Tarun’s shop
Tarun was waiting in queue for ticket. It was long queue. He was so tense. He needed to purchase tickets for family. He knew that he didn’t want them to go on this trip. It was not convenient. He felt that it was scary to travel so much. But only close family members were coming there. It would be small group so he agreed. He was so scared. He knew that he needed to permit them to go out but still he didn’t like that idea. He always went out with his wife Lina. Lina never went out alone. But this time she insisted. Lina said “ I needed to learn. I always sat in house always. I never go out alone. My sisters & friends went out alone. You kept restricting me again & again. I want to go out.” Then both kids joined it too. They started to insisting on going on trip too. Kids were so tempted. Kids started to feel so upset. Then kids needed outing. He didn’t want it but finally he agreed. So he came to buy tickets. He could get them on Internet but he didn’t know that procedure very well so he decided to purchase. Finally he came to counter. After waiting so much time & applying as much sanitiser as possible he took tickets. He went back home. He gave them. Lina was so happy. It seemed as if she wanted it for long time. Tarun gave her tense look. She smiled & said “ What happened? We will come back in a week.” Tarun nodded. He didn’t want them to get hurt. He knew that something wrong would happen to them. He wanted to destroy those tickets. He gave them. He was so upset. He kept thinking. He started to think that all would be fine. He kept convincing himself but nothing was working. It was so upsetting. He needed to work hard. He needed to complete his work. He knew that due to Covid trouble his work was reducing so at this point he didn’t want to ignore whatever he get. He went to his shop. Once he needed servants to handle it but now it was totally empty. He observed around it. He knew that he might needed to throw away some products. Then he thought that he might announce sale. But he knew that customers were not coming even on sale. He sensed that he was boomed. Then he turned to computer. It was his luck that his internet sell was okay. But it was not enough. He had two kids. He always managed to give them all luxuries now suddenly they were going to learn to stay without them. It was so complicated. He knew that Lina was hoping for some change. Lina found it so stressful to handle kids in house. They kept demanding things. They were damaging budget by overeating junk which was not needed for them at all. She was saying that kids were getting overweight due to it. He noticed that Lina’s weight was also increased. Lina needed to move around. She needed to go out. She gave so stressed look that he needed to agree. He couldn’t drag them in these crisis whole time. They needed break. His Auntie who invited them was rich. He knew that Auntie would provide kids with luxuries for few days. Auntie’s attitude was kind & loving. She wanted to help him. He knew that after going in her house kids & Lina would feel happy. They would love that atmosphere. They always loved visiting her house. He wanted just their happiness. But he began to feel that he was cause of their pain these days. He forced to see his shop empty every day. He tried to sell on internet. He could make money but it was not enough. He felt so inferior due to this. He did every worship of God. He didn’t understand why he needed to suffer like this. He kept abusing God & every one. He didn’t understand what was solution of his trouble. When he told people about his trouble, they suggested “ Just return that shop. You can make enough income on internet.” It was true. He could shift to just digital business. He could do it perfectly but he was so attached to shop. He was thinking about this when his landlord appeared. Landlord “ Once again your shop is empty. I don’t understand why you keep it! I mean you are running good business without it. I feel you are paying this rent unnecessarily. It is so problematic.” He knew that he was working so hard. He didn’t understand why this landlord kept taunting him. He was paying rent properly. “ It’s okay. I will manage.” “ I know. But still you need to be practice. Give up your shop.” Luckily on that point one customer entered. He took breath of relief. He started to show things. He was so tense customers might reject things. But customer liked few things. It was good sell. He turned back towards Landlord. But Landlord gave strange smile. “ Now this small amount will not help us. We need big amount. That will manage to cover all.” He began to feel so upset. He started to look at his balance sheet. He was earning good but still he was not earning enough. He looked towards his old balance sheet. Soon he sensed that he was earning okay on those times. But it was bigger than this. He began to sense that he had become useless. He needed to move ahead in life with positive thought. He was feeling so upset. He needed to act in positive way. He began to once again looked towards his shop. He always claimed that he would earn good one day but truthfully that day never came. He always kept earning limited. He always kept thinking that one day he would be great businessman. His Dad always taunted him for trying this. But Lina was always supportive. Lina even used to come in shop. Those days were most wonderful day of his life. They used to sell products together. They used to arrange all. It seemed like heaven. When he looked around in his shop, he could see it on every corner. It was so nice & interesting. He needed to work so hard. He needed to find some way to bring back those days. He once again started singing same way as he used to sing when they used to arrange all. On that point he sensed that something was wrong. He didn’t feel that same sort of pleasure. He was not so happy now. His old days of happiness were gone. He was not so much happy in it. He began to doubt his need of that shop. He began to doubt every idea he made. It was so upsetting. He felt that he got everything in right way but it all seemed totally wrong. He couldn’t stop crying. But he knew that he must not so he created artificial smile & sat in shop.
Lina came to Auntie since she wanted to discuss about Tarun. Lina was so concerned. She knew that their income was little bit reduced but it was not that serious. They could handle it. But Tarun was acting so strange. He came home exhausted. He never talk with anyone. He never took interest in kids when he was such a wonderful father. Kids were happy with him. Even today kids kept expecting same father. She could see how upset it managed to make kids. She wanted him to become normal. Financial crisis were not such big issue as change of his attitude. She didn’t understand what was happening. When she reached there, first they cleaned themselves. They slowly kids went away to play. She went in kitchen to help Auntie. Auntie was really nice woman. Auntie always kept admiring her style. Auntie never understood that sometimes she did it extra. Like once when by mistake she forgot to put salt in pakoda. Auntie still kept admiring it. Uncle made strange face. She sensed it & ate one. Then she immediately added salt to batter & corrected it. She apologised to Uncle who nodded & then admired her Pakodas. When she turned to Auntie, Auntie said “ I eat items with less salt so I don’t sense.” She knew that it was not true. Auntie didn’t want to discourage her. She knew that Auntie should have managed to find to make excuse & send her out. Then Auntie should have added salt. She didn’t need to know her mistake. Auntie had such kind heart but Uncle came before it so all got exposed. She showed artificial anger then she laughed so much about it with Uncle & Tarun. She knew one thing that Auntie would surely help her. Auntie had one son but he didn’t stay with her. Honestly he didn’t care for her. He was not bad son. He kept sending money & kept contacting on computer. But he couldn’t visit his parents repeatedly. In fact according to his wife he was so busy that he didn’t even had time for own family. Lina didn’t discuss it. Lina didn’t care that much about it. But she began to behave like daughter-in-law of that couple & they seemed happy about it. Until now she never needed actual help but this time she needed it. She could sense her marriage would fall apart if this would carry on. She had her worst fear. Few days ago she saw Tarun trying to cut his hand. She asked “ What are you doing?” He gave her angry look & screamed on her “ Get lost. I need privacy.” She was so shocked. She felt so sure that she saw what was going on. She was so scared. Tarun was hurting himself. After it she started to discussion on going to Auntie’s house. She needed help. She was so happy to see Auntie. Soon kids went away. She sat beside Auntie & gave weak smile. Auntie stood up to & said “ Let me bring some lemonade for you.” But she took hold of Auntie’s hand & said “ Don’t worry. I don’t need it. I want to discuss something...” she wanted to tell it all but she started crying. Auntie stopped with patience. It was so upsetting. She began to feel so scared. She started to feel that she needed to control herself first. Then she told Auntie “ Will you bring lemonade?..” she didn’t want to keep crying. By the time Auntie brought lemonade kid joined too so she didn’t able to discuss matter. She was so tense. She came here for help but now she began to feel so scared. She didn’t understand that she took right decision or wrong. She left Tarun alone in that house with hope that she would find solutions here. But now she began to feel scared. But she didn’t want to take kids there while discussing this. She didn’t understand what she supposed to deal. She decided to call Tarun. She called him. Tarun was decorating shop on that time. He was pretending that happiness which he didn’t feel from heart. He was feeling so upset & scared. He was getting so restless. He knew that he was not feeling normal but outside world he was happy man. They didn’t feel that something was wrong with him. He felt so sad. He began to get upset on every thought. But he bottled it all inside. He wanted to prove world that he was perfect. He wanted to prove them all that he managed all in great way. He managed to continue his drama but then he noticed Lina’s call. He sensed that his artificial cover was cracked. Lina was managing to bring out his troubles. He began to feel so sad. He managed to attend last customer & took her call. He screamed on her “ What is it?” She didn’t say anything for moment. She felt so sad. He was not like that. He was always so nice & sweet. He was acting so different. She tried so hard to control her tears. “ I just called to tell you that we reached to Auntie’s home.” He felt so guilty. He supposed to call & confirm. But he didn’t. She called back to tell & he was screaming on her. He just said “ Sorry.” & disconnected call. She wanted to talk but she knew that it was useless. She sensed one thing that she needed help. Auntie couldn’t help her. She needed professional help. She decided to call her doctor. She told her everything. Doctor gave her number of psychiatrist & told her to take immediate appointment. “ This is trouble of depression. It is increasing these days. You must need to move ahead carefully. Now I want you to go home & keep kids here. Is is possible that kids would stay there?” “ Yes they will. I will try..” she started to cry. Doctor “ Control yourself! You can’t let yourself get disturbed.” She nodded. She knew that Doctor couldn’t see her. But still she did it. She immediately booked tickets. She called Auntie. “ Auntie I request you. I need you to keep kids with you. I need to take Tarun to Doctor.” Auntie looked shocked. “ What happened?” “ At this moment nothing had happened but I need to prevent it.” She ran in room. She didn’t even met kids. She just saw that she got ticket & ran out. She was so scared. Something was wrong with Tarun. She knew it & now she felt sure about it. She didn’t understand whom she could sent there to stay with him. She didn’t want to alarm but she wanted to take precautions. She suddenly decided that her talkative watchman would be best person. She took breath of relief when he took her mobile. She told him “ Just do one thing. Keep watch on your sir. If you feel something is wrong, just keep ringing door bell & talking to him.” Watchman agreed.
Tarun came home from shop. He was so tired. He screamed on Lina. He knew one thing that he was just burden for Lina. He couldn’t look towards himself as husband who was worthy of something. He felt like a burden on family. How hard he tried to make things right but they seemed problematic. He couldn’t change himself. He began to think that Lina was not coming in shop to avoid him. She was not no longer interested in staying with him all day. She kept avoiding him. She could live much better without him. He was so tense during driving that many times he drove in wrong way. It was just matter of luck that he didn’t had accident. When he reached home, he wanted to just end it all. Suddenly his watchman came running. He didn’t wanted to talk but watchman began to tell story of some murder happened in Society near by. He wanted to cut it short but he needed time to kill himself. He didn’t want watchman to come to tell him remaining story. His watchman was like that. His watchman never let people go without completing story. Specifically when it was about security, his watchman wanted to describe entire crime & tell what was needed to be done to avoid it. Watchman talked for such long time that Tarun began to lose his spirit of suicide. He started to feel that he was too tired. When he reached home, he just sat on bed. He was about to go in kitchen when he suddenly noticed that knife. His mind started to move towards it again. Then his attention went to photo frame. It was their picture of perfect family. He was so sad. He took it in his arms & started crying. He didn’t understand why he reached to this point. Everything was perfect but suddenly all starts to move in wrong way. He was hoping for happiness but suddenly sorrows entered. It was not sudden. It happened step by step slowly. He sensed that he was losing his business. He once again started to see all balance sheet of his business. Those months when he made profits then those months went suffered loses. His life was not easy but he went ahead. He once again looked towards his family. He was sure that they were better off without him. He knew that he was taking right decision. But his one part of heart was still wanted to meet her for last time. She was his love. He wanted to talk with her. He wanted to apologise. He began to call her. But she didn’t took it. They kept telling she was out of reach. He started to get tense. He began to call on landline of Auntie. His daughter took call. “ Honey..” She began to ask excitedly “ What happened to you?” “ Me?! I am fine..” he said it while playing with knife which managed to cut his finger. His daughter was crying. He needed to convince her. But he knew that he was in risk. Now at this moment how could he lie to his daughter? He was planning to kill himself so he was going to die. He didn’t say anything. Then Auntie started talking. She told him that Lina ran away desperately after talking with some Doctor. “ She said you need Doctor!” He was so confused. Then he understood what happened. He felt that someone made fake call to Lina. He was so scared. He didn’t understand what he supposed to do. He might needed to call Cops. But he was not sure that it was not their Doctor. Lina might be talking about her parents or someone else. By mistake she took his name. He decided to call his Doctor. His Doctor took his call. He told her everything. Doctor didn’t say anything for sometime. Then she asked “ Do you have that knife in your hand?” He looked with shock towards hand. From his mouth words just escaped “ How did you know?” Doctor laughed in strange sad way & said “ I am not Psychiatrist but I know that much. Do you sense Tarun by this you will kill Lina too?! She will live her life but she couldn’t become normal. It will hurt her from inside.” It was right. He knew it. He threw away that knife. “ I will not do it again.” “ You are doing it for second time. Third time you might not get chance to turn back! Just go to psychiatrist!” He didn’t say anything for long time. He felt so depressed. Then he said “ I will go to psychiatrist.” After long time Lina came. She was so pale & scared. He hugged her & told her everything. They both decided to visit psychiatrist next day. He couldn’t able to sleep that night. Lina was sleeping. She was too exhausted. He kept looking towards window. He was trying so hard to left behind those negative thoughts but they kept coming back. It was so sad. He didn’t understand how to control his sorrow. He needed to feel positive. He needed to feel happy but it was not happening. He kept banging his hand or screaming or crying entire night. He knew one thing by now that he was not normal. He needed to Psychiatrist. It was so complicated. That night was worst night for him. Actually it was not worst. His every night was worst nowadays. He wanted to kill himself many nights. He knew that he needed Psychiatrist but he was not ready even to confess it. It took him so long. Now he just wanted to go to that Psychiatrist as soon as possible. It was worst for him. But he was ready to fight back. He knew that his family needed him.
Next morning when he woke up, he started to go to shop with same heavy heart. But Lina stopped him. Lina “ I got morning appointment.” “ What?” “ Come on.” She insisted & he decided to obey. He waited for sometime. He knew that he reached little bit early. He finally went inside. He didn’t want to say it all before Lina. Psychiatrist sensed it & told her to go out. He started telling all. Psychiatrist “ You are suffering from depression. It might be due to up & down of business or pressure form landlord whatever might be it’s cause. I will teach you to fight back. You just need patience & need to make more visits to me. We need to do all to remove this suicidal tendencies which you have developed...” Tarun kept discussing with Psychiatrist for hours. Then finally he came out. Lina was so tense but when Tarun came out she felt that he was little bit relaxed. It didn’t happened in one visit. But slowly he started to feel normal & happy. Soon Lina & kids started to visit shop too. One day landlord came. Once again he started to convince Tarun to sell shop. On that time his daughter was there. She came running & showed four customers whom she sold items. “ Don’t sell it Dad. I will try more. I want it.” He smiled & said “ I think we need to purchase it.” Landlord looked confused. Then Landlord named sum. Tarun went in bank. He took loan. Lina & kids were so happy when they owned shop. Tarun called Psychiatrist for celebration too. He introduced Psychiatrist to all & told everyone how did he came out of it. It was his most wonderful day. He knew that repayment might be hard but still he was happy since he was no longer negative about life now.
The End
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