Charu’s crying
Charu was going to visit her grandmother. It was not entertaining to her but she knew that it was her duty. Her grandmother used to love her a lot. She used to visit her many times during vacation. She used to enjoy visiting her. She remembered all childhood pleasant memories. Her Grandmother used to take her to beaches to collect shells. She loved many shells. Those shells were having different designs. Those shell were giving beautiful colours which created fresh appeal to mind. She kept looking towards those shells. They used to give her dreams. She used to feel so happy about it. She knew that those were old days. She didn’t enjoy it that much now. She wanted to walk on beach on wonderful sand. But now that beach was not like this. It was modern with wonderful parks & sitting arrangement. That beach was no longer that old fashioned beach. People loved that decorations & arrangements. They felt more comfortable on this beach. She began to feel upset. She wanted back that old beach but it was not going to come. She just began to dislike entire place. Then whenever she went to her grandmother started to ask her about her future plans. She tried to explain them but grandmother didn’t like them. She wanted certainty in those plans. But her every plan seemed uncertain. She wanted to make them promising but she couldn’t avoid uncertainty from them. She was so sad. She didn’t want her grandmother to keep pointing about her defects. She kept telling her to ignore it. She was so frustrated since her grandmother didn’t understand what she was telling. It seemed as if her grandmother was stuck on one question. Her grandmother was not moving over it. That day she was so frustrated. She wanted to avoid going there but she didn’t have much option. Her grandmother was her responsibility too. She wanted to show attachment to her. But when her grandmother kept asking about her marriage she was frustrated. She wanted to get married but she couldn’t find a boy. She tried to meet boys but most of them didn’t took interest in her. They had different demands & she couldn’t fulfil them. Then in some cases she didn’t like boys. But one thing was clear that she didn’t want to discuss this issue with her grandmother. It was upsetting for her. She took deep breath before knocking on door. For long time no one opened door. She knew that it was wrong with wish that way but for moment she hoped that her grandmother might be dead. Then she started to feel guilty about it. She was wishing for death of her innocent old grandmother! She was becoming cruel day by day. She was getting stressed out. She needed to feel relaxed but instead she was feeling upset. She began to knock loudly. Then finally she heard footsteps. She felt so relaxed. She wanted her grandmother to be safe. Then her grand!mother opened door. She smiled. Her grandmother looked confused. Look on her grandmother’s face managed to scare her. She didn’t want to look like that when she grew old. But she knew that she would. Charu smiled & asked “ How are you?” Her grandmother immediately looked behind & asked “ Where is your father?” Her grandmother was interested just in her son not granddaughter. But Charu’s father never wanted to waste time in visiting his old mother. He kept saying “ I need to earn which is more important! Only money can help my Mom in old age. We need to find good servants etc for her..” But those servants never appeared. Her father was not interested in spending money on his old Mom. Her father was not interested in spending money on anyone except himself. He was very selfish man! Her grandmother managed to make him that way by giving extra pampering. Every time he got wherever he wanted. Charu “ He is busy.” Grandmother immediately nodded & smiled with admiration. Grandmother “ Your Dad work so hard. You must learn from him & follow his footsteps. He is so impressive to all..” she was so irritated by this. Her Dad was not helpful to her in any way. She never saw his that side which people were admiring. Any way she didn’t dare to oppose Grandmother she didn’t want to create issue. She knew that they all would say just one thing that he was feeding her. She knew that she needed to earn but whenever she tried to do something in her own way. Her Dad objected. Entire family supported him. Her career was become hopeless due to her over dominating father who never had time to help her. He kept doing all to please people but never did anything to help her. She knew that she couldn’t tell it to her grandmother. For her grandmother he was God. Her grandmother literally worshipped her son. She tried her best to control her anger. She went in kitchen & said “ Grandma I will cook something nice for you.” Her Grandma nodded. She knew that kitchen was best hide out. Her grandmother never entered in kitchen until it was necessary. Her grandmother was not fond of cooking that much. Her grandmother always admired ready made food. Now she could order food on Internet easily. She was arranging all. So her father was happy with his mother. But his mother needed daily visits from someone. Charu was only person in house who could go. According to her Dad she needed to go & visit instead of trying to settle her career. Her Dad wanted her to make career but it must something from his choice & something which could provide immediate money. She didn’t wanted it. She wanted her freedom & happiness. Her career was not giving her money but she wanted to spend some time on it. She wanted to read book or she desired to do research. But they didn’t want it. She decided that she could read information. But for it she needed time but her Dad kept telling her that she must visit grandmother. Then she needed to cook for her. Now her Dad wanted to avoid charges of ready made food so she supposed to go & cook. She was so frustrated. She was coming here again & again these days. She just needed to do it all. She was taking care of all but still no one valued it. She wanted to cry but she didn’t.
Charu’s grandmother was watching TV happily. She was so happy that she could get home cooked food now. She didn’t want to cook & she didn’t even find suitable servant. Her last maid was cooking everything with so much chilly that she couldn’t able to eat it. Grandmother wanted homemade food but she needed to someone to do it for her. She began to arrange all by using her granddaughter Charu. She called her son. She told him “ Your daughter is just sitting in home why don’t you send her to me? She can at least cook in my house! It will surely save money.” Her son immediately agreed. She knew that her son didn’t like Charu that much. Her son wanted boy but he never said it before all. He always pretended that he was modern. He kept pretending that he wanted a girl who would stand strongly in man’s world. But in his heart he just wanted to keep Charu inside house. He wanted to marry her off to some one from whom he could gain profit. He was planning her marriage with one boy who was son of his friend. He heard that boy was having habit of drinking but he had habit of drinking too. He felt that it was okay but Charu didn’t want to marry that boy. Her son, Charu’s Dad just wanted her marriage with that boy so he was not planning to introduce her to anyone else. He wanted her to just marry him so he needed to reduce her confidence. Charu needed to keep cooking in kitchen or she needed to do some work like that. Her grandmother was planning to reduce her confidence by taunting her every day. According to her grandmother it was wrong to say no to a boy. If she was told to marry then she must marry. Her grandmother was thinking how did she would taunt Charu. Inside kitchen Charu was cooking. Sometimes she just wanted to put something in that food. She wanted to kill her grandmother. Then she started to regret that thought. She began to cook again. She did lunch & she called her grandmother. Her grandmother came on table to eat food. Charu arranged all & served it. Her grandmother began to eat. Charu was serving. Grandmother “ Your food is good. But still you need to make some plan regarding future. You need to plan for..” Suddenly her grandmother stopped talking. Charu was confused. Her grandmother began to get breathless. Charu started to feel nervous. She remembered that she cooked entire food in perfect way. She wanted to poison her grandmother but she didn’t. When she saw her getting breathless, she started to feel restless. Charu wanted to call Doctor but she was so scared. She didn’t remember if she put something in food. Finally she sensed that she didn’t have much option. She called Doctor. Then she called neighbours too. She came back. On that time her grandmother was sitting in strange position. She was looking far away. Her eyes were looking so strange. They had empty feeling in them. She was so scared. Doctor came to check her. Doctor told that she was dead. Charu shivered with fear. She ran in kitchen. She was so sure that she must had dropped something in food. She began to search what she might had used. But she didn’t find anything. She was so confused. She didn’t come in senses until Auntie from neighbourhood didn’t put hand on her shoulder. Auntie gave sad & weak smile. Auntie gave her mobile & said “ Tell me number I will call your parents.” She nodded. She gave number to Auntie. Auntie began to call. For long time no one took it. Finally her Dad took it. Then Auntie told him everything. Her parents came home. But they didn’t look so much emotional. They just wanted to just get over. Charu’s Mom went near her & told her “ You can go home. We will handle it.” Charu nodded. She called Taxi. She sat happily in Taxi. She wanted to go away from there. When she went home, she went to take bathe. She started to clean herself. She wanted to clean her dirt. She knew that she was doing this since she wanted to get rid of those memories. She kept seeing her grandmother’s face. She wanted to clean all those memories. She used perfume on herself. She began to sense that she was looking perfect now. She began to feel relaxed. She started to feel so pleased. She went out & immediately door bell rang. She opened door. Some relatives were standing. They immediately made sad face. They started expressing sorrows on her grandmother’s death. She didn’t understand what she supposed to say. She should welcome them or just keep expressing sorrows. But she started to cry. She wanted to control but she couldn’t. Those relatives began to get nervous. They took her inside & started to console her. She calm down after sometime. Then they went away. She wanted to control her feelings but whenever someone mentioned her grandmother she began to cry uncontrollably. Her parents began to look towards her in strange way. One day finally her Mom said “ You were never so attached to grandmother why you are feeling so sad?” She didn’t say anything. She was having nightmares daily. She began to feel sure that in anger she managed to poison her grandmother. She didn’t want to face it. She kept hiding her feelings. She was getting so restless. She wanted to forget all. But she didn’t want to remember her grandmother but her parents kept her nice picture in hall. Every one was admiring it. She tried to become normal but she began to sense that she was not acting in normal way at all. She tried to avoid people since she felt scared that they might mention her grandmother & she didn’t want to cry again. She knew that if someone took name of her grandmother then she immediately started crying. She wanted to do her job & boyfriend but she couldn’t keep herself normal so it was impossible for her to find anything. She used to love her work but now she began to dislike it. She was so confused. Her Dad kept insisting to her that she must marry to son of his friend. She didn’t have much option. She needed to do all her Dad want. She wanted to look normal.
Charu prepared herself to meet that boy. She wanted to get ready but clearly her Dad was not interested. He insisted that she must not waste time & she got dressed in normal way. She went there with her parents . That boy was not so impressive. Her parents sat in hall while she went in other room with that boy to talk with him. She didn’t like him but she knew that she had her problems. She needed to adjust. She smiled. But that boy was not talking sweetly. He began to taunt her. She started to get restless. She didn’t want to talk with him. She took breath of relief when she finally came back in hall. She knew one thing that she couldn’t marry this boy. She went out of that house & immediately told this to her parents. Her Dad was very angry. He started abusing her before all. He began to talk about her grandmother. She wanted to stop crying but she couldn’t. He kept screaming “ This girl is becoming mad. My mother is dead since two years but still she is crying. She need a psychiatrist. You are not taking her to one. You don’t understand her madness. She is mad.” Charu looked around. She sensed that everyone was watching towards her. She was trying so hard to control her tears. Finally she reached home. She sat in room alone. She kept watching out of window. She began to feel so worthless. On that point she didn’t wanted to marry that boy at any cost. She couldn’t stay with him. Suddenly her Mom came in room. Her Mom said slowly “ Charu you need Psychiatrist. You keep crying at mention of your grandmother & it is not normal.” She said “ Mom I am ready to visit Psychiatrist but I don’t want to marry that boy.” Mom looked relieved. “ Don’t worry. I will manage it.” Her Mom phoned a common friend & told that one she was not interested in this marriage. After it that boy surely didn’t try to contact her. She took breath of relief. Then her Mom decided to call their family Doctor. She told entire incidence. Then Doctor gave her number of Psychiatrist. Charu’s Mom took it immediately. After it they took appointment. It was after week. Charu kept avoiding her Dad after it. She could hear his talking many things against her. But she didn’t go out. She didn’t want to marry that boy. She kept using headphones to avoid hearing him. Finally they went to Psychiatrist. Charu began to tell all but soon Psychiatrist sensed that she was not telling her everything. Psychiatrist suggested Mom to go out. Then slowly she told him about her fear. She told him how did she wished that she could kill her grandmother & she died. Psychiatrist smiled & said “ First you didn’t kill your grandmother. She died due to heart attack. I discussed this with your family Doctor. She was heart patient for long time. I thought you must fond of her. But now I sense that it was your guilt. You are depressed & you hated her. Unluckily she died when you cook for her. But any way it was not your mistake. You did all work & never got appreciated so feeling upset was common. You were frustrated.” Charu started to cry slowly. She began to tell how did her grandmother treated her. Then she told him all about her father & his efforts to marry her to same boy. Psychiatrist slowly began to tell her how to handle situations. She began to feel relaxed. Then he called back her Mom. He told her every thing too. Then he started some Medicine for her. Charu came back home. That day she felt little bit relieved. She began to do her work. Slowly she started to sense that she didn’t done any mistake. When her Dad began to taunt she started to answer. According to her Dad she was arrogant but she felt better that way. She wanted peaceful life. She didn’t want to marry boy of his choice. Then she started searching for suitable boy herself. Finally she found one. She told him all about her mental issues. He took it easily. He said that he had mental issues too. For him she was not mad girl. She was normal. Her Dad didn’t appreciate him. But when she insisted he didn’t have much option. Finally she got married to boy who understood her. She started her life the way she wanted. But still sometimes when her grandmother mentioned she felt scared. But on those occasions her husband hold her hand. He supported her. She began to get over it step by step. But she understood one thing. She did big mistake by permitting them to bully her. She knew that she could live happily if she stopped considering every time what people felt about her. She began to live her life happily. She started enjoying life with her freedom. She was so happy. She had troubles in her life but she was no longer alone & frustrated. She managed to handle them with her husband. She was so happy that she said no to that boy. She sensed one thing that always agreeing wouldn’t help. Sometimes she needed to stand on her point. She learnt it now & she began to handle her life without crying again & again. She cried sometimes but it was not uncontrollable. It was always limited tears which expressed her feelings. At beginning she was scared of crying but now she learnt to cry in limit. She learnt to control her feelings. She gave freedom to her feelings but she didn’t let them control her mind. She was not scared of crying any more.
The End
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