Life in fear of unknown
Priti started watching out of window. Finally after such long time she was going on vacation which she deserved until now she never went. She was married to Tushar & it was totally wrong decision on her part. She always kept feeling upset about it. He was not good husband. He had big ego as man but he didn’t have intelligence. She kept telling him but he didn’t listen to her then whenever crisis came he came back to her. She needed to handle all. She had enough. She wanted to take divorce but no one was supportive. They kept telling her that she needed to adjust. Finally one day he decided to divorce her for rich woman. That lady was fond of him. She was literally pampering him like puppy. She didn’t feel sad or she didn’t want to cry. She agreed to divorce immediately. This rich lady was very thankful for it. She got nice big flat & she even got big alimony. Her life was settled. She didn’t need to work anymore since she removed maids & all unnecessary expenses. She began to save & she managed without job. She couldn’t make extra luxuries but she didn’t need them. Her husband needed them. She could ignore them so after efforts she found out that money which she needed for vacation. It was not going to be her big costly vacation. She was just going out of town with train. She was watching out of train window. It was really refreshing after so much time. She never liked going on vacation with Tushar. He was pain in neck. He used to taunt everything including her. According to him he was super human who didn’t have any skill. He kept telling again & again that he was most intelligent man. But he never got any brain. His attitude managed to make him irritating. She felt so upset. During one vacation he made friendship with some fellow passengers. He kept trying to impress girls whole time. In that process he managed to insult Priti. She knew that he didn’t plan to remain honest with her. She didn’t mind it too. She wanted him out of her life. While everyone kept expressing sorrow over her divorce she was jumping with joy. Today she was sitting alone in train. She was happy about it. She knew one thing that she didn’t want company now. She didn’t want anyone who kept calling her inferior. She wanted someone who considered her equal. She didn’t want to become someone’s boss. But she needed to get respect for her work too. She was not getting it. She felt so sad. Today she was alone so she could tell herself that she was most beautiful lady of earth. There wouldn’t be someone to tell her that she was not so beautiful. She liked it that way. She wanted to sit peacefully but whole time she kept watching. She didn’t want any other passengers but she knew that all seats would remain empty. She was scared that someone irritate her after coming. She didn’t want talkative person with her. She didn’t want to tell her life story or hear their life story during her entire journey. Since she got divorced every one wanted to know about her life. Then they wanted to know how could person managed to get divorce as if they were planning to get it. It was not easy for her to discuss her whole past. She wanted to forget it. She wanted to get over it. She was feeling so sad. She needed to find happiness but it was not entering in her life. Then she saw a man came inside with suitcase. He looked towards her then he started reading seat numbers. He kept looking around. She was so scared. Every one advised her to not travel alone. But she knew that if she was planning to live alone then she needed to learn to travel alone too. That man didn’t find his number so he went away. She just wished only if she had enough money to buy all seats. But sadly she didn’t have it. She had limited budget. She didn’t plan to spend so much of her savings on one picnic. She needed her saving for long time. She wanted to feel happy but she didn’t want to spend all her budget on one picnic. Her vacation was not that important to her. She kept feeling that she could easily enjoy company of some person for few hours. Still she sensed that she shivered. She started to wait for someone to come. For long time no one came. Finally she began to get relaxed. She started to feel no one was coming in her area. It was possible that those seats would remain just empty. She felt happy but then when she looked out she sensed that all train was occupied so she couldn’t expect it. Then finally a old couple entered in her compartment. She tried to avoid eye contact at first. But then she sensed that she needed to sit for hours so it was not possible. She gave nervous smile. Out of couple old man began talking “ You are travelling alone.” She just nodded. “ This is very risky. During our times we never permitted such things! Woman needed to travel with some man or at least some other woman. Travelling alone is stupid move. You know how many rape & murder cases we read in newspapers..” his wife tried to stop him but it didn’t work. He kept talking “ But now girls didn’t understand! They travel alone & if something happen start screaming! Those girls need to understand if they travel alone like that how can anyone keep them safe? Now luckily older couple like us sit beside you. Now think what if two men took these seats? You need to travel whole night with them!” She started to feel more scared. She began to regret her decision of travelling. On that point other girl came. She was sitting there too. She looked like college girl. That man observed her with shock. That college girl gave him a look with managed to stop him from talking. It was clear that this girl was travelling alone but this fellow was not going to taunt her. That college girl was wearing even modern dress but this fellow didn’t say anything. He smiled nicely towards her. That girl went to window seat & sat peacefully. Then he finally asked “Are you travelling alone?” That college girl asked “ Well. I might have some one with me in next compartment but we don’t find seats together? Why does you need this information?” That girl answered harshly & that fellow immediately stopped taunting her. That girl was harsh but due to her Priti escaped from torture & she was happy about it. Since after that this fellow kept trying to talk but no one answered finally he stopped.
Priti was travelling with odd group but all four seats were booked. She was not alone. That college girl introduced herself as Mina. This Mina was not much interested in talking with her or anyone. She kept talking on mobile or listening to some music on it. That old man kept talking to someone while no one was interested. Priti didn’t like the way he increased fear in her soul. She wanted to feel happy. She didn’t want to feel scared to travel. She noticed that Mina was not talking with anyone on other compartment so Mina was travelling alone too. But Mina handled all with such confidence. She needed it. She wanted to be like Mina. But she was not. She was scared. She never lived her life independently. It was first time when she was trying to do it. She wanted to feel happy about it. But every one was trying to tell her that she couldn’t remain happy without husband. It was irritating. She married wrong man & she was happy without him. But she didn’t understand why people didn’t want to believe it. She wanted to feel normal so she started to try to play game on mobile. Slowly she lost in world of game. On that point that old man started to taunt on her gaming habit. She was hoping that Mina would come for her help but she didn’t. Mina was so busy in her world. Mina kept looking in her mobile. That old man asked her “ Are you playing too?” Mina looked towards him with serious expressions & said “ No. I am doing my job.” Old man started to admire her. “ You are such hard working girl. You do work even during travelling. Your parents must be proud of you.” She felt so sad. She knew that no one in this world was proud of her. They didn’t like the way her marriage went. It was not her fault but she got blamed for it all. She kept feeling sad about it. She wanted to make everything right but nothing seemed to work. She knew that she felt relieved after breaking her marriage but for her family it was big failure. She didn’t understand why did it effect them. She didn’t done harm to anyone but they kept as if she brought bad reputation on family. It might effect prospect of marriages of remaining daughters who were still small & in schools or colleges. It was complicated for them. But she knew that was not truth. She could live her life happily. She began to plan her life in her style. But all seemed to stand against her. She began to feel so uneasy. She wanted to feel happy but that old man managed to bring out her every sorrow & fear. She started to get restless. She began to feel so worthless. Many times she just wished that she wouldn’t have married to this man. It was so upsetting. But it managed to give her money. She began to feel so sad. She decided that she might needed to go out. She just stood up & went away. She began to search for some corner where she could sit peacefully. She wanted to get rid of that man. She wanted to forget all. She started to remember every comment they cracked about her. She knew that she needed a life but this fellow managed to convince her that she couldn’t enjoy it. She started to walk between compartments just to waste her time. She didn’t understand how could she sit in that compartment for such a long time. She began to breathe peacefully. She started to feel restless. She wanted to sense to peaceful feel in mind but she was so upset. She didn’t understand what she supposed to do next. She began to get confused. Until now every day she felt same sadness, but she used to control her feelings. She went long way with patience. She needed to do it for sometime too. She wanted to feel happy in her soul. She knew that she could do it. She wanted to control herself but her steps suddenly started to go towards door of running train. She suddenly wanted to look out of it or jumped out of it she didn’t know. She just went towards door then she noticed that it was closed. She was about to touch it when suddenly a man screamed from behind “ What are you doing? You might want to go out on next station but don’t open it now! & where is your luggage ?” She smiled & said “ I was just observing where is door so I can come with luggage!” That man smiled. “ Ohh I can understand your anxiety so many people make crowd on door you need to plan near one. But it is very risky to go near it. She nodded & went back in her compartment. She was so nervous. She wanted to feel happy but she was upset. She couldn’t find a way to keep positive thoughts. She knew that she was planning to kill herself & luckily someone stopped her. It wasn’t good news for her. It was suggesting that she was on verge of losing her mind. She didn’t want to go to her compartment since she didn’t want to see face of that old man. It was so upsetting. But she didn’t have much option. She went in compartment. Luckily that old man was gone out of compartment. She waited patiently but she began to get so restless. She decided that she would left train on next station. She had her card to pay for hotel. She began to ask about next station. Mina told her that it would come in five minutes. She thanked her. She knew from where she supposed to go out on station. When she started to get ready to go down. That old man came back. He began to give her look that told her that she was acting in wrong way. He said “ You must act responsibility in life. You can’t go down on station at this time. You will reach to destination at night…” this man started lecturing her. She suddenly remembered how did she went to train door. She remembered how did she came on verge of killing herself. She began to get angry. Her entire body began stiff. She no longer wanted to control herself. She just slapped that old man with force. That man managed to fall on seat. He was hurt but she didn’t care. She screamed loudly on him “ Go to hell!” Her voice managed to create strange echo in that compartment. That old man started shivering. Old man “ I will call Cop!” She screamed “ Go ahead! I am not. I will call them myself.” Then she started to search for one when his wife said “ We are sorry. You can forget all this. Please don’t call Cops!” She nodded & went out of compartment. She began to feel so restless. She just closed her eyes then she ran towards door. She came out of train. She sat on station bench & started crying. She kept crying for long time.
Suddenly Cop noticed a woman crying on bench. He was so confused. It was odd time. Weather was cold. He felt as if it could be ghost. But then he laughed. He knew that ghost didn’t dress up like that. It was just fiction. He laughed at that thought. He knew that this was just woman. He began to watch her carefully. It was evening & this woman was sitting alone with baggage. It was really risky. He slowly went towards her. Priti was crying. She didn’t understand what she supposed to do. She hit one man. She was lucky that nothing happened to him. She first tried to kill herself then she attacked an innocent man. He was not so innocent but still he was not criminal too. It was clear that she was going in wrong way. Her life was moving in wrong direction. She shivered when she suddenly sensed that someone was behind her. She began to feel that man might be right. She needed to act carefully & this man might attack her. She began to shiver with fear. She began to search for weapon. She worked hard finally she found one small paper knife. She felt that it couldn’t kill but it could do enough harm too. She began to feel confident about it. She started to raise knife when she sensed that it was Cop. Luckily she didn’t hit him. She started apologising. Cop smiled & told her to relax. She didn’t have much option now. She needed to tell him all. She slowly started to tell him everything. She started to tell things. Cops was listening to her. Soon she sensed that she was surrounded by people. Station was getting crowded. She looked towards Cop with confused expression. She felt that this Cop would vanish in air. But he was sitting there. He slowly called someone. She was so scared. But soon a lady constable came there. She began to feel so scared. She started to scream “ I am innocent! I don’t harm. I have not done anything wrong.” All people started looking towards her. Soon crowd gathered over even that lonely station. That lady Cop told her to calm down. People were giving her suspicious look. One man asked “ What happened? Did she stole something?” “ No..no I don’t.” Cop “ No that lady is just confused.” Everyone started to sense that she was mad woman. She could hear them discussing her madness. She began to scream “ I am not mad..I am not mad.” But then she stopped. Her own screams were declaring that she was losing her mind. She sat down & started calling. Then that Cop suggested “ Let’s call your family.” She stopped them. “No if you do that then they will stop my going out completely.” “ I don’t understand.” She took deep breath & then she told “ I took divorce & after it my parents & my brother, sister use to come to stay with me. They never permitted me to go out alone.” “ I don’t get it. You mean out of town.” “ No..no I was told to go out with someone everywhere. Even in market I was not permitted to go alone.” Cop began to look nervous. “ This is first time when I argued & came out.” “ I feel you might need Psychiatrist..” she smiled sweetly & told “ I am ready to visit any time & payment is not issue.” Lady Cop called one Psychiatrist. Then they dropped her. She went inside. She told her name. She waited with patience. Finally her number came & she went inside. She sat for sometime. Psychiatrist kept asking questions. She answered them like good girl. But then she suddenly burst in tears. She told Psychiatrist that how did she managed to hit one man in her anger. Psychiatrist heard all. Then he suggested that she might needed to do some check ups. She agreed immediately. She just told him that she didn’t want to contact her family. She said “ I don’t know if they will agree to my step. Actually Cops suggested it.” “ Yes I know you hit that man in train, don’t you?” She shivered with fear so that couple did Police complaint. She was so angry but she controlled her. Psychiatrist “ Don’t worry. I will handle it by telling you are my patient but you need to stay here for sometime.” She nodded. Finally she began to sense that she needed to inform family too. She gave address to Psychiatrist “ Will you inform my family?” He nodded. Then a nurse entered. She went in one room. She wanted to appear perfect after Divorce but she was not. She felt so sad. But then she slowly sensed that she needed to try to appear normal. She was hurt so she needed to accept that she was. She loved him & he cheated her on every step. She started crying slowly. She began to feel so relieved. Finally she gave freedom to herself to accept her feelings. She was feeling so happy. She needed to encourage her happiness from soul. She didn’t want to lock herself but after divorce all locked her. She was spending her entire life locked. She wanted freedom. She began to feel that she might remain in this hospital for sometime. But after it they might stay away from her. They would avoid her responsibilities. But then she began to feel more scared since she started to think what if they decided to lock her for money. She turned to Nurse & asked “ How long I need to stay?” Nurse gave her careless look & said “ Maybe two three days! This is not big issue just normal tests but you need to keep coming for appointments.” She nodded & smiled. She sensed one thing. She was not going to stay here for long time & she would get true freedom only after this treatment since she would learn to live her life happily after it. She would learn to say “ No” to relatives & “ Yes” to freedom after this treatment. She finally went in her room & happily settled in it. She took her medicine & went to sleep peacefully first time after long time.
The End
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