Smita's fear
Smita was so happy that she finally got chance to go to beach. She was waiting for long to get this chance. She wanted to reach to beach. She could sense tides. She was so happy. She suddenly looked towards sea. She began to watch tides. She could sense strange obsession towards tide. She wanted to keep looking towards them. On each touch of wind she felt so pleased. She kept looking towards sea. She came just to walk but now she was so confused. She might needed to enter in that sea. It was so tempting. She began to think about her life. She was so confused. She was planning to get married. She knew that Ravi was perfect match. No doubt. She couldn’t locate anything wrong in him. He was so caring. She smiled at his memories. She remembered how did they went in restaurant. He admired her dress. She was so happy but then waiter came. Waiter was looking towards her with sweet smile. She thought that waitress was admiring her clothes too. She was enjoying but then suddenly Ravi came near her. She was excited but he said in slow voice. “ I think your neck is too low do you have some scarf.” She nodded. She immediately took out scarf again warped it around neck. Ravi smiled & said “ Actually I don’t mind modern dresses but you saw that waitress.” She looked towards Waitress. Waitress was clearly sharing some joke with hotel staff. Soon Smita sensed that Waitress was pointing towards neck too. She felt so nervous. That waitress was watching her with interest due to her deep neck. She considered her vulgar not admired her. Smita started to sense tears was rising in her eyes. She smiled & told herself that she needed to change to some positive memory. She needed to thank Ravi for warning her. It was important for her. She knew that her neck was too low. She decided to search other memory. She went to do shopping for her marriage. She was so excited. She began to choose sarees. She just started to fall in love with one purple saree. She pointed it. She was planning to wear but on that point her Mom stopped her. Her Mom took one red & green saree. Then she took her to changing. Her Mom slowly explained her that her purple saree was so disgusting. She felt so sad. She decided that she didn’t understand what she supposed to take. Then she shifted on cream colour saree. She was confident now that her in-laws would love it. But just yesterday her Mother-in-law came. When she showed her mother-in-law that saree, all relatives declared she took wrong one. In marriage she needed to purchase bright saree. She was young. She needed bright colour. Then her Mom told about purple one. Her mother-in-law suggested that she would take that saree as marriage gift & Smita could purchase purple saree. Smita agreed. But when they went back Smita noticed one mark on that Purple saree so she needed to shift to other saree. Finally after long discussion she took one navy blue saree. She still didn’t understand why did she took it. It was her marriage! She was not planning to get married again & again but still she decided to purchase what her Mom & relatives advised. She didn’t understand why? It was so odd. She went to see Avenue of her marriage. It was beautiful. She knew that it was nice but in her dreams she didn’t wanted campfire or forest. But she was fond of it. Even her husband agreed to it. Ravi was her to be husband now. He was not that old boy friend or lover once he was. They fall in love with each other. She didn’t understand how. She was gone to one party with her parents when her Dad introduced her to Ravi. They chatted. Ravi mostly agreed to her views. She didn’t sense it on that time. She assumed that they were thinking alike. She now sensed that he was just showing his best manners. When they started dating, he was just obsessed towards her. He wanted her. He didn’t have any thought except one that he needed to win girl. Now he won her. His thoughts were changed. He needed to please all. His parents & her parents! Beach Avenue was rejected by her parents. Since it was too costly. They selected one nice forest Avenue. She didn’t like forests that much. She was scared of them. She still didn’t understand why. But whenever she thought about forest. She began to have nightmares. She could have shifted to small AC marriage hall instead of forest. But all wanted marriage as adventure. She kept telling herself that it was perfect. Her Mom was so happy. Her Mom declared “ It was perfect. We booked nice place. They had one good resort surrounded by forest. All will love it.” She nodded. She wanted to object but she didn’t. She wanted to save money too. Beach Avenue was too costly. She agreed but after that when they started planning marriage soon she sensed that they planned plenty of things in forest for guests. It was clear that it was not about cost. They just wanted big wedding for long time. Her view was not that much important. She felt so hurt. Today she came on beach. She knew that she got all she wanted. Her car with driver was waiting outside. But still she didn’t understand what was wrong. She kept feeling attachment towards those tides. She wanted to dive in them. She decided to just do it. Without second thought she just started running towards sea. She was so excited. She didn’t want her logic to enter in her mind. She kept going inside. She wanted to reach deep. She wanted to get drown & then she wanted to come back. She wanted to do something where she could get freedom. She wanted to fight against all those tides. She wanted to prove herself. It was so important to her. She went in sea & started swimming without giving any thought to risk. She wanted to swim & no one could stop her. It was her time. She wanted to enjoy her freedom. Nothing was important to her. She suddenly realised she didn’t care for her life too. She knew that Ravi would cry for her few days then he would move on. Her parents had other kids too. She knew that her passion was most important than anything. She wanted to swim deep inside that sea without second thought.
Ravi was planning for perfect marriage. But he began to sense step by step that Smita was getting detached from it. He received biggest shock when Smita bought blue saree. It was beautiful colour but Smita always liked light colour. He didn’t know what happened but he sensed one thing that Smita lost her interest in wedding. Her mind was no longer interested in wedding. She began to plan different things which managed to make her happy. He thought that they might needed to have just beach wedding only. He loved her. But he knew that he was getting a bit carried away by relatives. He called her. But she didn’t took call. He waited & waited. Finally after some time a child took his call. He asked “Who are you?” “ Uncle I am Pinky. I don’t know whose mobile is it? Did you forgot mobile on beach?” He was so shocked. Mobile was on beach?" He knew that Smita went to jogging away. She was obsessed about her health. Then he understood. Her mobile must had fallen while running. He smiled & relaxed. He told to that child “ It’s mobile of my fiancée. It must have fallen while jogging. Will you stay there for half an hour? I will come.” That girl said sweetly “ I am playing here for two hours! Mom told me this is my playtime on summer vacation so no problem.” Ravi was so happy. Ravi took his car. He was so tense about getting stuck in traffic but it was his lucky day. He didn’t suffer traffic or he at least thought that way. But when he reached to beach. He was so confused. He kept looking around. He brought some chocolates for that girl too. Then he called. Out of nowhere suddenly that girl came running & gave him mobile. He wanted to give chocolates but she vanished immediately. It was clear that her Mom told her to come back immediately. In fact car was waiting with open door for her. Her Mom gave him angry look. It was clear that her Mom didn’t like that he forced her daughter to wait on beach. He felt so nervous. He said “ Sorry.” But no one accepted it. That car just vanished. He began to look towards mobile. He needed to give it to Smita. He took it & he went back in his car. He began to drive to Smita’s home. Smita came back after swimming in sea for some time. She was so breathless. She slept on sand & started laughing. She felt so nice. She wanted to exhaust herself. She wanted to punish herself. Her entire life was becoming big struggle she wanted relief from it. She knew that she couldn’t kill herself. It was cowardly act. She needed to live her life. She promised to marry. She needed to do it Ravi was important to her. She needed to understand it. She remembered Ravi as positive thing. But then suddenly she didn’t. She worked hard to understand herself. But she just wanted to keep laughing. She didn’t understand what was happening to her. She kept sitting & laughing there. She didn’t even sense that people were watching her. Soon one Cop came near her. He slowly asked “ Madam what are you doing? You are totally wet. It seem odd & it’s even unhealthy for you to sit with wet clothes like this!” “ But it’s not crime?” Cop looked nervous. “ No..no Madam you can sit.” Then Cop went away. She kept sitting & laughing. When Ravi reached her house, he asked about her. Her Mom told that Smita had not come back. He was so shocked. He decided to go back on beach. During this time that Cop was observing Smita. She was totally wet in her jogging suit. He didn’t like the way she was sitting. He could see many wrong sort of men observing her. He was scared. Some group might try something wrong. Most importantly he felt that she was not in normal mental condition. It was not just about having one modern lady around. He felt that he was handling one unsound lady. He waited for sometime. Finally Lady Cop came. He described her entire situation. That Lady officer “ But why did she sitting like this? They keep areas in hotel or society to get sunbath & tanning etc..” “ But she is wearing her entire jogging suit. She is not here for tan or sunbath etc!” Suddenly Smita looked around. Smita began to come to her senses. She was supposed to get ready for marriage. She didn’t understand what she was doing. She went in sea. Then she swam. She was totally wet. She started to search for her mobile. She began to cry. Those Cops came near her. Lady officer “ Madam did you miss something?” “ My mobile & purse?” Man Cop “ Madam you were sitting here & laughing. You don’t have anything with you.” She shivered with fear. She didn’t remember it. She began to feel so nervous. She did all to please others just since she didn’t want to do something to upset her. She forgot her mobile. She was swimming in sea. She was laughing. She didn’t understand why did she done it. She remembered all. She was doing it on that point but now she didn’t want herself to do that. She wanted to change it. But somewhere in her heart she still wanted enjoy same freedom. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her. Smita said “ Will you please do one favour?” Cop nodded. It was clear that she had mental issues. “ I want to call..” her sentence was half when Ravi came on beach running. Ravi said loudly with relief “ There you are I was searching all over the world for you!” Cop gave him angry look & said “ You must not let her walk around in this condition.” Smita was so nervous. She knew that after hearing this Ravi might break their marriage but she didn’t have much option. Ravi asked “ What happened?” Cop explained all in details. She was so scared that Ravi would get upset with her. But Ravi just gave concerned look & thanked officers for their help. Then she sat in car with him. She was totally wet. Ravi “ Why did you went in sea? You want to kill yourself? Why? Are you in love with someone else?” “ No. Nothing like that!” “ But if you started to act like that all would blame me. If you don’t want to marry we can cancel this marriage.” She tried to smile & said “ No..no I don’t want to..” “ I am postponing this marriage. This way we both get time to think.” She didn’t want to say it but it came out in totally wrong way. She spoke without thinking “ My parents will get upset!” Ravi gave her angry look. Ravi was clearly heartbroken. Ravi “ You don’t need to marry me to just please your parents. It’s wrong.” First time she sensed that everything was wrong. She was planning to marry Ravi since she liked him. But now suddenly it all began to look wrong. She said it but it came out in too weak voice “ I was marrying since I love you.” Ravi looked towards her with anger & she stopped speaking. She just sat in car quietly. As soon as they reached home, she ran inside her room. Her Mom came after her. But Ravi stopped her Mom & called her Dad.
Smita sat in her room. She was crying. She knew that she would land in worst position now. She wasted so much money on her marriage. She was so sure that she would got carried away but it didn’t work. She was so stressed. She went out again. She sat on sofa. Ravi was discussing about that marriage. Ravi smiled & said “ I told your parents about my future plan regarding project. It’s okay.” Her Mom smiled “ Honey it’s perfect. We can’t expect Ravi to forget this opportunity..” she just smiled & nodded. She was glad that Ravi managed good excuse. Ravi came towards her & said “ Now you can relax. No need to try to kill yourself.” There was tears in his eyes. She didn’t understand what she supposed to say. She didn’t say anything. She went back in her room. She changed her wet clothes. She went in washroom. She sat before mirror. She kept watching her face. It was totally normal. She kept looking towards her pink cheek. She was healthy. She was feeling that she was pale but she was looking totally normal. She didn’t understand why she was looking sad. She loved Ravi. She was so sure but now she was normal. She was thinking about it. She needed to miss Ravi didn’t she? She began to think that it was wise if she stayed away from idea of marriage totally. But it was not working. She suddenly began to feel relieved. She thought that she would try to get job. She began to change dress & started to search for jobs. She called her last Boss. She was lucky. Her Boss immediately welcomed her. She got dressed & told her Mom that she was going on job. Her parents nodded. They were totally nervous. She went back to her shop. She started to arrange all in normal fashion. It was in such a fashion that she felt that she never left it at all. She began to work in normal way. Other staff kept watching her with question but she just ignored. No one dared to ask her questions. She knew that they wouldn’t. She was Boss. But finally she needed to answer. She kept avoiding it. Her day went perfectly. Finally she returned home. She came out of office. She suddenly sensed that she was searching for Ravi. In old times he used to wait for her. She didn’t understand what was happening to her. She started crying. Suddenly her one colleague appeared beside her & asked “ What happened?” She was so stressed. She needed to tell someone. She began to tell all. When it was over her colleague said “ I feel this is just Anxiety. If you ask me, you need to talk with Ravi & tell him about your trouble. I tell you frankly you need Psychiatrist.” She was so angry & upset. She was Boss. She was friendly with this woman but she couldn’t call her mad. For her visit to psychiatrist was sign of madness. She just said “ I am fine.” She went to her home. She began to plan for her shop again. She wanted to forget all about Ravi & she began to feel that she could. But suddenly she found one letter R in one design of chair. They were telling her about Ravi. She started crying. She decided that she didn’t want to feel anything about him. Then suddenly her mobile rang. It was Ravi. She took it. Ravi “ I told my parents..” he couldn’t talk further he was crying. Then suddenly she told him what her colleague told her. “ I don’t know. Do you think I might have mental issues? Why else I kill myself like that? I was swimming in sea! Then she sat on sand..I mean I sat on sand.” He just took deep breath & said “ let’s just do one thing. Let’s go to that Psychiatrist.” She agreed. She knew that she needed help. She sensed that she didn’t took number. “ I will call her I don’t took number..” Ravi “ Give number. Let us talk!” She felt so nervous & confused. Ravi screamed “ Trust me at least once. I will not force marriage on you.” She just passed number. Ravi disconnected call. She waited with anxiety. Finally her Colleague called “ It’s okay. Just relax. He took that number he will call. Trust me. He is perfect for you. Don’t worry. Just do whatever he suggest.” Smita agreed. Then Smita kept trying her best to live normal. Ravi came next day after her office. He kept acting in a way as if everything was normal. She went out with him. But she kept getting emotional. She was feeling so guilty. She destroyed all. But he was nice to her. She sometimes started to say that they should get married immediately but she knew that she was not ready that water was still tempting her. He kept checking that she had not gone to beach. It was so odd. She just kept wanting to swim. But Ravi told all that she must not swim or jog. Her Mom didn’t understand true cause. Ravi told her parents some astrologer told him. Her parents were obeyed it properly. Then finally one day Ravi told her that she supposed to come to Psychiatrist with him. They went there. Ravi was nice person with him she didn’t feel so much stressed. She didn’t understand why suddenly she felt okay with him. She went inside. Psychiatrist smiled towards Ravi. Psychiatrist “ So do you notice improvement in your relationship Ravi?” Ravi smiled & nodded. Then Psychiatrist told Smita “ Actually Ravi was suffering from depression so I gave him treatment first. He needed to do something to improve your relationship. Do you feel change?” She smiled & nodded. She added slowly “ I am more comfortable with him. But I still feel obsessed to water. I want to swim.” “ Did you use to swim when you get tense?” She laughed. “ Yes my grandpa use to take me. Actually my this Mom is step Mom when my Mom died I use to cry. But when Dad began to plan second marriage I was so upset. I thought my step Mom would hurt me. I use to cry so during that marriage ceremony my grandpa took me to swimming. I enjoyed it & when I came back my new Mom took me in hand. She kissed me. I felt like my Mom only.” She smiled so happily. “ I feel now as if she is my Mom.” She turned to Ravi. “ Don’t mention this to Mom.” Ravi gave odd smile & said “ I know it & all know it.” Smita looked confused & nodded. Psychiatrist smiled & said “ When your Mom died & you replaced Mom you reduced your stress with swimming so now when you are getting married you feel same stress so you keep going to swim. But it was not swimming that reduced it was your grandpa who did. So now I will do this treatment which your grandpa did for you as child.” She nodded. Then Ravi was told to sit outside. For sometime Smita took treatment. Then she got married in same forest happily. She was no longer scared of anything. She wanted adventure too just like guest. Her marriage became best memory for her.
The End
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