Writing on notebook
Hina began to write on paper of her notebook. She knew that computer was better option but still writing on paper seemed more logical. She began to feel that things were truly happening. Her story and it's character became alive. She loved taking little notes on paper. She knew finally she needed computer but still she liked taking notes on paper. They managed to cheer up her thoughts. She felt so happy when she read them. She started her new story. She took deep breath and began to write murder of that story. She could see entire scene before her eyes. She could sense meaning inside it. She started feeling it was so real. It was perfect scene. She remembered lift of her society. She knew it's every function. She did inquiries about it with liftman so she knew how did it work and she also knew how could person crash it. She shivered even at thought of crashing it. She needed to sense from soul even most worst scene. She needed to imagine positive side of it. She felt so helpless when she started discribing it. She began to feel that it was really going to happen. She started to think that it had special thrill hidden in it. She started to feel so happy that she created perfect thing. But then she shivered. She suddenly began to feel so scared. She suddenly began to think what if it suddenly became true. Then she laughed to herself. It was not possible. She couldn't write truth. She didn't have any intuition power. She never had such experience before but this time she began to feel that it might turn true. She knew that why did it happening. It was because of her mother-in-law Kashibai. Kashibai was so superstitious. She every time kept different rituals to avoid bad omen. But her husband Mandar was exactly opposite. Mandar always kept making fun of those rituals. He felt that they were nothing but imaginary things created for making money. Mandar hated every ritual. He was totally against them. And she stood between them both. She always felt stretched on both sides. Yesterday Kashibai was sitting in hall while chanting name of God she suddenly noticed her notebook. Kashibai " Why did you choose notebook of this colour?" Kashibai was not even ready to mention name of colour. Hina felt so confused. She didn't understand meaning. She began to feel so frustrated. Then Kashibai started telling her a story. Kashibai " When you start to write in this notebook in morning it became truth. " Hina started laughing. She couldn't control herself. Kashibai felt so angry. She could remember her red eyes. She knew it's cause. Her laughing managed to hurt Kashibai like knife. Kashibai took deep breath. Kashibai " Always remember laughing like this is one crime. You will be punished if you keep insulting elders like this." She immediately tried to apologise. But it was useless. Kashibai " Do you know story of that girl who laughed and then suffered worst humiliation?" Then Kashibai began to tell horrible story of girl who laughed at someone boy then she suffered worst faith since he raped and burned her alive because she laughed. Hina shivered with fear. She was told many times that she laughed on wrong time. Truthfully not many times just her one friend told her. Normally no one minded her laughing in fact many loved to join it. But today after hearing this worst story she felt scared from her soul for laughing. She felt that her laughing was her most cruel trick. She began to feel that it was like killing person in fact she felt killing was better than laughing. She needed to stop laughing. She began to get tense on each step. She sensed that Kashibai's eyes were hunting her everywhere. She wanted to feel not guilty so she decided to change her notebook. But sadly her daughter Revati heard all. Revati got upset. She immediately went to Mandar when he came home and told him everything. Revati " Dad did they burn girl alive if she laugh?" Mandar got so angry. He wanted to abuse his mother for feeding this nonsense in his daughter's head but he knew that it wouldn't help so he just laughed and told Revati " People talk like that when they get old. Such things are imagination of old age. They are far away from truth." " Really? So Grandma is imagining it?" " Not imagining!! Some mad man did evil thing and gave this evil justification for his deed. Your grandma was just repeating his untrue words." " Mad man and woman are so scary?!!" " Yes they are. But grandma didn't understand it." " I know. Because she is not as educated as you are." Mandar smiled. He was happy that his daughter was convinced that her grandmother was unsound. Then he went to Hina and told her entire incidence. Hina felt so nervous. Hina didn't understand how to handle this situation. But Mandar said clearly " Remember one thing don't change that notebook otherwise our daughter will never smile due to fear." She nodded. But today when she started to write in it, she began to feel so scared. She just wrote few lines and then she stopped writing. She put her notebook in cupboard locker. She wanted it to remain safe and as far away from her mother-in-law as possible. She always liked Kashibai but this time she truly managed to scare her. She didn't wanted to write anything in that notebook. But she must since Mandar told her. She didn't like it but her writing had become war front for mother and son. She wanted to write normally again. She decided that she would tell Mandar about it. She was feeling so upset. She decided that she would change diary. Then she got better idea. She could write on computer. She decided to keep that notebook locked. On that point she heard screams. She ran out. She just ran towards lift without second thought. But she felt relieved when she found lift was just standing there. She took deep breath. Then she sensed just small kids were playing in garden and they were making noises. It was not scream of serious sort. She started laughing on her stupidity. She needed to understand that lift would not crash. It was just story and it was not going to be reality. She kept repeating this line in her mind again and again. In hope that it would be planted permanently in mind and she wouldn't feel scared as she was feeling on that point. She was feeling as if she was standing on ice mountain without any warm coat. She was too scared.
Hina was so confused. She wanted her writing to become relief for her but it was becoming something which started to give her stress. It was not right. She didn't want those notebooks any more. She went in kitchen and started cooking. She began to feel relaxed. She sensed that she might want to forget writing totally. She didn't want to stress herself without cause. After all her writing was not providing income to her. It was just her hobby so for fun. She was not supposed to get stressed due to it. She was so upset. She began to think that starting to write was her mistake. She used to write but after marriage she got so much involved in daily routine of house that she decided to ignore it. But when Revati grew up, she once again started to get extra time so she started writing again. She was getting appreciated by people and that was only achievement she got by writing. No one was paying her and she was not getting any perk or benefits by it. But still she loved writing since it was making her alive. She began to feel so nice. She felt that writing was giving hope to stay alive. She began to feel it was like walking in sky. But then suddenly she started to control her emotions. It was no longer dream world to her. She began to feel so stressed. She decided to just cook on that day. She began to cook new nice items. She began to think that it was better to cook them than getting stressed without cause about writing. She didn't want to waste her time on writing. Everyone was telling her that it was useless. She didn't need it if she was getting stressed. She knew that Kashibai didn't like her writing but she would surely like her cooking. She started preparing food and she loved it's smell. She was sure that everyone would love this food. She properly decorated it and gave it to Kashibai. Kashibai looked surprised. But she immediately smiled and took plate in her hand. Kashibai tasted it and jumped with joy. Kashibai " So nice!! From where did you learn to cook this?" Hina smiled and said " From book." " Good!! I feel you should read more of this kind of books." Hina nodded. Hina was so happy about this. She decided that she must find some way to adjust with situation. Now that she started cooking. She felt entire issues was solving. She arranged everything in wonderful way and when Revati came from school, she served it to her. Revati made strange face and asked " What is this?" Hina was shocked. Revati clearly disliked it. Hina asked Revati with confused expression. " Don't you like it?" " No Mom. It is too sweet. I don't like that sweet taste. My stomach started to feel so strange after eating it. I can't eat more. I will vomit." Hina was so shocked. Hina didn't expected such statement from Revati. Hina felt not admiration then Revati would at least didn't dislike it. But Revati hated it. That was shocking for her. Hina didn't thought that Revati could act like that. Until that day Revati never expressed such dislike towards anything but this time she just hated it. Hina was so upset. Then suddenly Kashibai entered and she smiled. Kashibai " Honey you never like sweet things but you must eat them too. You can't avoid sweet like that. Eating sweet is important." " What is good in sweet!! It just managed to make you fat!" Hina smiled. She understood that Revati wanted to do diet so she was not ready to eat such a sweet thing. She knew that Revati was totally health conscious even at this small age. It had both sides good as well as bad. But Hina felt that she must need to see positive side it would surely help her. Hina smiled and said " Don't worry. Next time I will cook something healthy like salad." Kashibai immediately made disgusting face. Kashibai " I don't want to eat those raw or baked vegetables!! Cook something different for me. I want my normal and daily dinner and lunch." Revati started to look so angry. She began to feel that her grandmother was taunting her without cause. She was eating healthy food while her grandmother was eating food which was health damaging. Revati just stood up and went out of room. Hina was so upset. Hina was hoping positive reaction. But it was negative. She sensed that cooking was not that easy. Everyone had different demands from her. She felt so upset. She quit writing in hope that her troubles would end. But it didn't happen. She started to feel so upset. She began to taste food she looked once again. She sensed that it was tasty for her. She started to wait for Mandar. She knew that he would surely help her. Mandar always told her how to handle different situations. But she never understood how to handle them by herself. She felt so upset and stressed. She just needed Mandar immediately. She wanted help from him. She waited with patience finally Mandar came. She smiled and told him everything. He looked shocked. Mandar"But why did you start cooking like this? I thought you were writing." Hina didn't understand how could she respond. She stopped writing since she didn't want troubles in her life and she knew that if she told this to Mandar then he would surely became angry. She just smiled and said " I decided to cook for change." " Then I hope this change is just for one day. Since cooking will not help you that much. They just keep criticising you and demanding more things from you. Never stop writing." She smiled and nodded. Once again she felt strange pressure building on her regarding her writing. She wanted to feel free but she didn't. Everyone was demanding one thing or another from her. But she couldn't fulfill all. She decided to ignore Mandar's advice. She didn't want to write in that notebook so she wouldn't. She took deep breath and said " I need some break." Then she went in kitchen to set up table for Mandar. Mandar felt confused and shocked. He decided to not argue on that point. But he was not going to quit that subject. He didn't want her to quit writing due to pressure of his Mom.
Hina was so upset. Mandar wanted her to write but she was too scared to write whenever she started to write suddenly things began to change in her life. She began to feel so scared. She started to sense different notebooks had different side effects. She never knew that much about those things. Many times she felt Kashibai did it to just scare her. One thing was clear that Kashibai was getting success in it. She was no longer interested in writing. Soon she sensed that Mandar was watching her carefully. She didn't understand why did Mandar wanted her to write. After all it was not giving her anything. She was better off without this hobby. She didn't want him to keep pushing her towards it. She didn't understand since when Mandar became so fond of her writing. He never read even her one book. But he kept pushing her about writing. Then she began to sense that even at thought of writing she was scared. She looked out of window. In that night she saw one driver was waiting near his car. She shivered. She remembered her story. In which same driver was keeping watch on flat. He was standing exactly on same position. She began to get so tense. She suddenly began to feel that driver was so similar to serial killer of her book. She went in window and started observing that driver attentively. Then suddenly that driver looked at her. Then he gave his ugly smile out of his broken tooth. She sensed that he was making gestures towards her. She felt so scared. She closed that window immediately and went inside. On that Mandar entered in kitchen. Mandar saw her running away from window. He asked "what happened?" " A strange driver is watching our house." Mandar felt so scared but thrilled too. He went towards window and opened it without any second thought. He saw that no one was standing there. Mandar observed carefully. He searched entire road. Finally he felt sure that no one was there. Mandar " No one standing there. You must have imagined or he went away with some customer." Hina ran towards window too. Hina saw no one was standing there now. Hina "He must have gone away. But he was smiling towards me." Mandar looked confusedl. " Are you sure he could see in our window from that far away?" " Of course!! Otherwise why did he was observing our window?" " I hope you were staring at him!!" She sensed her mistake. She was observing him. " I was!! Because I thought he is so strange." " And he thought you are interested in him!!" She was so shocked and ashamed. She never wanted to send such a strange signal. Hina closed that window and sat on chair. She began to remember smile of that driver and started crying loudly. Her voice was so loud that soon entire house gathered there. Revati felt so scaring but Kashibai was clearly upset due to disturbance in her sleep. Kashibai " What happened?" Mandar explained entire incidence. Kashibai " This happened because you wrote entire thing in that notebook." Everyone was shocked. No one expected this comment from Kashibai. They knew that she was superstitious but this was too much. Mandar " Mom this is too much. That fellow came here just due to bad luck. And you are blaming Hina without cause?" Revati added. "I saw same man even before my friend's house." Now this managed to scare them all. Hina " Do you think that he was following you?" Revati smiled and said " Not me!! I feel he is having affair with Geeta. Do you remember that maid who work in flat downstairs?" Mandar started laughing. Mandar " So he was not smiling at you. He was smiling for Geeta." Hina smiled too. But she was still tense and Kashibai was still giving her angry look. Kashibai said " You kids never believe me but I have truth in my superstitions. One day you will believe them." Kashibai went away in her room. Mandar laughed but Hina shivered. Revati saw both reactions. Revati didn't understand how to react. She just felt dislike about entire conversation. Revati " I hate it when grandma started talking about those superstitions. How could she blame Mom like that?" Hina " Now let's just forget it I don't want to discuss it further." Mandar " Why?" Hina just opened window again to confirm no one was standing there. She saw that no one was there. She began to feel that Revati was right. But she still decided to confirm tomorrow that truly Geeta was working on that night. She didn't want tension. Then she suddenly felt touch on her shoulder. Mandar was standing near her. Mandar " Come on!! Don't waste your time on thinking about him. Think about me." She gave shy smile and said slowly " Revati is watching us." Revati turned her back and said " I am not watching anyone. I am going to sleep." Hina started laughing. Revati laughed too and ran in her room. After sometime Mandar began to discuss on her writing hobby again. She hated that subject so she told him that she wanted to sleep. She started to pretend that she was sleeping. But truthfully she was upset. She didn't able to sleep on that point. She was so shocked. At least two things from those writing didn't actually happened but she felt so sure that they would occur. She didn't want to live in that kind of fear. She wanted to quit writing but Mandar was against it. She felt so hurt. She didn't even had freedom to decide if she wanted to write or didn't. She felt so upset. She was no longer fond of writing. She took deep breath and decided to say it to Mandar tomorrow. She wanted to freedom and she was ready to fight for it if she needed. She was not ready to give up her freedom. She needed her freedom from heart and she decided to fight for it. She started to feel free when she decided to quit writing. When she went to sleep, she was totally determined to say no to Mandar's persuasion about writing. She knew that she was doing right thing.
When Hina woke up next morning, she went to Mandar herself and she said clearly " Mandar writing is getting exhausting for me. I must quit it." Mandar looked shocked. Mandar " But why?" She was so angry. He was putting pressure on her again. Hina " Why don't you understand? I need my freedom too? You are bossing on me. Wife is not your slave." Mandar looked at her with shock. His face became red with anger. " I never treated you like slave. I am not that kind of husband who think their wives are footwear. I wanted you to have freedom. I thought you admire writing but if you hate it. Then I will never insist again." Mandar didn't want to say anything wrong in his anger so he just left room." She began to feel guilty but she needed to get over writing. She didn't want to write anymore. She didn't want to feel that stress. She was so tense. She started feeling so upset at thought of not writing anymore. She felt so confident about her decision. She was so happy. Then as day went ahead. She began to sense that she kept insisting in her thoughts that she was happy about not writing. She didn't understand why she kept doing it. She knew that everytime writing was dependent on her choice. No one would insist. She spent entire day in writing once upon a time. But now it changed. She no longer had that desire. She was not interested in writing. She kept telling herself. For that entire day she didn't write. She began to feel that she didn't need to. No one talked about her writing. She felt so happy. Mandar was even looking normal. He adjusted with new change. She began to feel everything was okay. But then after few days she began to feel depressed. Her mind once again started to create story. She was so scared that it might turn true too. It was not about that book anymore. She was scared of her imagination. She didn't want her mind to imagine anything. She wanted it to believe in reality. She was so upset. She was still imagining things. She was still creating stories in her mind. She didn't able to block them. She started to try it and her head began to feel strange sort of pain. At beginning it was small pain but then slowly it started to increase. She began to sense that her head was paining as if someone was hitting it with iron rod. It was so painful. She took a cloth and started binding it on her forehead as if she was bandaging some wound. She didn't understand cause. She didn't even sense that she was making noises due to pain until Kashibai didn't enter in room. Kashibai was shocked. Kashibai " What happened? Are you hurt? Did you fall?" " No..no this pain started suddenly. I don't understand cause." " Then you might be having fever. Those viral are common in this weather. You can't get cure without Doctor so you must visit one now." "But Revati would come soon from school" " So she is grown up now. She could eat by herself. I hope you finished cooking." She nodded. Then she went to Doctor. There was big line. Entire time she kept holding her head. Finally her number came. She went inside and explained her trouble. Doctor began to check her. Soon she sensed that Doctor didn't find any trouble in her heath. Doctor " Your blood pressure is little bit high but it's due to that pain. We can't find anything from this check up. I prescribe some painkillers and give you few tests." She nodded. It was so painful. She didn't even sense properly what was happening around her. She went to chemist. She bought water bottle and painkiller. She took it immediately. It didn't help much until she didn't start to feel sleepy. She could hear Mandar's voice. He was tense. She could hear Revati's crying. She knew that her daughter was tense. She wanted to be normal. But it was not happening. She was still tense and breathless. After that day these pains kept coming and going on each day. She kept feeling hopeless. She began to do all complicated tests. Every specialist of town was visited by them. Soon they even started visiting specialist from other towns too. Her entire life was just concentrated on stopping that pain. Finally one day one specialist asked after seeing every report carefully. " Have you thought of visiting psychiatrist?" They felt so confused. Hina " I can't feel so much pain due to just my imagination?!!" " You can!! In fact I feel it's most logical cause. Other health problems you are experiencing are mostly side effects of those painkillers you are taking. You need to stop those pains. You can't keep sleeping entire day just to forget them." Hina felt so tense. But Mandar looked confident. Mandar " You are right. It is worth trying after all it can't cause much harm." Doctor smiled " No..no psychiatrist can't harm her. Psychiatrist either help her or don't but he will not cause harm to her." Hina felt relieved. Then they took number. In car Mandar started discussing. Mandar " I feel it will really help. I mean even if that is not cause of trouble still psychiatrist will surely help you by counseling regarding adjusting with this pain. She nodded. She knew that she needed to visit psychiatrist. She needed to take responsibility of her household duties. Now a days they were living on readymade market products only. Revati was complaining. She even noticed sometimes that Revati was cooking some items. She wanted to become healthy. She nodded. " Let's go!!"
When Hina returned home, she began to feel tense again. She knew that she needed to cook. She went in kitchen and started cooking. Then she saw that window. She once more remembered that man. She began to think about that story. Then she started to sense pain again. But this time she wanted to cook so she started to ignore it. She began cooking but nothing was working. She was feeling so helpless. She cooked entire dinner while holding her head with another hand. Then she just ran in room. She took medicine which was strong enough to put her to sleep. She felt relaxed. In her sleep she never sensed that pain. Mandar was so tense when Kashibai told him that Hina was sleeping. He didn't like the way she was taking those medicines. He immediately called psychiatrist and took his appointment. Next day when Hina visited psychiatrist, she didn't feel much hope of getting cured. She just sat because Mandar insisted. Then she went inside. They started discussing. She soon sensed that psychiatrist was entering in her mind. She was sharing her all troubles. She smiled happily. Then finally she told him that she sensed this pain first time when she tried to stop story creation. Psychiatrist " Why? Did your husband object?" " No.. no he insisted on writing. I fought with him because he insisted." " Then who objected?" She didn't answer but Mandar did. " My Mom. Her mother-in-law." He explained how did she convinced Hina that notebook had power to create future. Psychiatrist kept smiling slowly. Then Psychiatrist said " It all began from that point." " I don't understand. My head is paining because I don't write!!" " Yes it is. You overloading your brain with thoughts." She started laughing. She didn't believe it. But then as step by step Psychiatrist started convincing. She decided to write. She took paper and pen given by psychiatrist. Her hands shivered with uncertainty. But Psychiatrist insisted so she began writing. Then slowly she began to write and truly her pain stopped. She learnt to ignore Kashibai and sensed Mandar was right. She must write for herself and her freedom.
The End
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