Appreciating herself
Sayali was watching TV peacefully. It was nice. She wanted privacy for such a long time. But she didn’t got it. She felt so stressed. She wanted to think positively about all. She knew her brother was sick & her parents went to hospital with him. She knew that he was going to die. But she didn’t want to think about it that way. She wanted to think that her parents taken their beloved son to somewhere. It was always like that since birth of her brother. They always kept doing everything for him. He was spoiled too. She knew that she was never supposed to say word against him. They insisted from beginning but it was on peak now. They didn’t need her. In fact from first day they just wanted boy. She was burden. Now that boy was going to die. She didn’t feel sorrow as she should. It was all wrong after all he was just baby. He didn’t done anything with intention. She was feeling so stressed. She didn’t understand what was going on. She knew that she needed to feel sad about her brother. But she couldn’t force herself. Still sometimes she cried. She told herself plenty of times that she must not feel happy when she get good marks since her brother was going to die. She didn’t need to think about her future since her brother didn’t seem have future. But she didn’t do it when her parents were gone. On those moments she started to enjoy her life. It was one of those moments. She was watching TV. When her mobile rang, it was chat message from her brother. He wanted ice cream. She supposed to go out in that heat & bring it. She couldn’t say no to her dying brother. She stopped TV. Then she got ready. She dressed in a simple cotton dress. She began to search for money. Soon she sensed that her Mom had locked every cupboard. It seemed that every precaution was taken to stop her access to money. She was so upset. She knew that now they were expecting her to spend money which was given to her for purchasing her personal stuff. It was important to her. But she couldn’t deny her dying brother! Could she? It was so stressful. She took out money. She counted. Luckily it was more that she expected. She smiled happily. She was not happy to spend some out of it. But she didn’t have much option. So she decided to do it. She took out some money from purse. She felt so restless. She was feeling so stuck with some thought. She wanted to listen to that thought but it was not coming out. It was strange feeling her mind was stuck in different world. But she didn’t let that thought came out. She was stopping her own mind. She got dressed. She started walking. She could sense many people were watching her. She knew that whenever she went out people observed her. She knew that many people considered her beautiful. She wished only if her parents felt that way. But they just kept admiring their son. She was nothing in their eyes. She always felt so sad due to it. She deserved better. But her life didn’t give her what she deserved. She was stuck with wrong family. Many times she saw many people on road. They showered affection on their daughters. She felt so jealous due to it. She knew that others didn’t like this. They sensed that for them it was okay to love son more than daughter. They all felt that son was truly important so she stopped complaining. If she knew that no one was going to support her what was use of telling it to them again & again. She just decided to go ahead buy ice cream & she could buy some nice book while buying it too. She loved books. It was perfect. She went in shop & started to choose ice creams out of cupboard. She began to sense their smell. She started to feel so refreshed by it. She began to look towards them happily. She loved ice cream too. But now she was scared that she might catch cold. She was so scared of catching cold. She began to feel so upset. She started to feel so stressed. She wanted to feel happy & normal again. It was so upsetting for her. She needed to study for such long time but still when she got good marks no one appreciated her. Then she received call. Her Mom said “ Your brother Ravi is perfect now. We don’t need to worry.” Her Mom was so happy but she was truly confused. In this heat she came out to buy some ice cream for her brother who was sick. But now she sensed that it was nothing big. She was so confused. “ What happened to Ravi? You said he might be having cancer…” “ Ohh that was my fear! It was just throat infection. It’s normal thing. Nothing different! We were tense without cause. Bye. Take care & don’t forget ice cream.” “ But Mom he had throat infection?” “ Just bring it.” Her Mom said angrily & disconnected call. She felt so angry. It seemed as if she was nothing but some servant. She wanted to cry but she couldn’t control her tears. She felt so sad. She didn’t want to feel sorrows on this day. Today she got best marks. She supposed to enjoy. All her friends from school were telling her that her parents would take her to hotel or beach or movie. But nothing like that happened. She just remained in house but still she thought that she would see at least nice movie on TV but it didn’t work too. She needed to come in market to please her brother Ravi. Ravi was sick with throat infection & he was ordering ice cream & she supposed to bring it from market. Her life was turning in to just like servant’s life. She was frustrated. Salesman asked “ Which Ice cream you want?” She came back to her senses. She watched it carefully. She started to choose. She decided to go for what she liked. She took one family pack of it. Then she immediately came home. She was not interested in further shopping. She was so upset. It seemed that Ravi was perfect & they just told her false stories about his sickness. She was so frustrated. Ravi was having party while she was suffering. She took ice cream & went back. She put ice cream in refrigerator & went to room. She cried then she started taking herself to different dream world. In this world nothing existed except her happiness & peace. Her mind could do wonders if it decided to. She kept feeling so happy about it. She was living in her dream world & it was perfect for her.
Sayali smiled happily when she sensed that she was truly entering in her dream world. It was so wonderful. She wanted to feel happy. But her heart was so stressed. After thinking positively she started to enter in her dream. Slowly her entire world became different. She began to get hopeful & positive about everything. She started to understand dreams in different ways. She began to feel so happy. Suddenly her world became different. Her hopes were changed. She started to become so positive that it began to impact her. She began to get restless. She created pleasant dream that were her world. She was using headphones with hope that she would totally lost in her world. She didn’t want to hear anything from world. She was involved in her world. She didn’t sense anything until she didn’t felt slapped in shoulder. She looked behind in shock. She sensed pain. Then she saw her Mom was standing behind. Mom “ Why don’t you open door?” She sensed that she didn’t heard it. She kept feeling so upset that she just used headphones & forgot entire world. She was living in her pleasant dream. She wanted to feel happy regarding all. She was living her in dream world. She was feeling so happy. She didn’t sense that she forgot doorbell. She began to feel so scared. Now her parents were going to scream on her. Her Dad gave her angry look. He didn’t do anything but he managed to scare her enough with his red eyes. She began to feel so scared. She didn’t understand what she supposed to do. “ Sorry..” she said in weak voice. Her Dad screamed on her “ You are just burden nothing else. I never wanted daughter like you. Ravi is sick still he is behaving so nicely. Remember last time when this girl got throat infection, she was not ready to eat even sweet since it is made with butter. She couldn’t tolerate it. While Ravi is eating ice cream so nicely even when he got throat infection!” Sayali felt so nervous. She knew that Doctor advised against it. She did what Doctor told. But she knew that Ravi never did what Doctor told so he was hero in her parent’s eyes. She didn’t understand what was so great in not obeying Doctors. She was so confused. She didn’t sense why Ravi was so admired. She began to feel that she might be weak physically. She just said “ Sorry!” Then her Mom turned towards Dad & said “ Let’s go to Ravi. We need to take care of him. She is never going to improve.” Her parents went out of room. She got headphones. She got costly laptop. She got all so she couldn’t complaint but she could sense on every step that she was gifted with every luxury so she couldn’t complaint. She knew that it was her mistake that she couldn’t able to eat everything when she had cold. She needed to show that tolerance. She needed to feel happy about all. She slowly removed her headphones. She was so scared that she might not hear when her parents would call her. She had Laptop & android. She had all that she needed but she couldn’t use it. It was truly sad but she knew that she could use Laptop without headphones. She knew that this Laptop was given to her since they wanted to purchase play station for Ravi. It was very important for them. She was so happy when she got Laptop. It was her dream. She smiled. But today she felt so scared that if she did something wrong her parents might take it away from her. It was so confusing. She felt so stressed. She wanted to feel happy. But she was feeling so sad & nervous. She opened her Laptop. She began to see her different project. She was planning to become architect. She needed to create plan. She began to create drawings. She started to draw different colours which were indicating different areas. She was trying to make different plans. She was doing all with full concentration. It was important for her. She needed to do all sort of plans for her future. She was planning everything in perfect way. She was so involved in her drawing that she totally forgot all things. She began to concentrate on making proper plans. She started to create hopes that she would get nice job through this one day. She put her design on her internet. She was shocked when some people took interest in it. One group was calling her for meeting. She was so happy. She ran to her parents. They were relaxing now. She told them about this group. Her Dad immediately objected. Her Dad “ You must not connect with such people. They might be fraud we are not sure about anything. I don’t want you to connect with unknown people.” Her Dad convinced her for hours that it was risky. By end of conversation she was sure that it was bad idea. She didn’t got connected to that group. She just decided to keep her designs in her folder. She began to study. She knew that her parents knew best. She trusted them. After sometime Ravi became fine. Ravi started enjoying his life once again. Sayali entered in college. She took side which her Dad decided for her. She felt that it was safe for her. She knew that her parents knew best. She did it. She never sensed that Ravi was getting all he wanted. Ravi was doing different things. Ravi was free to try anything. Ravi was in school but he managed to join many groups. When she tried to point it, her Dad told Ravi to stop but Ravi just decided to ignore. Ravi kept doing whatever he desired. Sayali always thought that it would create troubles for him. But she didn’t see anything wrong. She began to move ahead in life. But she never got much chances. In fact she was scared to take chances. She always felt upset due to it. She was feeling so restless. She wanted to try something new but too scared to do it. She wanted bright future but her parents always kept concentrating on Ravi. Whenever Ravi failed somewhere they immediately started to point towards her. Her failure were counted to cheer him up. She hated it but she never dared to argue. She felt so upset by all that she never wanted to tell her views. She just kept herself in her own world. She never tried to get over it. She always tried to feel positive about it.
One day Sayali was coming from outside when her Dad started telling her that she needed to purchase something for him. Sayali was so exhausted. She tried to tell him that she couldn’t go out. But her Dad kept insisting. Still she kept denying. Then her Dad started counting how much he spend on her while she didn’t managed to give anything back. She felt so sad & upset. She didn’t understand what was her mistake. She was hoping for something positive but she got just negative feelings. She was so stressed. She wanted to feel positive but she kept feeling negative in her mind. She didn’t understand why her Dad needed to increase that negativity.She didn’t understand why he needed to keep admiring his negative thoughts. She knew one thing that she needed to keep admiring her Dad. She needed to obey him. She was so scared of his eyes. His eyes managed to force her to obey his every decision. It was so upsetting for her. She didn’t want to obey him but she didn’t have much options. She was feeling so sad & depressed. She started crying slowly. Her Dad seemed to get more upset by it. Her Dad began to call her Mom. Her Mom came running in room. “ Your daughter is totally mad. She need to be taken to some mental hospital. Look towards her. I just told her to bring some stuff & she started crying. I think we need to waste some money on her to correct her brain. But honestly I don’t feel she is truly worth it. This girl is just useless garbage. I don’t understand why she born as my daughter! I never expected something like her as my child.” He said this & went out of room. It was truly upsetting. She needed to control her tears but she couldn’t. She wanted to kill herself. But her Mom hold her. Her Mom said “ Don’t worry you will get over this. I think you might need to relax. Nothing is gone out of control. I just called your grandparents. They are happy to have you with them for sometime.” Sayali gave her confused look. But she nodded. She didn’t want to burden her father anymore. She knew that she was useless in every way. Her Mom booked train ticket for her. Her Dad didn’t even wanted to spend that much money on her. But her Dad wanted to get rid of her for sometime so he agreed. She felt so stressed. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her. She kept feeling so sick. She knew that she needed to be perfect. But when she talked with her grandparents everything changed. When she told her grandmother that she was sick, her grandmother told her “ Then you must come here. You need to take some rest. We will find some nice Doctor who would take care of you.” Sayali nodded. Sayali knew grandma didn’t able to see her but she didn’t care. She said slowly “ I will come by train.” “ Don’t worry we will book Taxi for you. That Taxi will bring you here properly.” Sayali smiled happily. She knew that Grandmother didn’t see her but still she felt that Grandmother was making her feel so comfortable. When she traveled in train at beginning she was scared then slowly step by step she was happy. She smiled when she sensed that she could go anywhere she wanted without help of anyone. Then she went on station. She managed to locate Taxi after some efforts too. Then she finally reached to her grandparent’s home. She was so happy. She was feeling sick but not too sick. Her Grandparents told her to take few things. They helped her little bit. But most importantly they were trying to help her. They were not taunting her. Her grandparents were so nice. Then one day her grandparents took appointment of Psychiatrist. She began to feel tense. She didn’t want to be declared mad. But her grandparents kept telling her that it was perfect. Finally they reached to counsellor. They waited for sometime. Then they went inside when their number came. She was so tense at beginning but then when she started talking with Psychiatrist she began to feel relaxed. She started to feel so happy. She told all to Psychiatrist. Then slowly Psychiatrist convinced her that nothing was wrong in her. Her parents were obsessed with son & that was their trouble. It was not her issue. She told with for hour. Then they went back. Psychiatrist didn’t recommend any medicine at beginning. But then on that day her Dad called. Her Dad began to taunt her habits. Her Dad declared that due to her mental sickness his money was getting wasted. She started to feel so upset. She just wanted to kill herself. But she remembered words of Psychiatrist. She called Psychiatrist without second thought. Then Psychiatrist advised her one medicine & told her to avoid taking call of her Dad for sometime. She agreed. Her grandparents ordered that medicine immediately. She was scared that it might make her sleepy. She heard lots of stories like that. But her medicine didn’t make her sleepy. She was feeling totally normal. She smiled happily. She began to feel so nice. She started to hope that she might not need to face her father again. But after sometime she needed to go back. But Psychiatrist told her that she would have session on her Laptop. She came back. She felt that she would feel depressed after her Dad’s taunts but she didn’t. She felt totally normal. She kept smiling & enjoying her life. She was totally hopeful. Her Dad kept abusing but she kept ignoring him. She felt sad sometimes but on those occasions she started to talk with her grandparents. Her Psychiatristical treatment remained started for sometime. Slowly she learnt to appreciate what she had. She began to feel positive regarding every thought. She knew one thing that they didn’t appreciate her but it was their mistake not her. She began her life once again with full confidence. She didn’t meet groups actually but she shared information on Internet. Soon she found appreciation. She was so happy. She began to ignore what they told Ravi about her. She started to appreciate what her friends on Internet suggested. She sensed that her life went on right track. She knew one thing that her parents might not appreciate her but now she learnt to appreciate herself & it was enough for her. She began to move ahead in life happily.
The End
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