Perfect mother
Richa was sleeping peacefully when her son Tarun came running in bedroom. He came on bed & started punching her playfully. Richa felt pain due to his punch. Her son was no longer small. But he was not so grown up too. She screamed loudly “ Now don’t punch like that you are grown up.” Little Tarun started laughing. He began to feel so happy. But she was not that much happy. Her husband Ravi was not there. In fact Ravi was not there since Tarun’s birth. He always had busy schedule. She never understood what was so important than his son. Ravi said money. Ravi said that she could enjoy her life easily in her house since he worked hard to earn. She felt so hurt. She wanted to argue but she didn’t. She knew that earning was not easy. She tried so hard to sell her clothes. She was dress designer. Actually she was a failed dress designer. She designed many dresses. Her house was full of them. She tried to give them to some shopkeepers to sell them. But shopkeepers had their stock. They were not interested in keeping her dresses. Her friends started boutique but she never dared it. She couldn’t believe it was possible. She always felt that starting boutique was impossible dream & she must not run after it. She knew that it would need investment & if she did too much then her family would start taunting her. She had two more sisters. They supposed to save for them. Then they had one brother who needed to settle down. Her parents were saving all money for his abroad education. They wanted him to be well settled. He was smarter than her but her elder sister was so smart. Richa knew that she could manage to get best out of education but her parents were more interested in saving for their son. Her elder sister was soon married off in one joint family. Her sister tried so hard to adjust but her in-laws didn’t appreciate her. Actually they were hoping a different daughter-in-law. They wanted large salary & good cooking all in one. It seemed as if they wanted a slave who could do all services to them without complaining. After watching this marriage she was so scared of marriage. She didn’t want something like that in her life. She wanted to fall in love but sadly she didn’t. She tried so hard to find her dream prince but she didn’t. Finally one day she married to Ravi. Her in-laws were staying in their native place. They didn’t want anything to do with them. She wanted nice relationship with them. But her in-laws were not that much interested. She remembered her efforts at beginning. She kept inviting them on every festival but they always managed to give excuses. Her family used to come. But they just kept admiring Ravi that was their target. Richa felt so left out. Her mother-in-law seemed like nice lady. She always encouraged Richa about every thing. One day by mistake Richa put salt little bit more in their snacks. It was their first visit. But no one complained except Ravi. Ravi immediately said “ Why you put so much salt?” She removed that snacks. It was not only snacks that she made. Table was full of different snacks. She just wished only if Ravi pointed it in little bit low voice she could have removed it. But her mother-in-law kept eating it. She declared that she loved extra salt. In fact her mother-in-law even packed remaining snacks since she was sure that Ravi didn’t like snacks with extra salt. Her mother-in-law kept telling different stories about how much Ravi avoided salty snacks. Her mother-in-law managed to turn every thing in funny childhood saga of Ravi. They all enjoyed evening despite of her mistake. She felt that her mother-in-law was her blessing. But her mother-in-law didn’t visit them so much. She always stayed in their village. Whenever Richa suggested shifting, she immediately said “ I like weather of village! It is so refreshing. Honestly city weather? So much pollution! I can’t tolerate it. Why don’t you shift in village?” Richa wanted to say yes but she knew that Ravi couldn’t. “Mom Ravi have job here?!” “ I know...I know but sometimes I wish only if you can just shift here.This weather! These people are nice too.” “ Mom people in city are also nice.” “ Yes..Yes but they keep talking about just money. They didn’t have other subjects. I like to discuss other things.” “ Like village gossips!” Then her mother-in-law sounded hurt. They both immediately changed subject. After that call her mother-in-law always avoided her. She sensed that she managed to hurt her mother-in-law. But Richa just wanted her to stay with them. By that time Ravi started to stay out for long hours. She was started getting restless. It was so confusing. She didn’t understand if he had some affair or her was just too busy with work. It was so upsetting. She wanted her mother-in-law to interfere. She knew that if they started to stay with her. Ravi would be forced to answer his parents about his coming & going. Whenever she asked questions. He just gave her angry look & said “ Come on give me dinner. I need to eat something.” Or sometimes “ I have eaten so let me sleep. I need rest.” He decide when to chat with her sweetly when to scream. She was just his doll. He didn’t want her to show emotions. Then she became pregnant. He was not much thrilled about baby but he was happy to announce his heir was coming. She kept saying that she loved daughter too. But he needed son. When their son was born, she felt that he might love him but he didn’t took much interest in their son. He just threw money on naming ceremony. He distributed wonderful gifts to world. He gave expensive things to her & their son. Once naming ceremony was over. He began his normal life. In fact he hated smell of baby powder or baby in their room. He started staying in different room. He began to come late. It seemed as if father didn’t exist much in Tarun’s world. Tarun just stayed with his Mom. Richa tried to suggest but Ravi was not interested. On that day Richa felt one thing. Her son was growing up. She needed to do something. She couldn’t carry on like that. She suddenly got one idea. She took Tarun in arms & kissed his chubby cheeks & asked “ Do you like to visit your village?” He didn’t understand much but he jumped “ Yes..Yes..” she smiled & booked a Cab for her in-laws house. She decided that she needed to visit them.
Richa packed her clothes. She was going out first time with Tarun. She went to her parent’s house but she never felt so happy there. They all kept admiring Ravi whole time while criticising with her elder sister. Her elder sister had problems. But she was not happy too. Ravi was not taking any interest in their married life. When she tried to tell it, her Mom gave her angry look. Mom “ You are grown up now! Mother of one child! Behave like that! You can’t expect your husband running around you like we use to do.” She felt so hurt. She never felt that her parents felt that way about her. She thought that she was nice obedient girl. But she began to sense that she might be too moody. She never accounted her faults but now everyone was accounting it for her. She knew that she was not perfect. She just smiled & added “ Mom I am not complaining. I said I just wished that he could be with me more. His Boss need to act little lenient. That’s all.” Her Mom immediately smiled. “ I know honey you miss him. But in life you can’t give so much time to family.” She nodded. But she was not sure that her husband Ravi was working whole time or doing something else. She knew one thing that she couldn’t question him since she was happy because her in-laws were not irritating her. She got big house. She was not supposed to demand more. But soon she began to feel that she needed more. When she was pregnant, she felt so lonely. Ravi was so busy. She knew that she needed to adjust but still whenever she tried to call & talk he started to talk bitterly. She never called again & again. He made it clear that she supposed to call once & she always called once. He even disliked it. His every word was full of frustration. She knew one thing that he didn’t want her. She could sense it. She sometimes felt that he might be having affair. But every one rejected that idea. She knew that surely he didn’t have affair otherwise someone must had pointed out. He was just too busy when his Boss & junior both had time for their respective families. It was so wrong. She knew that something was wrong with their relation. She needed to correct it. She began to pack all her luggage. She packed everything belonged to Tarun. Then she told neighbours that she was going to visit her in-laws. She didn’t call Ravi since she already tried but he didn’t took it. She decided that now she could go away after telling neighbours. She sat in Cab. Tarun was jumping with joy. They started driving. She was planning to go in her in-laws house but she was so confused. She began to feel so helpless. She didn’t want to return to her life. She wanted normal life. But she knew that her life couldn’t be normal. Ravi didn’t have time for her. She knew that he didn’t love her. She suddenly began to hate ideas of staying with her in-laws too. She didn’t want to go there. They didn’t like her too. She knew that no one liked her. She began to feel she was better off dead. But she looked towards Tarun. She didn’t want to harm him. She didn’t want to risk him. She decided that she needed to keep him in some safe place. She smiled. She decided that she would drop Tarun in house of her in-laws & then she could go to some beach or she could take poison or she could hang herself. She was not sure which option was best. Cab Driver started asking her route. She was confused then she explained. She knew it since her mother-in-law invited her many times but Ravi was too busy. She kept looking out. Tarun was started getting restless. She needed to calm him. Tarun never took much long drive. He started crying. Then Cab Driver suggested that they could stop in some hotel. She liked that idea. She knew that while she could eat lunch & Tarun would go to sleep. She agreed. Then they stopped at one restaurant. She ordered her all favourite dishes. She knew that this was her last meal. She was not planning to survive herself more. She was so tired of her life. She wanted to finish it. She knew that she lost many hopes. She didn’t have any hope of happiness now. Ravi never cared for her. Her parents never cared for her. But her son? She kept looking towards him. She knew that Ravi didn’t care for him. Tarun would live sad & lonely life. She suddenly began to think again about her decision. She knew one thing. She needed to get over her sorrows. She was so sad. She needed to finish her life but she should not have done it before Tarun. She saw trusting eyes of Tarun. Tarun came in this world just because of her. Tarun gave her every happiness. She needed to find someone who could take care of Tarun. She determined to herself that she would stay alive until she didn’t find perfect substitute mother for Tarun who would love him just like her. She ate then she went in Cab. Now Tarun was sleeping so journey went ahead peacefully without disturbance. They finally reached to her in-laws house. Her mother-in-law looked genuinely happy to see her. But soon her mother-in-law sensed that something was wrong. Mother-in-law didn’t say it but Richa could read suspicion in her eyes. They sat in hall. Her father-in-law was not there. Her mother-in-law “ He was always like that he never had any time for family. Ravi learnt all wrong habits from him. I wished I could have able to handle all like you. We use to stay in joint family. Ravi was always considered special for his smartness. They all admired him too much.” Richa sensed one thing that her mother-in-law was not perfect mother. Her mother-in-law didn’t make Ravi perfect husband or son. She knew that her Mom was not perfect mother too. Her sorrows were due to ignorance of her parents. She was so disappointed. She needed a perfect mother for Tarun before she killed herself. She went in room which her mother-in-law gave her. Her father-in-law was absent whole time. Clearly her mother-in-law’s life was not different than her. They had wonderful bungalow in village. But her mother-in-law lived alone in it. Her hopes of finding nice home for Tarun shattered. She sat in her room & started crying. She didn’t sense when her mother-in-law entered.
When Richa looked up, her mother-in-law was sitting peacefully in chair opposite to her. She was so confused. Her mother-in-law smiled in strange way. Her mother-in-law said “ You are not happy?” She didn’t say anything. Her mother-in-law started laughing loudly. Her mother-in-law seemed so happy by her sorrows. Then her mother-in-law told her “ Come on. You acted like coward for whole life now show some bravery just hang yourself.” She began to push rope towards her. Richa was so scared. Her Tarun was sleeping behind. She didn’t want to give Tarun to this mad woman. She wanted to change all. She wanted to go back but she couldn’t. Her mother-in-law started to push rope towards her. Richa kept watching her with confused expression. Richa screamed “ Mom don’t do this. I don’t want to hurt myself.” She kept screaming until she didn’t felt touch of her mother-in-law on her arms. She woke up. She was having one bad dream. Tarun was crying loudly due to fear. Her father-in-law was looking towards her in strange way. Her father-in-law “ What’s wrong with her? She came without telling Ravi now she is screaming like that.” Her mother-in-law gave him angry look. Mother-in-law “ She is having nervous breakdown. It happens sometimes after pregnancy.” Her mother-in-law kept patting on her head. She hugged her & started apologising. Her mother-in-law smiled & said “ Come on. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.” She smiled but that smile was not truthful. It was full of sorrows. That night she kept getting restless whole night. She tried to hide but it was impossible. Tarun was beginning to get restless too. Little Tarun kept crying whole time. She felt so guilty. Next morning Ravi came. This time Ravi looked scared. Ravi appeared truly concerned. He sat beside her & tried to chat with her in soft way. He was trying to pretend that he was something else which he was not. She felt so sad. She began to feel so guilty. She wanted to feel happy about his soft words. But her depression was not reduced. Doctor came. Doctor checked her. Then Doctor discussed it with Ravi. Then Ravi came in room. Ravi slowly began to tell her “ I know I was little harsh but I never thought this will turn out this way. I was earning just for you.” She hugged him & confessed that she was planning to do suicide. He was so shocked. He looked so angry. “ I don’t want to hear no from you now. You are going to visit Psychiatrist tomorrow.” She didn’t want to say no to. She sensed that something was wrong with her. She was getting so depressed. She knew that Ravi didn’t give her time. But she supposed to adjust with it. She knew that many women did. She was totally dependent on him. She wanted to talk with him again & again. She felt so upset when he didn’t come. She started to feel restless. She knew that she needed to break this dependency. Then they took appointment. They kept Tarun with in-laws. She didn’t tell her parents about it. She didn’t want to attract attention to her problem. They sat outside restlessly. They sat as if they never knew each other. Finally Psychiatrist called them inside. Psychiatrist told Ravi to sat outside. Then she slowly told everything to Psychiatrist. Psychiatrist “ You should be designing dresses.” “ But I can’t run shop...” “ Forget that. Just design them to please yourself.” She looked confused. “ Yes. Design a dress just share it with world & when they started to appreciate it you will feel the difference.” She kept watching towards Psychiatrist with confusion. “ But that will not give me money?” “ But it will give you pleasure.” She felt confused but still she nodded. She wanted that pleasure. She wanted to feel happy. Then Psychiatrist kept discussing with her about her treatment. She started to trust him. She began to appreciate his approach. Then finally he called Ravi inside. Then Psychiatrist began to explain her troubles to Ravi “ She is suffering from depression. It happens since she feel so lonely. I know you are busy but when you get free time you should call her. Since when she call you mostly it turn out a wrong time.” Ravi tried to say no. But Ravi sensed that Psychiatrist was right. Psychiatrist “ Now she will not call you once a day. You must call her daily & she will say she is busy with Tarun.” “ Then next time I will come for treatment of you instead of her.” Ravi joked lightly. On that time Richa first time sensed that Ravi cared for her. Ravi just didn’t have time. On that day when Ravi took her out of clinic he took hold of her hand. Ravi talked with Psychiatrist & understood all. She appreciated it. She knew that her decision of suicide was wrong. Ravi was just too busy in his fast life. Even on that moment when their car came, Ravi immediately left her hand & opened car door. He sat inside without thinking about her. She felt hurt. But she sensed that she needed to get over this. Ravi would not treat her like someone special every day. She didn’t need to treat him as some one great too. She sat beside him. She began to search platforms on which she could share her designs. She found plenty. She began to design a dress in her iPad. She was so happy to start it. She felt as if she was starting her entire life again. She was feeling so restless. She was needed to find her world. She needed her world & it was in designing dresses. She kept doing it & Ravi kept talking on mobile. It worked perfectly. They were two people who were busy in their lives. She knew that he loved her but he was too busy so she decided to get busy too. She began to search for her old friends. She began to search for different games. She started to built her own life. She knew that she needed to take treatment since still she kept looking towards him. She kept hiding her tears. She needed to become independent.
Richa was feeling so confident when she took Tarun to nursery. She still didn’t earn but she found people who appreciate her. She found world in which she didn’t feel alone. Now she didn’t kept feeling that Ravi was having affair. She knew that he didn’t but he also didn’t have time for her. She felt little irritated & upset. But she didn’t feel so sad. She had a baby to brought up & her career as designer. She knew that she couldn’t earn but still she loved it. She knew one thing that Psychiatrist set her life on right track again. She was happy with her life. She looked towards Tarun & asked him “ Are you ready for your first day?” Tarun “ Mom I am scared.” She smiled & hugged him. “ Don’t worry. You will be fine.” Tarun smiled nodded & went inside. She kept watching him with happiness. She knew one thing now. It was impossible to find one perfect mother since every mother was perfect but child didn’t deserve mother who killed herself without thinking about child. A child deserved life which was normal.
The End
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