The wound of heart
Tarun started to search in his room for his suitcase. He was so sure that he kept it in cupboard but now he didn't find it. His memory used to be great once but it was not wonderful now. He still remembered once he used to feel so confident about dates and details. But he didn't understand why this was happening. He was not that old. He needed to do lot more things in life. He smiled happily in his thoughts. Since he started to remember his Mom's plan. His Mom called him specially on his cousin's wedding with just one motive in her soul. It was his marriage. His Mom wanted him to get married. He didn't said it directly but in his heart he was planning same thing. Until now he hoped to find a girl by himself but soon he sensed that it was not happening. He was not brave enough to propose girl and other men took that opportunity so he never managed to get girl desired. He always felt alone and he needed someone. He felt so hurt specially when his friends started showing off their girl friends. It was so wrong. He was so happy when his Mom suggested this. He wanted to marry but he couldn't suggest it directly. He was shy for it. He started feeling so happy at idea of going to this wedding. He could see many girls in it. He had seen in many movies that bachelors found girls in such wedding which managed to improve their life. He was so excited about it. He took train instead plane for journey. He wanted to save his money. He knew when it came to marriage every rupee was precious for him. He was so upset when he didn't able to get things as per demand in childhood since his Dad was not rich enough. Now he didn't want it to happen to him. He wanted to save money and give all to his family so he decided that he must save. He didn't want to daydream but he started hoping even romance in that train. He started imagining it. He smiled happily when he packed his suitcase. He went out. Today he was feeling fresh touch in soul. He started to smile and sing. He took Auto. Inside his auto he was laughing and singing. He didn't even sensed it. He came senses when Auto driver asked " Where are you going? Planning to meet someone special?!!" He smiled and denied. Auto driver gave friendly smile and said " Come on tell me. Once I use to act like that until my fiance didn't become my wife but she became wife all excitement was gone. " " So you don't like life after marriage?" " Well there are lots of responsibilities. We need to understand them all. We need to find way to adjust with them. After fulfilling them there was hardly time for relaxing. We need to just run around to get more and more money. We can't blame kids for it since they also need those things. But now a days kids demand too much. We were not like that when we were kid." Tarun was not happy after hearing all this. He didn't want to hear bad side of marriage which was scaring him. He was too busy in studying good side of marriage. He wanted to just concentrate on it. He didn't want to study bad side. But he was forced to see it. He was so upset. He just wanted to sense it's good side. He started to remember marriage of his parents and his sister. He began to feel confident again. He finally reached to railway station. He was having his wonderful dream. When he entered in train, he was sure that he could find few friends in it. He started to search for his seat. He finally found it. He felt so excited when he saw a beautiful girl was sitting on it. He loved the way she was dressed. She was so decent and innocent. Her beauty was hidden in her appearance she was so beautiful. He sat beside her. He was expecting a smile of encouragement from her. But that girl gave him angry look. He felt so confused. He sensed that he was irritating for her. He took message and sat in window looking out. He felt so sad. He didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted that girl to fall in love with him. He wanted his life to become like his friend. But she regarded him like some criminal. He noticed that she even pointed her parents towards him. He felt so scared. He took out one magazine and kept hiding his face behind it during whole journey. It was clear that his happiness was vanished out of his life. He was no longer considered as nice man but he considered as criminal who harassed girl. He felt so insulted. He started to look at that girl with anger. Now that girl looked scared. Tarun liked it. He always felt so rejected. He liked it when he started to scare someone. It was so wonderful. That girl didn't show positive towards him. He knew that it was wrong. He had good earnings. Even in office he never denied by any girl. They desired him but he just never proposed so they took inferior boys than him. They never managed to get him so compromised. But no one rejected him. He didn't like the way this girl rejected him. That girl looked scared. Soon her family started searching for ticket checker. He sensed that they wanted to change seats. It managed to anger him more. They were considering him so less that they didn't even want to sit beside him. It was wrong and frustrating. He did nothing and they were overreacting. They were showing off as if he was harassing them when he was sitting in far away corner. Soon they found ticket collector. They started talking nicely. They needed to work hard to get another seat but it wasn't holiday season so train had many vacant seats. They managed to get another seat soon. They just ran away from there. Tarun didn't understand what was wrong with him. He never sensed that when that girl rejected him in his anger he took such harsh hold of rail berth that he managed to cut his hand and it was bleeding. He had blood dripping on his shirt until ticket collector didn't come to him with first aid box and offered it. Ticket collector " Some people are so strange. They were scared of you just because you are hurt and bleeding? As human you supposed to help other human not supposed to treat them like that." Now he understood all. When he saw this girl, he managed to hurt himself and she hated him because he was bleeding. He was so shocked and confused. He didn't understand what he supposed to think about this situation.
Tarun sensed that he didn't understand when he managed to get hurt. It was so strange. When person started to bleed normally they immediately sensed it. He was so confused. But he controlled his surprise and smiled happily. " I was so confused. I don't understand why did that lady avoiding me like that." " Because she is scared of blood." Tarun smiled happily. He began to feel confident again. He knew that he could surely find someone special in this train today. He began to think that he didn't really need to go in that wedding. Then suddenly his mobile rang. It was his Mom. Mom " Where are you?" " In train." " Great but I want you to get out of that train fresh. Few people are coming to take you." " Why? I know my road very well. I can come blind folded." " I know. But will you listen to me?" " Okay Mom." He knew that when his Mom say this. He supposed that listen her since it's important. He just nodded when he knew that she couldn't see it. Then he listened. Mom " There are many girls who seem suitable for you. I can't just select one without your suggestion. I just don't encourage one of them so there are few parents who are coming to take you. They are just making excuse of welcoming you. They all wanted to judge you. They all want to see you." He began to feel so happy. He began to feel that he was someone special. During that entire journey he kept watching himself again and again in mirror to confirm his looks. But he kept feeling tense. He began to feel so restless as if it was his last chance to get some girl. He went in restroom and searched for suitable place to change clothes. He wanted to look his best. He knew that this would create impact on his life. He wanted to dress in such a way that all would admire him. But it was hard task. He knew that everyone would desire different thing. He needed to look in such a way that everyone would admire his looks. He started to choose clothes. It was clearly hard task. He needed to select such a clothes that they would look great on everyone. He needed to dress in best way. He began to choose clothes for his important day. It was not easy for him to choose clothes. He kept changing them. But after sometime people started complaining since he occupied restroom for long time. He was wasting his so much time in it. He began to get dressed. Then he started to get confused. He didn't understand how hours he was wasted on it. Finally he came out. Then he began to plan all. He needed to look perfect. When he sat on his seat, he began to see wound on his hand. It was so wrong. He kept looking at it. He began to feel that wound would make him look ugly like some kind of villian. He wanted to look like hero but it was not happening. He wanted to look like someone great. He started to look in his small mirror. His reflection was looking great but still he felt something was missing. He sensed that he needed to correct it. He began to feel that he must look great. He started to sense that he was getting little old. His eyes started to have wrinkles. He didn't like it. He wanted to look young. He decided that he must use some cosmetics. He didn't normally use any. Until now he always thought that they were needed by just girls but now he was confused. He sensed that he needed to use them. He took deep breath. He decided that he must use few. He slowly took out his make up box and started doing it. Suddenly a small child appeared out of nowhere and started laughing on him. Child began to scream " Look Mom Uncle is getting ready like girl." Whoever was in hearing range managed to look at him. He suddenly began to feel like criminal or mentally unsound for doing makeup. He took deep breath. Then he went ahead. He confirmed that he was looking great. He started to feel so upset due to that child. Many men did make up it was not something new. He was so frustrated. He began to get dressed. He needed it. Then he looked at himself. That child managed to upset his mood totally. But he consoled himself by saying that it was just child and he was normal. But during that entire journey he felt so embarrassed. He sensed that his dream of train romance shattered totally. He couldn't get any romance at least in train. He sensed that he couldn't hope for it. He began to feel that he was so wrong but then he consoled himself by saying that he would get better step by step. He could impress people. He once again looked at clock. He needed to spend one day in train. But he did makeup without cause one day earlier. He wanted to look perfect. He was so scared of rejection. He didn't want to get rejected before his Mom. He knew how much his Mom did for him. His Mom invested her entire jewelry for his studies when his Dad back out. His Dad never acted so supportive but his Mom was strongest pole. He felt so much affection about his Mom that he didn't want to look less before her. He needed to look best for her so he started trying his best. Then he started once again looking out of window. His entire childhood came before his eyes. It was so upsetting. He could see good and bad sides. He knew one thing by entire memory. He wanted to prove himself best before all. He could get rejected by girl in office but not here. Even in that train he felt so scared of rejection since he felt that it might be reach to people of that function. He couldn't get rejected there. He started to feel so tense. He couldn't sleep peacefully. He was so restless on that night. He kept looking out of window. He could see light of moon. He started to feel relaxed while watching it. Moon and those shapes of things in darkness provide peace to his mind. He began to get relaxed step by step. He started to feel so happy about all. He began to dream again in positive way. He started to dream a wonderful world of his future.
Next morning Tarun woke up by sudden jerk of train. He took hold of bar to stop himself from falling. Then he felt pain in hand due to it. He was so upset. He came down and looked at his hand. It started bleeding once again. He began to feel that it was not good news. He saw that it was looking worst. He knew that whoever saw it going to hate him like that girl and her family who first shared his railway berth. They kept entire berth empty and managed on whatever seats they got just to avoid him. He began to tie his hand but nothing was working. He started to get tense. He couldn't get dress up if he kept bleeding. He needed to do something. He began to feel so upset and angry. He didn't understand why did destiny kept punishing him like that. His Dad never helped him on any level much since he choose career he liked not one his Dad liked. His Dad hated him for it. His success was not much important to his Dad now. His Dad just wanted him to join his business and he didn't so it was over. Their business was nice and prospering but he didn't like to run shop. He suggested his Dad to keep manager. His Dad got so angry. His Dad went to his Uncle and invited him in business. His cousin was willing to join business happily. His cousin started doing it. Soon his cousin became perfect replacement so he was no longer needed. His Mom was only person who kept remembering him. But somewhere in his heart Tarun had thirst for his family. He hoped this marriage would fulfill it. He started to feel that it would make him someone great. He started to tell himself that he was perfect. He looked at wound. He sensed that it stopped bleeding too. He watched clock. He sensed that after one hour he needed to get down from train so he got ready. He went in restroom and did makeup in details. He got ready in perfect way. When he walked down from train, he looked confident. He was smiling happily. He searched for people who would come to receive him. It didn't find any. Then soon he located people but they were observing another man. It was clear that they didn't come to receive him. He got out of train. He went sometime on station then suddenly small group appeared. He was totally upset by then. But still he pretended that everything was perfect. He observed few men were happy and few were disappointed. When he reached to marriage hall, his Mom immediately came running towards him. She was looking really gorgeous on that day. He felt so inferior than her. But she smiled and said " You are looking so handsome. Everyone is keeping eye on you as eligible bachelor." He smiled. Then he went in room booked for him in hotel. They arranged all in perfect way. His Mom came there. Mom " I have selected few girls and four out of them are special." " Four?!! Mom!! I am getting married not purchasing clothes for me. This doesn't seem right. I mean I need to talk with them all then choose out of them as if I am going to purchase some grocery." His Mom took deep breath and said " I know it look unfair but we don't have much option. You need to find wife." Tarun nodded. He knew that he needed to pretend that he didn't cared but in his heart he did. He wanted to prove himself hero before all world. He wanted to prove himself a winner. He smiled and said " Mom you are right." He decided to act frankly before Mom. " Mom I don't want to hide anything from you. I need to look great before all. I wanted to prove them that I am great." His Mom looked confused. Mom " Honey you don't need to prove anything!! By getting proper job and standing on your feet you proved all already. You don't need to show world anything specially to your Dad. Move ahead with your life that's important." He nodded. But his Mom could sense that he was not convinced. He was still after that same thought. He wanted to impress all. She didn't like it. He couldn't do it. She knew that few would like him and few didn't. She decided that it was not moment when she should convinced him. She knew that she needed to show patience in convincing him. She decided that she would convince him when situation would come. She began to see his clothes. " Let me arrange clothes. " Then she began to arrange them in best way. She started to decide properly. Tarun also got involved in it. He started to look happy. He arranged all in proper fashion. He began to sense that he needed to plan. Soon they started dreaming about his future until his Dad didn't enter. His Dad came in his room and atmosphere posioned. Dad " So you are getting ready! Great. I am sure Mr.Sharma would like you as son-in-law but you aren't worthy for Kothare. They are top rich and famous. They wanted some one great and intelligent." Tarun felt so hurt. He decided that he would become son-in-law of Mr. Kothare. But his Mom interfered. " I like Mr. Sharma's daughter more." But it was useless. His Dad managed to instigate Tarun enough to take wrong decision. Tarun was now dedicated just to impress one girl and it was Kothare's daughter. He wanted just to get her as wife and prove that he was true winning. His Dad was happy since he sensed that his trick worked in perfect way. Tarun was now going to marry that girl which he wanted not that girl which he would have chosen. His Mom wanted to protest. But it was useless. His Dad managed to insult Tarun in such a way that he became puppet in his hand. Now he was just going to obey him. His Dad planned this all long ago. He wanted that girl in his house for his business at any cost. He didn't want to miss chance like last time so he managed to set all in perfect way. He knew that how did he could hurt Tarun's ego and manage all. Last time he missed target but this time he didn't he managed to get it.
When Tarun went down to lunch, he noticed a girl. She was so sweet and innocent. He really liked her from heart. He suddenly noticed Mrs. Kothare around her. He felt so happy. She was Kothare's daughter. His Mom was wrong. Kothare's daughter was nice girl. She was helping her Mom with luggage. Normally rich girl called servants for it but she was helping too. He was so happy. He went down. He created excuse and managed to get seat beside her. Slowly he began to chat. Soon he sensed that she was perfect girl for him. She was his soulmate. He sensed that they were perfect couple. Soon they even started laughing and discussing personal choices. They sensed that their choices were same. He was so happy. Finally he asked her name. She told it "Sarika." He admired her name too. Then suddenly his Dad appeared. His Dad said with dislike "Sarika where is your Dad Mr. Sharma?" Sarika gave sweet smile and said " I don't know. I will search for him." Tarun sensed his mistake. He immediately gave excuse and went away. He noticed pain on Sarika's face but then he sensed anger replaced it. Sarika went away to other seat. Then his Dad properly introduced him to Kothare's daughter Roma . She was nice girl. But when she started talking,he soon sensed that she had big ambitions. It was not wrong. But he sensed that she didn't find him enough to fulfill her ambitions. She wanted someone who would support her in her way of achieving success in her business. She was just like his Dad. She was ambitious and she had those demands which Tarun didn't able to fulfill. But he didn't want to quit. He just hoped that she might reject him. She started discussing many things. Finally she smiled and said " You are not ambitious but it's okay. I have enough ambition so I need someone to control it." Then she started laughing. He joined her. But in his soul he didn't like her attitude. He didn't want to marry her. But then he looked at her carefully. She was perfect. With her he could walk out of this party like winner. He started to feel that he must marry her. He smiled and said " I am different than you but I feel we can adjust." She smiled and he smiled back. It all seemed wonderful until he didn't noticed Sarika sitting in far away corner. She was not looking at him now. She was listening to music. He was not sure it was music or something else but she was not paying attention to him. But still he couldn't forget those moments that he shared with her. He knew that he didn't do anything wrong. He was not even dating her. He just chatted for few moments and that was all. But still he felt guilty as if he did some crime. He didn't understand why he started to feel so restless and uneasy. He didn't cheat anyone. Then both families started talking about their marriage. Tarun was feeling happy when suddenly Roma screamed " Why are you scratching your wound? Blood is coming out of it?!!" He looked at his hand. It was full of blood. Everyone was shocked. They immediately called waiter and asked for first aid box. Roma was standing beside him. But she was not holding his hand. She was still in shock. Roma " I don't understand why did you do that? Did you have some allergy?" He was so confused. " I don't sense it." His Dad " Sometimes such thing happens. I think we need to visit skin specialist." Kothare " I will give you number." Then Tarun immediately left that room. He was shivering with fear. He knew that something was wrong with him. He was not supposed to act like that but he was acting in totally wrong way. He went in room and began to do first aid on his hand. He started to sense that he was not normal. He began to cry when his Mom started calling from other side of room. He started listening to voice. He began to get tense. He needed to open door but he didn't want to cry before Mom. But he didn't have much option so he opened. Mom " What happened?" " I don't understand what is wrong with me Mom!!" " I am getting tense on every second. I want you to get married to but this is not normal. I mean do you really want to marry now?" He was so upset. This was not about marriage just about wound. Tarun " Mom this wound is hurting me. Why did you discuss marriage without cause?" " Because you started scratch it as soon as we start to talk about marriage." He began to feel so confused. This was not about marriage. He couldn't accept this. He took deep breath. " Mom this wound is infected due to train iron." Mom nodded. She immediately called Doctor. His Dad didn't came in room. But Roma sent him get well soon card. There was not any heart in message. Roma didn't even came to meet him. He sensed that Roma might be giving second thought to their marriage. He didn't understand what he wanted but he didn't want his marriage to be cancelled just because of this wound. He just needed a good Doctor as soon as possible. He called his Mom and told her to hurry up. He was so upset. His whole world was about to shatter. He needed to adjust all. He needed to love Roma to make everything right. First he needed to do treatment on his hand. He started waiting for it. Then he decided to call Roma but as soon as he took mobile in his hand he sensed that his pain of hand increased. He needed to do treatment first. He suddenly sensed that by mistake he scratched again. He didn't understand why did he kept doing it but he was scraching again and again. He was infecting himself. It was so wrong. He started bandaging again but he knew that he managed to scratch so many times even out of bandage. He needed to keep bandage proper but he was not doing it. He was on verge of becoming great and successful but one wound managed to change all. He wanted to change all but he couldn't. Some sort of bad luck seemed to stuck to him. He started taking name of God to console himself.
Tarun's Mom was shocked when she entered in room with Doctor and found that Tarun managed to find photo of God from somewhere and he was worshipping. Mom " What happened? " " Mom I kept scratching it." Doctor came ahead and said " Let me see." After examining it for long time Doctor said " This is just small wound but your scratching it so it got infected but why did you scratching it? I don't understand!!" Tarun started crying. Tarun " I tried hard to control. Actually I am going to get married and I don't want my fiancee to see this." Doctor gave him tense look. Doctor " Are you tense about marriage?" Tarun looked confused. Tarun "Well normal way. I feel tense. But it is common." Doctor " I don't like this. What do you feel about visiting psychiatrist?" Tarun was shocked. He couldn't do this before his father. It would destroy him entirely. Tarun " I can't.." Mom said forcibly " He will. Give me number." Mom took number. As soon as Doctor went away, Mom screamed " You are going to psychiatrist. I don't care what your father feel but you are not normal and I want you to remain normal." " But Mom.." " I don't care about world. I just care about you. I want you to visit psychiatrist." He was confused but he decided to take suggestion of his Mom. Next morning they went to psychiatrist. But before going there his Dad came and told him that Roma was already giving second thought to their marriage. Mom said clearly " I don't want him to hurry up regarding marriage." Dad " Yes..yes you can keep him with you for entire life like little baby." Tarun was so upset. He wanted to scream on him but his Mom stopped him with eyes. Mom " We are going away for shopping." His Dad gave angry look and went away. His Dad was cursing him but he ignored. They hurried to psychiatrist's appointment. Tarun was so scared but when he went inside, he felt nice. He told everything to psychiatrist. Psychiatrist smiled and said " You don't have big mental problem. It is just your guilt!!" " Regarding what? I have not cheated anyone?!!" " No one except your heart which wanted Sarika not Roma. You did what you want until now so why did you quit at this moment?" "I want to prove myself." " Then marry girl of your choice. And prove your own heart you are worthy to become it's owner. You don't need to please people as much as you need to please your heart." Tarun nodded. Psychiatrist " Marry Sarika and every thing will be fine." Tarun nodded. When they returned home, they told this to all. His Dad kept cursing him for choosing wrong girl but Tarun started to feel so happy that he sensed he did right choice. It was most pleasant thing for his soul since he started feeling happiness in soul. His wound was vanished long ago.
The End
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