Death of Pradip’s Dad
Pradip started moving ahead on road. He knew that he was late but still he hoped that he would reach on time. He wanted to see movie with his family. He never managed to spend time with them these days. He knew that it was essential. He drove as fast as possible. Finally he reached to theatre. He showed his ticket & then he went inside. He checked chairs & sat on them. He sensed that his family was not there. He smiled happily. He felt that they managed to come late than him. He was so happy. Now he could taunt them. He started laughing. It was such a pleasant thought. But when he started watching movie, he sensed that it was not starting. He couldn’t ask anyone how much he managed to miss. He was so confused. He didn’t understand why his family didn’t come to movie. Then he sensed that his mobile was ringing. Many out of audience gave him angry look. He supposed to switch off Mobile. He forgot it. He literally ran out. Then he saw. It was call from his neighbour. It was so shocking. His neighbour never called him like that. He took call. In nervous & shaky voice his neighbour told him “ We take your Dad in hospital. He had heart attack.” He couldn’t stop laughing. He said “ You are joking?!” while controlling his laughter. He knew that his neighbour would not joke like that. But he kept laughing. His Dad was dear to him. But he kept laughing. For sometime his neighbour didn’t say anything. Then slowly neighbour gave him address & name of hospital. He noted it. He controlled laughing. He immediately ran out of multiplex. He ran towards parking lot. He sat in car. He started driving. He managed to control his emotions & to come in senses by the time he reached to hospital. He came inside. His wife came running towards him with his mother. She started crying. She told him that his Dad was already dead. Pradip shivered with fear. He was feeling so sad & upset. He wanted to talk with his Dad for last time. But it was impossible now. He wanted to cry but he didn’t. It was wrong. He must not cry like that. He was taught this many times. He couldn’t cry. Actually he didn’t even want to cry. He was feeling nothing. It was strange but he was confused. He didn’t understand his own emotions. He felt as if he didn’t feel anything even about his Dad. He was wanted to feel sad but he didn’t feel it. He began to get restless. He was so upset. He didn’t understand what he supposed to say. He just went ahead. Then he discussed with Doctors. It was decided when he supposed to take body. Then he asked about funeral arrangements. He did all. He did all in a way as he did some job for company. He worked so hard to make things in right way. He wanted to arrange perfect funeral & he managed to arrange it too. He kept finding positive side of his every action. He was so sure that he did all in right way. But during this funeral he didn’t did one thing that was crying. His emotions never came out. No one criticised him. But he was not sure that they didn’t did it behind his back. He was behaving like normal person but they wanted him to cry. They wanted him to feel upset. He didn’t understand why they desired these things. He wanted to feel sad too. But he didn’t understand why he couldn’t cry like others. His Mom kept calling him brave for his attitude again & again. Many admired it. One Uncle came near him & patted on his shoulder & said “ I am so happy that you acted with such bravery. Now you are man of this house. You need to handle it all.” He nodded. From that day he started handling all. It was easy since he had already taken many responsibilities. He was already ready for it. He managed all but soon he began to sense that his mother & his wife started to have arguments. He tried to keep balance but it was not working. His Mom wanted his attention while his Wife demanded same. His Mom had health issues & his wife had responsibilities of their kids. He needed to handle both. At beginning he found it hard. But then step by step he managed to divide his time too. His daughter started to get attached to grandmother & it was great for him. But he sensed that his wife was not comfortable at beginning. But then when he convinced her that his Mom wouldn’t speak against her before child. She agreed & that arrangement worked properly for all. His mother started to act nicely too. He was happy that finally stress inside house was reduced. He needed to concentrate on office too. He began to sense that it was not easy. He needed help but he couldn’t get it. Every day he missed his Dad & his advices. But after sometime he accepted situation. He started to feel that every thing was normal. He wanted to feel normal. But he kept sensing that he was no longer enjoying proper sleep in nights. He always kept feeling restless & sick in nights. He didn’t have any nightmare in fact he didn’t remember anything from night. He just felt one thing that he was restless in morning. It was as if entire night was some kind of hard work & struggle. He didn’t understand what happened in night. He needed to take rest. But he was not getting it even during night. He sensed one thing that he was feeling sick. He was getting rest even on normal nights. He started to feel that some thing was wrong with him during night. He tried remember what he did at night but he just felt that he was sleeping. He didn’t understand why he didn’t feel fresh in morning. He tried his best to hide it from all. He wanted to feel happy but he kept getting restless. It was frustrating. He needed to feel rested & happy but he kept feeling frustrated. He didn’t understand cause. He didn’t miss his Dad so much. He didn’t feel that it was due to his Dad’s death. He didn’t even cried for his Dad so it was not about his Dad’s death. He didn’t understand cause. Then he began to feel that he might be suffering from insomnia. It might be hereditary. His Mom couldn’t able to sleep peacefully too while his wife never had that kind of trouble. He decided to ignore it. He felt that it would pass after sometime. Mostly after sometime people started to sleep again. He hoped for same thing & he kept ignoring & hiding it as much as possible. He didn’t want in increase tension of his house. He kept moving ahead like normal person with smile.
Pradip was so acting in normal way in office. But all could see dark circles under his eyes. He was not normal in way he was hoping he would be. They all sensed that something was wrong with him. He kept trying to convince all that he was normal. But things were not turning in normal way. He was feeling so sad. He was so upset when people began to ask him about his health. He just kept giving excuse. It was so frustrating. He wanted move ahead with life. But they kept treating him differently. Daily someone was telling him that he was reducing his weight. At beginning it was good news since he was overweight but then slowly it started to seem like problem. He was underweight in few months. He decided to visit Doctor. Doctor did his check up. Doctor didn’t find any cause. Doctor started to suggest dietician. He nodded. He didn’t want to waste his time. He knew that he just needed to eat more sweets or chocolates. So one day he bought one big box of chocolates. It was costly chocolates. He knew that they were tasty. He needed to share them with his family. He gave them to all. He started eating but he started to feel they were too sweet. He remembered that his Dad use to bring special dark chocolate for him. He used to admire them. Sometimes he used to finish boxes of them. But in this box he didn’t sense that taste. These chocolates were so tasteless. He felt as if he was eating just powdered sugar. He wanted to vomit them. But then he looked around. His family was enjoying them. His kids were fighting to get more. It seemed that he was only person who disliked chocolates. He was only person who was fond of them once. He remembered that his Mom was not fond of chocolates that much but today she was eating them happily. He began to feel that his Mom might be feeling more relaxed after his Dad’s death? He didn’t understand how could such evil thought entered in his mind. His Mom was always devoted wife. Everyone admired her behaviour. She took wonderful care of his Dad. He knew that she would never play with his health. When his Dad died they were going to movie. Clearly his Dad didn’t show any sign of sickness. He began to feel confused. He began to doubt attitude of his family. He started to feel that his Dad was feeling sick still his family forced him to come with them. His Dad was soft natured man. He suddenly asked “ Mom when Dad had heart attack did he felt some sign?” His Mom suddenly started to look sad. His Mom controlled her tears & said “ No. Nothing at all. He just went in washroom & never came out.” His Mom started crying loudly. His wife gave him angry look. His wife “ Why did you need to discuss it in this pleasant moment?” He began to feel confused. He said “ It just came out of my mouth without thinking!” His Mom controlled her sorrows after sometime & said “ Don’t worry your Dad didn’t suffer that much. Doctor said his death was not so painful.” He smiled happily & nodded. He wanted to feel peaceful about his Dad but he was not feeling that way. He was finding it so hard to understand his feelings. He was feeling so confused. He just nodded & went in room. He totally forgot to eat chocolates. He didn’t even sense it. He went in room. He told himself that he was not sad. He was truly not feeling upset. He knew that he needed to buy just different chocolates to increase his weight. Then he started searching items which he could see on internet that different photos which had wonderful food items. He began to order food items on photo. He started to order food on those websites. He was so sure that he would eat wonderful dinner that day. He ordered everything he liked. Then he went to take bathe. His wife was in hall. She was shocked when she saw Pradip ordered so much food. It was extra but she decided that she would not argue on that day. He was feeling guilty so he ordered extra. She thought that it was his style of compensating. She smiled & told kids. Her mother-in-law just made strange face & went out of room. She knew that now her mother-in-law would start to throw fit of anger on all again. It was so upsetting. She knew that her mother-in-law was sad but Pradip asked it by mistake. After all Pradip was curious about sudden death too. It was so sudden. Sometimes even she started to feel doubtful. They must had ignored some signs. She decided to ignore it. She went in room. She knocked on door & said “ Pradip items you have ordered just delivered.” Pradip was feeling okay until she didn’t say this thing. She told him about food & suddenly he started to feel sick. He began to feel upset. He was so shocked. He began to vomit. She could hear it from outside. She sensed that he was sick. She started knocking on door. “ Are you alright?” She began to feel so scared. She started to think that she must not ignore signs of her husband. She ignored signs of her father-in-law & he died. It was frustrating. She began to knock again & again. Finally she managed to force him to open door. His face was totally white. It seemed as if entire blood was gone from his body. He was getting thin but today she sensed it more clearly. He controlled his breath & said “ I am feeling so sick.” She immediately called Doctor. She told everything. Doctor suggested to bring him to his clinic in morning. It was already night. She watched time. She sensed that she was staying awake for long time. It was already after 12 o’clock. He gave him medicine Doctor suggested & told him to go to sleep. Then she came out & told kids about their father’s sickness. Kids started to look tense but she added that his stomach was just upset. Kids smiled & started eating what he ordered. Her son said “ So now Dad can’t eat it?” She nodded. “But Mom we can’t eat all!” They said but she observes that they managed to finish of half of it. They might need medicines for stomach next day. But she decided to ignore it. She just said “Don’t worry put remaining in refrigerator.” Then she went in bedroom to check on Pradip. He was sleeping. He was looking so pale & sick. His weight loss had started to make her tense. She was so scared. She started chanting God’s name to give herself confidence.
Next day Pradip woke up early. He knew that he needed to visit Doctor but he was feeling fresh. He decided that he needed to eat. He opened refrigerator. He started choosing items. He decided & put them on plate. He began to eat but soon he began to get restless. He no longer wanted to eat. He didn’t understand why he didn’t want to eat. Soon his wife came in kitchen. She observed food on table & look towards it with shock. “ You were sick yesterday & you started eating these things today?” He gave her angry look. “ I am fine. I just need to eat.” He was trying to eat but he couldn’t. His wife looked so upset. She looked towards him with shock. She started to feel so frustrated. “ Let’s go to Doctor first.” He nodded. He decided that he couldn’t eat so he didn’t have much option. He sat in line of Doctor for hours. It was so frustrating. He needed to relax himself. He was feeling so sick. Finally after waiting for hour he managed to go inside. Doctor checked him & said “ You have acidity. It might be cause of vomiting.” “ But Doctor I don’t feel hungry.” Doctor looked confused. “ You are healthy. I feel this must be some acidity came due to some tension.” Pradip was so confused. He didn’t able to eat properly for months & it couldn’t be some simple thing. But then he nodded. He took medicine Doctor gave. He came back home. He took them obediently. He hoped that it would go away. But it didn’t go away so easily. He kept feeling uneasy for long time. Then finally he began to eat normally. He was so happy that medicine managed to cure him. But it was not truth. Since when he stopped taking medicine it all returned immediately. He began to get restless. He couldn’t able to eat at all. He sensed one thing that he couldn’t keep eating medicine permanently. He needed some solution. It was so hard for him. He began to feel so sick & upset. He was working normally. He was doing his job. But his weight was reducing. He started to going to Doctor again & again. He began to visit Doctor on daily basis. He needed some solution not just temporary medicine. It was so upsetting. He was feeling so sad. He kept checking his weight. It kept reducing. His wife began to ask advice from everyone. They started visiting Doctor after Doctor. They visited so many that he literally lost count of them. They all kept checking reports. Some wanted him to do report again. But finally they gave some pill of acidity or some small medicine like it. He was not getting better. Finally one day one Doctor asked “ Have you given thought to visiting Psychiatrist?” He never thought about it. He didn’t feel that he had any mental issues. He told Doctor “ I never felt anything like mental unsoundness!” Doctor started laughing. Doctor “ Every mental trouble is not big issue like schizophrenia etc. in which you start imagining things. Some issues didn’t have direct signs. They have indirect impact.” He didn’t understand but he nodded. Then finally he visited Psychiatrist one day. He began to tell his troubles. Psychiatrist kept listening to him. Then Psychiatrist asked “What about your married life are you happy?” He felt so confused by this sudden question. He said “yes” but he could sense that it came in too weak voice. Psychiatrist asked softly “ What is issue?” “ Actually my Mom & my wife keep arguing. They feel I don’t give enough time to them. It started after my father’s death..” Suddenly Psychiatrist asked “ When did your father died?” He tried so hard to remember date but he couldn’t. He just said “ One or two years ago!” “ At what date?” He couldn’t remember. He didn’t want to tell it. It seemed as if he didn’t love or respect his Dad that’s why he didn’t remember date. He began to lie about date but then he stopped. Person must not lie to Psychiatrist. He said slowly “ I love my Dad.. but I don’t remember that date. I went to movie..I was planning to eat dinner outside. Everything was decided in my mind. Then neighbour called. My Dad had heart attack.” Once again he told all like weather report without emotion. He added “ I love my Dad.” Psychiatrist nodded “ I know. You love him so much that you don’t want to bring out your sorrow. You feel that you can’t control it. That action lead to this crisis. Your sorrows are bottled up in your heart. Don’t worry slowly we will bring them out.” Psychiatrist didn’t suggest much medicine. After it he kept coming for counselling. It started to relax him. He began to discuss about his Dad openly. He could tell all sides of his relationship. Finally one day he even cried for his death. Slowly he started eating normally. But one thing he didn’t dare to do that was going for movie. He didn’t went to movie theatre after that incidence. He kept avoiding it. For long time he didn’t even told about it to Psychiatrist. Then one day finally he confessed it to Psychiatrist. Then Psychiatrist trained him to how handle stress in such situation. Finally one day he went to movie. He watched entire movie without enjoying it. He felt that he needed to give up. But Psychiatrist insisted on continuing. Finally one day he watched movie in theatre & even enjoyed it. After it Psychiatrist stopped his treatment. He finally got over death of his Dad. He sensed one thing hiding sorrow was not wise thing. Now he started to cry when he felt sad. He didn’t care what world say. He acted the way he wanted.
The End
