Keeping smile alive
Tina wanted to smile with her soul. She had decided on that day she wanted to smile. She was listening to her spiritual mentor. She recommended that they must take some oath on that day. It was first day of year. They all nodded. They all thought it was must. They must obey their teacher. She smiled and said " Took deep breath and remember person whom you love most." Tina suddenly remembered face of her son. He was little baby. She couldn't help laughing at that memory. Actually her son was married now. He was well settled in abroad. He had married to nice girl. She kept saying nice girl but truthfully she knew nothing about Alka her daughter-in-law. Her son Aakash was already settled abroad before marriage so Tina never stayed with them. After marriage for few months she stayed with parents. It was expected since after that she was not going to see them much. Then Aakash sent visa and she went away. Tina never spend a day with Alka. She hardly knew her but still she tried her best to pretend. She didn't want people to know about it. It was so embarrassing and to avoid this embarrassment she kept pretending. It was so strange. She was not even sure that she would recognise her now. She didn't want to think about it now. Her son was sending photos. She supposed to see them and chat with them on computer. Her husband Suresh and Aakash kept telling that they all did it. It was so frustrating. She didn't want to chat to her on computer. Whenever she started to chat Alka gave that strange artificial smile which Tina reserved for unwanted guest. So whenever she saw Alka that she was unwanted guest in her family. Tina remembered in case of her in-laws they stayed with them. She always treated them with great respect. They always remained boss of their family. She wanted to decide all. She wanted independence. She didn't like when her mother-in-law kept coming her with others or when her father-in-law screamed on her. Her father-in-law had bad habit of screaming on everyone. He never talked nicely with her. She hated it. But she kept feeling so upset on every scream. She felt so scared. But she needed to adjust. Everyone told her but no one told Alka same thing. She remembered very well. When she had trouble regarding adjusting with her in-laws her sister made sad face and said " It is just question of luck. Destiny decides our husband and in-laws comes with it. You can't escape responsibility of in-laws. They are parents of your husband. They did everything for your husband. You can't just throw them out of your life. This is cruel." She nodded. It looked so right. She must respect elders. She must take their responsibility. She kept doing it every day. While her younger sister-in-law just came for few hours in house, she chatted in pleasant voice and threw few gifts. In return she received lots of admiration. Tina never understood why did she was appreciated so much. Once she dared to ask this question to mother-in-law. She answered " Since she did job and bring lots of money in house." Tina felt so sad. Her younger sister-in-law had nice job, big house and one beautiful daughter. Now it was only thing which her mother-in-law hated. Her mother-in-law wanted her to take chance since she was wanted another grandson. She kept suggesting it. But Tina didn't like it too. After all they had one grandson why should they want more. One day she heard her mother-in-law talking in slow voice to her sister-in-law. " You must manage to give birth to son otherwise entire property of village will go to Tina's son. I don't like Aakash that much. He always kept following his mother's order. He never have much respect for us. But still he is grandson!! So he will get all." Her sister-in-law clearly did not like this idea. Her sister-in-law " My parents kept property on my name it will go to my daughter. " Her mother-in-law looked upset. First time they seemed on verge of argument and she liked it. Tina knew that it was wrong still she had that strange feeling. Her mother-in-law's selfish attitude was first time visible to her. Her mother-in-law " But I don't want my granddaughter to be dependent on her mother's family. I will give her jewellery." Now suddenly her sister-in-law began to smile and all became well between them. Her younger sister-in-law Isha never obeyed her mother-in-law. She never took chance for another baby. But she was forgiven immediately. Her mother-in-law started harassing her for another child. " You does job but you are staying in home. You must take another chance. I don't understand your laziness." Tina was so shocked. Tina didn't answer her. Her mother-in-law kept taunting until death about not having another child. She kept even poisoning her father-in-law's brain. She kept telling him that Tina must took chance. "You must understand Tina got boy so she could give birth to another boy child while Isha have daughter so she might give birth to another daughter." Tina was shocked after hearing this theory. She didn't understand how could she always get blamed on every point. She didn't understand how could her mother-in-law thought this way. Tina saw whenever Isha came, she was always taunted. She didn't like the way she was treated. She always showed affection to Isha but Isha was happy with her mother. She didn't desire much her replacement. But Isha valued her affection while her in-laws managed to pamper Aakash took much. He became so selfish step by step that he didn't care much about his parents. He just kept thinking about himself. It was so frustrating. But he was smart and intelligent so he was perfect in eyes of people. They always called her lucky to have such intelligent son who managed to get degree with good marks so soon. A son who got job in abroad so quickly and settled there happily. It was perfect in their eyes. But in her eyes he was never there for her. He always kept taunting her about something. She was not intelligent enough for him. He never had any special bond with her. When he was staying with her, he always used to complaint but now it stopped. He didn't complaint. He kept smiling on computer. After all he didn't need to tolerate her anymore. He just chatted on computer in best way with big smile but she hated it from her heart.
Tina was so upset. She was supposed to keep smiling on that day but she suddenly found herself on wrong track. She was thinking in negative way. It was all wrong. She was not moving ahead in positive style. It was so frustrating. She kept remembering all negative thoughts. She needed to keep positive way of life. Tina started to remember positive side. She began to remember positive time she spent with her sister. She knew that her every day with Arun was tainted with pain. She always remembered those pains which showed her worst day. She knew that for society she was happily married wife of rich man but in her heart she was unhappy soul. She couldn't confess it to anyone. They might pretend sympathy but no one felt it. In fact she sensed that no one understand it. According to them little bit taunting was not much thing when she get so much money. But she wanted life in which her husband truly cared for her. But Suresh hardly had time for her in their youth. Even now he was busy with his clubs. She was trying to think in positive way when her mobile rang. It was her sister's call. She was so happy. Her sister Rashmi was always guide of her life. She liked her. Tina was wanted to discuss all with her today. She took call happily. Rashmi " I am on way to restaurant. Do you want to come?" Tina was confused. She didn't see any reason to no to her. Suresh was going away anyway. She was planning to spend her entire day inside home alone. It would be great if she managed to get some way to entertain herself. Today she promised herself to remain happy and she was planning to keep it. It was very frustrating. She wanted to be happy so she thought a restaurant could do lots of wonders to her mood. Tina " Ohh sure!!" " Then get ready immediately." Tina agreed. Tina ran in her room. She started getting ready. She was confused. She knew that how good she might dress it was just useless thing. Her dressing wouldn't change her future. She was so upset. But then she once again smiled. She promised that she would keep smiling. She went to cupboard. Then she found the saree she liked. She wore it Then she took her American diamond necklace given by Aakash. She kept it aside for long time. But now she wore it. She looked at herself in mirror. She was good looking girl and now she was good looking middle age woman but her life gave her nothing. She didn't understand why did she managed to get so much bad luck. She didn't understand. She was feeling so sad. She wanted to be happy. She was feeling so upset. She tried her best to ignore her sorrows but they kept coming. Then she remembered that she forgot her promise. She forgot that she decided to stay with happy. She kept remembering her promise which was important for her. She kept feeling sad. But she kept fighting against that feeling. She was so upset. But now when she was planning to go out with her sister, she knew all would become fine. She stood up and went in Suresh's room. She was so happy. " Can I go out with Rashmi?" " Do whatever you want I really didn't care. I am too busy now. But don't take money. I don't want you to waste money." She knew that already. He never gave her money. She just get money for limited expenses to run household. She didn't get extra money. Since she was stupid according to him, she didn't understand how to spend money. She never did any job so she was useless. She used to feel sad about it at beginning. She was no longer feeling sad about it. She was so upset that he still kept questioning her about her expenses it might delay. " I am not taking any money with me. " Suresh looked happy and asked " Did you made arrangements of my lunch?" " Yes. I have cooked it." Suresh didn't seem to care to discuss matter now. Suresh was going away. But he still he wanted his lunch ready as per rule. He might come back. Truthfully he never had but it didn't change his attitude. They had maid but she never came on time. Many times Tina didn't understand why did she keep her. Truthfully that maid was useless creature Sometimes she felt just as status symbol. But that maid never came on time. Even today she was sure that she would come late. Suresh stood up and started to get dress up. He wanted to go out immediately. He went inside and brought one tiffin. "Pack lunch for me!!" She was getting late. Rashmi was coming to take her. She was so frustrated. She needed to get ready and go. She had changed clothes now she didn't want them to get destroyed. But she knew that she didn't have much option. She went in kitchen. She wore her apron. But she knew from her heart that it was useless. But she had to do her job so she packed tiffin. She managed to pack his lunch. Then she gave it to him. He took it. He didn't even turn around to see her face. He was not interested. " When will you return? I hope before 9. I am going out you will come by 1 a.m." He always kept telling her time of her returning and his returning he seemed to think it was their duty to obey them. He never took advice from her regarding her timing but always wanted her to obey his words. He finally turned. He watched her with expressionless face. She didn't care about his opinion but at beginning it used to hurt hard. He just said " Don't forgot to remove your apron otherwise hotel people will give you job instead of serving." After saying this he started laughing alone. Since she didn't join him. She knew that her dress was destroyed but because of him. She forced to go in kitchen. She started to say something. But then she remembered her promise. She had to laugh. She joined him in laughing. She started laughing in such loud voice and strange way that even Suresh was shocked. He looked at her with shock. But she just smiled and he was forced to smile back. But he didn't like this. He was so scared. He began to pack his bag fast. " I must go fast." She nodded. He was shivering with fear. She didn't understand cause. But he ran to change dress immediately. She was feeling strange happiness was building inside her. She wanted to keep laughing. She started to laugh more when she went in room, she sensed that she must change her dress. She did it with smile. She was not laughing loudly. But she was feeling happy.
Rashmi was looking at her watch. She needed to meet Tina today. She needed to pretend that she was doing casual meeting. She needed to pretend all. Actually she wanted to convince her sister to act normal with her son. Aakash called her few days ago. Aakash was telling her that his Mom was acting strange. She still remembered Aakash's angry voice. Aakash “ You know very well that I hate it when Mom start to talk in strange way with Alka. She hardly knew anything about us and still she managed to adjust with me while my own Mom is not cooperating at all. Do you this is fair?” Rashmi didn’t want to get involved in matter but still she knew that she needed to convince her sister. She knew that Tina was upset. She knew that Tina had every right to feel upset but she didn’t understand why did she was showing it all to wrong person. Alka didn’t deserve this treatment. Alka managed to handle stubborn son of Tina. Aakash was never easy to handle but now she felt that he was worst. He kept irritating her again and again. He wanted his mother to chat on computer. Tina was not ready. She needed to convince Tina. Now this was not easy job. In past sisters had special bond but now that bond seemed to be damaged. She didn’t even manage to see her sister’s face for many days. She knew that she needed to act with affection towards her sister. She had lots of affection but it was not possible. Her family didn’t like it when she kept interfering. It was so wrong. It was not fair towards Tina. Tina married in nice financial background but they were not friendly people. From beginning Tina kept facing problems. At beginning she managed them with smile but now her stress was visible. She was getting older and now she wanted little bit relaxing but it was not happening. She took deep breath. She was feeling guilty. She knew that Aakash didn’t deserve anything from Tina. He never cared for her. He always treated her like some stupid person. But still she needed to do it. She took deep breath. She felt so sad. Then finally her car stopped. She saw that Tina was coming out of her house. She was so confused. Tina was dressed in jean pants and tops. She was looking young and fresh. But Rashmi knew that Suresh didn’t like these sort of dresses. Rashmi shivered. She didn’t want Suresh to see her sister dressed like that. She looked out of window. She saw their flat’s window was closed so Suresh was inside not near window. She was so shocked. Rashmi just walked out and joined her. Rashmi “ Why did you dress like that?!” Tina gave her angry look. Tina “ Why shouldn’t I dress like that? You dress bolder than this. Alka dress in mini skirt why did I need to cage myself?” Tina started going away from Rashmi. She didn’t want to go with Rashmi. Rashmi was making her angry. She managed to lose her smile. She promised to keep her smile for that day. She started walking. She began to look for Taxi. Rashmi started to stop her. Rashmi “ I thought you are coming with me?!!” “ Not anymore I want breath of freedom.” She called Taxi. But Rashmi didn’t give up. Rashmi smiled. Rashmi “ Today we will go to place of your choice.” She told driver to go away who looked confused. Driver didn’t understand why she wanted to waste money. Driver “ Madam I will take to Tina Madam where ever she want?” Suddenly Tina started laughing. She lost interest in Taxi. She went near Car and asked “Will you take me to some mall and theatre?” Driver “ No problem.” She started laughing loudly. She asked “ What if I want to go to come club?” Driver “ I will take you there.” “ So will you suggest?” Rashmi was shocked after hearing this. Tina was never fond of clubbing. She was acting strange way. Rashmi didn’t feel that it was smart decision. Rashmi “ Come on!! You never liked clubbing. You are not even fond of dancing.” Tina looked discouraged. But then Tina remembered again that she must smile and for she needed to try something different. “ I will try. Every one start on some point of life!!” Rashmi “ But no one start at your age. They quit on this age.” Tina laughed on this then she told Driver to take them to some club. Rashmi shivered with fear. Rashmi “ I prefer movie?” Tina “ Then you can go to movie.” Tina sat in car and ordered Driver to take her to some club. But she didn’t sense Rashmi was telling behind her in non verbal language not to do it. Driver was confused. He put keys in car and pretended that it was not working. Tina was so frustrated. She supposed to smile. She got out of car. She saw Taxi was still waiting. Clearly Taxi Driver was upset. Taxi Driver was talking to himself “ If they got car why did they call me? Why didn’t they value other’s time.” Tina felt so happy. Before Rashmi could say anything, she ran inside Taxi. Tina “ It was my mistake that car is not working so I called you. Let’s go to some club!!” “ Which club?” Tina was frustrated but then in few seconds she controlled her smile. She asked “ Which club is famous in city?” Taxi Driver “ I don’t know.” She was just frustrated. Then suddenly he came with one name. She smiled and said “ I want to go there.” Driver nodded. She went always. Rashmi was so scared. She sat in her car and told her Driver to follow Taxi. Then she soon sensed that she didn’t needed to do it. He was already planning same thing. Driver “ What’s wrong with Madam?” She screamed angrily on him “ How did I suppose to know just follow her!!” She was upset. This was not her responsibility. But she was dragged in this. She was upset about entire matter. She wanted to escape it but she couldn’t. Rashmi “ I just regret I called her today.” Driver “ You must talk with sir!!” She smiled. It was wonderful idea. She called husband. She began to tell him all. He started laughing. “ Come on!! She is just enjoying life.” Rashmi “ Something is wrong with her!!” “ Nothing is wrong. She is just frustrated by her family want to enjoy. Let her do it. I don't think you need to follow." " Are you sure?" " It is duty of Suresh call him or ignore all." She didn't like to call Suresh. Rashmi " Okay I will come back." She said it but her Driver didn't like this idea and she agreed with him. Rashmi " Your sir had not seen her in this condition. Let's just follow her." Driver nodded and they went ahead.
Finally Taxi stopped before nice hotel it looked so perfect. Taxi Driver " This is famous club. People eat and drink here. I heard they have games too." She was confused. But then she felt that she could play any game. She was feeling so happy. She must try it. So she went out of Taxi and paid. She entered in that club but watchman stopped her. " Madam can I see your membership card?" She was confused. She didn't know that she needed membership for entry. She was so upset. She was supposed to smile then she saw Rashmi. She began to get more angry. She needed to prove that she was not stupid. She must go inside club. She started looking around. She didn't understand how could she go in that club. She was so confused. She was feeling so sad. She was so frustrated. She didn't want to feel sad this way. She didn't desire to sense happiness of soul. She was so upset that she was not getting it. She just started running away from them. During this she started running fast. She didn't sense when she crossed her limits. She went in middle of road. She didn't understand when she entered in middle of traffic. Many vehicles were running fast before she could sense she was before a car. She was lucky that driver stopped on time. But that impact managed to hurt her. She fall on road. Other car also needed to stop. In few seconds biggest traffic jam was managed. She was centre of all. She supposed to cry now. She was in pain and on middle of road. But she decided to smile on that day. She must smile. She began to laugh hysterically. Every one was looking at her strange way. She was feeling so strange. She needed to laugh. She began to smile since it was her promise. She must keep it. Then Rashmi came suddenly and started to pull her on her legs. She felt so glad when she was able to walk. She started to move ahead slowly. She was feeling little pain. But her biggest trouble was that she couldn't able to control laugh. Finally when she sat in car with Rashmi her laugher stopped. Rashmi was so shocked. She didn't understand Tina was laughing like that. Rashmi "Why did you start laughing?" Tina " I didn't want to show pain before people." Tina lied. She didn't want to tell her about her spiritual mentor's advice. She knew that Rashmi was never fond of her mentor. Tina didn't want to left her mentor. She still remembered when she went there. She was so sad. She couldn't even able to sleep in nights. She used to cry for sleep. But she didn't get it. It all started after Aakash sent tickets just for Alka. She hoped that she would be invited at least for few days. After all she was his mother. But he never invited her in his house. He never suggested that Alka should at least stay with them for few days. No he never felt any desire. Suresh was not much interested in taking interest in Aakash's life. He always considered Aakash as big burden. It was shocking. She always felt that he had affection for him but Suresh said "Aakash never appreciated us. He always felt we are giving him less. He is greedy. If we interfere then he might demand our house. I don't want to stay with him in abroad. What if he forced us to sell this house and shift there. We will caged in room.!! We don't know about those places. I don't want to go in his house." She started to nod. But from that day she started to get sleepless nights. She sensed that Aakash was truly not interested in keeping contact. He used to talk daily to Alka but he never talked with her. And Alka never showed any interest in her. After all if her son didn't desire to show any interest in his mother then why did her daughter-in-law show any interest. Then she started to feel so upset when she met her old neighbour who shifted from building in flat. They started chatting. Her neighbour " Do you know their is new spiritual mentor in our town!!" Tina was not interested in it on that time. But still she kept listening. " Tina you must come in our house. Come with your husband. We will come to invite you.." " No..no it's not required. Suresh will never come there. He didn't believe in these things." "Then you must come at least. Come on every one is coming. If you will come at least there will be one member of your family." She had nothing to do so she took address and number. When she told this to Suresh. He started laughing. " Another madness!! I don't understand how does women always manage to find such spiritual mentor who managed to fool you?" She was so upset. Tina " I want to go. I have promised. I will come back by time of dinner." " I hope that you have not promised anything else like money?" She was so upset. He was concerned just about money. She said angrily " No in fact she offered me free lunch." He smiled and said " Great but you must go with empty purse."She nodded but when she entered there. No one seemed to desire her money. They all managed everything. Then spiritual mentor came. He was nice man. He just chatted nicely. She felt so relaxed. No one demanded anything from her. After that day she started going there every day. They never demanded anything. She felt so pleased. Those lecture were her only source of life. Today she promised to smile for entire day. She didn't guess that it was so hard but she wanted to do it. She liked mentor from soul. She wanted to show full honesty to her promise but Rashmi already started to increase anger in her mind. Rashmi " What are you trying to prove?" "Nothing" Then she suddenly started to laugh again. Tina was feeling so happy now. She started remembering those lectures. They were touching her soul. She kept remembering them again and again.
Rashmi was so scared. Now she was sure that Tina was not normal. Tina began to move ahead with smile then she suddenly lost her balance and started to fall. Rashmi stopped her. Rashmi "What are you doing?" Tina looked at her and kept laughing. Tina " Nothing. I don't want to feel sad." " But you are injured!!" " Yes. But it is not okay. I am fine." Rashmi could see that she was not fine. She turned to Driver. " Take us to hospital." Tina was still laughing but her word sounded as if they were from angry person. Tina " I am not your slave. Stop car let me go." But this time Driver fully ignored her. Driver took their car in hospital without stopping. When they reached to hospital, Tina didn't come out. She kept laughing loudly inside car. Then Rashmi looked at car floor. It was full of blood. Tina was hurt but still she was laughing like mad person. Rashmi ran inside and called Doctor. One Nurse asked her " What happened?" Rashmi was so nervous. She told her all. That Nurse came out with wheel chair. They took out Tina. Tina's leg was fully injured. But still she was laughing and smiling. Nurse looked confused. Nurse " This is her blood? Right?!!" " Of course. This is her blood. She needed stitches!!" " Then instead of crying why did she is laughing?" Rashmi " I don't know. I just want to admit her then I will call her husband." Nurse nodded. They took her inside on wheel chair. She was immediately admitted. Doctor looked at her. She was in pain but still she kept trying to smile. Rashmi started calling Suresh. Suresh didn't took at beginning. Finally he took call. " I am away and I am kind of busy.." " Just listen. I have admitted Tina in hospital." Suresh didn't speak for sometime. Then he took address of hospital. They started her physical treatment. Tina stopped laughing only when she injected and went to sleep. Rashmi was so tense then suddenly Doctor came near her. "Are you her relative?" "Yes!!""Did she had any mad relative in family?" " No and she is fine too. She didn't laugh like that every day. Today she started doing this. Actually I don't understand cause." Doctor looked shocked. Doctor " She never shown any sign before. You never saw her depressed?" Rashmi was confused now. Rashmi never saw Tina not depressed since her marriage. Rashmi " Actually her married life was not happy one. Her husband is nice and honest to her but still she always remained depressed." " Then why didn't you contacted psychiatrist?!!" Rashmi now started to get irritated. Once again she wanted to tell world that Tina was not her responsibility. Tina never visited her house that much. Rashmi " Frankly I am her sister. But she visited me few times since she was busy with household work. I don't know much about her. Decision regarding her visit to psychiatrist must be taken by her husband and son." Doctor started to look irritated now. Doctor "So you are waiting for her family." " Yes. I am." Rashmi was so upset. She started to call Suresh again. He said that it took him at least an hour to reach the spot. She was confused. She just kept waiting. She called her husband and told everything. Her husband "It's my mistake. You were right. You should have just taken her back home. Now Suresh would take his own time to reach. He hardly care for anyone more than himself. He will finish his work first." Rashmi felt so sad. She knew that it was truth. Suresh didn't care for others that much. Suresh took at least five hours to reach to hospital. Rashmi's entire household duties got disturbed. Rashmi sensed that Tina married to wrong man. When he came, he created big drama of concern. But Rashmi was not impressed. She just filled him with details and went away. Suresh was very disturbed when psychiatrist was mentioned. Actually his daughter-in-law Alka was suggesting it many times. Aakash was also suggesting it indirectly. He was only person who stood against it. He didn't like idea. But now it seemed must. He decided that he must talk with Aakash. He called Aakash and explained entire situation. Aakash " So what are you waiting for? Take her to psychiatrist!!" Suresh began to feel nervous. Suresh " But she needed to tell everything from our house to an unknown person?" Aakash " So what? We are not hiding any crime. Show her to psychiatrist." After hearing Aakash's any tone Suresh agreed. When Tina woke up, she saw that it was next day. Her entire day went in half sleep. She could cry now so she started crying loudly. She couldn't stop. Nurse came running Doctor was called. Doctor told her to relax and she started relaxing step by step. Slowly she stopped crying. She was so upset. She began to feel hurt. Tina " I am feeling so sad." Doctor " We know from tomorrow you will start to visit psychiatrist too. He will handle your depression." Tina wanted to object but she didn't question him. She remembered line of her spiritual mentor " Tinaji I have suggested you counsellor why doesn't you visit him?" " I am fine." Then he smiled and said " Let's take one promise today. We all must keep smiling just for one day. Tinaji if you keep this promise. I will not insist on counsellor." Tina suddenly searched for purse and took out card. " Can I go to this psychiatrist? My spiritual mentor was suggesting him again and again." Doctor was shocked. Doctor " Then why didn't you visit him?" " I thought I can handle it." Then she pushed card with sad smile. Doctor told her to take appointment. Then he went out for next patient and she started calling. Entire time Suresh was sitting in corner. He was reading newspaper. Suresh said " Arrange all. I will make payment." And Tina started laughing again. It was really hard to control. She knew that she needed psychiatrist if she wanted to survive in life with this man.
The End
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