Jumping from bus
Anita was so happy today finally her wait was over she managed to get new job. She was so tired of old one. She needed to keep running from one place to another. She was so frustrated. In her last job she needed to travel a lot. Her work required traveling. She needed to work hard. She needed to keep moving every day without relaxing even for one day. It was so frustrating. She kept getting stuck in traffic time to time. She felt irritated by it. When she remained in traffic for long time, she didn't like pollution. She was feeling so suffocated. She didn't like traveling so much. She was feeling so strange in that locked car. She never liked locked places. But now her fear was increasing in strange way. She was feeling so upset. She didn't understand when it developed. But she didn't like to be locked. She kept getting breathless. She knew that she needed to travel so she had to use bus. She needed to even relax while sitting inside it. She needed to do it. She sat in bus. She started to control her breathing. At beginning she didn't feel relaxed then she sensed importance of music. She started to listen to it for relaxing her thoughts. Even today when she sat in bus she began to feel restless. She wanted to run out of that bus. She wanted to go out. But she took deep breath. She sat in first seat which she got. Then she sat in it and she did what she always did. She started to listen to music. She began to relax step by step. She was feeling so nice. She began to feel relaxed. She started to feel her anxiety was reducing. It was working same way as normally did when suddenly she felt tap on shoulder. A man was standing beside her. He was telling something. She didn't want to listen. She was so confused. She felt so scared and upset. She knew that her world was entirely safe but still in that bus she kept feeling scared. She was looking around. Then she noticed door. She decided that she could go there. She started to stood. But that man didn't move. He blocked her way. She was so shocked. How could someone act like that in public. But she remembered many incidence like that. She read them in newspaper. She shivered with fear. She didn't sense much option. She had to remove earphones. She did it and suddenly she began to sense strange suffocation. She left as if something was removing air of her lungs. That man was trying to say something but she didn't listen. She just kept running towards door of bus. She ran towards it without second thought. She knew that bus was moving. It was bus in full speed but she didn't care she just wanted to go out of it. She needed to do it. She was breathing so fast. She just needed to stop it and for that she needed air. She needed lots of fresh air. She needed to breath properly. She started to ran towards door. She didn't care what she was doing. She just started to throw people out of her way and ran towards door. Every one started screaming on her. She started to ran without caring for those voices. Finally she reached to door. She was about to jump when a hand took hold of her. Then voice screamed on her " Are you out of your mind? Why you are jumping from moving bus?!! Do you want to do suicide?" She tried hard to free herself from hold of that hand. She screamed "Let me go!!" Then finally she sensed that brake were pressed and she ran out of bus. She felt so much relief when she came out. She was feeling so nice when she came on road. It was so wonderful to stand on road. She smiled happily. Then suddenly same man appeared by her side. He screamed to Driver " Don't go away. I will come back." Then he turned to her. " This is your purse. Why are you trying to kill yourself? This is not right. Our life is precious. You must value it." Before she could answer, driver screamed " Come on jump in bus I don't have entire day to waste on you." That man pushed purse in Anita's hand and vanished in that bus. She shivered since she saw a giant monster who was eating him. She was so scared. Then she looked around. She soon sensed that she wanted to get down from that bus so she just kept looking around. It was so confusing. She kept looking from one shop to another. She didn't understand where she was standing. She looked around. She didn't know that place. She had to ask people. Then her mobile rang. It was her new Boss. She immediately took call. " Where are you?" She was so confused. She took deep breath and said " Madam I will come soon. I just need to find Cab.." " Cab? Where are you? I sent car." She looked around and gave location. Boss looked relieved. Boss " Great!! Just wait there and I hope presentation is ready." " Of course Madam I have it all!! In fact I have emailed it to you last night only." Boss gave small laugh. " Ohh I forgot to open my email!! I will begin it without you. But you must join me soon." " Yes." She stood there. She was so confused. She didn't understand why did she jumped from bus like that. She was so confused. While standing on road like rational person she felt it was wrong move. She didn't like it. But she didn't understand what instigated it to her.
Anita felt so happy. She needed car and now she got it. She was so scared. She was getting late on her first day. She thought that her Boss might throw her out. It was horrible idea but still it was totally logical one. She was acting so unprofessional. She didn't understand why did she jumped from that bus. She knew that she didn't like to be locked in bus. But today it was too much. She started waiting for car. Then after sometime car came. She shivered since now she needed to enter in car. She hoped that car would not produce same effect. She waited until it didn't confirmed it was for her. Clearly Driver was very irritated by this extra job. He told her to sit inside. She smiled and went inside. She sat in car. She didn't feel that upset. She smiled and immediately started to listen to music. Driver clearly gave her strange look. He expected her to at least chat little bit. When she noticed he was upset, she smiled and said " Working on project?!!" He gave thumbs up and smiled. She managed to hide all her feelings. She was so frustrated. She didn't understand what was wrong with her. Every time whenever she sat in vehicle she started to shiver. At beginning she thought it would go away. But now she began to feel so upset. She needed to concentrate on her project. She didn't understand since when she started to feel so much fear of vehicles. She began to remember. It was happening for long time. She knew that it was just normal fear at beginning but step by step it seemed to turn into big trouble. Today she crossed limits. She was trying to jump out of bus. Even now she was sitting in car and shivering. She sensed one thing. She couldn't move ahead like that. She needed help but she didn't understand whose help. It was important and precious question. She was getting breathless so she must be heart patient or her lungs were not working. She thought or she might have lung cancer. She shivered at this thought. She was alone without responsibilities. She needed to accept her destiny. Her life just kept moving ahead in straight line. She wanted to fall in love or find husband but she didn't and then her Mom got sick. She didn't even want to remember those horrible memories. She just wanted to keep remembering sweet one. Their life was nice and wonderful. She was enjoying each day in nice way. She got nice job with nice Boss. Every thing was fine. She knew her Mom's sickness was heart breaking but her Mom took it in nice way. She followed her foot steps. She kept moving ahead with smile. She never let her sorrows rule her thinking. They enjoyed their life in best way. Her Mom needed nurse. She was tense on that point. She finally found one maid. But it proved one big mistake. That maid was biggest misery of their life. She started all negativity of their life. Her maid asked for first why didn't her brother and his wife came to join them here from abroad. She was so upset. She didn't want them. She was happy alone. Her brother always kept discouraging on every front. It always managed to hurt her soul. He was so upset when he used to stay with them. He always kept pushing for her marriage when she was not much encouraged. Every one always jumped in their support since according to them they needed that entire house to move ahead in life. She was forced to meet many men who were not promising. With every interview her thinking turned negative towards marriage. They kept criticizing her and she began to hate that process. Her sister-in-law always came telling all how did they feel she was burden on them. One day she argued with her. Her sister-in-law screamed on her " Because of your stubborn attitude everything is happening. Your brother is not rich but I married him. You kept rejecting one boy after another." This was lie. She never got that much chance. Her salary and financial status wasn't promising enough to attract boys. Whenever she tried to move ahead they kept desiring more salary which didn't manage or didn't want to manage. She loved her job and didn't desire to change it. But she knew that it was useless to argue. " I am trying to find solution." "You are not. Look at yourself. You move around like spinster already. Those loose dresses!! You are already becoming overweight. Your stomach is coming out who will marry you?" She was so upset on that moment. Her sister-in-law was insulting her. She wanted to argue but she knew that it was useless. Every one felt same way. Her sister-in-law " It is not just about you!! Every one kept blaming your brother. They kept saying that you are not getting married because we want your salary." Then she started laughing. " Your salary is big joke. You hardly earn anything. This job is just show off but no one believe me so I need to keep reminding them. I don't want blame of this burden to fall our shoulder. Your burden is heavy enough. Your brother is sole owner here." She was telling truth so Anita kept quiet. She knew that her salary was not large enough. She needed to work hard to get better one. But she never got chance until today. So she didn't want to think about miseries today. That day was day of her hope. She smiled while listening to music and looked bravely out of window. She suddenly started shivering. She sensed that her determination was not helping at all.
When Anita step out of Taxi, she became herself fine again. She adjusted her dress and went inside office. She greeted clients with smile. She was confident person again. She looked around with smile. Her Boss was already sitting there explaining project that she sent by email. Her Boss was clearly not happy with situation. When she entered in picture, she immediately gave angry look. It was frustrating for her Boss. Anita smiled and said " Sorry I was stuck in traffic." Every one just nodded. No one wanted to discuss about where she was they just wanted to see results of project. They didn't have time to waste on her. In fact their impatient look was showing that she already wasted enough and now they wanted to see it's worth. So she shifted to project. She removed every negative thought from her mind and started everything in positive way. She began to show different sides of project and she became important spirit of entire issue. Every customer forgot that they needed to wait. They all became captured by her words. She had that skill. But she didn't understand what she never able to impress her family. Any way it was over now. She kept reminding herself. But still somewhere in her memory those dark thoughts never managed to left her behind. She always returned to them whenever someone admired her. She kept thinking if she was so nice why did her family and people around her hated her. But then she concentrated on actual matter and forgot every thing. She was so frustrated during traveling but she was on top of the world now. She was concentrating on her project. She was suddenly winner in life instead of loser. She was so happy. She started studying all aspects of life. She felt so sad and upset when she was with family and so confident when she was before these people. Finally she did all and received claps from them. She was so happy. She felt so pleased. Then all clients went away but before going away they all took number and even gave few starting of contract. She began to feel so happy. Her Boss came towards her and smiled. " You did great. I know I can't provide you that much salary.." Anita smiled. Once upon time she wanted big luxuries but now she was happy with what she got. She was alone and she wanted to enjoy life. " It's alright. I like this job." Her Boss gave big smile. Her Boss " My company is small and I have just started my business. You can see my situation. I am lucky that you have decided to join me." Anita thought for few seconds and decided that she must make her demand of car for traveling in office. She just needed it. She couldn't travel in bus. She said slowly " I just want one thing. I need a car. Will you give me?" Her Boss looked nervous. " You want office car for daily use?" " Yes!!" Her Boss started to look angry now. " I can't give you a car like that?!!" Anita was confused. Then she sensed what was misunderstanding. Anita " Not for permanent use. I mean like official buses. Just to pick me up and drop me here then took me from here and drop me home. Actually due to physical reasons I avoid travelling. If you sent car it will easy. And if you sent it even after official hour I will come. I promise you. I will not charge overtime since you are giving me this car." Her Boss started thinking . Then she nodded. " That would be better. I don't want to stuck like I did today." Anita agreed. " I am so sorry. But I got so confused." Her Boss sat in chair and offered her chair by her side. " Sit down!! Let's talk properly about this." Anita started to feel upset. She didn't like such private discussions. She knew from beginning these discussions always managed to put her in big troubles. She sat down. Boss " So what happens to you while traveling?!!" Anita took deep breath. This confession was never easy to her. But she needed to do it again and again. " I sat in vehicle and breath that polluted air and I started to get breathless." " My God!! Did you done physical check up." Anita nodded in negative way. " Actually my Mom was sick with cancer and entire time I keep moving from one Doctor to another. Nothing seem to work. It was cutting inside my soul." Anita wanted to control her tears but it was not happening. She looked away. Her Boss patted on her shoulder. Boss " I can understand it must be hard for you. What about your remaining family? Are you married?" " No. I have one brother. But.. well actually he considered me a big burden since he wanted more place in house for his family and sadly I can't find a husband." Her Boss sounded shocked. " But why didn't you find a husband?" " I don't...meet man with whom I want to spend life... actually I am happy with this situation." Boss decided that she was crossing her border so she shifted subject. " So your brother moved away?" " Yes he settled in abroad. We never demanded his help since we don't desire it." Her Boss nodded. " And when did your Mom died?" " 10 years ago." Her Boss could able to hide her shock but then she controlled herself and said " I will send car. Now we must go back to work." Anita nodded in agreement and went back to work.
Anita's Boss was confused. She didn't like the way Anita was acting. She was sure that something was wrong with state of her mind. She didn't able to get over the pain of her mother's death. But she knew that she couldn't help Anita since it was her personal matter. But she decided that she must chat with her past employer about her. She began to call but mobile kept ranging. She called Anita again. Anita was busy with work. But when she called, she came immediately. Anita " Yes Madam?!!" " I want reference of your last job." Anita looked confused. Anita " I have their number. But what happened Madam? I am working in proper way." Anita clearly upset. Her Boss " It is normal procedure to confirm you are truly Anita." Anita looked confused. Anita " I have given proper number. I don't understand why they are not taking it." Her Boss sensed shiver in Anita. Her Boss began to feel more suspicious. She kept calling again and again. Finally a man took call. She asked about Anita. "She was perfect employee. I wanted to increase her salary but I have my budget too. Her family always harassed her a lot about it. It continued when she was staying with her brother. Her brother is selfish fellow. He just keep thinking about himself never showed any concern about his sister. I don't understand how could any brother act in such self centred way." Her Boss started to feel little relieved and guilty. But she decided that she must put all her doubts to rest. " And what about her mother?" " What about her?!!" " Actually she was discussing her death." " Yes..yes she died ten years ago and from that time Anita kept talking about her as if she died yesterday. So sad!! But for her she is alive forever. Her Mom was truly a nice lady. No one can doubt it. She always cared for Anita and Anita also tried her best to help her but when it came to lung cancer then it is hard to defeat. You need to keep fighting. They both fought long war. It was hard time for them. It always kept mark on her soul. But why did you call me? Anita is perfect gem. No one can complain against her!!" " No..no it is ordinary checking. I am scared of imposter." That fellow laughed. " No one can blame you. But she is Anita. We have her long time. " Her Boss wanted to ask about car phobia but seemed wrong. It seemed like giving out person's weakness. But she decided to ask final question. " What was your salary?" That man sounded upset. " I can't just tell you such information?!!" She laughed and said " I know.. I know..bye." She was about to disconnect call when that man gave number. She was so shocked and just spoke loudly before thinking " My salary is less than that." Then that man added " So this was about traveling!! She always kept talking about reducing traveling. It was strange fear. She kept saying that if she keep traveling then she would become sick like her Mom. I never understood her properly. As a man I can't so freely with her, as you can. You know our society they never understand normal friendship." " I know very well!!" " So I feel you can talk with her and solve this problem." " Well I will try." Truthfully her Boss didn't like this idea. She began to give second thought on keeping her. She called Anita " Actually I can't arrange that car for traveling!!" Anita was shocked. She was so upset. She began to feel that she got bad review from her past employer. She was scared now. She needed to travel back and it was impossible without car. Anita " Then I can't do it." Her Boss nodded. She tried to hide her smile. But her Boss clearly looked happy. She didn't understand why her new Boss fired her like that. She just took her purse and went out. She was feeling so sad. She sat on bench of bus stop and started crying. It was her worst day. Suddenly she sensed someone was looking at her. She looked up with shiver. She noticed a man was standing on corner and watching her with concern. That man finally spoke " You are that lady who just jump out of bus?!! I saw you. I have shop here. Don't try to kill yourself like that. No need to feel so hopeless. You must value life." She screamed on him angrily " I was not killing myself. I just want to come out of bus." People around her started to look at that man with suspicion due to her loud voice. She sensed it and immediately apologised. That man accepted it with nodding. But slowly another woman joined them too who was hawker. Then many shopkeepers came. They all wanted to know why did she tried to commit suicide. She was so shocked. For first time she sensed that she did something totally wrong. Every one thought that it was suicide when she was just coming out of bus. She felt that she needed to discuss it. She never told her problem in Public before but on that day she trusted those unknown people and started talking.
Anita " I was not killing myself. I went in that bus and I started to feel suffocation. I felt my heart needed breathes. I sensed strange pain in my lungs. It was creating worst effect on my heart. I tried to stay inside. I can't get air." " What? You can't breath in bus?!! Why you are sitting here and crying?!! You should visit Doctor!! Do you have budget problem?" " You can go in some charitable hospital." " No..no they are too dirty!! You can find money from relative. You can pay them back." Another fellow gave negative sort of laugh as if he was expressing his sorrows and his worst moments in one line. " Relatives just come to festivals and functions. They never help you." " That is wrong my brother help me!!" Another person " Even my distant Auntie help me but truthfully my own brother and sister didn't. It depends on nature of person." " But if she had anyone like that why she will cry?!!" Anita sensed their argument shifted to another track. But she understood one thing that she needed a Doctor. She decided that she must find one. She remembered her Mom's cancer specialist. He was cancer specialist but still she felt that he might help her. She went aside and called him. He took call after many rings. She started explaining whom she was. But he stopped her in middle. " Did you noticed any sign of cancer in yourself?" " No I am feeling breathless." " And you feel it might be sign of lung cancer?!!" " I don't know. I am so scared." He gave her number of hospital. " Go there. I will be there in few hours. you must take test and come immediately. Are you breathless at this point?" " No I am breathless in bus." Doctor sounded confused. Doctor " Just come to hospital. I will handle it. " " Okay and thanks." " It's alright. Just come soon." She felt happy. She turned to group which suggested. She said happily "Thanks. I took appointment of Doctor." They all looked pleased. They felt that they saved one life. She suddenly started to feel confused. " I needed to go to hospital." They all stopped auto immediately. Then they asked her name of hospital. She told it. Auto driver said he knew it. When she sat in Auto, she started to feel strange again. She started to headphones in ear. But she was shivering. Her headphones fall down and she suddenly started grasping for air. Auto driver stopped Auto and started asking for help. That group came running. They took her out of Auto. She began to feel little bit normal. Every one was scared now. They located some Doctor nearby who came out running. He suggested that she must have asthma give inhaler to her. They found it in chemist shop. Then she felt little bit okay. Doctor instructed her how and when she supposed to use it. She felt so upset. She never thought that one day she might land in such a mess. She took deep breath to console herself. Then she felt so strange that she started to use inhaler again. When she came out of auto and she went near Doctor's room she was carrying it in her hand. Doctor came from outside. He was shocked when he noticed inhaler in her hand. He asked " What happened? Who recommended this to you?" She explained all to him. Doctor " You must not use such things without proper check up. But then it was emergency!" Then he told her to come inside. He gave her list of tests and send her different part of hospital. That entire day was wasted when she was suggested to come on next day. She went back to her house. She began to feel so confused. She was no longer sure that she took right Doctor. She wanted something to relax but Doctor didn't advise anything before report. She couldn't able to eat or sleep on that entire day. She was so tense. Then she went out. She immediately took inhaler. It was so disturbing. She couldn't sat in any vehicle for long time. Her breath kept getting stuck in her throat. Then she spent her entire day in hospital. She did all tests honestly. She inquired when she would get report. Then she took appointment accordingly. She knew that she didn't needed to do anything now except concentrating on her health. After all she had already lost her job. She knew that she could try old one but she was too scared now to approach them. She felt that her old Boss must had reported about her in bad way. She felt that he would never accept her again. She decided that she should only concentrate on her health. She took healthy and light lunch that day. She kept sleeping on bed when she was not sleepy at all. Then after few days finally her reports came. They were perfect. She was okay. At beginning she thought that lab assistant might be hiding something but then Doctor said same thing. Doctor "Can I tell you something?" " Of course!!Docter!! Just tell me." Doctor "You need psychiatrist. Your Mom's death managed to destroy your peace. Specially her cancer!!" She didn't understand anything but she nodded. Then she went to that Doctor which was suggested. She just wanted to be fine. She didn't care what was her sickness. When she met psychiatrist, she was moving like robot just following Doctor's orders without second thought. She was not thinking at all. When she came inside and when psychiatrist started talking to her, for first time she started thinking. She told him everything. Psychiatrist " These attacks are just psychological effects of your mother's death. " " I don't understand!! My Mom died due to cancer not due to car accident. Why I am scared of car?" Psychiatrist smiled and said " Mind work in strange way. That nurse of your Mom convinced you that cancer happen due to pollution and it enter in body when you travel so you are scared of cars." She suddenly understood all. She get breathless every time just like her Mom. She shivered. " Doctor when will this stop?" Psychiatrist "Don't push too much otherwise it might break." She nodded. Then they started to chat. Soon she began to feel little confidant. She used mask for face and she sensed her fear was reduced. Psychiatrist said "Slowly it will vanish fully." She nodded. Then she called her old employee. He took her back again. She was happy since as per psychiatrist's advice she needed to travel every day. He gave her some medicine to keep her calmness. But he also promised that soon they would vanish from her life and she would become perfect again. And she believed him fully. She decided to join old office again.
The End
Anita was so happy today finally her wait was over she managed to get new job. She was so tired of old one. She needed to keep running from one place to another. She was so frustrated. In her last job she needed to travel a lot. Her work required traveling. She needed to work hard. She needed to keep moving every day without relaxing even for one day. It was so frustrating. She kept getting stuck in traffic time to time. She felt irritated by it. When she remained in traffic for long time, she didn't like pollution. She was feeling so suffocated. She didn't like traveling so much. She was feeling so strange in that locked car. She never liked locked places. But now her fear was increasing in strange way. She was feeling so upset. She didn't understand when it developed. But she didn't like to be locked. She kept getting breathless. She knew that she needed to travel so she had to use bus. She needed to even relax while sitting inside it. She needed to do it. She sat in bus. She started to control her breathing. At beginning she didn't feel relaxed then she sensed importance of music. She started to listen to it for relaxing her thoughts. Even today when she sat in bus she began to feel restless. She wanted to run out of that bus. She wanted to go out. But she took deep breath. She sat in first seat which she got. Then she sat in it and she did what she always did. She started to listen to music. She began to relax step by step. She was feeling so nice. She began to feel relaxed. She started to feel her anxiety was reducing. It was working same way as normally did when suddenly she felt tap on shoulder. A man was standing beside her. He was telling something. She didn't want to listen. She was so confused. She felt so scared and upset. She knew that her world was entirely safe but still in that bus she kept feeling scared. She was looking around. Then she noticed door. She decided that she could go there. She started to stood. But that man didn't move. He blocked her way. She was so shocked. How could someone act like that in public. But she remembered many incidence like that. She read them in newspaper. She shivered with fear. She didn't sense much option. She had to remove earphones. She did it and suddenly she began to sense strange suffocation. She left as if something was removing air of her lungs. That man was trying to say something but she didn't listen. She just kept running towards door of bus. She ran towards it without second thought. She knew that bus was moving. It was bus in full speed but she didn't care she just wanted to go out of it. She needed to do it. She was breathing so fast. She just needed to stop it and for that she needed air. She needed lots of fresh air. She needed to breath properly. She started to ran towards door. She didn't care what she was doing. She just started to throw people out of her way and ran towards door. Every one started screaming on her. She started to ran without caring for those voices. Finally she reached to door. She was about to jump when a hand took hold of her. Then voice screamed on her " Are you out of your mind? Why you are jumping from moving bus?!! Do you want to do suicide?" She tried hard to free herself from hold of that hand. She screamed "Let me go!!" Then finally she sensed that brake were pressed and she ran out of bus. She felt so much relief when she came out. She was feeling so nice when she came on road. It was so wonderful to stand on road. She smiled happily. Then suddenly same man appeared by her side. He screamed to Driver " Don't go away. I will come back." Then he turned to her. " This is your purse. Why are you trying to kill yourself? This is not right. Our life is precious. You must value it." Before she could answer, driver screamed " Come on jump in bus I don't have entire day to waste on you." That man pushed purse in Anita's hand and vanished in that bus. She shivered since she saw a giant monster who was eating him. She was so scared. Then she looked around. She soon sensed that she wanted to get down from that bus so she just kept looking around. It was so confusing. She kept looking from one shop to another. She didn't understand where she was standing. She looked around. She didn't know that place. She had to ask people. Then her mobile rang. It was her new Boss. She immediately took call. " Where are you?" She was so confused. She took deep breath and said " Madam I will come soon. I just need to find Cab.." " Cab? Where are you? I sent car." She looked around and gave location. Boss looked relieved. Boss " Great!! Just wait there and I hope presentation is ready." " Of course Madam I have it all!! In fact I have emailed it to you last night only." Boss gave small laugh. " Ohh I forgot to open my email!! I will begin it without you. But you must join me soon." " Yes." She stood there. She was so confused. She didn't understand why did she jumped from bus like that. She was so confused. While standing on road like rational person she felt it was wrong move. She didn't like it. But she didn't understand what instigated it to her.
Anita felt so happy. She needed car and now she got it. She was so scared. She was getting late on her first day. She thought that her Boss might throw her out. It was horrible idea but still it was totally logical one. She was acting so unprofessional. She didn't understand why did she jumped from that bus. She knew that she didn't like to be locked in bus. But today it was too much. She started waiting for car. Then after sometime car came. She shivered since now she needed to enter in car. She hoped that car would not produce same effect. She waited until it didn't confirmed it was for her. Clearly Driver was very irritated by this extra job. He told her to sit inside. She smiled and went inside. She sat in car. She didn't feel that upset. She smiled and immediately started to listen to music. Driver clearly gave her strange look. He expected her to at least chat little bit. When she noticed he was upset, she smiled and said " Working on project?!!" He gave thumbs up and smiled. She managed to hide all her feelings. She was so frustrated. She didn't understand what was wrong with her. Every time whenever she sat in vehicle she started to shiver. At beginning she thought it would go away. But now she began to feel so upset. She needed to concentrate on her project. She didn't understand since when she started to feel so much fear of vehicles. She began to remember. It was happening for long time. She knew that it was just normal fear at beginning but step by step it seemed to turn into big trouble. Today she crossed limits. She was trying to jump out of bus. Even now she was sitting in car and shivering. She sensed one thing. She couldn't move ahead like that. She needed help but she didn't understand whose help. It was important and precious question. She was getting breathless so she must be heart patient or her lungs were not working. She thought or she might have lung cancer. She shivered at this thought. She was alone without responsibilities. She needed to accept her destiny. Her life just kept moving ahead in straight line. She wanted to fall in love or find husband but she didn't and then her Mom got sick. She didn't even want to remember those horrible memories. She just wanted to keep remembering sweet one. Their life was nice and wonderful. She was enjoying each day in nice way. She got nice job with nice Boss. Every thing was fine. She knew her Mom's sickness was heart breaking but her Mom took it in nice way. She followed her foot steps. She kept moving ahead with smile. She never let her sorrows rule her thinking. They enjoyed their life in best way. Her Mom needed nurse. She was tense on that point. She finally found one maid. But it proved one big mistake. That maid was biggest misery of their life. She started all negativity of their life. Her maid asked for first why didn't her brother and his wife came to join them here from abroad. She was so upset. She didn't want them. She was happy alone. Her brother always kept discouraging on every front. It always managed to hurt her soul. He was so upset when he used to stay with them. He always kept pushing for her marriage when she was not much encouraged. Every one always jumped in their support since according to them they needed that entire house to move ahead in life. She was forced to meet many men who were not promising. With every interview her thinking turned negative towards marriage. They kept criticizing her and she began to hate that process. Her sister-in-law always came telling all how did they feel she was burden on them. One day she argued with her. Her sister-in-law screamed on her " Because of your stubborn attitude everything is happening. Your brother is not rich but I married him. You kept rejecting one boy after another." This was lie. She never got that much chance. Her salary and financial status wasn't promising enough to attract boys. Whenever she tried to move ahead they kept desiring more salary which didn't manage or didn't want to manage. She loved her job and didn't desire to change it. But she knew that it was useless to argue. " I am trying to find solution." "You are not. Look at yourself. You move around like spinster already. Those loose dresses!! You are already becoming overweight. Your stomach is coming out who will marry you?" She was so upset on that moment. Her sister-in-law was insulting her. She wanted to argue but she knew that it was useless. Every one felt same way. Her sister-in-law " It is not just about you!! Every one kept blaming your brother. They kept saying that you are not getting married because we want your salary." Then she started laughing. " Your salary is big joke. You hardly earn anything. This job is just show off but no one believe me so I need to keep reminding them. I don't want blame of this burden to fall our shoulder. Your burden is heavy enough. Your brother is sole owner here." She was telling truth so Anita kept quiet. She knew that her salary was not large enough. She needed to work hard to get better one. But she never got chance until today. So she didn't want to think about miseries today. That day was day of her hope. She smiled while listening to music and looked bravely out of window. She suddenly started shivering. She sensed that her determination was not helping at all.
When Anita step out of Taxi, she became herself fine again. She adjusted her dress and went inside office. She greeted clients with smile. She was confident person again. She looked around with smile. Her Boss was already sitting there explaining project that she sent by email. Her Boss was clearly not happy with situation. When she entered in picture, she immediately gave angry look. It was frustrating for her Boss. Anita smiled and said " Sorry I was stuck in traffic." Every one just nodded. No one wanted to discuss about where she was they just wanted to see results of project. They didn't have time to waste on her. In fact their impatient look was showing that she already wasted enough and now they wanted to see it's worth. So she shifted to project. She removed every negative thought from her mind and started everything in positive way. She began to show different sides of project and she became important spirit of entire issue. Every customer forgot that they needed to wait. They all became captured by her words. She had that skill. But she didn't understand what she never able to impress her family. Any way it was over now. She kept reminding herself. But still somewhere in her memory those dark thoughts never managed to left her behind. She always returned to them whenever someone admired her. She kept thinking if she was so nice why did her family and people around her hated her. But then she concentrated on actual matter and forgot every thing. She was so frustrated during traveling but she was on top of the world now. She was concentrating on her project. She was suddenly winner in life instead of loser. She was so happy. She started studying all aspects of life. She felt so sad and upset when she was with family and so confident when she was before these people. Finally she did all and received claps from them. She was so happy. She felt so pleased. Then all clients went away but before going away they all took number and even gave few starting of contract. She began to feel so happy. Her Boss came towards her and smiled. " You did great. I know I can't provide you that much salary.." Anita smiled. Once upon time she wanted big luxuries but now she was happy with what she got. She was alone and she wanted to enjoy life. " It's alright. I like this job." Her Boss gave big smile. Her Boss " My company is small and I have just started my business. You can see my situation. I am lucky that you have decided to join me." Anita thought for few seconds and decided that she must make her demand of car for traveling in office. She just needed it. She couldn't travel in bus. She said slowly " I just want one thing. I need a car. Will you give me?" Her Boss looked nervous. " You want office car for daily use?" " Yes!!" Her Boss started to look angry now. " I can't give you a car like that?!!" Anita was confused. Then she sensed what was misunderstanding. Anita " Not for permanent use. I mean like official buses. Just to pick me up and drop me here then took me from here and drop me home. Actually due to physical reasons I avoid travelling. If you sent car it will easy. And if you sent it even after official hour I will come. I promise you. I will not charge overtime since you are giving me this car." Her Boss started thinking . Then she nodded. " That would be better. I don't want to stuck like I did today." Anita agreed. " I am so sorry. But I got so confused." Her Boss sat in chair and offered her chair by her side. " Sit down!! Let's talk properly about this." Anita started to feel upset. She didn't like such private discussions. She knew from beginning these discussions always managed to put her in big troubles. She sat down. Boss " So what happens to you while traveling?!!" Anita took deep breath. This confession was never easy to her. But she needed to do it again and again. " I sat in vehicle and breath that polluted air and I started to get breathless." " My God!! Did you done physical check up." Anita nodded in negative way. " Actually my Mom was sick with cancer and entire time I keep moving from one Doctor to another. Nothing seem to work. It was cutting inside my soul." Anita wanted to control her tears but it was not happening. She looked away. Her Boss patted on her shoulder. Boss " I can understand it must be hard for you. What about your remaining family? Are you married?" " No. I have one brother. But.. well actually he considered me a big burden since he wanted more place in house for his family and sadly I can't find a husband." Her Boss sounded shocked. " But why didn't you find a husband?" " I don't...meet man with whom I want to spend life... actually I am happy with this situation." Boss decided that she was crossing her border so she shifted subject. " So your brother moved away?" " Yes he settled in abroad. We never demanded his help since we don't desire it." Her Boss nodded. " And when did your Mom died?" " 10 years ago." Her Boss could able to hide her shock but then she controlled herself and said " I will send car. Now we must go back to work." Anita nodded in agreement and went back to work.
Anita's Boss was confused. She didn't like the way Anita was acting. She was sure that something was wrong with state of her mind. She didn't able to get over the pain of her mother's death. But she knew that she couldn't help Anita since it was her personal matter. But she decided that she must chat with her past employer about her. She began to call but mobile kept ranging. She called Anita again. Anita was busy with work. But when she called, she came immediately. Anita " Yes Madam?!!" " I want reference of your last job." Anita looked confused. Anita " I have their number. But what happened Madam? I am working in proper way." Anita clearly upset. Her Boss " It is normal procedure to confirm you are truly Anita." Anita looked confused. Anita " I have given proper number. I don't understand why they are not taking it." Her Boss sensed shiver in Anita. Her Boss began to feel more suspicious. She kept calling again and again. Finally a man took call. She asked about Anita. "She was perfect employee. I wanted to increase her salary but I have my budget too. Her family always harassed her a lot about it. It continued when she was staying with her brother. Her brother is selfish fellow. He just keep thinking about himself never showed any concern about his sister. I don't understand how could any brother act in such self centred way." Her Boss started to feel little relieved and guilty. But she decided that she must put all her doubts to rest. " And what about her mother?" " What about her?!!" " Actually she was discussing her death." " Yes..yes she died ten years ago and from that time Anita kept talking about her as if she died yesterday. So sad!! But for her she is alive forever. Her Mom was truly a nice lady. No one can doubt it. She always cared for Anita and Anita also tried her best to help her but when it came to lung cancer then it is hard to defeat. You need to keep fighting. They both fought long war. It was hard time for them. It always kept mark on her soul. But why did you call me? Anita is perfect gem. No one can complain against her!!" " No..no it is ordinary checking. I am scared of imposter." That fellow laughed. " No one can blame you. But she is Anita. We have her long time. " Her Boss wanted to ask about car phobia but seemed wrong. It seemed like giving out person's weakness. But she decided to ask final question. " What was your salary?" That man sounded upset. " I can't just tell you such information?!!" She laughed and said " I know.. I know..bye." She was about to disconnect call when that man gave number. She was so shocked and just spoke loudly before thinking " My salary is less than that." Then that man added " So this was about traveling!! She always kept talking about reducing traveling. It was strange fear. She kept saying that if she keep traveling then she would become sick like her Mom. I never understood her properly. As a man I can't so freely with her, as you can. You know our society they never understand normal friendship." " I know very well!!" " So I feel you can talk with her and solve this problem." " Well I will try." Truthfully her Boss didn't like this idea. She began to give second thought on keeping her. She called Anita " Actually I can't arrange that car for traveling!!" Anita was shocked. She was so upset. She began to feel that she got bad review from her past employer. She was scared now. She needed to travel back and it was impossible without car. Anita " Then I can't do it." Her Boss nodded. She tried to hide her smile. But her Boss clearly looked happy. She didn't understand why her new Boss fired her like that. She just took her purse and went out. She was feeling so sad. She sat on bench of bus stop and started crying. It was her worst day. Suddenly she sensed someone was looking at her. She looked up with shiver. She noticed a man was standing on corner and watching her with concern. That man finally spoke " You are that lady who just jump out of bus?!! I saw you. I have shop here. Don't try to kill yourself like that. No need to feel so hopeless. You must value life." She screamed on him angrily " I was not killing myself. I just want to come out of bus." People around her started to look at that man with suspicion due to her loud voice. She sensed it and immediately apologised. That man accepted it with nodding. But slowly another woman joined them too who was hawker. Then many shopkeepers came. They all wanted to know why did she tried to commit suicide. She was so shocked. For first time she sensed that she did something totally wrong. Every one thought that it was suicide when she was just coming out of bus. She felt that she needed to discuss it. She never told her problem in Public before but on that day she trusted those unknown people and started talking.
Anita " I was not killing myself. I went in that bus and I started to feel suffocation. I felt my heart needed breathes. I sensed strange pain in my lungs. It was creating worst effect on my heart. I tried to stay inside. I can't get air." " What? You can't breath in bus?!! Why you are sitting here and crying?!! You should visit Doctor!! Do you have budget problem?" " You can go in some charitable hospital." " No..no they are too dirty!! You can find money from relative. You can pay them back." Another fellow gave negative sort of laugh as if he was expressing his sorrows and his worst moments in one line. " Relatives just come to festivals and functions. They never help you." " That is wrong my brother help me!!" Another person " Even my distant Auntie help me but truthfully my own brother and sister didn't. It depends on nature of person." " But if she had anyone like that why she will cry?!!" Anita sensed their argument shifted to another track. But she understood one thing that she needed a Doctor. She decided that she must find one. She remembered her Mom's cancer specialist. He was cancer specialist but still she felt that he might help her. She went aside and called him. He took call after many rings. She started explaining whom she was. But he stopped her in middle. " Did you noticed any sign of cancer in yourself?" " No I am feeling breathless." " And you feel it might be sign of lung cancer?!!" " I don't know. I am so scared." He gave her number of hospital. " Go there. I will be there in few hours. you must take test and come immediately. Are you breathless at this point?" " No I am breathless in bus." Doctor sounded confused. Doctor " Just come to hospital. I will handle it. " " Okay and thanks." " It's alright. Just come soon." She felt happy. She turned to group which suggested. She said happily "Thanks. I took appointment of Doctor." They all looked pleased. They felt that they saved one life. She suddenly started to feel confused. " I needed to go to hospital." They all stopped auto immediately. Then they asked her name of hospital. She told it. Auto driver said he knew it. When she sat in Auto, she started to feel strange again. She started to headphones in ear. But she was shivering. Her headphones fall down and she suddenly started grasping for air. Auto driver stopped Auto and started asking for help. That group came running. They took her out of Auto. She began to feel little bit normal. Every one was scared now. They located some Doctor nearby who came out running. He suggested that she must have asthma give inhaler to her. They found it in chemist shop. Then she felt little bit okay. Doctor instructed her how and when she supposed to use it. She felt so upset. She never thought that one day she might land in such a mess. She took deep breath to console herself. Then she felt so strange that she started to use inhaler again. When she came out of auto and she went near Doctor's room she was carrying it in her hand. Doctor came from outside. He was shocked when he noticed inhaler in her hand. He asked " What happened? Who recommended this to you?" She explained all to him. Doctor " You must not use such things without proper check up. But then it was emergency!" Then he told her to come inside. He gave her list of tests and send her different part of hospital. That entire day was wasted when she was suggested to come on next day. She went back to her house. She began to feel so confused. She was no longer sure that she took right Doctor. She wanted something to relax but Doctor didn't advise anything before report. She couldn't able to eat or sleep on that entire day. She was so tense. Then she went out. She immediately took inhaler. It was so disturbing. She couldn't sat in any vehicle for long time. Her breath kept getting stuck in her throat. Then she spent her entire day in hospital. She did all tests honestly. She inquired when she would get report. Then she took appointment accordingly. She knew that she didn't needed to do anything now except concentrating on her health. After all she had already lost her job. She knew that she could try old one but she was too scared now to approach them. She felt that her old Boss must had reported about her in bad way. She felt that he would never accept her again. She decided that she should only concentrate on her health. She took healthy and light lunch that day. She kept sleeping on bed when she was not sleepy at all. Then after few days finally her reports came. They were perfect. She was okay. At beginning she thought that lab assistant might be hiding something but then Doctor said same thing. Doctor "Can I tell you something?" " Of course!!Docter!! Just tell me." Doctor "You need psychiatrist. Your Mom's death managed to destroy your peace. Specially her cancer!!" She didn't understand anything but she nodded. Then she went to that Doctor which was suggested. She just wanted to be fine. She didn't care what was her sickness. When she met psychiatrist, she was moving like robot just following Doctor's orders without second thought. She was not thinking at all. When she came inside and when psychiatrist started talking to her, for first time she started thinking. She told him everything. Psychiatrist " These attacks are just psychological effects of your mother's death. " " I don't understand!! My Mom died due to cancer not due to car accident. Why I am scared of car?" Psychiatrist smiled and said " Mind work in strange way. That nurse of your Mom convinced you that cancer happen due to pollution and it enter in body when you travel so you are scared of cars." She suddenly understood all. She get breathless every time just like her Mom. She shivered. " Doctor when will this stop?" Psychiatrist "Don't push too much otherwise it might break." She nodded. Then they started to chat. Soon she began to feel little confidant. She used mask for face and she sensed her fear was reduced. Psychiatrist said "Slowly it will vanish fully." She nodded. Then she called her old employee. He took her back again. She was happy since as per psychiatrist's advice she needed to travel every day. He gave her some medicine to keep her calmness. But he also promised that soon they would vanish from her life and she would become perfect again. And she believed him fully. She decided to join old office again.
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment