything. Those flowers & gifts no longer managed to appeal her. She threw them all away. She was feeling so sad. She knew that she did big mistake by agreeing to stop that party. She knew it was her last mistake but still it was hurting her. She was hoping so much but finally she got nothing. She knew that job was her mistake. She threw everything away. She kept gifts hidden in one corner of cupboard. She wanted to throw them away but her attachments stopped her. It was so upsetting. She decided to do her best from next day. She no longer needed any servant. She began to do it all. But she was expecting some appreciation instead Rakesh & Tara kept criticising her. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her skills. She worked so hard but still nothing was perfect for her. She kept feeling so sad. It was making her nervous. She began to search on internet for new recipes which she hoped they would like. But they never said a word of admiration. She just kept seeing hopeless. She sensed one thing that when they didn’t say anything against food her food was okay. She began to consider it as sign. She didn’t understand where she was going. She felt as if she was just locked in kitchen. She didn’t dislike cooking. She enjoyed it but whenever they were nearby suddenly she began to feel so helpless. She didn’t want to cough or sneeze but it kept happening. Rakesh began to say that she was forever sick. According to him she was just burden. She did all she could but it was not enough. She didn’t sense when she started to increase her eating. Her eating was clearly getting increased step by step. She didn’t want to get overweight. But every day Rakesh kept bringing something. Then he started telling her that she was not normal since she didn’t eat those things. She started to eat them. She kept eating to prove herself normal. She wanted to eat in limits but she couldn’t. Step by step her size started to grow. She began to need larger sizes of clothes. Tara began to taunt. Rakesh started to laugh. She wanted to control herself but she couldn’t. She was feeling so sad. She began to get upset day by day. Her clothes became large size. She started to sense that she was getting worst step by step. She needed to hold her need of eating but she couldn’t. It was getting worst day by day. She tried to calm down her thoughts. But she couldn’t. She was just eating not controlling her habits. One day she was walking on road when her old colleague from office saw her. He came towards her & gave her shocked look. He didn’t mention weight but indirectly he suggested to join job. Then finally when he was on verge of saying “ Bye.” He just gave her one card. It was number of psychiatrist. “ Go there. Your husband is not good man. We all saw how did he harassed you. We saw it.” She gave shocked look. Before she could comment further that fellow was gone. She took card in hand. She knew that she was feeling nearly suicidal now. She thought about all options. Then she remembered that she managed to save some money. She could try Psychiatrist. She made one call & took appointment. She was so nervous but she wanted to try it. Luckily she managed time when Rakesh was in office & Tara was going out on Picnic with friends. Tara enjoyed full freedom while she stayed locked in her house. She began to sense that her mind was turning more & more negative day by day. She knew that she didn’t have problem in staying in home but it was hard to tolerate her family. She didn’t understand why she felt so negative about her family. But she didn’t like them. She knew that they were perfect. All convinced her that Rakesh was bread earner of house so he was perfect. She needed to obey him & she kept doing it. She felt so nervous. She started to sense that she needed something positive. She needed a psychiatrist to find it. She didn’t want to tell it to Rakesh so she went there without informing. She kept feeling nervous about all. She kept doing cooking & trying her best to act normal until appointment. But she knew that she was making mistakes. Finally a day came when she decided to go there. She felt so happy & nervous both at same time. She knew that she needed help & she did inquiries about this Psychiatrist. He seemed perfect. She did all perfectly before going out. Tara was gone to Picnic after creating big drama about her wrong style of packing. Rakesh was in office so she locked door & went to Hospital as per appointment.
Shruti waited for sometime. Finally she came inside. She sat on chair. She could easily sense her weight was too much for chair. Psychiatrist smiled. Psychiatrist told her to relax. Soon Psychiatrist started asking questions & she began to answer. Step by step she began to relax. In end Psychiatrist told her that she was suffering depression due to abusive attitude of husband. “ Few people use word as weapons. Your husband is one of them. You done big mistake by quitting job. Join it.” “ But he will get angry..” “ You can’t stop living your life to please him & your daughter. Actually better to say his daughter. You must go back to job. You are eating too much food since in depression many people started over eating. It is part of mental sickness.” Then psychiatrist explained her all in details. She listened. When she came out, she called her Boss & decided to join job. When Rakesh came she informed him . Rakesh screamed. He even threw items of house. Few things were broken. She was so scared but she controlled her fear & did what Psychiatrist advised. She didn’t argued. She just said “ I will join from tomorrow.” He kept screaming then when Tara came she also supported Rakesh. But she remained stuck to her point. Next day she cooked food. She kept in refrigerator & went away to office. Every one welcomed her. They noticed her weight gain too. But they advised her how to reduce it. When they discussed it seemed like common issue not crime. On that day first she managed to eat little less. She knew her journey was long but she decided to fight back her troubles. When she returned home, no one tried to argue clearly they sensed that she wouldn’t give up. They taunted but they did every day so nothing was changed. She felt so happy due to going to office. She sensed another thing she needed Psychiatrist. She confirmed that she would keep some time for Psychiatrist. She was going to get over this. She decided it with determination & went to sleep.
The End
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