Searching for father
Harish began to count money again on calculator. Once again there was deficit in budget. He knew that he needed to control his spendings but it seemed so hard. He couldn't just adjust with his income. He started to feel so sad about it. He began to sense that he couldn't fulfill demands of his family. He wanted to keep them happy but it was not happening. He looked around himself. He could see his brother's earnings. His brother were earning so much while he was earning nothing. It was so upsetting. He saw daily his kids feeling less before world so he needed to fulfill their demands. He needed to act like good father who cared for his kids. His kids were nice. Elder one was not scholar. But his son Rakesh also tried to hard to achieve things and he was going to support him. Rakesh was so kind by nature. He was nice boy. Harish was sure that he could achieve many things if he get proper training. Regarding his younger son Ravi, he was intelligent. Harish was sure that he would become successful. But Ravi also needed training. He didn't want discriminate between his sons. He wanted same training for both boys. But he knew that his elder son Rakesh needed more help. Harish kept bringing more books for him. He hoped that he would get help with them. But he noticed mostly Ravi was keen on books so instead of Rakesh he kept reading them. Harish was so frustrated by this. He wanted Rakesh to learn but it was not happening. If Rakesh kept acting like this, one day he would become loser like him. He was so upset. He didn't want Rakesh to be like him. But he didn't understand how could convince that boy to change his attitude. He kept getting upset. Sometimes he even hit him with hope that he would improve but nothing was happening. He felt that entire investment on his education would prove waste. Rakesh didn't even want to hold book. He was so confused regarding what he supposed to do with his future. Harish always kept saving some amount from his budget for Rakesh. He needed to do it to protect his son's future. He needed to pay attention to Rakesh's every moment. He looked around for his wife Tara. She was not there. She was still in kitchen. She kept working for household work entire day. During this cooking and cleaning she hardly had time to pay attention to kids. He needed to ask Tara about Rakesh again and again. Then only she paid attention to him. He didn't like the way he needed to force it. He wanted her to think about it willingly. But everytime he needed to remind. He called her. She came in room looking tired as she always did. He never saw her fresh after his marriage. Before marriage she used to come with happy and fresh to meet him. But marriage clearly didn't created good effect on her. She kept looking tired and exhausted. Whenever he talked to her, he sensed that he had taken away life from her like some vampire. She was no longer that fresh girl who used to laugh at his jokes or used tell her gossips. She was someone pale who was surviving daily with hard efforts. It wasn't easy for her. He could see it. But he didn't have much option. After first child he suggested that they might not take chance. But their family insisted on another kid. They kept saying Tara was just housewife. She could manage. He knew that she couldn't. She was finding it hard even to manage it. He stood firm against it. But Tara gave up. Specially when Tara's mother started insisting on second child, Tara also began to agree with her. Then he finally needed to say yes. But after that Tara began to look more pale and weak. Now he couldn't expect same smiles from her. She was no longer healthy. She was weak and pale. He kept admiring her beauty but in soul he knew that she was pale and unhealthy. But still he needed to insist work on her. He gave her sad look and asked " So what did Rakesh did today?" She took deep breath. " I tried so hard to convince that boy to take one mathematics test from tuition. But he didn't. I don't understand how could our boy be such stupid!!" He wanted to say that he might have went on him. But he didn't. He just took deep breath. Then he slowly added " I was not so brilliant in school." Tara gave him angry look. " It is not about passing. He is not even ready to participate!!" Harish nodded. He sensed that he was defending Rakesh without cause. He knew that he was doing it with just one purpose to relax himself. He didn't want to run after his son and start hitting or abusing him. He knew that hitting kid was wrong. He didn't want to become abusive father. Harish just started to count numbers in his heart to control himself and Tara kept talking. " I was looking at Rakesh's marks. They are not that good. I feel we must think something about his future. I mean if he is not so great in education. We might show some new way to him. Like we could invest in business. He could start some shop or factory.." " And who will give capital for it?" I heard they give loan for small businesses!" " Yes. But they charge big interest too. Don't go by what you see in advertisement getting loan and repaying it is not so easy. If Rakesh didn't manage to earn enough to repay finally we might lose even in house which is only property we have." Tara shivered slightly at that thought. Tara looked around at that house. Tara " This house is precious to me. I don't want to lose it at any cost." " I know so don't risk it for that stupid Rakesh!!" She nodded. It became clear to her that this idea was too risky. Harish " He like to study or not. He needed to study and get job. Or he might just sit in home and we could keep feeding him then he didn't have much future but I want to make one thing clear that we can't take loan and destroy entire family." He made this statement clearly. He began to think that he couldn't destroy future of his family just for his one son. He started to think ways to improve him. Rakesh needed to study and became more wise. Rakesh needed to improve himself. Harish couldn't do it for him. Harish took deep breath and said " Rakesh needed to do all himself. I can't change things for him." Harish was trying hard to convince this to himself.
Rakesh kept himself inside his room. He never came out when his father came home. Harish seemed to get frustrated just by watching his face. Rakesh didn't understand what was his mistake. He tried his best to earn marks. But his parents never believed it. They kept demanding more and more. It was not right. He needed his life too. His life was music. He needed to play instruments. He needed to go in band. His father was never going to help him in these matters. He needed to collect money by his resources. But when he started inquiries, soon he sensed that it was too costly. He knew that he needed to quit his dream. He was not rich enough to fulfill it. But then he didn't want to settle in way his Dad planned. He had different dreams. He didn't want money as his Dad wanted. He wanted to sing. He knew that it might damage his future plan like getting wife. But he desired music more. He knew that it was not easy to get job and after studying faces of his parents he didn't feel that marriage was something so promising that he should forget his music for it. He took out his guitar. He looked at it with affection. He still remembered that day when he bought it. He used entire money which he saved. Harish wanted to keep it in bank but in night he took it out of his piggy bank and hide it. On next morning he vanished at early hours. He started outside that shop until it didn't open and then he purchased guitar. He started practicing on it even on road. He still remembered that few people even tried to offer him money for his singing. He felt so ashamed. He was not poor to demand money like that. He went back home. Harish was waiting for him. Harish was red with anger. When he entered, Harish screamed on him. He received slap and many marks on body that day. After it he sensed that money from piggy bank was not actually his money. He didn't supposed to touch it like that. He didn't understand why did he supposed to not touch it but he nodded. After that he never touched. But he began to feel fear and dislike of his father. He started to feel so stressed by all. Harish never treated him with respect. So Rakesh knew one thing that he never liked his father that much. He kept avoiding him. He was happy when he was out of house. He started watching carefully. Then he sensed his younger brother Ravi was watching him carefully. Ravi didn't say anything for long time. Finally he spoke. Ravi " Dad is in bedroom and he is not going to come out looking for you." There was clear frustration in Ravi's voice. Ravi didn't like this situation. Ravi "Instead of searching for Dad why don't you just study and complete your studies? Dad desire just it." Rakesh gave him angry look. Rakesh didn't say anything. He never spoke much. He didn't like to get involved in fights. He always wanted to stay out of fights and keeping quiet was his motto. He didn't speak much in hope that no one would speak to him if he kept quiet. He returned to his guitar. He was about to play it when Ravi objected. Ravi " Now don't start that guitar. I don't want disturbance during my study." Rakesh nodded. Then he sat in window and kept looking out. He started watching sky. It was so beautiful and enchanting. He could see entire world in it. It was giving enchanting effect on his mind. He wanted to become one of the star. Once his grandmother told him that person could become star after death. Normally people searched their loved one's in star and his grandmother hoped that he would do same thing but he didn't. He was searching for his own place in star. He didn't understand why did he was alive. His life was totally meaningless. He didn't understand why did he survived. He wanted life without demands but life was too demanding or he was useless. He didn't know what was truth but in both cases he was not made for this world but he was stuck inside it without much hope of future. He kept looking out. While Harish was in his room trying hard to plan his future. Then Harish decided that he must talk. Harish slowly came out of his room. He was so upset. He decided that he needed to talk with Rakesh peacefully. Rakesh needed little bit consoling. He went slowly towards room. Then he knocked and said " Are you inside Rakesh?" He introduced this way newly in life. After his friends advised that his sons were grown up so he must not just come in their room when they kept door closed. But it was scary for Rakesh. He began to shiver when he heard that voice. He sensed that another trouble was falling on him. Ravi said " Come in." But when Harish came in, Rakesh sensed different energy. He didn't understand why but he wanted to argue. Instead of smiling Rakesh looked away. Harish sensed that he was insulting him. Harish wanted to answer back but he decided to ignore. He smiled towards Rakesh and asked " Rakesh your Mom was telling you don't want to appear for examination why?" Rakesh didn't answer. Ravi was watching this. Ravi didn't understand Rakesh's attitude. His Dad could get angry easily but now a days his Dad was keeping best control on his anger. Harish didn't scream that much. But it was not helping Rakesh. Rakesh just kept counting stars. Harish didn't understand. He was so confused. He needed to do something. He just sat on bed. Harish " Rakesh I know you don't like me because of my anger. But now a days I am keeping tap on it. Don't you notice it?" Harish asked nicely. Ravi was so amazed. His Dad was showing so much patience. He had never seen him in such a gentle style. He was actually pampering Rakesh. Ravi didn't understand why. Ravi knew and observed that Rakesh was misbehaving in every possible way but Harish was showing patience. It was so wrong. He didn't understand why Rakesh acting like that he was never like that. But now Rakesh was different. He was strange. He didn't act like his normal brother something was strange about him. He was different.
When Harish entered in room, he immediately sensed that Rakesh was planning to taste his patience once again. But this time he had decided that he would not give up. He would deal with entire situation in peaceful way. He would show patience. Harish knew that he needed to show patience otherwise he would achieve nothing. He kept thinking about it. He sat with full determination to find way to chat with Rakesh. Harish asked " What's wrong? Why don't you answer me?" Rakesh didn't like this change since it managed to scare him more. He didn't want to answer this father. He shivered. He began to feel so confused. He didn't understand how could his father change so much. He didn't understand how could his father talk sweetly. He looked in Harish's eyes and shivered. He began to sense something was wrong. He was always safe in his shell and suddenly it started to break. His father was trying to break it. He didn't like it but he sensed that Harish was not planning to give up. He began to get upset. Rakesh " I don't want to talk!!" " But why?" Ravi was observing this entire drama. Ravi wanted to study but due to Rakesh that entire drama he couldn't. It was frustrating. He was considered a good student in school. Teachers kept expectations from him. He was intelligent boy. He wanted to keep his track same way. But this house he couldn't study. He was so upset. He took books and stood up. Harish felt so angry when Ravi stood up. Harish screamed on him " What happened? Why did you need to keep running from one room to another?" Ravi was shocked. He did nothing still his father was screaming on him. Ravi wanted to cry but he couldn't. He was grown boy now and grown up didn't cry. He didn't want his tears to be seen. But slowly his eyes started to fill with tears. He took his books and ran away as soon as possible. Rakesh was so happy. Rakesh began to like this procedure. He enjoyed it when Harish screamed on Ravi. He felt strange sort of pleasure in it. He began to feel so hopeful. He decided to respond. He wanted Harish to keep screaming on his brother like this. He studied somewhere that if you give such indirect suggestions to brain they would work. He was hoping that these suggestions would work. He was hoping that everything would be fine for him this time instead of Ravi. He knew that Ravi made everything worst for him. But then it was worst when Ravi was not even born. Rakesh was always treated differently. Sometimes he began to even doubt if he was his father's true son. He started to dream that he was not his son but he was some rich person's son who was musician. He began to create story which seemed more logical to him. From beginning he felt that he was just some child pick up out of road. Then he felt confused. He understood all. He was not child take out of road but he was stolen from crib. He understood all. He looked around. They were rich. But he looked at Harish. Harish was smiling towards him. Rakesh could see stupidity in that smile. Rakesh couldn't believe that Harish could earn so much money. He was not wise enough to earn such big sum. He sensed that he must be stealing it from someone. He understood that he was stealing it from his parents. He understood all. So Harish kidnapped him and he was taking ransom from his parents and started using that money for his son Ravi. Now Rakesh understood all. He understood why Harish started talking sweetly with him. Rakesh thought properly and created plan. Rakesh wanted to know name of his father then he must confuse Harish. He must talk sweetly. So he decided to play game which Harish was playing. He smiled and sat with Harish. Rakesh gave him sweet smile and said " Actually Dad I don't want to give that exam now since I am not prepared. I will give it afterwards." Harish felt so nice. Finally his son was showing some interest in education. Harish never thought that it would happen so quickly. Harish felt that his friends were right. He just needed to control his anger and talk with his son. He smied happily. " Fine so you will appear for that exam next year?" " Not that exam? I am planning for bigger exams like scholarship!" Harish was so impressed. Even Ravi never suggested appearing for scholarships. Now Rakesh seemed a lot better than Ravi. He sensed that he made mistake while judging his son. He underestimated him and kept screaming. He asked " Which exam?" " Dad I am studying it all on internet. Tomorrow I will tell it all to you." Harish smiled happily. It was like dream becoming true to him. Rakesh was his hope and dream. He was always concerned about him. From beginning he wanted just one son and it was Rakesh so subconsciously he always ignored Ravi. Ravi was always handled by Tara. She always took care of him. She was her son. They divided their kids. He didn't know what he did was right or wrong. But he wanted Rakesh to be perfect first and for it he did all. He was happy now that Rakesh was talking with him in friendly way. He needed Rakesh to act like that. Rakesh sat beside him and asked " Did you have rich musician friend?" Now Harish sensed that his son was trying to find someone who help him with music. Harish said angrily " No and I don't want you to keep playing music." " I am not planning to keep playing. I want to sell this guitar to someone rich who had enough money to give me finance for my future plans." Rakesh smiled. He sensed that he managed to convince Harish that he was with him. Harish was also smiling. Harish began to remember all those men who were interested in music and there was long list of it. He needed to find perfect customer for his son and he was interested in helping Rakesh. He began to remember every musician he ever knew.
Ravi came out and he was so angry. He needed to share his sorrows with someone. He knew only person who could understand him. His Mom!! He normally didn't go in his parents's bedroom unless he was called but today he decided that it was special case. Ravi went in Tara's room. Ravi " Mom Dad screamed on me without cause." Then he explained all. Tara made sad face. Tara "Your Dad just wanted Rakesh to education and he was doing all for it." " Really? Do you feel he will change?" Tara didn't say anything. In her heart Tara was not even sure that it would help. Ravi " Rakesh is making some strange plans to achieve success. And I feel that they would harm Dad." Tara was confused. Until now Tara always considered Rakesh a spoiled child but she never thought there was anything dangerous in him. But now she started to think about it. She began to doubt. Ravi never exaggerated things in his life. Tara " Why did you feel like that?" Ravi " Mom that day I heard him talking to himself. He was saying I will achieve all and Harish you will burn in hell." Tara started laughing. Tara " It was just joke. I mean whenever he get angry he had habit saying such things." Ravi took deep breath and said " And he even do it. Do you remember that dog of neighborhood." " Dog of Mrs.Sharma!! Who was irritating Rakesh by barking?" " Yes. One day I saw Rakesh giving him chicken lovingly. I was so shocked and next day that dog died." Tara was shocked now. She couldn't believe her son was capable of killing. She decided to that it was impossible. She began to think that her younger son was making it up since he wanted attention towards him. She knew that Harish was biased towards Rakesh. After all he just wanted Rakesh. He never wanted Ravi. Tara " I feel it was just coincidence. Ignore it. " Ravi clearly didn't like this suggestion. He gave angry look to his Mom and said " I am telling truth. And you will sense it when harm is already done." Then Ravi took deep breath and went out of room. He knew that no one would believe him. In Rakesh's room Rakesh was reading list of musicians. He needed to find one who could be his father which was not easy task. He needed to study hard to locate. Soon he sensed there were just two people who could have son of his age. He needed to wrote down them on paper. He needed to find them and did research. Harish was so happy that he was quitting music that he was ready to co-operate him on any front. He was ready to help him on each point.He smiled happily and said " I will arrange your meeting with buyer." Rakesh looked at him with suspicion. He didn't understand how could Harish acted so willing in destroying his own future. But then he understood because he didn't know that he knew whole truth. Then he pointed name and asked " Do you feel we can try this fellow?" Harish looked with confused expression. Harish " Why just him? We should call all and sell it in auction style." Rakesh felt so angry now. He knew that Harish was avoiding now. Rakesh took deep breath and said " What if they all came together and selected less price instead of increasing?!!" Harish didn't like it. Harish agreed and immediately called this fellow. Harish talked so sweetly with this person that it was impossible for that person to say no to him. So arranged meeting in nice five star hotel. That customer insisted that he would make payment. Harish smiled. Harish " All is settled." Harish went out of room. Harish didn't sense that Rakesh was looking at him with such anger that if it was possible to kill with eyes he should have. Harish returned to bedroom and told all. Tara was confused now. Somewhere in her heart Tara knew that Ravi was telling truth something was wrong in Rakesh. Once she saw Rakesh taking out their family photograph and then he did decoration on it. In it he showed everyone of them died in different style. All died except him. He just kept himself smiling. In fact he increased his smile. On that day she first time slapped her son. It was horrible for her. Rakesh was her own son and still he was not normal. She sensed it many times. She tried to point it out to Harish. But instead of understanding it Harish kept screaming Rakesh and even hitting him. She sensed that it was making matter worst so she just kept hoping that Rakesh would get over his childish tantrum. She thought that it was just tantrum but after listening to Ravi's story she felt confused. She began to sense that she was taking wrong turn. She should have warned Harish. But now she felt that it might be too late. She was so upset. She decided that she must tell all to him. She started telling everything to Harish. Harish didn't look impressed. Harish " I don't believe Rakesh had anything to do with death of Dog. I feel Ravi is creating this story to posioned our mind against Rakesh." Now this managed to confuse Tara. Ravi was clearly upset so he wanted to show Rakesh less. Tara took deep breath. Tara " Possible. But be careful while handling all." " Now do you feel that I should be scared of my own son?" "No..no I don't mean it.""But you said it." Tara looked so confused. Harish turned back towards her and went to sleep. She was so confused. She started to feel that she needed someone who could help her. She was stuck between two sons. She didn't understand which was right and truthful. She shivered with sorrows. She knew that she needed to go ahead and took decisions. But she was so confused that she couldn't make decision. She just kept looking at angry figure of Harish. In her heart she began to feel that her love for Ravi was blind so she was suffering from all those troubles. She took deep breath and went to sleep.
Next day Harish went to that five star hotel with Rakesh. His rich friend was going to come. They got dressed in best way. Harish spent some money on their clothing. Tara saw that Ravi was upset since just Rakesh got clothes. She promised him that she would give him new clothes. Ravi said coldly " It is about just clothes. Rakesh is taking knife with him..." Tara felt so confused. She started to go to Harish to warn him. She knew that he wouldn't believe her but she felt that it was necessary. She started feeling hopeful that this time Harish might believe. She went to Harish and told him all. He began to abuse her and went away. When Harish and Rakesh sat waiting for rich man, Rakesh began to take his hand in pocket again and again. Finally that rich man came. He greeted them. Immediately Rakesh hugged him and started saying " I am your son." That rich man pushed him away and screamed on Harish " Are you trying to play some joke on me?" "No..no." Harish ran to control Rakesh. When Rakesh took out his knife and hit Harish with it, Harish was warned but it was too late when he saw truth he was already on verge of dying. Hotel security came running. Entire time Rakesh kept telling to that rich man " You are my father. I am your kidnapped son. You can't recognise me. But this is true." That man ran out of hotel. But security stopped him. Cops were called. Rakesh was taken in custody. Harish was taken in hospital. But soon he died. Tara was informed. Tara and Ravi cried. Tara kept saying one thing. "Only if he had believe me." It was horrible day for them. After sometime they went to meet Rakesh's psychiatrist. Psychiatrist " Your son is clear case of paranoid Schizophrenia. You should have started his treatment long ago. Why did you waited?" " Since his father didn't believe. He hated psychiatrist. And needed to die to understand value of psychiatrist." Tara started crying. Psychiatrist kept counseling her. After all she needed to move ahead. She took deep breath and started discussing treatmen of Rakesh.
The End
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